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  #1  
Old 10-24-2017, 06:38 AM
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Default 2 Year Old Continuous Crying!

I have a 2 year old DCG who just last week started crying on a daily basis upon arrival because another child in my care wasn't here yet. She will cry while repeatedly saying the other child's name until his arrival. Once the other child arrives, she quits crying and plays. She doesn't necessarily play with the child she was crying for, but stops crying and plays. The other child is a 3 1/2 year old DCB.

The 3 1/2 year old goes to preschool twice a week and does not arrive until lunch time on those days. Obviously, this is a bigger problem on those two days as the crying last longer.

My question is what could be the reason for this? The two year old has been in my care for eight months and up until last week never had issues like this. In fact, I've never had a child in care be this upset that another child has not arrived yet. When the other child does arrive first and then the 2 year old comes, there are no issues. Any ideas on how to stop the crying? I have tried redirection, ignoring her pleas for the other child, giving more attention to the other kids who are showing acceptable behavior. So far, none of those things have worked.
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Old 10-24-2017, 06:57 AM
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40 percent of the days she cries, it makes her buddy show up. Maybe restrict her access to him on the days he's in care? "I'm sorry, but you were shouting for Billy, and we don't shout, so today is a no-Billy day."

Do you have a cry spot? I have a child who yell-cries regularly. "Oh, you are sad. If you can be sad and quiet, you may play out here or sit with me. If you are going to be sad and loud, go do it in the quiet corner." She always chooses the quiet corner. Kids who are yelling their sadness don't get to be around anybody else.
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Old 10-24-2017, 06:57 AM
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The other child appears to have become her security blanket so I would work on weaning her off him. I might try and keep them seperated if possible but it sounds like she doesn’t really plays with him anyway.

When she is crying I would send her to her bed and get her to recollect herself and come back to the group. “Dcg you seem very upset, go to your bed and relax for a bit, you can come back when you are finished crying”. This forces her to deal with her emotions and calm herself down. Right now she is depending on DCB to do that for her. Many kids have this external locus of control where they depend on external things to help calm them.
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Old 10-24-2017, 07:12 AM
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Quote:
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The other child appears to have become her security blanket so I would work on weaning her off him. I might try and keep them seperated if possible but it sounds like she doesn’t really plays with him anyway.

When she is crying I would send her to her bed and get her to recollect herself and come back to the group. “Dcg you seem very upset, go to your bed and relax for a bit, you can come back when you are finished crying”. This forces her to deal with her emotions and calm herself down. Right now she is depending on DCB to do that for her. Many kids have this external locus of control where they depend on external things to help calm them.
I'm turning into you o_O
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Old 10-24-2017, 07:19 AM
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After crying through breakfast, I told her she needed to lay in her bed if she was going to continue. She quieted down and fell asleep. I let her take a cat nap and then brought her back to the group to play. She was crying within five minutes for the child again. I brought her back to her bed and told her she needs to stay there until she is ready to play nicely and quietly with the other kids. How long would you let her continue to cry? Other than the cat nap, she has been crying for almost two hours.
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Old 10-24-2017, 07:26 AM
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Does she have older siblings?
Was there something that cuased her recently to become so attached to this other child? Like did he assist her with something, play some special game or activity with her or maybe he, himself received some sort of recognition or reward for something and she is connecting him to that.....

I don't know, just thinking outloud... but with anything that becomes an obsession-like behavior issue for a child I would remove that item or person and continue to redirect to something or someone else.

I would not allow her to participate in any group activities unless she has stopped crying. Regardless of why she is crying, she can learn and understand that others don't want to spend time with her while she screams so having her stay in the cry spot until she has stopped seems to be a logical consequence in this situation.

Sometimes I think we need a psychology degree just to do this job but then other times I think there is NO WAY I want to know what's rolling around in anyone else's head. NOPE, NOT for all the tea in China.
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Old 10-24-2017, 07:31 AM
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I wouldn't put her in a bed, no. My quiet corner is a nook with a cushion and a few touch-and-feel books and a small bin of toys.
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Old 10-24-2017, 08:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Pestle View Post
I wouldn't put her in a bed, no. My quiet corner is a nook with a cushion and a few touch-and-feel books and a small bin of toys.
Agreed, if she is the type to fall asleep I would do something else where she is away but able to stay awake. Maybe she is overtired which is contributing to this too.

Agree with BC we may need a psychologist to weigh in
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Old 10-24-2017, 08:44 AM
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I'm turning into you o_O
I think we all at some point have taken eachothers advice on here and it tends to work so we offer that advice to others to the point where we all sound the same
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Old 10-27-2017, 06:56 AM
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Now the crying has changed from crying for the other child to crying for mom and dad continuously, even after the other child has arrived. She comes in crying and it continues throughout the day. She won't eat, play with the other children, join us in activities, etc. During mealtimes, she just cries and once we are downstairs, she stands at the gate crying calling out for mom and dad. I have set up a quiet corner with a big pillow and books for her to sit at until she has stopped crying. I tell her when she is finished crying, she can come join us, but she just continues crying.
The only change we can think of is that I did have one family move away and their last day here was on the 6th. She was fine through the following week though. It started last week and has continued all this week.
She is only here three days a week and is with grandma the other two days, but this has been her schedule since she started coming eight months ago. Since the crying started only last week, I don't see how this could be the issue.
Mom has told me I can call for pick up, if she is too much to handle. I appreciate this as the crying can be exhausting to deal with, I just also worry that if I do call for pick up, the child will learn that if she just keeps crying for mom and dad, eventually she will get to go home. (which is what she wants) What to do next?
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Old 10-27-2017, 07:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Now the crying has changed from crying for the other child to crying for mom and dad continuously, even after the other child has arrived. She comes in crying and it continues throughout the day. She won't eat, play with the other children, join us in activities, etc. During mealtimes, she just cries and once we are downstairs, she stands at the gate crying calling out for mom and dad. I have set up a quiet corner with a big pillow and books for her to sit at until she has stopped crying. I tell her when she is finished crying, she can come join us, but she just continues crying.
The only change we can think of is that I did have one family move away and their last day here was on the 6th. She was fine through the following week though. It started last week and has continued all this week.
She is only here three days a week and is with grandma the other two days, but this has been her schedule since she started coming eight months ago. Since the crying started only last week, I don't see how this could be the issue.
Mom has told me I can call for pick up, if she is too much to handle. I appreciate this as the crying can be exhausting to deal with, I just also worry that if I do call for pick up, the child will learn that if she just keeps crying for mom and dad, eventually she will get to go home. (which is what she wants) What to do next?
Has mom indicated any change in behavior at home?
At grandmas? Is she sleeping normally? Eating normal?

Maybe she is sick or coming down with something and is feeling emotional because of it...

Is there any special or favorite activities she will stop crying for? If so, then you know the crying isnt due to being ill or having something physically wrong.... If she can choose to stop when participating in something she likes it might alter how you manage this.
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Old 10-27-2017, 08:52 AM
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It is very difficult to manage attachment issues in children. This is not normal behavior.
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Old 10-27-2017, 08:56 AM
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Quote:
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It is very difficult to manage attachment issues in children. This is not normal behavior.
yep.

I am hoping it's just a cold or some phase that she will get over quickly.

I spent WAY too much time/energy/effort on a child with severe anxiety and attachment issues. So much that it affected my program. I had no idea HOW much until I reopened and no longer have that child enrolled. I adored her, but I will NOT put myself/kids in care through another child like that again.
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Old 10-27-2017, 12:41 PM
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What if you had mom & dad bring in a photo of themselves you could laminate then let her carry around? Or a photo of the boy she cries for? Does she have any other lovey she could carry around?
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Old 10-28-2017, 02:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pestle View Post
I wouldn't put her in a bed, no. My quiet corner is a nook with a cushion and a few touch-and-feel books and a small bin of toys.
I agree! A calm down corner with comforting items.
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