thatdivalady 08:12 AM 04-07-2013
So I have this parent who has very little idea of developmental expectations for children. After our previous conversations about the fact that her child will be out of the infant category she continues to expect that the schedule will remain the same.
She does not have a feeding schedule of any kind at home and never has. She feeds the baby formula every 2-3 hours and has just introduced stage 3 foods a week ago. She does not understand the concept of the feedings getting further apart the older the child gets and transitions to toddlerhood. Now she wants me to feed her child every 3 hours... When she asked me for the 10th time how often her child is fed and what quantity, I pointed her to the USDA guidelines and explained that those are the minimum that I follow. She frowns and is in complete disagreement. We just had a whole thing about my warming the milk for her child (she never has done it and did not understand why it is done). Yet, her child drinks 6-8 ounces for me and only 3-4 for her. She just recently told me that she has no plans for her child to drink regular milk and will keep her on infant formula until she's two.
She's asked me in the past to reduce her milk or food so she can have more of the other. I've tried to explain to her that when children start eating more solids they naturally drink less milk. And her child just does not do more than 4-5 ounces with 3 ounces of food usually. She does drink 6-8 ounces for me without food. Whenever we've had issues with her requesting that I feed her child under the minimum, I explain to her over and over again that I need a note from her doctor. I don't want to be held responsible for feeding her less or giving her less milk just because her mother wants that to happen. She freezes up every time we have that conversation. I've never had a parent like this before.
I'm just curious to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation where the parent wants to keep treating their emerging young toddler as an infant and how you handle it. Do you have set expectations for the different age groups that you stick to or do you allow for flexibility that is coming from the parent's needs instead of the child. It's such a precarious line and I'm trying to navigate it.
Play Care 08:27 AM 04-07-2013
I am on the food program and use that as my "excuse" as to why I *have* to do things a certain way. At this point you have tried to educate the mom and she's not having it. "Mom, I'm simply not allowed per state regs to do it things way, at 1 year your child is no longer considered and infant and needs to be fed according to young toddler standards." I might also suggest that at this point a nanny situation may be a better fit if she wants more control over the child's eating.
MNMum 02:21 PM 04-07-2013
I've had a situation like this. My food program allows one month to transition to milk. I explained that at that time I would only be allowed to serve milk. Eventually I just stopped giving so much info to mom, as she wanted to be able to control everything that went on here.
Heidi 04:16 PM 04-07-2013
At 12 months of age, the children in my group eat what the other children are eating when the other children are eating. I make some modifications for choking hazards like nuts, raw vegies, and such, but that's it. If I had a parent that asked me to do otherwise (unless there is a medical reason or a family diet like Vegan to accomidate), I would tell them that I cannot accomidate them.
blandino 05:04 PM 04-07-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
At 12 months of age, the children in my group eat what the other children are eating when the other children are eating. I make some modifications for choking hazards like nuts, raw vegies, and such, but that's it. If I had a parent that asked me to do otherwise (unless there is a medical reason or a family diet like Vegan to accomidate), I would tell them that I cannot accomidate them.
Ditto. Around 9/10 months I start transitioning them to what the other kids are eating, whatever components they are capable of eating, and gradually add more of the components as they get older/can tolerate more.
I would feed her what the others are eating. OFFER her the amount of formula her mother wants her drinking (if she is supplying it, if you are supplying it - tell her you only do so up to 12 months so she will need to provide it now). If she drinks it great - if she only has a portion (which I would guess will happen since she is eating food), then tell mom you offered it - and cant do anymore than that.
I also agree with the PP that said the food program gives me an excuse to tell parents I can't accommodate food requests that are totally off base with surrey nutritional standards.
Starburst 05:32 PM 04-07-2013
Well every child's needs are different. I would tell her you will only accommodate her if she has a signed doctors note (possibly with a number you can call) that says that this diet is fine for this particular child- maybe if she tells the doctor about her child's diet the doctor will give her an earful from a medical stand point.
And if she wont get a doctors note I would tell her I cannot accommodate her because food program (or your licensor or licensing- doesn't have to be true) says you legally can't do that without a drs note. And if she is being stubborn and still wont get a doctors note (probably because she knows your right and the dr would reprimand her) then she needs to find care somewhere else.
Holiday Park 10:11 PM 04-07-2013
I have a mom like this. Baby will be 1 next week. Still on formula (which I personally am ok with), but not on table foods like my kids were at this age. She still packs stage 2 . I only have her once or twice a month, though. Last time she was here (sat) I told mom that she should be eating regular table by now,and be starting to practice with utensils. She just looked at me,kinda like she didn't believe me. This is a FTT baby ,so I will not withhold formula,or baby food from her,but if she starts back with me more FT, I will be telling them she needs to be working on eating table foods and that they need to be ok with me offering her regular food,to practice eating. Oh and a sippy cup. Still on the bottle as of saturday. Personally I feel if she is been FTT (but gaining and doing mUCH better) it is even MORE important she learn to eat different foods&textures NOW before she develops picky eating from lack of exposure, so she can be a good eater and keep gaining weight.
Meyou 01:41 AM 04-08-2013
Does she not know how to feed her or what to feed her? I had a DCM a couple of years ago who was totally resistant to solids (at 12 months) and I couldn't figure out why she was being so odd about everything. She finally admitted that she had no idea what or how to feed him and was too scared to move past purees by herself. I felt so bad for her!! I walked her through step by step with some pictures about how to prepare and serve foods to babies to transition them from baby food.
I think I would try and have another talk about nutrition, guidelines and healthy eating and then put down some firm rules about what you will and won't do.
Willow 06:58 AM 04-08-2013
My thinking was along the same lines as Meyou's. Is approach her gently but flat out asking if it's just that she's scared first.
If she says no and it's merely a personal belief that conflicts with yours and food program minimum requirements you really need to adopt the "sorry my hands are tied" attitude. These ate the rules "x amount of food, x amount of formula, milk by x," this is why "because your child needs that proper nutrition to grow" if you'd like me to do otherwise I need a doctor's need a doctor's note on office letter head so my food program/licensing worker can reference the doc should they question the very small amounts I'm feeding her.
(Emphasize very small amounts and the age inappropriate nature of moms personal diet plan)