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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>So Mad At My Husband!! Vent
Unregistered 07:40 AM 03-22-2013
I care for everyone but who cares for me?
This is essentially my life,
6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work
Spend the rest of the day caring for children
5:30pm usually last pick up
Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep
Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.
WHAT!?
We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.
This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.
I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)
So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.
This is essentially my life,
6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work
Spend the rest of the day caring for children
5:30pm usually last pick up
Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep
Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.
WHAT!?
We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.
This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.
I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)
So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.
crazydaycarelady 07:45 AM 03-22-2013
Did you say these are HIS children? Then HE needs to get up with them in the mornings (and get a new appreciation for you!) not stroll out of bed at 8:30!
Also threats that the marriage could be over are so so wrong! If it does end he'll be getting up with them then so he might as well start doing it now.
Seriously - can I slap him for you!
Also threats that the marriage could be over are so so wrong! If it does end he'll be getting up with them then so he might as well start doing it now.
Seriously - can I slap him for you!
Luna 07:48 AM 03-22-2013
It sounds like you have a heavy load to carry. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, but I hope hubby comes home apologetic for making such an inconsiderate comment. He clearly has something on his mind but he needs to find a better way to express himself, and his timing STINKS! I'm wishing you an easy, peaceful day with your daycare kids, and here's a hug 
bunnyslippers 07:49 AM 03-22-2013
I am sorry. That is a lousy way to start the day. I hope he realizes how out of line he was and calls to apologize. I feel for you!
Unregistered 07:49 AM 03-22-2013
Try to find some snippets of time for just you. Caregiver burnout is not a fun place to be. A quick walk alone. A bit of time to read. Whatever it is that restores your peace. Deligate some of that cleaning. Maybe hire someone every other week to come in for a bit to clean if possible. Stop waking everyone else up and being responsible for that. They are all old enough for alarm clocks. I recently discovered crock pot and freeze ahead dinners. They free up so much time. Especially at that end of the day crunch, where all you want to do is plunk yourself down on the couch after a days work, but there are hours of family/house work still to go.
Unregistered 07:53 AM 03-22-2013
wow I missed that they were HIS kids. I'm sure you view them as yours as well, and commend you for being so hands on and involved in their lives. You rock! He should be ever so thankful for all that you do. It's a team effort. Time for him to step up.
Willow 07:57 AM 03-22-2013
I'd call his bluff 
NeedaVaca 08:01 AM 03-22-2013
What a horrible way to start your day 
I know many people that have went "on strike"...worked for them! These husbands learned FAST exactly how much work their wife was doing when they had to take over a ton of the household responsibilities. They either learned to appreciate all that was being done for them or they did it themselves. I personally went on a laundry strike once lol, best thing I ever did 
Sounds like your hubby needs to start pulling more weight around the house!
I know many people that have went "on strike"...worked for them! These husbands learned FAST exactly how much work their wife was doing when they had to take over a ton of the household responsibilities. They either learned to appreciate all that was being done for them or they did it themselves. I personally went on a laundry strike once lol, best thing I ever did Sounds like your hubby needs to start pulling more weight around the house!
MarinaVanessa 08:05 AM 03-22-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
I'd call his bluff
Me too. I'd stop getting up early for "his" kids and let him know beforehand, and I'd stop the "wifely duties". I hope the wifely duties you are thinking about are the kind that I'm thinking about I'd call his bluff
Angelsj 08:11 AM 03-22-2013
"What you said this morning really hit home. You are right, I am moody and it is killing our relationship. I think what I really need is more sleep in the morning, so I am less tired for our time in the evening.
To that end, I will no longer be getting up before 7am when my first dck arrives. You will need to find a way to get dd up and off to school. Also, since I am cooking supper, you will need to supervise homework and after supper while I have a bath, you need to get kiddos to bed. I think that will go a long way toward getting our relationship back on track. Thank you so much for your suggestion."
Then DROP THE BUCKETS!!
It is so hard for moms to let things go. If it needs done, we do it. You must be willing to allow dd to not get to school, and homework to not get done. If the school calls, pass the phone to hubby. It is no longer YOUR responsibility, so don't let it become yours again.
As a side note, if those kids are not helping you clean house and kitchen, change that. Kids need to pitch in and keep their home clean. It is good for them. They need to learn what a home takes to keep it clean.
I would change this: Eat supper, one kid helps you clean kitchen, other kid picks up needed items and straightens the house/ vacuums (whatever you think they can do), say goodnight, and Dad tucks kids in while you bathe.
To that end, I will no longer be getting up before 7am when my first dck arrives. You will need to find a way to get dd up and off to school. Also, since I am cooking supper, you will need to supervise homework and after supper while I have a bath, you need to get kiddos to bed. I think that will go a long way toward getting our relationship back on track. Thank you so much for your suggestion."
Then DROP THE BUCKETS!!
It is so hard for moms to let things go. If it needs done, we do it. You must be willing to allow dd to not get to school, and homework to not get done. If the school calls, pass the phone to hubby. It is no longer YOUR responsibility, so don't let it become yours again.
As a side note, if those kids are not helping you clean house and kitchen, change that. Kids need to pitch in and keep their home clean. It is good for them. They need to learn what a home takes to keep it clean.
I would change this: Eat supper, one kid helps you clean kitchen, other kid picks up needed items and straightens the house/ vacuums (whatever you think they can do), say goodnight, and Dad tucks kids in while you bathe.
mrsp'slilpeeps 08:16 AM 03-22-2013
I would have told him as he was leaving that if he is going to threaten me with a divorce because I am moody, then get bent so I can kick ya where the good lord split ya.
Buh bye jerk.
Buh bye jerk.
Crystal 08:32 AM 03-22-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
I'd call his bluff
Yup. Me too. I'd call his bluff
What a jerk.
to you.
Heidi 08:59 AM 03-22-2013
I think my approach would be a little of everything the pp's said.
You are taking on too much that is someone else' responsibility. The children are both old enough to set their own alarms and get themselves ready for school. If they oversleep, there should be consequences. They should also have chores.
As for waking up your dh, hahahahahaha! He is a grown man!
I also think it's time for a heart-to-heart talk. Starting with "what you said this morning really hurt, and it really made me think. First of all, was something just bothering you that made you say that?"
Then I'd start a conversation about your marraige being a team effort, and that maybe it's time to renegotiate some of the workload.
You are taking on too much that is someone else' responsibility. The children are both old enough to set their own alarms and get themselves ready for school. If they oversleep, there should be consequences. They should also have chores.
As for waking up your dh, hahahahahaha! He is a grown man!
I also think it's time for a heart-to-heart talk. Starting with "what you said this morning really hurt, and it really made me think. First of all, was something just bothering you that made you say that?"
Then I'd start a conversation about your marraige being a team effort, and that maybe it's time to renegotiate some of the workload.
Brooksie 09:01 AM 03-22-2013
Originally Posted by mrsp'slilpeeps:
I would have told him as he was leaving that if he is going to threaten me with a divorce because I am moody, then get bent so I can kick ya where the good lord split ya.
Buh bye jerk.
I would have told him as he was leaving that if he is going to threaten me with a divorce because I am moody, then get bent so I can kick ya where the good lord split ya.
Buh bye jerk.
Lyss 10:10 AM 03-22-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
What a horrible way to start your day I know many people that have went "on strike"...worked for them! These husbands learned FAST exactly how much work their wife was doing when they had to take over a ton of the household responsibilities. They either learned to appreciate all that was being done for them or they did it themselves. I personally went on a laundry strike once lol, best thing I ever did Sounds like your hubby needs to start pulling more weight around the house!
What a horrible way to start your day
I know many people that have went "on strike"...worked for them! These husbands learned FAST exactly how much work their wife was doing when they had to take over a ton of the household responsibilities. They either learned to appreciate all that was being done for them or they did it themselves. I personally went on a laundry strike once lol, best thing I ever did Sounds like your hubby needs to start pulling more weight around the house!I did this with DH and man did he act like a baby!!! "What do you mean you didn't make my lunch?! But... but what will I eat?"
Gee maybe tomorrow you better get up more that 15 minutes before you leave for work and make it yourself, PS I didn't make coffee
It took only 2 days and now he keeps his attitude in check! He's also in charge of the evening routine for DD (bath, jammies, book, bed) now so he gets a taste of what my all day is like!
AmyLeigh 10:52 AM 03-22-2013
Time for a family meeting. Give them each an alarm clock, give them household responsibilities, maybe even assigning each of them one night to make dinner. Delegate, delegate, delegate. If I can get support from dh (who works 10-14 hours) and my own kids (9,6, 4), you can do it too. Made all the difference in the world. They respect my efforts more and I am much less overwhelmed, making me a happy mama.
Cuz we all know if mama ain't happy.......
CedarCreek 10:59 AM 03-22-2013
Hell no.
I get up and get oldest ds out the door and spend the rest of the day with dcks and youngest ds. When dh gets home, he helps me clean up, he makes dinner, we bathe the boys and chillax together until we put them to bed. Imo, that's a pretty good partnership.
My wifely duties are slacking lately but that's not me,that's him. I'm not going to complain just yet though, what's a little low libido when I get everything else perfect?
I get up and get oldest ds out the door and spend the rest of the day with dcks and youngest ds. When dh gets home, he helps me clean up, he makes dinner, we bathe the boys and chillax together until we put them to bed. Imo, that's a pretty good partnership.
My wifely duties are slacking lately but that's not me,that's him. I'm not going to complain just yet though, what's a little low libido when I get everything else perfect?
SquirrellyMama 11:04 AM 03-22-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
I'd call his bluff
I'd call his bluff
And if he calls yours then act on it. I think it is past time for tough love. K
My3cents 11:05 AM 03-22-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I care for everyone but who cares for me?
This is essentially my life,
6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work
Spend the rest of the day caring for children
5:30pm usually last pick up
Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep
Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.
WHAT!?
We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.
This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.
I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)
So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.
Don't hate me for my response----I care for everyone but who cares for me?
This is essentially my life,
6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work
Spend the rest of the day caring for children
5:30pm usually last pick up
Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep
Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.
WHAT!?
We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.
This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.
I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)
So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.
your a prisoner because you allow yourself to be
Get up and take him to work on Saturday so you have the car to go and do things. Stop doing it all and expect him to help you. If you fall into the roll that you have created you have no one but yourself to blame. Your entitled to a full life just as much as he is. I would have told him, but I am not you and I do have spicy side to me, but I would have said........ Don't threaten me, if your that unhappy with your life with me make the changes and don't let the door hit you on the way out. I would have gone on with I don't want to be treated the way you treat me anymore and you better step up to the plate or your wish just may come true on my time and not yours. Then I would have said something not so nice---- I would stop making life so easy for this man to treat you the way he is to make you feel the way that you do. I would go full on Ninja Christian on him!!!
I have said this time and time again, we become complacent in our roles and allow ourselves to be unhappy as women. Times are different these days and we don't have to fall into this roll unless we make that choice. I hope as one women to another I am empowering you to make changes in your life that will make you happy
itlw8 11:11 AM 03-22-2013
I would go out and buy 2 alarm clocks this weekend and hand one to dd and one to dh say. You are both old enough to get yourselves up in the morning I hand the job over to you... And really might as well start the youngest buy 3 clocks.
everyone is old enough to do chores, and prepare or help prepare meals. Boyscouts cook over a fire starting at age 11. teach each family member one dish. ds cooked sloppy joes 1x a week when he was 10. I was sick of them but I did not have to cook.
everyone is old enough to do chores, and prepare or help prepare meals. Boyscouts cook over a fire starting at age 11. teach each family member one dish. ds cooked sloppy joes 1x a week when he was 10. I was sick of them but I did not have to cook.
Jewels 11:12 AM 03-22-2013
Thats awful, do you really do "wifely duties" every night? I love my husband, we have a great relationship, sounds like your getting walked on, my husband gets up at the same time as me for work, gets up by himself. I make nothing for him in the morning, he takes care of himself, sometimes at this earlier hour I will take care of my wifely duties. he leaves for work, I do daycare, he gets home, we both or him figure out something quick for dinner, as most nights we have something going on, usually us going to the gym, dropping the kids in the childcare there, and working out together, we usually shower the kids at the gym with us, he takes my son I take my daughter, 2 birds one stone, get home, we tag team bedtime, and then we both lay down at the same time, and watch TV, my husband knows I'm not much for past 9pm wifely duties, I need ME time, he can happily hit me up any other time of the day. I've been taking care of people all day, and all I ask is 1 hour a night to lay down and relax.
My3cents 11:12 AM 03-22-2013
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
Did you say these are HIS children? Then HE needs to get up with them in the mornings (and get a new appreciation for you!) not stroll out of bed at 8:30!
Also threats that the marriage could be over are so so wrong! If it does end he'll be getting up with them then so he might as well start doing it now.
Seriously - can I slap him for you!
yeah...........Did you say these are HIS children? Then HE needs to get up with them in the mornings (and get a new appreciation for you!) not stroll out of bed at 8:30!
Also threats that the marriage could be over are so so wrong! If it does end he'll be getting up with them then so he might as well start doing it now.
Seriously - can I slap him for you!
but these children have become both of their children, a family. This women is bonded to these kiddo's as they are her own. Threatening to take that from her is just cruel.
My3cents 11:16 AM 03-22-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
I'd call his bluff
I would too and I would mean every bit of it. It really would not be a bluff. There has to be give and take and sometimes one person is doing more giving then the other and then it will flip around, but when it is bothering you and you bring it to the table, well then it is time to make changes for the good as a whole. Regroup, rethink, relove. I'd call his bluff
Sounds like maybe a 7 year itch? Mid life crisis? No excuse but bring it all to the table and find the passion that brought the two of you together in the first place and start building off of that again
Logged out 11:23 AM 03-22-2013
I'm here with ya. My dh is apparently "not happy". Not sure what he isn't happy about. Since he started back to school, I have done almost everything around here and damn right I get moody about it too. "Wifely duties".....ugh. Yep, right there with ya. We have been married for 13 years-you would think he would know what "makes me moody"-no help/appreciation. Sorry I really can't help much, just sympathize. Maybe your dh and my dh should share an apt for awhile with your children and mine and then see what it's really like 
(((hugs)))
(((hugs)))
Luna 09:39 AM 03-25-2013
I've been wondering how things are going for the original poster, and also the last poster. Any updates?
MNMum 11:14 AM 03-25-2013
Things really need to change at your house!
Consider going to therapy. This is going to be a major overhaul. He's not going to like one bit that he needs to step up, when you've been doing everything. Also, when approaching this, remember, no one likes to be told they are doing everything wrong(sounds like he is though...) Approach it with, I need your help. I cannot continue on like this day in and day out. If there are specific duties you want him to take over, tell him - and make a list - men need lists. There is a reason "honey-do lists" are so popular. For my husband, if I don't make a list, it won't get done. Eventually things will become habit and routine, but at this point you are basically asking him to do what you have already been doing - and he probably doesn't even realize what you've been doing- you've been doing it all!
Consider going to therapy. This is going to be a major overhaul. He's not going to like one bit that he needs to step up, when you've been doing everything. Also, when approaching this, remember, no one likes to be told they are doing everything wrong(sounds like he is though...) Approach it with, I need your help. I cannot continue on like this day in and day out. If there are specific duties you want him to take over, tell him - and make a list - men need lists. There is a reason "honey-do lists" are so popular. For my husband, if I don't make a list, it won't get done. Eventually things will become habit and routine, but at this point you are basically asking him to do what you have already been doing - and he probably doesn't even realize what you've been doing- you've been doing it all!
wdmmom 11:33 AM 03-25-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I care for everyone but who cares for me?
This is essentially my life,
6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work
Spend the rest of the day caring for children
5:30pm usually last pick up
Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep
Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.
WHAT!?
We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.
This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.
I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)
So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.
New schedule:I care for everyone but who cares for me?
This is essentially my life,
6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work
Spend the rest of the day caring for children
5:30pm usually last pick up
Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep
Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.
WHAT!?
We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.
This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.
I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)
So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.
630am: Get up
7am: Let first daycare kid in and start work for the day
Cook dinner
Clean up
Enjoy some time to yourself...walk, bath, read, enjoy your favorite tv show, etc.
A jr high schooler needs to get themselves up for school. DH can get his lazy butt up and take her. Boy can get himself up too. DH can get ready for work without you waking him. Delegate alternate nights for kitchen duty. (I do a week at a time per child) They load/unload the dishwasher, wipe counters and table and put away leftovers. It's not hard and these kids are big enough to contribute to the household too!
The sooner you start telling them you need help, the sooner life will start feeling a little better!
Lyss 12:33 PM 03-25-2013
Originally Posted by Luna:
I've been wondering how things are going for the original poster, and also the last poster. Any updates?
Me too! I hope things are working out better for both OP and "logged out"!! I've been wondering how things are going for the original poster, and also the last poster. Any updates?