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Parents and Guardians Forum>Feeling Discriminated Against! I Need Help :(
LynnaJ 11:32 PM 12-18-2011
Okay. I've never done this before. Technology hates me. But I'm desperate. My son is one year old. He has been in cloth diapers since he was two months. Since then, I have never once bought disposable diapers for him. I just started a new job as a teacher's aide in a daycare center and the owner has point blank refused to allow my child to wear cloth diapers. Says he has to have disposable because in a daycare center 'reusable diapers are not sanctioned by DHS law'. Now, I didn't argue. I went out, spent money I really didn't have a provided the disposables. However, I've been working off and on in childcare since the very day I turned eighteen. And never once in the many centers I have worked in, taken training courses in, and even had children I was responsible for in, have I been told that cloth diapers were illegal and/or outright not accepted.

Now, I have read rules and regulations for centers on the diapering thing and it says nothing about it not being accepted at ANY center. I was beginning to think maybe I was wrong, and that it's 2011, maybe things changed. But things have gotten worse. And I mean horribly worse. My son is on special formula for his weight and nuitrion issues. They have told me he can't have it because he's a year old and they aren't allowed to give him anything but whole milk--which I have to provide, of course, they only serve skim milk. My son is also allergic to soy. And I've made it clear that he cannot be fed anything containing soy. They continue to do so. Once is a mistake, but three days in row??? My son is suffering! The only reason I do not pull him out is because I'm a single mother. I'm providing for the both of us and my youngest, middle school age brother. I'm trying my best to keep this job, but with the way things are being handled with my son---forget the religious discrimination and sexual harrassment from a MALE employee---I don't even know if I should anymore!! I need help! Am I wrong? Are cloth diapers not acceptable in childcare centers anymore? Is it that they just forget to check the ingrredients? Is it true they aren't allowed to prepare my son's doctor administered for for formula? Someone help!
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Michael 02:45 AM 12-19-2011
Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! I've upgraded your status. You can post freely now.

For which state? Your IP show you are in Tennessee. Is that correct? I can't imagine that if you have a doctor's note stating that your son can't have skim milk that a provider can't have an alternative. My first thought would be to look at your state's guidelines and call your state's childcare licensing agency. Maybe some of the other members will chime in.
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Kaddidle Care 04:40 AM 12-19-2011
I would be more concerned about the blatent disregard for the child's allergies (soy) than the diapers. Please find another job and then report them.

You mention "sexual harrassment from a MALE employee" - this is a serious accusation. That needs to stop immediately. If it's just teasing flirts, it's no big deal - just tell the person they are making you uncomfortable and to stop it. If it is hands on contact you have lawsuit material. Again, the person needs to be confronted and anything that is making you uncomfortable needs to stop. It's unprofessional to say the least.

I stopped going to a Dentist because I witnessed him giving his employees shoulder rubs, etc. He couldn't keep his hands off them - it totally skeeved me out.
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LynnaJ 06:02 AM 12-19-2011
When I said sexual harrassment, I meant that I don't go a single day without him touching my rear end, or my chest with the excuse of wiping crumbs off my shirt or the like. Or taking my pony tail in hand and pulling. And I don't mean just a little tug. I mean hard enough back to pop the joints in my neck. I've dealt with that at two other different jobs in the past. So it isn't something new to me, but back then I wasn't responsible for two minors. I can't just pick up and leave without having another job to replace this one. Not when I have bills due in just a matter of a couple weeks. I really wish I could. But I'm on my own. And my son is always groggy now. For the past week I've had to give him his medicine for his food allergy. The medicine makes him so drowsy and groggy, he can't hardly do anything. So he just sits and cries, rubs his eyes and fights falling asleep. He absolutely loathes falling asleep in his class.
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Meyou 06:37 AM 12-19-2011
Originally Posted by LynnaJ:
When I said sexual harrassment, I meant that I don't go a single day without him touching my rear end, or my chest with the excuse of wiping crumbs off my shirt or the like. Or taking my pony tail in hand and pulling. And I don't mean just a little tug. I mean hard enough back to pop the joints in my neck. I've dealt with that at two other different jobs in the past. So it isn't something new to me, but back then I wasn't responsible for two minors. I can't just pick up and leave without having another job to replace this one. Not when I have bills due in just a matter of a couple weeks. I really wish I could. But I'm on my own. And my son is always groggy now. For the past week I've had to give him his medicine for his food allergy. The medicine makes him so drowsy and groggy, he can't hardly do anything. So he just sits and cries, rubs his eyes and fights falling asleep. He absolutely loathes falling asleep in his class.
You should call the police and file charges for that type of behavior. I'm sorry but WHY are you not looking for another job where you are safe and respected??? You have serious problems with your child's care and you're being sexually and physically assaulted at work.
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Heidi 07:37 AM 12-19-2011
You need to DOCUMENT each incident immediately. Date the page, and put down in your own words what has happened so far with the harassment. Date, time, and exactly what he did, and what you said in response.

On a seperate page, document what has occured regarding your son's care.

Is there a legal hotline in your state for low income people? I know some of our bigger cities here in WI have a legal action, where attorneys volunteer their time.

Do you get any state assistance? If so, is there a social worker that you deal with? Perhaps she can give you advice. Probably wishful thinking on my part....

I would definately look for another job. Obviously, you would not give any details in your interviews. You could simply say "THe place I am working at right now is not a good fit for my son, I'll leave it at that". I assume you would be looking for another place where you can work AND your son can attend, as well.

Once you document everything, you can call the licensing agency and document all this, but the s*** will definately hit the fan then. Obviously, they will know who is making the accusations.

Please be careful. The harrasment thing can SO be turned on you. It's going to be your word against his. Personally, I think the next time he touches you in any way I would VERY LOUDLY say "***, as I have told you before KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!!!! If it's a daycare rule for the kids, use the kid's version "xx, WE KEEP OUR HANDs AND FEET ON OUR OWN BODIES HERE!" or, whatever words you usually use for the children.
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Unregistered 08:30 AM 12-19-2011
Just what PPO said. Make sure you have eye contact and that everyone in the room can hear you say it. There is no reason he needs to be touching you!!!
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Unregistered 08:43 AM 12-19-2011
So your being tounched and sexually harrased, and your child is not being treated the way he should, and ignoring his allergies.....this all seems so far fetched, I'm not sure what advice your looking for, quit and file complaints, or keep working there and keeping your son there and put up with it(not the smart choice), because once you start flinging complaints everywhere(which you should), it will be way to uncomfortable to continue working there.
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LynnaJ 09:04 AM 12-19-2011
I am looking for another job, but so far I've got nothing. I informed the owner of what he was doing and she just scoffed at me. Of course, I can understand considering her own relationship with the man. She just didn't believe he could ever cheat on her and told me I was lying. It doesn't help my case any when the other teachers tell the owners that I'm not doing my job. When the case is that I'm doing mine and covering their rear ends when they leave their class rooms unattended with a dozen children running wild with no supervision. I don't know how to make this job work. I'm worried about my baby's allergy getting worse than it already is. If he goes into anaphylactic shock, there's nothing I can give him to help before either I get him to the doctor or an ambulance arrives. I can't afford to quit, but I don't want to risk the treatment of my son getting worse just because his teacher doesn't like me. I'm at a loss.
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cheerfuldom 09:17 AM 12-19-2011
Regardless of what the states say about cloth diapers, daycares do have the right to disallow them at a particular facility. These are privately owned businesses and as long as they are following the state requirements, they don't HAVE to do allow anything above that. You need to figure out a way to move your son from this daycare. There has to be way. It just takes one time for him to have a severe food reaction so you can't take that chance. Good luck to you.

Unfortunately, even if you document this sexual harrassment, its up to you to file any sort of charges. You can also file complaints against the daycare. Neither of those options are going to change your current daycare situation though, and judging from the directors attitude, you son will get get out of daycare in some way or another.
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daycare 09:21 AM 12-19-2011
Originally Posted by LynnaJ:
I am looking for another job, but so far I've got nothing. I informed the owner of what he was doing and she just scoffed at me. Of course, I can understand considering her own relationship with the man. She just didn't believe he could ever cheat on her and told me I was lying. It doesn't help my case any when the other teachers tell the owners that I'm not doing my job. When the case is that I'm doing mine and covering their rear ends when they leave their class rooms unattended with a dozen children running wild with no supervision. I don't know how to make this job work. I'm worried about my baby's allergy getting worse than it already is. If he goes into anaphylactic shock, there's nothing I can give him to help before either I get him to the doctor or an ambulance arrives. I can't afford to quit, but I don't want to risk the treatment of my son getting worse just because his teacher doesn't like me. I'm at a loss.
sorry....I am just going to be blunt...

you say you are worried about your child going to to shock, but you can't afford t quit your job?

OMG woman, wake up....,

Why would you continue to put your childs life at risk every day? YOu can afford to quit anything that could take the life or forever jeopardize the life of your child, sorry to me this is just nonsense to keep going back to this day after day...

I would walk now, and file a law suit.... the longer you stay the less chance of wining your lawsuit you have. Because the law is also going to want to know why you continued to keep your child in danger and they are going to question your ability to make good judgement with your child.

I don't mean to sound rude, I guess I am just shocked that you would continue to put not only yourself in this situation, but your child too..

Please get out..
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LittleD 09:58 AM 12-19-2011
Oh Lynna, this is so horribly wrong! Have you talked to your boss about this employees disgusting behavior? You need to, and I would seriously consider filing charges against this creep!! It would even help your case if you have a witness (or video surveillance) to go to your boss with, and telling your boss that if the guy keeps doing it you WILL press charges. Who wants a daycare where an employee SEXUALLY ASSAULTS people? I bet this guy knows you can't/won't be able to find another job right away. And what do you want to bet he has/is doing this to other women?
As for the fact they won't let him have his formula, can't you pre-mix the bottles, so they just have to give the bottles?
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Heidi 10:20 AM 12-19-2011
http://www.tennlegalaid.com/

Here is a website for legal aid in Tennessee.
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LynnaJ 11:52 AM 12-19-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
sorry....I am just going to be blunt...

you say you are worried about your child going to to shock, but you can't afford t quit your job?

OMG woman, wake up....,

Why would you continue to put your childs life at risk every day? YOu can afford to quit anything that could take the life or forever jeopardize the life of your child, sorry to me this is just nonsense to keep going back to this day after day...

I would walk now, and file a law suit.... the longer you stay the less chance of wining your lawsuit you have. Because the law is also going to want to know why you continued to keep your child in danger and they are going to question your ability to make good judgement with your child.

I don't mean to sound rude, I guess I am just shocked that you would continue to put not only yourself in this situation, but your child too..

Please get out..
I know. I understand where you're coming from with all of this. But guess what? I went in today to talk to my boss. I had told her and she didn't believe me. There are three other teachers that would jump at the chance to discredit me on anything I say. So it would only be me taking food out of my kids' mouths to file charges, get a lawyer and all that. I'm already struggling enough with having to pay my son's childcare tuition, (150/week) my brother's Fun Company tuition, (another hundred what all a week) two hundred and eighty dollars A WEEK for rent on a two bedroom, not including utilities, (200 all in all) phone bill, (50) my son's formula, food, and now diapers and baby wipes. And remember, I'm on my own. I don't have parents. My father is a useless drunk homeless guy who is now in jail. (again) My mother is MIA. I don't have grandparents and the aunts and uncles I do have want nothing to do with me because of my mother and my son's father? I can't even count on him to come see his son once a week no matter how many times he says he wants to see him. I got an idea from one of the parents actually and I think I might follow thru with it. As long as my boss doesn't veto the idea. But I am planning to start packing his own meals from home. In a center that provides meals, am I allowed to do that sorta thing? I hope I made some sense. And I hope I didn't appear to be whining. I'm not actively trying to and I do apologize if I have come across in such a way.
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daycare 12:12 PM 12-19-2011
Originally Posted by LynnaJ:
I know. I understand where you're coming from with all of this. But guess what? I went in today to talk to my boss. I had told her and she didn't believe me. There are three other teachers that would jump at the chance to discredit me on anything I say. So it would only be me taking food out of my kids' mouths to file charges, get a lawyer and all that. I'm already struggling enough with having to pay my son's childcare tuition, (150/week) my brother's Fun Company tuition, (another hundred what all a week) two hundred and eighty dollars A WEEK for rent on a two bedroom, not including utilities, (200 all in all) phone bill, (50) my son's formula, food, and now diapers and baby wipes. And remember, I'm on my own. I don't have parents. My father is a useless drunk homeless guy who is now in jail. (again) My mother is MIA. I don't have grandparents and the aunts and uncles I do have want nothing to do with me because of my mother and my son's father? I can't even count on him to come see his son once a week no matter how many times he says he wants to see him. I got an idea from one of the parents actually and I think I might follow thru with it. As long as my boss doesn't veto the idea. But I am planning to start packing his own meals from home. In a center that provides meals, am I allowed to do that sorta thing? I hope I made some sense. And I hope I didn't appear to be whining. I'm not actively trying to and I do apologize if I have come across in such a way.
please never feel you have to apologies for how you feel. I don't live in your shoes and for me it's easy to say walk out of your job.

I am very sorry that you don't have a lot of family support, I can really understand this, as I live very very far away from my ALL of my family.

I really hope that you and your child are safe. Please remember that you are the voice for your child and that it's you who has to make the right decisions to make things happen for the best.

Try hard not to focus on what you don't have and focus on the present and where you are going....As they say, life is not about where you have been, but where you are going that really matters.

Know there are support groups out there that can help you, in more ways than you probably are aware... Maybe try and see if there are places out there that can help you and your child...

Chin up, I know that when we can keep our heads held high, that we can see the light better and good things will always come....

Best of luck to you and your little one...
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Blackcat31 12:21 PM 12-19-2011
Lynna~ Is your child care center part of a food program? If they are, then if you get a Special Diet Statement from your Dr stating how your son cannot have certain foods, then the center is suppose to comply with a child's special diet. I would look into that. You would have filled out a form when you enrolled your son.

As far as the other things you have going on, please call your licensing department and report this stuff. You do not have to give your name as it can be done anonymously. The licensing department is required by law to look into any and all complaints.

Are there any other children in the center who are allowed to use cloth diapers? That is probably one of the weirdest rules I have heard. (Sounds like your boss is trying to be difficult more than anything.)

As far as the other issues you have going on, please continue searching for another job. No one should ever have to go through what you are going through and have no one believe you. Wishing there were cameras in your center.

My heart breaks thinking of you and the fact that you are reaching out and looking for help but not really knowing what to do or where to turn. Please keep in touch on the forum and if anything we can offer you support and encouragment while you muddle through this difficult time in your life.

This is a good place to vent and share and perhaps something will change soon for you, in the meantime, keep us posted and hopefully someone will have an idea or a solution for you.
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youretooloud 08:42 AM 12-20-2011
I use cloth in my daycare, and I think the whole "they are unsanitary" is the stupidest thing i've ever heard.

I agree with you, and I would look for another job if you can. Hang in there til you find something else.
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Crystal 09:05 AM 12-20-2011
I am sorry that this might sound mean, but I gotta say it. WHAT is wrong with you? IMO YOU are being a neglectful parent by not ensuring that your child is not being taken care of properly. It is YOUR job to protect him and YOU are failing to do so. YOU need to call licensing and report this. ALL of this. YOU are a mandated reporter, and if they are doing this with your child, I can imagine they are with others as well. YOU need to call and put a stop to it.

As for the harrassment, you need to call the labor board and report it. They will step in and ensure that a stop is put to it.

No amount of money in the world would stop me from reporting this and taking a chance at losing my job. Public assistance is available to you and I'd look into it now.
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daycare 10:02 AM 12-20-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I am sorry that this might sound mean, but I gotta say it. WHAT is wrong with you? IMO YOU are being a neglectful parent by not ensuring that your child is not being taken care of properly. It is YOUR job to protect him and YOU are failing to do so. YOU need to call licensing and report this. ALL of this. YOU are a mandated reporter, and if they are doing this with your child, I can imagine they are with others as well. YOU need to call and put a stop to it.

As for the harrassment, you need to call the labor board and report it. They will step in and ensure that a stop is put to it.

No amount of money in the world would stop me from reporting this and taking a chance at losing my job. Public assistance is available to you and I'd look into it now.
like like like! exactly what I was saying!!
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mismatchedsocks 10:13 AM 12-20-2011
Ok I have read this the past day in shock about what you explain is happening. First off none of it is ok. Everything everyone else is doing is wrong. The touching, the boss, the co workers, the soy feeding, the neglect, the excuses. BUT I have to say what you are doing is the worst in my opinion. Now I am not cold hearted and I was a single mom for a long time when my son was born, so I know how hard it is. BUT his safety is in jeopardy! I am sure you can get state assistance for childcare to get him somewhere safe, even if you have to work there. I would look into that first, BUT that is just me putting my child first, which is what you NEED to do instead of making up excuses why you cant, focus on why you should RIGHT NOW.

Also if you are caring for your brother because your parents cannot, then you should be compensated and not have to pay for him.......
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Unregistered 03:27 PM 12-20-2011
Okay. So I read all of this--this woman's original posts and then everyone's reply. Some, okay, cool, great. Others? Y'all suck. Did you ever think she's scared? Did you ever think that in previous centers she's worked at, and yes she did say she had prior experience, that she had never encountered this sort of treatment of a child? Maybe she's reeling from it being her own baby getting this treatment? And yeah, she put a semi list of expenses and she's made the excuse that she can't afford to lose her job. You condemn her for that. I think that's kinda smart actually. She can go get help from the state, yeah, but from the time she fills out that application it can take anywhere from a month to three to get any sort of good help. And if there's the chance of her getting her, her baby, and her younger sibling evicted before she gets that help? What if next month she posts on here, saying she quit her job, she filed complaints, she went to the labor board. And then tells you all, they got evicted, they're living in a family shelter, she still hasn't found a job, she sold her car just to have food. Because she followed advice urging her to just up and quit, and maybe screw herself over? No. And you don't know if they're treating other children the same way as hers. They obviously don't seem to like her, specifically.

So it may just be they are taking it out on her child to get at her, to get her to quit. Lynna, don't quit. If you quit, it's your word against theirs. If you quit, you can't draw unemployment. Then, you'll really be up a creek without a paddle. If it was my family, my son, I would ask to have my position changed and be placed in his classroom. Call the labor board and report it anonymously. Report it to DHS, cool, do it anonymously and claim--truthfully, even!!--you're a parent and you've seen treatment of children that has you very concerned. Don't let anyone on here tell you you're a bad mother because you are searching for answers, for advice, before you make a choice. I understand almost immediately where you're coming from and actually, if you're really in Tennessee, if you're in Nashville, maybe? I might actually know you. I have a friend who lives just a door away from my house and he and his wife used to always have this cheery little lady come visit them. Her name was Lynna. She's got a one year old baby boy and a fuzzy black headed little brother. If that's you, girl, don't even listen to them telling you you're being stupid. I'll be in touch, later on, right now, I got to go pick up my grandbaby. You take care of you and yours, and stay strong.
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Crystal 06:49 AM 12-21-2011
I understand what you are saying, but ultimitley she is putting her childin harms way and she is responsible for his safety. Of course she's scared, but she's be REALLY scared if her child died from anyphylactic shock. She HAS to step up and protect him.
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melissa ann 07:27 AM 12-21-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I am sorry that this might sound mean, but I gotta say it. WHAT is wrong with you? IMO YOU are being a neglectful parent by not ensuring that your child is not being taken care of properly. It is YOUR job to protect him and YOU are failing to do so. YOU need to call licensing and report this. ALL of this. YOU are a mandated reporter, and if they are doing this with your child, I can imagine they are with others as well. YOU need to call and put a stop to it.

As for the harrassment, you need to call the labor board and report it. They will step in and ensure that a stop is put to it.

No amount of money in the world would stop me from reporting this and taking a chance at losing my job. Public assistance is available to you and I'd look into it now.

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Ariana 09:45 AM 12-21-2011
I would get myself to the nearest womens resource centre and talk to someone about what's going on. This is beyond ridiculous.
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frgsonmysox 05:19 PM 12-21-2011
As a mom you have to do WHATEVER it takes to keep your son safe, and he is not safe in a daycare that is ignoring his medical needs. If that means you walk barefoot over hot coals to do so, do it! No one said it was going to be easy, but you can't just not do anything. YOU are the only one to be an advocate for him, he NEEDS you do that.

As for the cloth thing - ridiculous! We use cloth too, even in the hospital right after birth. My kids have never worn a disposable diaper. I plan to not only allow cloth in my daycare, but also to highly encourage it.
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youretooloud 10:37 AM 12-22-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I understand what you are saying, but ultimitley she is putting her childin harms way and she is responsible for his safety. Of course she's scared, but she's be REALLY scared if her child died from anyphylactic shock. She HAS to step up and protect him.
But, that's why she came here to ask. Not all areas have a lot of choices. Most areas don't have a "nearest women's center", and those that do are not always open when the women need the help. I live in a huge city, and I couldn't even begin to find a women's center that would help with a situation like this.

She did exactly as I would do, she came to the internet for help and advice. Not that my post was at all helpful... I merely agreed with her, but at least I didn't accuse her of being a bad mom.

I salute a mom who wants to work and make her child's life better!!! I think she's doing her best, and we could at least take the time to give real advice instead of telling her she's hurting her child.
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Crystal 01:45 PM 12-22-2011
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
But, that's why she came here to ask. Not all areas have a lot of choices. Most areas don't have a "nearest women's center", and those that do are not always open when the women need the help. I live in a huge city, and I couldn't even begin to find a women's center that would help with a situation like this.

She did exactly as I would do, she came to the internet for help and advice. Not that my post was at all helpful... I merely agreed with her, but at least I didn't accuse her of being a bad mom.

I salute a mom who wants to work and make her child's life better!!! I think she's doing her best, and we could at least take the time to give real advice instead of telling her she's hurting her child.
I'm glad she came here and asked for advice. I gave her the advice she NEEDED to hear, whether it is liked or not. She herself said that her child is being put in danger every day because of the food allergies and the center staff feeding him these foods anyway, which could SERIOUSLY harm or potentially kill him. As a parent it is not only her responsibility to ask others for advice but to ACT to ensure that her child is safe. She is not doing so by continuing to allow this to happen.
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Tags:allergies, cloth diapers, disposable - diapers, harassment
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