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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Non-DC Question...Desperately Need Some Advice..
SunflowerMama 12:53 PM 05-04-2010
I don't know if it's ok to post a non-dc question on here but my husband and I are desperate.
Our twins turned 3 in early April and until that point have been great nappers and were going to bed with no problem. They nap 3 hrs during the day (1-4) and then were sleeping 7/7:30 - 7a.
Right around their birthday one of my daughters started fighting going to bed and it has gottan progressively worse.
We have always had the same routine...dinner, bath, books, bed. They have slept with the same sound machine since the day they were born.
The past couple of weeks we are doing the same routine but when we go to shut the door she has 50 requests (shake my blanket, fix Minnie, hugs, kisses, and then at the door we have to say a few things just the right way or she'll have us repeat them over, and over and over). We've tried doing all these things, told we won't do these things and she needs to go to sleep, we've cleaned everything out of their room that could be distracting (toys, books, things she had collected in her bed)...tried everything. Once we tell her..."that's it we've said Goodnight we're shutting the door now" she loses it and will scream and cry for upwards of 2 hours. At first we would go up there and do what we could to settle her down but it just made it worse and extended the battle. So the past week or so we just let her cry at the door and 9 times out of 10 she falls asleep at the door (they have always had the child proof handle on the door so have never been able to open it). But it's after hours of pleading for us to come and give hugs or take her to the potty, etc.
We are at our wit's end and just don't know what to do! They used to be fast asleep by 7:30/7:45p but recently it's been 10p or even later. What worse is her poor sister is in the room with her and has to deal with all this and doesn't get her sleep even though she's trying.
If someone has any advice or has dealt with something like this I'm desperate.
Our twins turned 3 in early April and until that point have been great nappers and were going to bed with no problem. They nap 3 hrs during the day (1-4) and then were sleeping 7/7:30 - 7a.
Right around their birthday one of my daughters started fighting going to bed and it has gottan progressively worse.
We have always had the same routine...dinner, bath, books, bed. They have slept with the same sound machine since the day they were born.
The past couple of weeks we are doing the same routine but when we go to shut the door she has 50 requests (shake my blanket, fix Minnie, hugs, kisses, and then at the door we have to say a few things just the right way or she'll have us repeat them over, and over and over). We've tried doing all these things, told we won't do these things and she needs to go to sleep, we've cleaned everything out of their room that could be distracting (toys, books, things she had collected in her bed)...tried everything. Once we tell her..."that's it we've said Goodnight we're shutting the door now" she loses it and will scream and cry for upwards of 2 hours. At first we would go up there and do what we could to settle her down but it just made it worse and extended the battle. So the past week or so we just let her cry at the door and 9 times out of 10 she falls asleep at the door (they have always had the child proof handle on the door so have never been able to open it). But it's after hours of pleading for us to come and give hugs or take her to the potty, etc.
We are at our wit's end and just don't know what to do! They used to be fast asleep by 7:30/7:45p but recently it's been 10p or even later. What worse is her poor sister is in the room with her and has to deal with all this and doesn't get her sleep even though she's trying.
If someone has any advice or has dealt with something like this I'm desperate.
Worried Parent 01:07 PM 05-04-2010
Maybe I am being overly worried but is it a sudden change? Have you talked with her about why she is feeling this way? Have you had any visitors/relatives/friends that have been to the house around the same time as the "change". We have a daughter that stayed over a similar 8 year old friend’s house many times and were unaware that the other girl was sexually abusing her. Our daughter was having similar problems. I might be way off since that was my first reaction and I tend to be overly worried now.
SunflowerMama 01:19 PM 05-04-2010
Originally Posted by Worried Parent:
Maybe I am being overly worried but is it a sudden change? Have you talked with her about why she is feeling this way? Have you had any visitors/relatives/friends that have been to the house around the same time as the "change". We have a daughter that stayed over a similar 8 year old friend’s house many times and were unaware that the other girl was sexually abusing her. Our daughter was having similar problems. I might be way off since that was my first reaction and I tend to be overly worried now.
No, no friends/visitors/relatives around. All of our family/friends are out of state. Only change is the start-up of the childcare which I'm sure has something to do with it but we are still at a loss at what to do. We've done one-on-one time with both girls and given them special attention but nothing is helping.Maybe I am being overly worried but is it a sudden change? Have you talked with her about why she is feeling this way? Have you had any visitors/relatives/friends that have been to the house around the same time as the "change". We have a daughter that stayed over a similar 8 year old friend’s house many times and were unaware that the other girl was sexually abusing her. Our daughter was having similar problems. I might be way off since that was my first reaction and I tend to be overly worried now.
AmandasFCC 01:55 PM 05-04-2010
Maybe cut the nap back to 2 hours? My kids all just nap from 1-3 and they all sleep fine at night and play just fine in the afternoon...
It sucks that her sister is being kept awake by her though... What about going in, walking her to her bed without a word or a look at her, then walk out. I would try that after 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins ... until finally she gets that she's not getting any attention whatsoever, no hugs, no cuddles, no pillow fluffings, NOTHING, after her initial tuck-in ...
It sucks that her sister is being kept awake by her though... What about going in, walking her to her bed without a word or a look at her, then walk out. I would try that after 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins ... until finally she gets that she's not getting any attention whatsoever, no hugs, no cuddles, no pillow fluffings, NOTHING, after her initial tuck-in ...
fctjc1979 02:51 PM 05-04-2010
Maybe if you could find something really cool as a reward for the twin that is trying to sleep it will motivate the other one. Like maybe the twin that is trying to sleep gets to have a camp night in the living room or something along those lines. Do you have a way that you could split the girls up into seperate rooms?
melissa ann 03:13 PM 05-04-2010
I have a 3 yr old son and I never let him sleep after 3pm otherwise he will not go to bed. We have earlier nap times, since we are up early, I usually have the kids go down around 12ish and sometimes they will sleep until 3.
originalkat 03:51 PM 05-04-2010
My three year old sometimes sleeps 3 hours. But she usually goes to bed around 8:30. Maybe you should move bedtime to a little bit later or naptime earlier and see if that could help.
missnikki 05:51 PM 05-04-2010
Originally Posted by AmandasFCC:
Maybe cut the nap back to 2 hours? My kids all just nap from 1-3 and they all sleep fine at night and play just fine in the afternoon...
It sucks that her sister is being kept awake by her though... What about going in, walking her to her bed without a word or a look at her, then walk out. I would try that after 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins ... until finally she gets that she's not getting any attention whatsoever, no hugs, no cuddles, no pillow fluffings, NOTHING, after her initial tuck-in ...
This is what I had to do with my daughter. It is rough as a parent!Maybe cut the nap back to 2 hours? My kids all just nap from 1-3 and they all sleep fine at night and play just fine in the afternoon...
It sucks that her sister is being kept awake by her though... What about going in, walking her to her bed without a word or a look at her, then walk out. I would try that after 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins ... until finally she gets that she's not getting any attention whatsoever, no hugs, no cuddles, no pillow fluffings, NOTHING, after her initial tuck-in ...
In a way, it is the same philosophy when a parent drops off their child and lurks arounds with looooooong goodbyes, sending the child into a tantrum when they actually leave. The child needs to know GOODNIGHT means that's it, no more till tomorrow.
QualiTcare 09:14 PM 05-04-2010
kids don't want to sleep as long as they get older. i think shortening nap time would definitely work. 3 hours is a long nap.
i would think 2 hours max - and maybe even 1.5 hours if she's giving you so much trouble.
my kids used to wake up at 5 a.m. and they would go to sleep around 9-10 if they had a 2 hour nap starting at noon. this was when they were 2 and 4. my 4 year old got to where she didn't want to take naps, so i didn't make her. then, around 6-7 she wanted to fall asleep. i didn't let her - i'd make her stay awake - go outside, do whatever to make sure she didn't go to sleep. if you cut out naptime all together for even one day, you might be able to get her back on track. if she's used to having a nap and doesn't take on at all - she'll be so exhausted by bedtime that she'll pass out. wake her up early the next morning and shorten her nap time that day so she'll be exhausted again by bedtime.
i would think 2 hours max - and maybe even 1.5 hours if she's giving you so much trouble.
my kids used to wake up at 5 a.m. and they would go to sleep around 9-10 if they had a 2 hour nap starting at noon. this was when they were 2 and 4. my 4 year old got to where she didn't want to take naps, so i didn't make her. then, around 6-7 she wanted to fall asleep. i didn't let her - i'd make her stay awake - go outside, do whatever to make sure she didn't go to sleep. if you cut out naptime all together for even one day, you might be able to get her back on track. if she's used to having a nap and doesn't take on at all - she'll be so exhausted by bedtime that she'll pass out. wake her up early the next morning and shorten her nap time that day so she'll be exhausted again by bedtime.
TGT09 04:55 AM 05-05-2010
Personally, I think 7:30 is too early a bedtime for a 3 year old. I would cut naps shorter AND push bedtime to 8:30.
SunflowerMama 05:11 AM 05-05-2010
Thanks everyone for all the great advice!! I put everyone down for naps a little earlier yesterday (12:30) and I woke them from their nap yesterday at about 2.5 hrs (today I'm going to go with 2 hrs) and then we had an early dinner and went to the park and played until about 7:30p came home bath and bed by 8:15p. It did seem to help quite a bit and she barely cried at all and my other daughter was out before her head hit
.
I think it was DH and I trying to hold onto the earlier bed time and my thoughts about naps (if they are still asleep they must need the sleep). But I think we're heading in the right direction. Thanks again!!
. I think it was DH and I trying to hold onto the earlier bed time and my thoughts about naps (if they are still asleep they must need the sleep). But I think we're heading in the right direction. Thanks again!!
mrs.meg 05:50 AM 05-05-2010
Sounds like it has nothing to do with sleep to me. Has everything to do with a power struggle, just my opinion. But, also here it is daylight at that time now and that could have something to do with it.
I see this with people all the time, it is just the child testing the waters and wanting to see who is boss. But that is just MHO, and that is not worth much!
I see this with people all the time, it is just the child testing the waters and wanting to see who is boss. But that is just MHO, and that is not worth much!
originalkat 09:02 AM 05-05-2010
I know it is hard when a previously successful routine fails to work anymore. But inthe end, when we tweak things to make them work better everyone ends up being more at peace.
jen 09:24 AM 05-05-2010
Originally Posted by TGT09:
Personally, I think 7:30 is too early a bedtime for a 3 year old. I would cut naps shorter AND push bedtime to 8:30.
My 7 year old still goes to bed at 7:30!Personally, I think 7:30 is too early a bedtime for a 3 year old. I would cut naps shorter AND push bedtime to 8:30.
SunflowerMama 10:09 AM 05-05-2010
Originally Posted by jen:
My 7 year old still goes to bed at 7:30!
I was actually thinking the same thing. When we were young my parents had us going down at 8p on the nose through elementary school (age 12).My 7 year old still goes to bed at 7:30!
JJPlaycare 11:07 AM 05-05-2010
My daughter turned 5 in December and I put her to bed at 7:30. It has gotten harder due to it being light out until late, so to solve this problem we put a blanket over her window to make it dark in there just as it was all winter long and we are back to the norm!! She is the type of child that NEEDS her sleep or watch out, so I don't think the bedtime thing is too early either, however I do think all kids are differnt and you need to adjust accordingly. I think a 3 year old should get about 12 hours of sleep, again all kids are different though! My youngest daughter has always been the last one to bed and the first one up, she is 3 - she just doesn't seem to need alot of sleep! I guess I would try to make it dark in there and see if she goes back to the routine after 3-5 days, if not she just might not be needing that much sleep and I would try and rearrange! Is there anyway you could put your daughters to bed at different times? So you don't mess with your other daughters routine! Hope this helps : )
TGT09 11:40 AM 05-05-2010
Wow, I guess I've always been a nightowl then.
booroo 02:17 PM 05-05-2010
Originally Posted by TGT09:
Personally, I think 7:30 is too early a bedtime for a 3 year old. I would cut naps shorter AND push bedtime to 8:30.
wow I'm terrible, my girls go to be that early, they are 6 and gasp 8... Trust me any later and they are the crankiest kids on the earth! They don't nap and no days that my 2 yr old doesn't nap he's asleep at 6pm. He then will take a 4 hour nap!! I put him to bed at 9 he gets daddy time, up at 8 nap at 1230!! Preschool is next year so I'm going to adjust his nap and bed time.Personally, I think 7:30 is too early a bedtime for a 3 year old. I would cut naps shorter AND push bedtime to 8:30.
MsKara 04:29 PM 05-06-2010
You said you started a new daycare, or maybe I was mistaken. If you did, then you are dealing with what I dealt with. Only I have a two year old. She wasn't used to not getting my one on one attention, and when I started daycare she got really cranky. Then at bedtime she clung on to me and didn't want me to go because she was getting those special mommy hugs and kisses and individualized attention. I had to learn to still give her those extra hugs throughout the day and spend a little time with her one on one each evening so she didn't feel like she lost me.