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  #1  
Old 01-18-2012, 03:54 PM
MamaBear MamaBear is offline
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Default Vent About Being TOLD Instead Of ASKED :-/

Okay so heres the story...

I have a 2 yr old DCG that I've been watching for a little more than a year now. She is full time here Mon-Fri 8-5. Sweet girl but a little testy at times. I think I have complained about them in the past because the dad stays home all day while she's here and picks her up last minute before I close at 5.

Anyway - last month the mom tells me that they have decided to put "Sally" (not her real name - lol) in this new fancy preschool/daycare center that just opened last year. She says they are putting her in this new school starting July 2012. I appreciated the heads up and put in my calendar to plan ahead for this change. I've got 7 months to plan - so I'm okay with that.

THEN yesterday the mom sends me an email informing me that the fancy preschool called and they have a space for her Jan 30th... just 2 weeks from now. BUT they can only take her 4 days a week. So the mom in this email says... and doesn't ask... but says "Sally can only go to the preschool Mon, Wed , Thurs & Fri - so we will continue bringing her to your daycare just on Tuesdays. I will start paying the daily rate of $40 instead of the full time rate effective the week of Jan 30th. She will stay at your daycare until May 29th - just on Tuesdays"

This email rubbed me wrong FIRST because she never asked if any of this was "OK"... she was just TELLING me what she was going to do. No "is this ok with you" or "will this work for you?" Nothing.

I can't afford to just have her here one day a week. $40 a week is one trip to McDonalds for me and the family. Its not worth it to me. Plus all my other daycare kids are gone by 330pm (teacher kids) and her being here till closing every day was driving me crazy. So her leaving completely would be nice for me.

Anyway I emailed the mom back and told her that I cannot accommodate just one day a week of care because I only do full time children in my daycare. And that I have a couple families that really wanted a FT space here... so I would like her last day to be the end of January (in 2 weeks) so that I can replace her full time space with another full timer... since that was the date she'd be starting preschool anyway.

She texts me (vs answering my email) just now and says ... "Ok then can we bring her 2 days a week instead because I know you take part timers". I answered "I used to take part timers but the last year or so I only do full time and I just can't afford or accommodate part time anymore. Sorry".

I know that they are just wanting to bring her here one day a week because the preschool just doesn't have that day available for them to take her.. so they are basically 'using' me until they do. The dad even told me that they have to wait till there are spaces available to get a full time week there.

I don't like the feeling of being 'used' and i don't like being told instead of being asked if something would work for me. I also seriously can't afford to not replace her space with another full timer. I have to get another full timer to cover her and I don't want to take part timers anymore. Just have had bad experience with trying to balance it all in the past.

So I'm irked now about this. Now I have to see the mom at pick up and might be awkward. I just can't afford to have a 1 day kid... but I'm sure the mom thinks I'm just being a jerk. Oh well.
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Old 01-18-2012, 04:07 PM
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Good for you for sticking up for yourself!

I don't appreciate being TOLD what to do either and I have a hard time being nice once a person crosses that line.

Asking you do do 1 day a week is being USED and would constitute drop in care in my book...which I don't do either.
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Old 01-18-2012, 04:11 PM
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Keep being a jerk then. She was a jerk for telling you the plan instead of asking if it was okay. You could always tell her it's fine if dcg comes one or two times a week but her fee is not going to change. Personally I'd type up a formal termination letter and call up the waiting list people.
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Old 01-18-2012, 04:26 PM
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I wouldnt respond again. She thought you loved her daughter enough to take a huge cut in pay. She forgets that this is your job. Not a favor. I would type up a term paper. Effective for the date she gave you. Have her sign it tomorrow and move on.
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Old 01-18-2012, 04:30 PM
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I don't think you are being a jerk. You are just doing what you have to for your family. It will be really nice to end the day at 330 once this girl is gone.
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Old 01-18-2012, 05:20 PM
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Thank you everyone. Great idea about the term letter. I'll get it done tonight & give to the mom in the morning. The dad picked her up just now and it was SUPER awkward. He showed up super early at 3:30... NEVER comes that early. He didn't say ONE word to me! How immature is that? He just talked to the daughter the whole time and left. Weird how as soon as I don't do what they want, they treat me like dirt. Oh well. I guess they are showing their true colors! I'll actually be very relieved to have this situation end so I can be off earlier every day.

Thanks again for all your nice comments. Makes me feel a lot better. I'm proud of myself for not letting them dictate how things would go.
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Old 01-18-2012, 06:07 PM
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Good for you!!!!!

It sounds like this is going to be a much nicer situation for you without this child. I cannot stand it when parents tell me how I am going to do something, like I am not allowed to have an opinion or a say in what goes on in my home. I haven't had many like that but there have been one or two who thought they could dictate my policy or my schedule (and, of course, were irate when I refused to do it "their way"...lol). It is always a relief to see the back of parents like that!
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Old 01-18-2012, 06:24 PM
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Make sure and let us all know, how the termination letter goes.
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  #9  
Old 01-18-2012, 06:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaBear View Post
Weird how as soon as I don't do what they want, they treat me like dirt.
And there's the kicker At least you can be proud at the fact that you put your foot down and did what's better for your business. Way to go
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  #10  
Old 01-18-2012, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted by MamaBear View Post
Thank you everyone. Great idea about the term letter. I'll get it done tonight & give to the mom in the morning. The dad picked her up just now and it was SUPER awkward. He showed up super early at 3:30... NEVER comes that early. He didn't say ONE word to me! How immature is that? He just talked to the daughter the whole time and left. Weird how as soon as I don't do what they want, they treat me like dirt. Oh well. I guess they are showing their true colors! I'll actually be very relieved to have this situation end so I can be off earlier every day.

Thanks again for all your nice comments. Makes me feel a lot better. I'm proud of myself for not letting them dictate how things would go.
Good for you sticking to your guns!! My chest puffs out just a little more each time I do that. As for the true colors, you hit the nail on the head!! Been in that same situation being ignored in my own home ticks me off! I would def term now! Watch for them to pull early too. Good luck here I hope you find a great replacement!
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  #11  
Old 01-18-2012, 10:21 PM
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LOL, it never ceases to amaze me how incredibly ignorant people can be. I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and for your business - GREAT JOB!!!
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  #12  
Old 01-19-2012, 05:42 AM
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Always rely on contract. She broke contract with you when she told you that she wouldn't be sending DCG full time and that should would only pay you for part time. So basically, she gave you your 2 weeks notice and you replied as such. Strictly business - which is the way she handled you.

It annoys me to see that so many parents treat their DC providers this way. You are Mom away from Mom for their child and I don't care what you say, it hurts when someone pulls their child from a home daycare in favor of a center.

Rant Alert
These folks seem like the ones that like to tout that little Shirley went to Montessori Academy or some such school. She'll be learning French next year - woopie! She'll also be at the School Counselor every other day by age 8 because her parents pushed her too hard.
Rant Over

I'm in a Center and we are not at capacity so we would continue service for the one day a week but if we were filled, it would have been handled the same way you handled it.

BTW - we only have a handful of full timers in our facility. We are mostly part time and do the occasional drop in care. Again.. in this economy we try to be as accommodating as possible.
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  #13  
Old 01-19-2012, 05:52 AM
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I think it is awesome you stuck to your guns.

One day a week is not financially worth it....but more importantly, it would disrupt your program EVERY WEEK. You would begin to dread her arrival in no time.

*steps up on soapbox...

Your work environment is just as important as your payscale. If you can't enjoy your job at all, burnout will be knocking at the door in no time. Burnout and small children are a bad mix.... so, no, you are NOT being a jerk.... you are being a responsible adult and providing the best possible environment for the children in your care.

* steps down from soapbox......
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  #14  
Old 01-19-2012, 05:58 AM
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I'm having trouble getting past that they pay for daycare when one parent is home all day? Why?
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  #15  
Old 01-19-2012, 06:12 AM
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Originally Posted by greenhouse View Post
I'm having trouble getting past that they pay for daycare when one parent is home all day? Why?
Oh lordly, this happens more than anyone ever realizes (and often with no good reason at all). So pathetic!
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  #16  
Old 01-19-2012, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet View Post
Oh lordly, this happens more than anyone ever realizes (and often with no good reason at all). So pathetic!
Is he disabled? Going on job interviews? I could deal with that. Home playing x- box over spending time with kids-I couldn't deal. But why would they throw $ away like that is beyond me. Childcare is so expensive where I live, it was a huge factor why I decided to stay home.
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  #17  
Old 01-19-2012, 06:51 AM
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The home all day doesn't bother me so much if they're good in all other ways. I just did a year with a FT DCB when mom was home on mat leave. He came 8-4, 4 days per week. They tried 3 weeks at home and he was bored, cranky and begging for his friends so they did what worked best for him. He would play here all day and then go home and play with mom and baby too.
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  #18  
Old 01-19-2012, 07:10 AM
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Good for you! I wish I could strictly take ft too but just not likely in my area too many day programs starting with age 2 and up. Good luck with term letter!
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Old 01-19-2012, 07:48 AM
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good for you, less headache for you. I too have a problem with parents who sit home all day doing nothing. I think these are the parents that take advantage of those who go to work every week. I had a mom who would go and tan, get her hair done and nails done all the time, I know that she was paying BUT the problem was that her dd was her and she knew what mom was doing and she would be such a miserable child because of this.
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Old 01-19-2012, 09:27 AM
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Its better to let them go now because if you get a full timer before she leaves for good, you would have to confront all over again. at least now its done and over!
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Old 01-19-2012, 11:59 AM
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I had a parent tell me once, in a letter, that at the starting of the new school year her child would only be coming on Mon & Fri and would only be paying for those days. And then also that she was pregnant and wanted a spot for the following Spring, but was not going to pay anything to hold it. She told me I had 1 week to respond. It happened to be a very, very busy week for me and did not get the chance to talk with her about it, so she termed because I didn't tell her yes that's ok.

Oh well, I wasn't willing to do part time anyway and she knew that. I only take a few children, never my capacity so I only do full time.

They ended up moving 2 months later anyway, so it never would have happened.
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Old 01-19-2012, 10:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greenhouse View Post
I'm having trouble getting past that they pay for daycare when one parent is home all day? Why?
I don't really understand it either. He picks her up at 5pm then drives her to the mom's work & drops her off with the mom who then brings her to their home... The dad leaves from there and goes to work for 3-4 hours in the evening. Then the mom brings her first thing the next morning while meanwhile dad sleeps and does 'who knows what' all day. AND they are expecting another baby. Sheesh. They are well off where I guess paying for daycare when you don't really need to is okay for them. I would never pay for daycare if I could be home with my own kids. But hey ~ I actually LIKE being with my own kids. hahaha

By the way - I gave the mom the "official" term letter this morning. She didn't say a word to me when she dropped her off either! Just talked to the daughter. Then the dad picked up right at 5 again and didn't really talk to me again like yesterday. So immature. I e-mailed the mom tonight to confirm she read the letter & all she replies is "YEP". So weird. I'm over it and looking forward to her last day next Thursday
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Old 01-19-2012, 11:44 PM
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Ish. What ishy people!!
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Old 01-20-2012, 07:30 AM
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Ok. The whole ignoring you thing is just plain middle school and if they're going to act like that, I'd give them an immediate termination. That, to me at least, qualifies as blatant disrespect and it one of the terms I list as a reason for immediate termination.

Ugh. For crying out loud! What adult still does the silent treatment?! I'm so glad you're almost done with them. I'm going to step down now.
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:49 AM
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Ok. The whole ignoring you thing is just plain middle school and if they're going to act like that, I'd give them an immediate termination. That, to me at least, qualifies as blatant disrespect and it one of the terms I list as a reason for immediate termination.

Ugh. For crying out loud! What adult still does the silent treatment?! I'm so glad you're almost done with them. I'm going to step down now.
I totally agree. I would term them immediately but I really need the $$ right now. So one more week and then I'm done. If I could afford it, I would have said goodbye for good yesterday
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Old 01-20-2012, 03:09 PM
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I totally agree. I would term them immediately but I really need the $$ right now. So one more week and then I'm done. If I could afford it, I would have said goodbye for good yesterday
I completely understand.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:30 PM
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I would terminate and not refund either. I would say, as of (***) date, I will no longer be watching your child. If you still want to bring the child before then, that is fine but you do not offer refunds if she chooses to take her child elsewhere during that time (you also have the option of calling and telling her TONIGHT that care is termed and you won't be caring for the kid starting this week...)

She doesn't get to make YOUR decisions for you!
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Old 02-05-2012, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care View Post
Always rely on contract. She broke contract with you when she told you that she wouldn't be sending DCG full time and that should would only pay you for part time. So basically, she gave you your 2 weeks notice and you replied as such. Strictly business - which is the way she handled you.
If she broke the contract then you are doing the right thing by terminating it. you have a job to do and the job is not to please every dcp who walks through your front door.

It annoys me to see that so many parents treat their DC providers this way. You are Mom away from Mom for their child and I don't care what you say, it hurts when someone pulls their child from a home daycare in favor of a center.
Yes it annoys me as well the way they treat the providers who tend to their children 5 days a week for so many hours a day you would think they would be praising and thank you not complaining about how you are doing things.

Rant Alert
These folks seem like the ones that like to tout that little Shirley went to Montessori Academy or some such school. She'll be learning French next year - woopie! She'll also be at the School Counselor every other day by age 8 because her parents pushed her too hard.
Rant Over
I agree with that.

I'm in a Center and we are not at capacity so we would continue service for the one day a week but if we were filled, it would have been handled the same way you handled it.
I am also in a center and we are not at capacity either mostly all of our kids are full time on funding we have to children who are older on part time and they are also on part time funding.

BTW - we only have a handful of full timers in our facility. We are mostly part time and do the occasional drop in care. Again.. in this economy we try to be as accommodating as possible.
We have mostly full timers in our facility we are full time 5 days a week open at 6 30 close at 5 30 I am not sure if we do drop in care because I just started and i have never asked.
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Old 02-05-2012, 01:19 PM
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less work costs more money


so you could tell her you could take her 2 days a week and quote her a price higher than the f/t rate LOL
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:51 PM
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less work costs more money


so you could tell her you could take her 2 days a week and quote her a price higher than the f/t rate LOL


OK, that made me smile. You are bad!!

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Old 02-05-2012, 05:37 PM
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I totally agree. I would term them immediately but I really need the $$ right now. So one more week and then I'm done. If I could afford it, I would have said goodbye for good yesterday
So how did this turn out? Are they gone now? Hope you found a great replacement!
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:52 PM
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I remember about 3 yrs. ago, I was told, I repeat told by 2 of my teacher parents, they had meetings that started at 7:00 every day that week in their schools. That means they dropped off about 45 min- 1 hr.. early Mon- Fri. I was told!!! I immediately said that is fine, but it is $5.00 per hr. opening early or late pickups. After this I also placed something in my contract re. this- If you need me to open early, this needs to be asked, and there will be an extra cost for this. UGHH!!!
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Old 02-06-2012, 01:44 PM
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So the little girl had her last day a couple weeks ago now. When mom dropped her off in the morning, she didn't even mention that it was her last day. She didn't say thank you or goodbye or anything!!! I don't see her at pick up - its always the dad, so I was really offended that she didn't even give me a small thank you for the 2 years I cared for her little princess (thats what she calls her).

Then the dad picked up and he wasn't mentioning it either!!! I was thinking 'wow - did they forget???'.... So I said "Ok - heres all her personal items in this bag, along with a receipt for this month and a gift for her from me." He THEN says "oh thank you so much for everything. We really appreciate you." Whatever... a little too late at that point!

I had put a gift wrapped framed photo collage of her from her 1st day with me along with 4 other pictures of her with her buddies here. I also put a little card with it for her. I thought they would give me at least a thank you card. But they did not.

The next few days I kept hoping that I'd get an email or something thanking me for the last 2 years or the picture frame... still nothing. I was really hurt. But got over it after about a week. Then YESTERDAY I get an email from the mom telling me how good she is doing at her new school - almost to rub it in! And then at the end says 'thank you for all you did for our little princess & thank you for the beautiful picture frame of her with her friends". FINALLY a thank you but I think she really just wanted to email me to make it sound like they were doing SO good. Whatever.

This can be such a thankless job sometimes when dealing with people like them. But on a happy note... My daycare is SO much more peaceful now without her here! haha... and I'm done everyday at 3:30 which I love! So it worked out fine. I have people interested in her space, but I am being a little picky with who I choose. Right now I'm happy with my 3 boys
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Old 02-06-2012, 08:51 PM
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Default Why pay for daycare when one parent is home..

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenhouse View Post
I'm having trouble getting past that they pay for daycare when one parent is home all day? Why?
In my case, I know why they do it. 1. because I charge for the week whether the child is here or not (they are paying for the day, they are going to bring the child, they get free time for themselves) 2. Some children don't deal with a change in their routine very well. 3.Parent wants the child to continue the routine while they are going through transitions (new job/moving/change in shift/temporary changes).

I don't mind for the most part, unless I am accomodating time outside of normal operating hours for them to work and they no longer need that time for work. If that happens, I approach the parents and remind them of our agreement. I have "secured" my income by charging by the week, so I don't care if they are working or not, as long as they pick up on time, I can reach them or an emergency contact in an emergency. I do ask them to let me know, though. Here's why: I once had a child get sick while a parent took a "sick day" but didn't tell me. So when I called their work to inform the parent, they weren't there and were in hot water with the boss.
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