tenderhearts 03:59 PM 01-26-2010
I have 2 dcb that are 5 yrs old (just turned). They do quiet time in the main daycare room one lays on the couch the other away from the couch on a mat on the floor, and quiet time is a movie. Well today one of them said the other showed him his "pee pee". This child's mom warned me about 7 mo. ago that he was doing something similar at home so of course I was on the look out and he did one time here pulled his pants down but nothing since. I of course had a talk with him today, then he told me the other boy did it after he did, they are both wearing cotton sweat pants so it was easy, I don't allow them to play doctor or have blankets. In all my years in daycare I haven't had this happen, is this normal with kids, some kids? During quiet time I dont' just stay out in that room, I am back and forth, sit in there for awhile and am in and out cleaning and getting ready for the 2nd half of my day. What should I do? I of course am telling both parents but I don't think seperating them and having them be alone at quiet time is right either unless it keeps happening. Has anyone had this happen before and what did you do?
Michael 05:05 PM 01-26-2010
momofsix 05:10 PM 01-26-2010
I would make it clear that some parts of our bodies are private, but be very matter of fact. I would not make a big deal out of it this time-probably just natural curiosity. BUT, if it is a pattern with the one boy, he needs some type of intervention
Some people will say it is normal. My opinion is that is because their children did it. I don't think it is normal or appropriate. Especially now days when there is so much children see and mimick I think it is the start to a serious problem. Neither one of my children ever did anything like this. I think these children either need to be supervised directly, or if you are unable to, put them down for rest time without a movie so you can hear if they talk or move.
tenderhearts 07:19 AM 01-27-2010
Neither of my own kids did it either and until now none of my other dck have done it either. I can hear everything going on even if I'm not directly in that room but I'm constantly back and forth so I suspect it was in the 2 min. I was in the laundry room because I had just checked on them and they were quiet and seemed to be into the movie and didn't say anything to me until I came back and went back in that room the one boy told me. I know the mom is concerned because like I said she caught him about 7 or 8 mo ago showing his privates to I'm not sure who it was but she said they will be having a talk and I know they do but she said something that kind of bothered me, she said I think maybe I have caused him to think it's funny because she explained something he was doing with his privates and she laughed and she said since then he thinks it's funny, I really didn't know what to say, I would have never let my son walk around messing with his privates and showing me or anyone so I really didn't know what to say to her but told her that if it happens again I'll need to seperate them at quiet time and he wont be able to watch the movie, he'll have to lay down elsewhere where no one else is and she said she understood and that was fine. It's just a very uncomfortable situation.
I've come across this behaviour with several kids at various times over the past 20 years. I don't think it's abnormal at all. However, I do believe it's completely inappropriate. What if an adult were doing the same thing? Even as a child, if he were to do this at school, he may be charged. I just treat it like any other unwanted behaviour, like hitting or stealing toys. In a calm, firm voice you tell the child that his actions are inappropriate and the next time he does it he will get a time-out (or whatever you normally do). Don't let it freak you out (or at least, pretend it doesn't). If he gets a reaction out of you, that may actually encourage the behaviour. But look at this way: if you put a stop to it now, you may be saving him from getting into worse trouble later. Some may feel that my approach might shame the child and make him feel like his body is "bad" (not that I would agree with using that word with a child), but I believe that teaching culturally appropriate behaviour will only serve to strengthen a child's self-esteem (as well as save him from some much more embarrassing consequences later on in life!).
Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
tenderhearts 09:00 AM 01-27-2010
Thanks, I did just that, I had him aside and firmly told him that behaviour is not appropriate and not ok anywhere that he needs to keep his privates to himself, I told him that if it happens again that he would not be able to watch the movie at quiet time and that he would have to go into another room and lay alone. Yesterday when his mom told me what she laughed at and what may have encouraged it she said just that if it were any adult doing that we wouldn't laugh and she said she knew she was wrong for laughing. Dad told me this morning that they did have a talk with him so I hope it doesn't happen again.
Persephone 09:36 AM 01-27-2010
Originally Posted by tenderhearts:
Thanks, I did just that, I had him aside and firmly told him that behaviour is not appropriate and not ok anywhere that he needs to keep his privates to himself, I told him that if it happens again that he would not be able to watch the movie at quiet time and that he would have to go into another room and lay alone. Yesterday when his mom told me what she laughed at and what may have encouraged it she said just that if it were any adult doing that we wouldn't laugh and she said she knew she was wrong for laughing. Dad told me this morning that they did have a talk with him so I hope it doesn't happen again.
I think you done the right thing. In the 13 years that I've worked with children at a center we did run in to this a few times there. I also don't think that it's
abnormal. It's not something you want them to do.
There's nothing wrong with the child for doing it.
mamajennleigh 10:06 AM 01-27-2010
I agree with Persephone. I absolutely do not think his behavior is abnormal. In all the years I've dealt with children, I've seen it several times. I have four boys, and one or two of them tried it, the others didn't. I think it has a lot to do with natural curiosity, combined with their personality (are they an extrovert in other areas? They may be more likely to "show" themselves to others if they get curious enough.)
I also don't think that the mother is gross or weird if she laughed at him for doing something silly in their own home. Was it the right way to handle that in light of him being in daycare and maybe wanting to show it to someone else? Probably not. Again, I have four boys and farts and body jokes abound in my home, despite all my protests and (sometimes well-hidden sometimes not so well-hidden) giggles or smirks. Of course, we have had numerous conversations about what is and is not appropriate to discuss/joke about outside our home, and to date, no one has done anything obnoxious or outrageous with regards to their bodies out in public over the age of 3 or 4.
I do think that after your conversation with her, she might want to use those moments as an opportunity to discuss inappropriate behavior both inside and outside the home with regards to our "privates".
I also think you are doing the spot-on right thing by taking him aside and discussing his behavior as inappropriate and unacceptable. Reinforcing your conversation with follow-up measures will help him learn that it is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Same as any other unwanted behavior. I don't think it is shaming him or teaching him that his body is "bad" at all. I think it's teaching him that in our society, showing others your "privates" is going to get you in trouble. Nothing wrong with learning that early on.