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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Have You Ever Termed...
Leanna 06:27 PM 03-03-2014
because a parent made you uncomfortable?
A little back story. DCM and I used to work together years ago and were friends. When DCB 2.5 was born she put him on my wait list. Between his birth and this fall DCM and I kept in touch but didn't really socialize very much. When a spot opened up for her son I enrolled him. He is a handful as many toddlers are but seems to get along with the other kiddos and does well here most of the time. However, I continually have issues with DCM making passive-aggressive comments about things.
For example, I recently got a dog. I do not let the dog near the daycare kids or in the playroom at all. On the first day he was here I let the parents know that I got a dog and that he wouldn't be near the kids. Well, today, a week later, DCM says, "You know, a head's up would have been nice. I said to DCD, Leanna got a dog. I guess that's ok."
Ummm...was I supposed to ask your permission? This is my home. Yes, I care for your child but I am entitled to be a person separate from my business too. There was no reason for her to say that to me. What difference does it make when I told her? Telling her the day before or telling her that day, the dog would still be here. If she had concerns about the dog she should have specifically named what her concerns were and that would have been appropriate and constructive.
I am considering that when I set up contracts for next year not inviting them back. Do you think it is petty to terminate just because she makes me uncomfortable? I have only ever terminated one child before and that was due to behavioral needs I could not meet. I do not take terminating lightly but I am over this DCM
.
A little back story. DCM and I used to work together years ago and were friends. When DCB 2.5 was born she put him on my wait list. Between his birth and this fall DCM and I kept in touch but didn't really socialize very much. When a spot opened up for her son I enrolled him. He is a handful as many toddlers are but seems to get along with the other kiddos and does well here most of the time. However, I continually have issues with DCM making passive-aggressive comments about things.
For example, I recently got a dog. I do not let the dog near the daycare kids or in the playroom at all. On the first day he was here I let the parents know that I got a dog and that he wouldn't be near the kids. Well, today, a week later, DCM says, "You know, a head's up would have been nice. I said to DCD, Leanna got a dog. I guess that's ok."
Ummm...was I supposed to ask your permission? This is my home. Yes, I care for your child but I am entitled to be a person separate from my business too. There was no reason for her to say that to me. What difference does it make when I told her? Telling her the day before or telling her that day, the dog would still be here. If she had concerns about the dog she should have specifically named what her concerns were and that would have been appropriate and constructive. I am considering that when I set up contracts for next year not inviting them back. Do you think it is petty to terminate just because she makes me uncomfortable? I have only ever terminated one child before and that was due to behavioral needs I could not meet. I do not take terminating lightly but I am over this DCM
.
daycarediva 03:19 AM 03-04-2014
I would if it annoyed me enough. OR I would address each passive aggressive comment directly with something like "What do you mean by that?"
"No, the state doesn't have us get permission to have pets. They DO ensure that doggy is vaccinated and flea treated. I am taking every safety precaution by keeping them separate. Your child will have no interaction whatsoever with our new dog. Thank you for voicing your concerns to me."
"No, the state doesn't have us get permission to have pets. They DO ensure that doggy is vaccinated and flea treated. I am taking every safety precaution by keeping them separate. Your child will have no interaction whatsoever with our new dog. Thank you for voicing your concerns to me."
Second Home 04:00 AM 03-04-2014
If a parent makes you uncomfortable for any reason then term them if you can afford to . I would not want to feel uncomfortable in my own home by a DCP's behavior .
coolconfidentme 04:34 AM 03-04-2014
I'm sure if you look, you can find a policy she may have broken... & then term away!
Cat Herder 04:58 AM 03-04-2014
If she is affecting your day in a negative way then you are within your rights to do what you need to do, guilt free. 
What did you say to her when she made the comment about your dog?
Is it possible she feels that since you are "friends" she is entitled to know your personal business, that it was not so much about DCB's care?
What did you say to her when she made the comment about your dog?
Is it possible she feels that since you are "friends" she is entitled to know your personal business, that it was not so much about DCB's care?
cheerfuldom 05:20 AM 03-04-2014
mmmm....just from the comment, I would say you are over reacting. I would just ignore little comments like this unless they were questions or legitimate concerns. Just go about my business and keep them for now because this little guy is fitting in pretty well from the sounds of it. That said,I am not afraid to say something in return, polite but firm "Well I don't have to give parents a heads up at all about things that don't affect the kids or the daycare space. I let you know as a courtesy only. If the dog makes you feel uncomfortable, I am not sure what to tell you. He's staying here so its up to you if can adjust to that or if you would feel more comfortable at another daycare that does not have pets"
Now if it was me, I would and have told (not asked) parents farther in advance about the dog so if they were uncomfortable, they would have time to give notice of termination.
Now if it was me, I would and have told (not asked) parents farther in advance about the dog so if they were uncomfortable, they would have time to give notice of termination.
EntropyControlSpecialist 05:36 AM 03-04-2014
I would have honestly said, "Gotcha." and carried on with my business after a comment like that. She sounds like someone who likes to hear herself talk and sometimes I don't have time to listen to that. 
Play Care 05:40 AM 03-04-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
mmmm....just from the comment, I would say you are over reacting. I would just ignore little comments like this unless they were questions or legitimate concerns. Just go about my business and keep them for now because this little guy is fitting in pretty well from the sounds of it. That said,I am not afraid to say something in return, polite but firm "Well I don't have to give parents a heads up at all about things that don't affect the kids or the daycare space. I let you know as a courtesy only. If the dog makes you feel uncomfortable, I am not sure what to tell you. He's staying here so its up to you if can adjust to that or if you would feel more comfortable at another daycare that does not have pets"
Now if it was me, I would and have told (not asked) parents farther in advance about the dog so if they were uncomfortable, they would have time to give notice of termination.
mmmm....just from the comment, I would say you are over reacting. I would just ignore little comments like this unless they were questions or legitimate concerns. Just go about my business and keep them for now because this little guy is fitting in pretty well from the sounds of it. That said,I am not afraid to say something in return, polite but firm "Well I don't have to give parents a heads up at all about things that don't affect the kids or the daycare space. I let you know as a courtesy only. If the dog makes you feel uncomfortable, I am not sure what to tell you. He's staying here so its up to you if can adjust to that or if you would feel more comfortable at another daycare that does not have pets"
Now if it was me, I would and have told (not asked) parents farther in advance about the dog so if they were uncomfortable, they would have time to give notice of termination.
I think that anytime you own a business you need to develop a thick skin. Little comments (as irritating as they may be) get ignored - often I find I take them more seriously then was intended (getting upset, feeling bad, wondering how I could have done things differently, etc. only to have a parent call me back later on to apologize because they may have made a comment that they felt was out of line or worded in a way that made it seem critical, etc.
Now if it was constant comments from one family I would address it with a "Based on your comments, you seem very unhappy with my care." And let them answer for it. You can always term then based on their response.
The fact is, not everyone is going to love every way you do or handle things which can be very hard to take when you are a people pleaser (ask me how I know
) The best we can do is make decisions that work best for us/seem fair and move on.
KIDZRMYBIZ 06:14 AM 03-04-2014
We got a new dog last year. I said not a word to my DCFs that we were even thinking of it or looking for one because there is always going to be "that DCP" that is going to try to lord authority over my personal life and home, no matter what it is.
On the first Monday we got our new little guy, I introduced him to each child at drop-off, then put him on the other side of the gate that separates my playroom. I had 2 DCMs make a half-snarky comment that they were not aware we were thinking of getting another dog...like maybe I should have consulted them...when I told them our old girl passed away 3 weeks ago. They had no idea we lost her (mainly because I cry about her, and I DO NOT want to cry in front of DCPs), and with that they understood how little bearing our pet possession has on them.
On a side note, we are very careful with who and what kind of pets we have, so there will be no conflict with the daycare. Our dog is 17 lbs. (small but not tiny), non-shedding, and a well-behaved adult dog (so no undesirable puppy behavior or requiring too much of my attention and time for training). It leaves no room what-so-ever for gripes.
On the first Monday we got our new little guy, I introduced him to each child at drop-off, then put him on the other side of the gate that separates my playroom. I had 2 DCMs make a half-snarky comment that they were not aware we were thinking of getting another dog...like maybe I should have consulted them...when I told them our old girl passed away 3 weeks ago. They had no idea we lost her (mainly because I cry about her, and I DO NOT want to cry in front of DCPs), and with that they understood how little bearing our pet possession has on them.
On a side note, we are very careful with who and what kind of pets we have, so there will be no conflict with the daycare. Our dog is 17 lbs. (small but not tiny), non-shedding, and a well-behaved adult dog (so no undesirable puppy behavior or requiring too much of my attention and time for training). It leaves no room what-so-ever for gripes.
KIDZRMYBIZ 06:17 AM 03-04-2014
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
She sounds like someone who likes to hear herself talk and sometimes I don't have time to listen to that.
She sounds like someone who likes to hear herself talk and sometimes I don't have time to listen to that.
Blackcat31 06:23 AM 03-04-2014
While I do NOT feel that daycare families have a right to dictate whether we choose to get a dog or not, I DO feel the mom has a valid point.
It IS your right to do whatever you want in your home. Including getting a dog. Ten if you want, it's your house.
However, I DO agree with DCM and feel a little head's up or advance notice would have been appropriate in this situation. That way if anyone had an issue with you having a dog, they would have had sufficient time to look for and secure alternate daycare arrangements.
I understand that she didn't make the comment until a week later but maybe she didn't have the opportunity to address it until then or maybe her and her DH discussed it and had to think about it for a couple days...
Maybe I am missing something....did you say you told parents THE DAY you got the dog or PRIOR to getting the dog?
It IS your right to do whatever you want in your home. Including getting a dog. Ten if you want, it's your house.
However, I DO agree with DCM and feel a little head's up or advance notice would have been appropriate in this situation. That way if anyone had an issue with you having a dog, they would have had sufficient time to look for and secure alternate daycare arrangements.
I understand that she didn't make the comment until a week later but maybe she didn't have the opportunity to address it until then or maybe her and her DH discussed it and had to think about it for a couple days...
Maybe I am missing something....did you say you told parents THE DAY you got the dog or PRIOR to getting the dog?
Leanna 07:19 AM 03-04-2014
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
We got a new dog last year. I said not a word to my DCFs that we were even thinking of it or looking for one because there is always going to be "that DCP" that is going to try to lord authority over my personal life and home, no matter what it is.
On the first Monday we got our new little guy, I introduced him to each child at drop-off, then put him on the other side of the gate that separates my playroom. I had 2 DCMs make a half-snarky comment that they were not aware we were thinking of getting another dog...like maybe I should have consulted them...when I told them our old girl passed away 3 weeks ago. They had no idea we lost her (mainly because I cry about her, and I DO NOT want to cry in front of DCPs), and with that they understood how little bearing our pet possession has on them.
On a side note, we are very careful with who and what kind of pets we have, so there will be no conflict with the daycare. Our dog is 17 lbs. (small but not tiny), non-shedding, and a well-behaved adult dog (so no undesirable puppy behavior or requiring too much of my attention and time for training). It leaves no room what-so-ever for gripes.
We got a new dog last year. I said not a word to my DCFs that we were even thinking of it or looking for one because there is always going to be "that DCP" that is going to try to lord authority over my personal life and home, no matter what it is.
On the first Monday we got our new little guy, I introduced him to each child at drop-off, then put him on the other side of the gate that separates my playroom. I had 2 DCMs make a half-snarky comment that they were not aware we were thinking of getting another dog...like maybe I should have consulted them...when I told them our old girl passed away 3 weeks ago. They had no idea we lost her (mainly because I cry about her, and I DO NOT want to cry in front of DCPs), and with that they understood how little bearing our pet possession has on them.
On a side note, we are very careful with who and what kind of pets we have, so there will be no conflict with the daycare. Our dog is 17 lbs. (small but not tiny), non-shedding, and a well-behaved adult dog (so no undesirable puppy behavior or requiring too much of my attention and time for training). It leaves no room what-so-ever for gripes.
Yes, I adopted an adult dog who is completely housebroken. He is a smaller dog (18 lbs.), not a big shedder, and a breed known to do well with children. Also, this dog came from a home with small children so even though he will be kept separate from the DCKs, I know he is used to kiddos. They had no idea the dog was here before I told them, so that kind of supports your point that it doesn't really affect them.
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
While I do NOT feel that daycare families have a right to dictate whether we choose to get a dog or not, I DO feel the mom has a valid point.
It IS your right to do whatever you want in your home. Including getting a dog. Ten if you want, it's your house.
However, I DO agree with DCM and feel a little head's up or advance notice would have been appropriate in this situation. That way if anyone had an issue with you having a dog, they would have had sufficient time to look for and secure alternate daycare arrangements.
I understand that she didn't make the comment until a week later but maybe she didn't have the opportunity to address it until then or maybe her and her DH discussed it and had to think about it for a couple days...
Maybe I am missing something....did you say you told parents THE DAY you got the dog or PRIOR to getting the dog?
I would agree with this except for a couple of things. She had many opportunities to ask me questions or address it with me (she times her drop-offs so she is the only one dropping off at that time, she is often the last one to pick-up, she texts about far more frivolous matters, etc.) Also, if she had said she had concerns and they were X, Y, and Z, I would have totally understood and been responsive. She didn't name any concerns though. I am not good at thinking on my feet when I feel put on the spot so my response wasn't as professional as I would have liked. (I said that it never occurred to me to give them advance notice as the dog isn't near the children, has been to the vet, etc. Not the best response, but honest). While I do NOT feel that daycare families have a right to dictate whether we choose to get a dog or not, I DO feel the mom has a valid point.
It IS your right to do whatever you want in your home. Including getting a dog. Ten if you want, it's your house.
However, I DO agree with DCM and feel a little head's up or advance notice would have been appropriate in this situation. That way if anyone had an issue with you having a dog, they would have had sufficient time to look for and secure alternate daycare arrangements.
I understand that she didn't make the comment until a week later but maybe she didn't have the opportunity to address it until then or maybe her and her DH discussed it and had to think about it for a couple days...
Maybe I am missing something....did you say you told parents THE DAY you got the dog or PRIOR to getting the dog?
PS: This family has animals.
PPS: This is just an example of one comment. It really isn't about the dog at all.
Blackcat31 07:31 AM 03-04-2014
Originally Posted by Leanna:
PPS: This is just an example of one comment. It really isn't about the dog at all.
Aha, that is really what I was thinking... PPS: This is just an example of one comment. It really isn't about the dog at all.
I am now understanding that it is just the fact this this mom is basically a PITA about a lot of things and the passive aggressive comments are really what the issue is.
TOTALLY get that.
Maybe writing a quick little memo or note to this mom would help. Maybe just tell her outright that if she ahs a valid issue, to schedule a time to talk and if there is no valid issues bothering her, to please keep her veiled comments to herself. Obviously in a much nicer format though...
Maybe that would let her know that you ARE onto her and that you aren't going to continue to do business with some one who continues to be that rude about things.