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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Just Ticked off a DCM
BumbleBee 02:19 PM 03-11-2014
Her 2.5 yo was kicking off at pick up (not listening, starting to tantrum) and baby brother was in his carseat ready to go. I told her to take the baby to the car & I'd bring the 2.5 yo out when he calmed down.

Mom turned to the 2.5 yo and goes "honey please stop crying so we can go home." He screamed in her face. She took the baby to the car then came back in, grabbed the 2.5 yo, and shut the door. He was still screaming/crying.

Their next day is Thurs. We shall see what happens.
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grandmom 03:15 PM 03-11-2014
Don't worry about it. She likely is embarrassed that you can get the kid calmed down, and she can't.

I wouldn't offer to keep the kid while she's buckling in the baby. Let her take them both.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 03:18 PM 03-11-2014
I would feel embarrassed for her!
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CraftyMom 03:29 PM 03-11-2014
She probably wasn't upset with you. I'm sure she was upset with dcb and just wanted to get out of there
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TwinKristi 04:28 PM 03-11-2014
I agree, I don't think she's mad at you, she probably just wants to go home and him acting like that was taking longer than it should have.
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lovemykidstoo 04:46 PM 03-11-2014
I thought I wrote this haha. I have a dcm that picks up a just 3 yr old and baby in carseat and the 3 yr old throw fit about something every time. Today she said, let's put your coat on and he screamed in her face NO! Several times. Then stomped his feet. So, she says well it's not bad out today, you don't have to wear your coat. Thought, yup, that worked. Guess what he'll do tomorrow because it worked today. Oh it was about 41 degrees.

Why do these moms put up with that? I would have grabbed him and put his darn coat on and said, let's go NOW!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 04:50 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
I thought I wrote this haha. I have a dcm that picks up a just 3 yr old and baby in carseat and the 3 yr old throw fit about something every time. Today she said, let's put your coat on and he screamed in her face NO! Several times. Then stomped his feet. So, she says well it's not bad out today, you don't have to wear your coat. Thought, yup, that worked. Guess what he'll do tomorrow because it worked today. Oh it was about 41 degrees.

Why do these moms put up with that? I would have grabbed him and put his darn coat on and said, let's go NOW!
I always wonder the same thing. I have a Dad that is a repeat offender in this area...I call it wimpy parenting and it is embarrassing to witness. Sometimes I can't hide my surprise.
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TaylorTots 04:56 PM 03-11-2014
I have been there as a parent and a provider.

As a parent, I was utterly embarassed that my child was behaving that way.
As a provider, I was embarassed for the parents and asked if this was a common behavior as I never saw it from their child, etc.

Thursday will be fine.
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sahm1225 05:31 PM 03-11-2014
I agree she was probably so embarrassed.

I've been on the provider & parent side of it. As a provider, I typicall attempt to help or completely walk away (my dc kids tend to stop when no one is looking).

As a parent - I was shopping at target w my then 3 year old and 1 year old (not walking). My 3 year old had to go potty and then decoded she wasn't going to wear shoes anymore. In a stinky dirty bathroom, she removed her shoes! I calmly and very nicely asked her to put them on. Even attempted to reason w her in order to avoid a scene. Didn't work and she went into full tantrum mode. It was horrible! As we walked out of the bathroom, Employees & customers were staring at her yell 'I'm not putting my shoes on!' At the top of her lungs. So I did what any reasonable person would do and found my super strength to Grab her like a sack of potatoes in one arm & my 1 year old in the other (and somewhere in there was my super heavy diaper bag).

I
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nannyde 05:38 PM 03-11-2014
I don't think she was embarrassed. I think she didn't like you not wanting to host his behavior. Giving her the option to leave him until he calmed down meant she couldn't stand there and snuggle and love him up while he acted up.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:41 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't think she was embarrassed. I think she didn't like you not wanting to host his behavior. Giving her the option to leave him until he calmed down meant she couldn't stand there and snuggle and love him up while he acted up.
Do you ever bluntly say something to them when you do NOT want to host bad behavior or would that make one a naughty provider to the parents?
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lovemykidstoo 05:42 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
I agree she was probably so embarrassed.

I've been on the provider & parent side of it. As a provider, I typicall attempt to help or completely walk away (my dc kids tend to stop when no one is looking).

As a parent - I was shopping at target w my then 3 year old and 1 year old (not walking). My 3 year old had to go potty and then decoded she wasn't going to wear shoes anymore. In a stinky dirty bathroom, she removed her shoes! I calmly and very nicely asked her to put them on. Even attempted to reason w her in order to avoid a scene. Didn't work and she went into full tantrum mode. It was horrible! As we walked out of the bathroom, Employees & customers were staring at her yell 'I'm not putting my shoes on!' At the top of her lungs. So I did what any reasonable person would do and found my super strength to Grab her like a sack of potatoes in one arm & my 1 year old in the other (and somewhere in there was my super heavy diaper bag).

I
I'm sorry but this made me crack up just envisioning it! Just thinking of her screaming she's not putting her shoes on and you scooping her up We've all been there for sure. My kids were not perfect, but day after day after day of the same behavior at pickup gets old. Especially when as soon as the child starts stomping and yelling the parent immediately gives in. Sometimes the fight goes on for a bit too and I'm thinking, ya know what? I've had him all day, put the dang coat on him and go home! I've heard enough! So if dcm was mad, too bad!
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TaylorTots 06:14 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't think she was embarrassed. I think she didn't like you not wanting to host his behavior. Giving her the option to leave him until he calmed down meant she couldn't stand there and snuggle and love him up while he acted up.
Interesting take on it. I guess we'll need a Thursday update
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KidGrind 05:05 AM 03-12-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't think she was embarrassed. I think she didn't like you not wanting to host his behavior. Giving her the option to leave him until he calmed down meant she couldn't stand there and snuggle and love him up while he acted up.


Thank you! Your advice NannyDe has really inspired me to be firm about drop offs. Last month, I had a new DCK. Clung to DCD like a wild monkey and screamed, 10 minute drop off.

I thought, “Oh H*LL no!”

Next morning, I greeted them. I said, “Dad I know he is your baby. I have things to do. He will adjust. I am taking him now. Sign him in and I need you to exit.”

The DCD looked . I took the boy and said, “Bye Daddy!” for him. I walked upstairs; took off boy’s coat & shoes; told him "Daddy has to go to work and he’ll be back after nap." Boy stopped crying within a minute. Dad still downstairs listening. 5 minutes later, I hear the ‘door open’ chime from my alarm system. I chuckle to myself. I literally thought of you in that moment.

Without your advice, I think I would’ve allow the drop off drama to continue. Instead, I nipped it in the bud. Fourth drop off not a tear and second week he was seating quietly on 1st step to have his coat and shoes removed like a pro. He says, “Bye Daddy!"
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BumbleBee 05:18 AM 03-12-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't think she was embarrassed. I think she didn't like you not wanting to host his behavior. Giving her the option to leave him until he calmed down meant she couldn't stand there and snuggle and love him up while he acted up.
Yup. Given her actions I'd say you're spot on. We shall see tomorrow.
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cheerfuldom 06:16 AM 03-12-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't think she was embarrassed. I think she didn't like you not wanting to host his behavior. Giving her the option to leave him until he calmed down meant she couldn't stand there and snuggle and love him up while he acted up.
I agree. You basically parented the parent and most people do not like that. I know I have been really blunt and I feel like if the parent can't handle that, then they can find another daycare provider. I just had one parent leave over drop offs and you know what? I had that child replaced within a week or two. Worked out in my favor because that kid was a brat. I hate using that word because most kids really are great with a little structure and boundaries. But this kid was definitely a spoiled brat. Found out later that she was horrible for the previous provider as well.
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Blackcat31 06:41 AM 03-12-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I agree. You basically parented the parent and most people do not like that. I know I have been really blunt and I feel like if the parent can't handle that, then they can find another daycare provider.


I agree.

I say something immediately to the parent.

I am NOT passive-aggressive about it either.

I simply refuse to entertain that kind of nonsense in my house.
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BumbleBee 09:33 AM 03-13-2014
Well hmmmm....hard to tell. She was a bit less friendly but I may just be reading into it to much. Neither of us brought it up.

I don't know. *shrugs*
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lovemykidstoo 10:14 AM 03-13-2014
Originally Posted by Trummynme:
Well hmmmm....hard to tell. She was a bit less friendly but I may just be reading into it to much. Neither of us brought it up.

I don't know. *shrugs*
Will be interesting to see it the 2.5 yr old acts like that at pickup again. Keep us posted and good luck!!
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countrymom 10:23 AM 03-13-2014
omg you should have been here the other day. Parent screaming, one child asking whats for dinner and another refusing to get dressed. Omg, it was like out of a movie. I had to take charge, dress the child and send them out. I don't let children tell me what to do and I don't negotiate with them either.
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My3cents 11:53 AM 03-13-2014
this was my yesterday. Kiddo refused to get dressed. Dad took him out and showed the child he was not in charge and he would be cold if he didn't put his stuff on. Kid must have changed his tune because he brought him back in to get dressed. Worked for this kid. Brother was having a fit, partly because Dad left and partly because big brother was upset. Dad took him to a heated car two steps away from my entrance. UGH! I am curious how today will work out. I am thinking it will be just great- This Dad showed the child consequences for the choice the child was making. If you don't get dressed your going to be cold.

I would have dressed my child, if the child undid everything I did I would take to the car and not come back in with child. Dad did what he thought was best and I respect that.
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BumbleBee 11:56 AM 03-13-2014
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Will be interesting to see it the 2.5 yr old acts like that at pickup again. Keep us posted and good luck!!
Dad's picking up. Dad doesn't play games.
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lovemykidstoo 12:09 PM 03-13-2014
Originally Posted by Trummynme:
Dad's picking up. Dad doesn't play games.
Lucky when 1 parent at least gets it!
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Tags:enabling parents, pick-up, tantrum
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