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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCB Does Not Want To Be Here
midaycare 08:37 AM 09-28-2017
Dcb is almost 3. I know one of the problems - he's only here 2x a week. Unfortunately I have no opportunity to increase his time here. When I took him I decided he was the Very last dck I would take at 2x a week.

Problem #2 - dcm is super fun. They do a ton of fun stuff on days off. So I'm a bummer. Most of my kiddos love coming here because their parents work alot and are low energy. It's the opposite with this mom.


Problem #3 - He's now the only boy and doesn't like it. He wants to rough house, jump, chase. He liked to come when my problematic dcb was here, but not anymore.

So all day long now he sits on the floor, saying he doesn't want to be here, screams bloody murder at drop off. Tries to nap on the floor (and often does) while we are literally jumping to music around him. I mean...this is not a boring place!!!

How should I handle this?
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Snowmom 08:44 AM 09-28-2017
First question: How long has it been since he started?

Adjustments and transitions can take twice as long for part timers.

With some children, the stress is just too high and they never adjust.

Second question: Have you told the mom what's going on at your house? Does she set him up for a good day- tell him what to expect?
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midaycare 09:28 AM 09-28-2017
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
First question: How long has it been since he started?

Adjustments and transitions can take twice as long for part timers.

With some children, the stress is just too high and they never adjust.

Second question: Have you told the mom what's going on at your house? Does she set him up for a good day- tell him what to expect?
Dcb has been coming for 16 months. He's never enjoyed coming, but liked it okay when other dcb was here and semi-looked forward to seeing him.

Dcm knows he doesn't want to come. He screams all the way here and I'm honest about his day. It's just gotten so much worse in the past 3 weeks since dcb left.

My personal view is that this dcb could use some "female" playtime as he can be very wild and is generally given whatever he wants, whenever he wants, so structure at my place is good.

Also...his life is really topsy turvy. So he really struggles with structure and rules. Dcm is very "la de da" and not extremely stable. I mean, zero structure. One day at the beach all day. Next day long car trip to see relatives. Next day hanging out on a boat. He spends alot of time with adults.
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Blackcat31 10:10 AM 09-28-2017
Originally Posted by midaycare:
Dcb is almost 3. I know one of the problems - he's only here 2x a week. Unfortunately I have no opportunity to increase his time here. When I took him I decided he was the Very last dck I would take at 2x a week.

Problem #2 - dcm is super fun. They do a ton of fun stuff on days off. So I'm a bummer. Most of my kiddos love coming here because their parents work alot and are low energy. It's the opposite with this mom.


Problem #3 - He's now the only boy and doesn't like it. He wants to rough house, jump, chase. He liked to come when my problematic dcb was here, but not anymore.

So all day long now he sits on the floor, saying he doesn't want to be here, screams bloody murder at drop off. Tries to nap on the floor (and often does) while we are literally jumping to music around him. I mean...this is not a boring place!!!

How should I handle this?
I'd pay no attention to it. If he gets rough and/or wild in his play, implement a consequence.
If he tries to nap on the floor and it's not nap time; call for pick up...he's not prepared for the day. If it is nap time, have him nap.

I guess I just wouldn't think twice about any of his home issues as they aren't my (your) issues.

You can only control what happens at your house and although you are aware of why he behaves the way he does, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it....kwim?

Deal with what you can and give the rest back to mom.

As for him not liking daycare. Tough cookies... it's not his decision to make. It's his mom's and until she gives him the power to make that decision, he's gotta go to daycare when his mom says he's gotta go to daycare.

Wonder if he'll like school?
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daycarediva 10:14 AM 09-28-2017
Originally Posted by midaycare:
Dcb has been coming for 16 months. He's never enjoyed coming, but liked it okay when other dcb was here and semi-looked forward to seeing him.

Dcm knows he doesn't want to come. He screams all the way here and I'm honest about his day. It's just gotten so much worse in the past 3 weeks since dcb left.

My personal view is that this dcb could use some "female" playtime as he can be very wild and is generally given whatever he wants, whenever he wants, so structure at my place is good.

Also...his life is really topsy turvy. So he really struggles with structure and rules. Dcm is very "la de da" and not extremely stable. I mean, zero structure. One day at the beach all day. Next day long car trip to see relatives. Next day hanging out on a boat. He spends alot of time with adults.
I have his twin enrolled. Also 2 days a week. Also very wild. Mom works 4 days a week and kiddo splits between me/grandma. Mom or grandma have NO structure or routine and are ALWAYS in his face/hands on. He is struggling big time, but after frank discussions with mom, she gets that he needs this. I am going to a larger license in a month and strictly enrolled boys, so we will see if that helps him.

He's a sweet child, hilariously funny/class clown, and I see soooo much fantastic potential. The girls include him, but my other boys are opposite days of him, and pretty low key/low energy guys.

No advice, because I think these types of parents are doing their children a HUGE disservice.

Mine doesn't cry. Just stares and sits/watches. No participation. No eating. We will see!

Mom wants him enrolled FT but isn't ready to pull from grandma. I'm not ready to take him FT unless I know he's making progress, so it's all good.
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midaycare 10:22 AM 09-28-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'd pay no attention to it. If he gets rough and/or wild in his play, implement a consequence.
If he tries to nap on the floor and it's not nap time; call for pick up...he's not prepared for the day. If it is nap time, have him nap.

I guess I just wouldn't think twice about any of his home issues as they aren't my (your) issues.

You can only control what happens at your house and although you are aware of why he behaves the way he does, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it....kwim?

Deal with what you can and give the rest back to mom.

As for him not liking daycare. Tough cookies... it's not his decision to make. It's his mom's and until she gives him the power to make that decision, he's gotta go to daycare when his mom says he's gotta go to daycare.

Wonder if he'll like school?
Funny you should ask that, I just mentioned that to his mom this morning. We are good friends outside of daycare and I can speak pretty freely.

She hates that he doesn't really like coming here anymore, and I understand the 'mom guilt' when your child is crying and you leave for work. Been there, done that.

I told her that she is giving him at least 2 days a week to get used to a preschool environment (I'm a little more structured than most). I just had a dcb who left and was here 3x a week. He was another free spirit, much like this dcb. Hates rules. His first 2 weeks of preschool he hated it so much that his mom was calling me almost daily in tears.
He said he thought the teachers were "mean" and there were too many rules. So I let this dcm of the boy who comes 2x a week know that without experiencing any type of structure before school, he would be a "hot mess" when school does start. I think that helped her, but I know it's hard to see long term.

I guess I will ignore the behavior then. I don't know if I will call for pickup for napping. You have balls of steel. I've been waking him up when it's not naptime. Maybe I will just continue with that.
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midaycare 10:29 AM 09-28-2017
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I have his twin enrolled. Also 2 days a week. Also very wild. Mom works 4 days a week and kiddo splits between me/grandma. Mom or grandma have NO structure or routine and are ALWAYS in his face/hands on. He is struggling big time, but after frank discussions with mom, she gets that he needs this.
He's a sweet child, hilariously funny/class clown, and I see soooo much fantastic potential. The girls include him, but my other boys are opposite days of him, and pretty low key/low energy guys.
I am going to a larger license in a month and strictly enrolled boys, so we will see if that helps him.

No advice, because I think these types of parents are doing their children a HUGE disservice.

Mine doesn't cry. Just stares and sits/watches. No participation. No eating. We will see!

Mom wants him enrolled FT but isn't ready to pull from grandma. I'm not ready to take him FT unless I know he's making progress, so it's all good.
I think enrolling other boys will probably be huge for him, if he's anything like mine. If I had another boy, I think my dcb would be fine. Then again I have another factor - not too many men in dcb's life, so literally ANY boy/male in his life is highly regarded. My DH walks in the door and it's like Batman entered the room or something (dcb loves Batman).

Mine doesn't eat either. Drives me nuts. Especially since I spend a fair amount of time with dcb and his mom outside of daycare - probably 2x a month. We do some fun things together and I see dcb eat like a horse wherever we go When here, though, it's like a protest. I know he likes me. But boy coming here is certainly a d-r-a-g for him
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Ariana 10:59 AM 09-28-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'd pay no attention to it. If he gets rough and/or wild in his play, implement a consequence.
If he tries to nap on the floor and it's not nap time; call for pick up...he's not prepared for the day. If it is nap time, have him nap.

I guess I just wouldn't think twice about any of his home issues as they aren't my (your) issues.

You can only control what happens at your house and although you are aware of why he behaves the way he does, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it....kwim?

Deal with what you can and give the rest back to mom.

As for him not liking daycare. Tough cookies... it's not his decision to make. It's his mom's and until she gives him the power to make that decision, he's gotta go to daycare when his mom says he's gotta go to daycare.

Wonder if he'll like school?
This exactly! I also have a very similar 3 yr old boy. He is just used to being on the go and calling the shots at home 24/7. Unfortunatrly his mom has him in daycare 2x a week so she can work so he has to deal with it. I do what I can but at the end of the day he has to make his own choices to either have fun or pout.

I have had some success in directing him to play with things. This particular kid loves play doh and art, so I will always direct him to those areas. He need play direction because he is so used to being adult lead at home he does not have the capacity. He is only here 2 days a week so I cannot affect any sort of change in that area.

Everyone always assumes that because they are male this is a boy thing. It's not. I had the same thing with a girl AND I have other boys here.
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rosieteddy 11:00 AM 09-29-2017
Sometimes you just have to let them go.I had a long term family,I loved the 3 children.When the first started kindergarten mom decided to work from home.The younger two went down to 2 days.The 3 yr old started crying at drop off.I had this child since 12 weeks.I tried for 9 months but the behavior continued.Crying off and on most of the day.I finally had to terminate care,Mom was not thrilled.In the best interest of the child I ended it.I did not want her to only remember the sad part of coming to "Nana's".
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Mom2Two 11:17 AM 09-29-2017
Wow sounds hard.

I was wondering what types of activities, i. e. domains of learning, are his favorite? It sounds like large motor is one.

Some of the toys that both genders really like here are Magformers, all kinds of dramatic play, and also plastic dinosaurs. DD just inherited a large collection of dinosaurs from a teenage neighbor, and I was very surprised to find that both genders love those things! We occasionally watch a Land Before Time show and that also spurs their interest.

Some of those dinos are in the sand outside, in the water trays, and a large collection in the farm animal box.

How about dress up capes (nice ones) and pool noodle swords? Super soft balls?
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midaycare 11:29 AM 09-29-2017
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
Wow sounds hard.

I was wondering what types of activities, i. e. domains of learning, are his favorite? It sounds like large motor is one.

Some of the toys that both genders really like here are Magformers, all kinds of dramatic play, and also plastic dinosaurs. DD just inherited a large collection of dinosaurs from a teenage neighbor, and I was very surprised to find that both genders love those things! We occasionally watch a Land Before Time show and that also spurs their interest.

Some of those dinos are in the sand outside, in the water trays, and a large collection in the farm animal box.

How about dress up capes (nice ones) and pool noodle swords? Super soft balls?
He likes most of those things - and has access to all that - and more 100% of the time. It's not boredom he's suffering from, trust me. I'm not a Montessori, only one or two activities out at a time type of provider. I literally have 20+ things to choose at any one time. I have centers such as dress up, kitchen, light table, library with 200 books at any one time. Gross motor areas such as large car to play In, indoor slide, balance beam and river rocks. I have potato heads and gazillions of dinos. I have tons of little people sets. I have other "people" and farm sets. I have so many manipulatives I lost count.

If a child suffers from anything here, it could be oberstimulation.
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Mom2Two 12:16 PM 09-29-2017
Well...then he sounds like a bit of a pill! He should be playing, little stinker! Who cares if there are only girls there? He can deal with that.

Is he old enough (development far enough along--I read his age above) to do some chores and have some assignments?

I am maybe a bit meaner than others, but if a child was making a pain of himself (annoying to me and others) he would lose the privilege of choosing his own activity. He might get assigned to sit and color, or read, or clean something for me, or a calm down time for long enough that suddenly some freedom to play looked a whole lot more appealing. Which it should. Ungrateful kid.
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midaycare 01:18 PM 09-29-2017
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
Well...then he sounds like a bit of a pill! He should be playing, little stinker! Who cares if there are only girls there? He can deal with that.

Is he old enough (development far enough along--I read his age above) to do some chores and have some assignments?

I am maybe a bit meaner than others, but if a child was making a pain of himself (annoying to me and others) he would lose the privilege of choosing his own activity. He might get assigned to sit and color, or read, or clean something for me, or a calm down time for long enough that suddenly some freedom to play looked a whole lot more appealing. Which it should. Ungrateful kid.
He can definitely be directed. That's a good idea. He is really playing his mom to try and get her to stay home. I guided her towards Love & Logic today. Hopefully she follows up!
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Tags:child hates daycare, transitioning
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