My friend and I were having this conversation. She is for it, I am kind of split

For 15 yrs that I have provided child care, I have never socialized with my parents outside of day care. I mean like going to have drinks or to a night club. I have supported my dcks for things like crab feed events and pageants. However as far as getting on that friend level I feel its not in the best interest of my business to do that. I have even been invited to Zumba classes!

My feeling is there is a gray area there. Keeping in mind, they are not just clients to me they are also family who I care about, but as for that... Come on girl, let's have drinks or go catch a movie...idk!

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I think your instinct is right. if you dont feel comfortable, don't do it. Would it be awkward for you? If so, avoid. Business is business.

Btw, I like your screen name!

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I attended a house warming party for one family a few years ago. I also became really good friends with another daycare mom after her kids were no longer in care... We used to go to baby fairs or just spend time together. She was a military wife too so we had lots in common. Her children went back into my care when new baby was born as she didn't trust her sister in law to care for them anymore. She moved to Florida about a year ago and we still keep in touch! I think that is the exception to the rule though. My other families have always been just clients at the end of the day.

But my one and only DCM right now is a single mom with a lot on her plate and I have often considered inviting her out for dinner or something as her friends are all babyless and I can just tell she is lonely and depressed. I even offered to pick her up today after a procedure she had in case she couldn't drive home.

So I guess It really depends and you should always follow your gut.

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I'm not a very social person in general so I wouldn't go out for drinks or anything with dcp's but I have attended a few dck's birthday parties, etc. and will sometimes go or order from any home parties they are having. I try to be friendly but not really friends, iykwim?

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I have never facebooked any daycare parents, or be friends with them, other than daycare. No suppers, no outs, no birthdays, etc.. etc.... I might think differently if I had a single mom that didn't have alot of friends. I have had terrible things happen to daycare friends that are providers that at one time, had a few of her daycare parents on her facebook page. One left, after she went out one night for a bride's party and got drunk, and posted it on facebook!! One had two sick children, brought the children, then stayed home all day, so she could sleep!!! One had pictures up of their new electronics, new pool, but kept writing her bad checks, or couldn't pay on time!! She then deleted everyone that was on there, and stopped going to birthday parties, etc. with the parents.

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I dont go to any events for the daycare parents unless I am hosting (like when we had a house warming party and invited the daycare families).

I dont do movies, parties, or anything else at their homes or elsewhere for the sake of professionalism

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Thanx! Sugar Magnolia for the compliment on my Screen Name
It can be awkward, cause you begin to get more on a personal level and I do believe that effects business.

Breezy That was truly sweet that you offered your dcp a ride. I have had a parent over lunch during dc hrs. I dont know how far she works but maybe she could come for lunch.

Crazy8, I think that is a good way to approach the relationship we have with our dcps..."friendly without being friends." As for being social, I am a social butterfly so it has been hard for me to not cross over from client to friend.

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We are friendly without being friends.


WITH the exception of a friend of mine who has her son in my care part-time to help with his social anxiety. Love him, love his parents, it's a great situation. I am in a Bible study with her and another client of mine. The other client and I are not friends, simply friendly.

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WoW! That is what I am afraid of, friendships becoming detrimental to our day care and also that...you can do me a favor thing cause now we hang out together.

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I don't even remember the names of most of my former kids and parents. I do have one parent that we've been friends for 22 years, since I took her first baby. We've vacationed, gone to the movies, dinners, and concerts together (with and without the kids). I've been friendly with others, but not social friends without the kids.

You do whatever makes you the most comfortable.

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...one of my parents just invited me to join her at a Bellyfit class. Both of us want to shed pregnancy weight but neither of us have anyone to go with. I'm stoked!

I had this same feeling a little while ago. I've come to realize that only SOME parents I should not accept friendships. The thing is, I can pretty much pick out what parents have the same values and thought processes as me. One parent is my cousin, so we have a whole lifetime of friendship to go on.

My other two parents...one had a childhood just like mine and we've found out we're actually somewhat distantly related, so because of that we've, without really realizing we've been doing it, become quite friendly. We've gone for walks together outside of daycare and she brings me all kinds of things that she knows the day care kids would love, like strawberries and a slushie machine for me to borrow on hot days. She's great!

My other parent I'm just starting to get to know on a personal level. Again, not something I set out to do in the beginning, but the more we talked at drop off and pick up times, the more I realized we have in common, right down to our mannerisms!

Every single one of my parents brings me coffee daily!

I had one DCM who was very professional with me, and I with her. She'd drop her DD off, no additional words, just leave. Pick up, "hey, how was she?" "Okay, see you tomorrow", and again no conversation. I totally respect that. She ended up trying to stiff me for my final week's pay when she withdrew her daughter. I definitely read her well.

You generally get a good idea of who'd make a good "outside of job friend' and who should remain just a friendly client. You make the call.

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I have rarely provided childcare for people with whom I socialize. I did watch a couple of kids whose mom's I met at Bunco. We only played once a month and did not socialize besides that and the occassional home party. They were both excellent clients. I did have one neighbor who was the mother of one of the my sons' friends. She turned out to be my worst client. She never paid on time...always forgot to bring the check. After her, I only watched the children of straingers.

I have a friend who watches children and has one mom she used to work with and another that she be-friended and got on a personal level since she's watching her son. We are talking telling each other all of their personal problems with husbands, exes, etc. Both of these women have become the worst clients for her. The one she was friends with when she worked decided on her own that she is paying my friend $10 less a day than she charges. The other has decided on her own that she is going to be a drop in. This has made a very stressful time for my friend. She did not do a contract before but she just put one together this week and she is putting her foot down. This is a prime example of why I tried to keep my home childcare business on a professional level. Less be taken advantage of and easier to take care of issues that come up.

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oh, and I don't FB friend them either. I have 2 pages for my daycare - one fan/business page that anyone can "like" and another regular page where only current families are friended and are defriended when they leave, its not personal at all. I can post updates and reminders, etc. on there for them but they don't see my own info. Haven't had the awkwardness of denying their friend requests since I created that page.

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I am FB friends with all of the Moms. We live in a very small community and I have nothing on my FB page that I am afraid of sharing with the world.

They have also tried to add my husband. He denies because he doesn't befriend women.

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It is totally up to you, but I can tell you from my experience of over 20 years, keep it professional. I don't even ad them on FB. I am friendly with them but not their friends. When I talk about them I refer to them as "my client". I don't go out or hang out with any of them. I have been asked numerous times to, and I am sure I would have fun BUT imo the minuite you cross that line your relationship with them changes. I always got put in awkward situations with them after that. Running late, forgetting a payment, "Oh she won't charge me" kinda stuff. I just choose for me to not cross that line. I even plain it to them when they send me a FB friend request. I don't want them to know what I am doing 24 hours a day. I guess you could say I don't socialize with them. Love the families to death but I draw a line.

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I think it depends on the client and how they percieve your business relationship.

My BEST client is our neighbor. We are fb friends, both my and her hubs chat, we stop by when we take our kids on bike rides, text etc. I have dropped off meals, they have too when in need. Mom understands that business is from open to close and personal after. She never talks daycare after hours, like bringing up pmts etc. Her mom did daycare for 30 years so she "gets it".

My worst client was my SIL. Treated me like an employee, like her personal slave. Obviously we saw each other and interacted outside of care. I dont think that helped or hurt the relationship. I think its all in weather they respect yoj and your business, regardless of how you interact outside of business.

In fact, my best clients have been one which I have connected on a personal level with. I wouldnt want my kids in a care setting where the provider was cold or closed off. I think its hard to stike a balance with that though.

Go with your gut.

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There are some good points made here. I believe a Provider can be sincerely warm and friendly without crossing their business into the buddy zone.

In some cases as many of you have pointed out some day care parents will continue to respect you as a business professional even if you socialize after day care, in my opinion those parents are hard to come by. However as providers the majority of us are a people person, we can read our clients and distinguish if we should keep that boundary drawn.

I totally agree with the providers who have a fb business page for their clients and a personal page, for instance I dont know what the parents would think about the pic I posted... teasing my sis, I stole her pants when she was at work and posted the pic turned around to my backside

My point is if my dcps were on my fb page I would feel I needed to be constantly in provider mode.

EntropyControlSpecialist, that was funny about them trying to add your
husband!

saved4always, I had a dcp that drove me nuts asking me to come to her Bunco Game Party almost every friday! At first I was like huh..you mean Bingo she said, No... Bunco. She said, it was really fun, still havent played to this day. I think, I got out of it by telling her that was my family night...which was true "Fast food Friday and a movie"

MaritimeMummy, Please let us know how the Bellyfit class goes

I think this thread will help a lot of new providers

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I've been at this for 27 years. For the most part, my clients have been just that and nothing more. I am friendly...but not friends.

But there are one or two who I have become VERY close with over the years and now count them in my dearest and nearest friends. Not planned or forced...it just happened over the long years we've known each other. Kids are all grown up now.

I think everyone just has to go with what they feel comfortable with.

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My situation is a little different. All of my dcf's were friends long before I started watching their children. So I'm more like "Aunt Amy" to their children. Because we love and respect each other so much, it has made our business relationship pretty smooth. We do our best to communicate. When there have been isses (small, rare) they were taken care of immediately. They are my friends on fb, we socialize when we can, and are all in the same church. They are definitely family to me. So I might vent about little things they or their children do that drive me crazy, but only here or to dh, who knows them all very well too.
Now if I provided care for an individual whom I did not have a personal relationship, I would tread very carefully. I see how it could cause problems.

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I have families that I have befriended, I have become friends with 2 of my daycare moms, niether of them would take advantage of me, they are great people, and I do think you can judge people, now I watched my husbands best friends kids this summer, he even lived with us for a few months going through his divorce, and he is a great guy, but he actually is the only one to ever lag behind on his payments, my husband actually called him the other day and made him come over to pay, he is good for it though and would never out right stiff me, But he's an alcoholic, and is spending his money on booze..the other families I have I am very social with here, one invited me to zumba, but I'm not super fond of her, and just don't want to, and then I have one family that I absolutly love, they are great people, but I would not hang out with them, I just wouldn't completely feel like I could just "be myself" especially with my husband, but I do feel with this family, when they do not attend here anymore, we will probably hang out...but my two that have become friends, i can be myself, We went camping with one of them, and their whole family for a weekend, been over for dinners at both places, I consider all my daycare famlies "friends" I see them everyday, we all talk about everyday things daily, not just daycare, I care about all of my families, it is buisness, but I think of them all more as friends/family. I'm an extremely social person though.

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I have since dropped out of Bunco...it was a great way to meet alot of the neighbors in our new neighborhood at the time. Got some clients and leads on clients there, too. It got to be that even once a month was too much and the night it was on conflicted with my dd's gymnastics class.

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My center encourages relationships with the parents. They believe that getting to know the parents and actively involving them in their child's class leads to better cooperation if ther is an issue. Obviously this doesn't include every parent, but it's at least 60% in each class. Many of my parents have my cell # and if they have any questions,they know they can call or text me. No one has ever abused this because I know who I can trust with my number. I also have many of them in my contacts list.

As far as Facebook, a lot of us are friends with certain parents-past and present-as a way to keep in touch. We are always invited to birthday parties or Mary Kay parties and the like. Sometimes we go, sometimes not. Because we have this type of relationship with the parents, we get a lot of "benefits". We have parents that work in Dr.'s offices who can get us in ASAP. Parents in banking to help with loans or what not. Parents in retail who get first dibs on stuff we would never know about or be able to afford. I guess this is a case of to each his own.

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I forgot to add that the family which I have the closest relationship with is always bringing things over to give to us. Today she brought over a brand new pair of shoes which didnt fit her mother. She has also supplied us with my DD entire fall and winter wardrobe for this year and a few toys which the dck have loved. All out of the kindness of their hearts. She is really a genuine person who would rather we use it than donate it to someone random charity and never know if it ever went to good use. I think there are good clients you can have a more personal realtionship with. Those who treat you more like a friend.

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