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  #1  
Old 01-29-2018, 06:32 PM
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Unhappy My Special Needs Child

Hi everyone!

I am going through a rough time and wanted to see if you guys had any insight or tips for me.

My son has a significant speech delay/impairment and most likely severe ADHD. He does exhibit some aggressive behaviors like pushing and stealing toys from other kids. One of the daycare moms saw him push their child down and is concerned and asked me if I am addressing his issues at all. It hurts me because I am doing all that I can as a mom of a child with special needs and also the fact that this child is just as aggressive as he is! I really want to tell the mom about her child's behaviors and how she isn't an innocent victim but I am thinking that isn't the right thing to do.

This child hits, kicks, tackles everybody and also calls me an Uncle Tom (I am African American). I understand that parents want to look out for their kids though. The mom has pulled her out of other daycares due to her crying at drop off and I just feel like she might pull her out of mine. I guess I am scared of my reputation being ruined because of this. Despite my son being aggressive at times, he is very popular with the daycare kids I take care of because he can be fun to play with.

Just curious if anyone else has been in this situation before? Any comment or tip is welcome. I am crying as I type this!

Thanks!
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  #2  
Old 01-29-2018, 06:52 PM
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I only wanted to chime in on the child's racial slur: this is something learned from another adult, and that adult is highly likely to be her mother - the one going off at you for your son's behavior. kids don't come up with that stuff by themselves.
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Old 01-29-2018, 06:57 PM
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You have your own special needs child....if it doesn't mesh with yours...not gonna work....unless you have all the appropriate training. You are a day care provider. Special needs children.....need that. IMO....If I had a special needs child ..I would do just that. My son was born at 28 weeks....25yrs ago. Docs said he could never go to day care.....I'm an inhome provider because of that.
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Old 01-29-2018, 07:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio View Post
I only wanted to chime in on the child's racial slur: this is something learned from another adult, and that adult is highly likely to be her mother - the one going off at you for your son's behavior. kids don't come up with that stuff by themselves.
I agree. I would term for that obvious disrespect right off the bat. Why work with someone who would treat you that way? Her child learned those words somewhere.
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Old 01-29-2018, 08:40 PM
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Just replace this family ASAP.

1. Somebody at home is a racist.

2. The only time I’ve seen parents preoccupied with negative behaviors of other kids is when they know their kids are same/worse and are not doing anything about it. This woman knows her kid is difficult it would rather point fingers at you. �� BYE


My 2.9 year old has Autism. He is amazing and sweet. He doesn’t speak and that’s OK. He will catch up. He is a valuable member of my group and it’s important for the other kids to learn to get along with him. They get so excited if they hear him say a couple of words, and they like to follow him and see what he’s up to.


Don’t be ashamed of your child or his atypical behaviors. I’d rather explain my son is ASD than have to explain why my typical 5 year old just slapped me in the face at the supermarket!
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  #6  
Old 01-29-2018, 08:49 PM
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If their child is using racial slurs, you need to guard your own dignity and value, make sure the kids in your care learn to do the same thing, and send that family a wake-up call. It's absolutely the right thing to do, but you have to do it with care so you're not nitpicking or essentially saying, "Oh, yeah? Well. . . YOUR kid's making problems here, too!"

How are the other kids? Is anybody going home with scratches? Are they under a lot of emotional stress when they're with you?
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  #7  
Old 01-30-2018, 05:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Hi everyone!

I am going through a rough time and wanted to see if you guys had any insight or tips for me.

My son has a significant speech delay/impairment and most likely severe ADHD. He does exhibit some aggressive behaviors like pushing and stealing toys from other kids. One of the daycare moms saw him push their child down and is concerned and asked me if I am addressing his issues at all. It hurts me because I am doing all that I can as a mom of a child with special needs and also the fact that this child is just as aggressive as he is! I really want to tell the mom about her child's behaviors and how she isn't an innocent victim but I am thinking that isn't the right thing to do.

This child hits, kicks, tackles everybody and also calls me an Uncle Tom (I am African American). I understand that parents want to look out for their kids though. The mom has pulled her out of other daycares due to her crying at drop off and I just feel like she might pull her out of mine. I guess I am scared of my reputation being ruined because of this. Despite my son being aggressive at times, he is very popular with the daycare kids I take care of because he can be fun to play with.

Just curious if anyone else has been in this situation before? Any comment or tip is welcome. I am crying as I type this!

Thanks!
I would terminate as that is a horrible thing for a young child to be saying.Someone taught him that and this mom needs to address her child's issues.Sorry you are going through a lot. All children can be aggressive or pushy at times. I have a group of 4 2 year old boys. All of them at one time or another tried to push their friends or throw things. It happens with young children.
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Old 01-30-2018, 05:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio View Post
I only wanted to chime in on the child's racial slur: this is something learned from another adult, and that adult is highly likely to be her mother - the one going off at you for your son's behavior. kids don't come up with that stuff by themselves.
That child would have been gone the day I heard that racial slur. That's learned behavior, and there is NO WAY I would allow someone to come into my home and disrespect me/my home/my family and my heritage that way.

IF you keep them enrolled..... I would tell this mom that you address EACH child's behavior, and that at this age, they are learning socio emotional skills and that you will be sure to apprise her of each and every situation that comes up with her child, too.
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  #9  
Old 01-30-2018, 05:36 AM
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I agree with PP. This family needs to go.
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  #10  
Old 01-30-2018, 07:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgiads View Post
Just replace this family ASAP.

1. Somebody at home is a racist.

2. The only time Iíve seen parents preoccupied with negative behaviors of other kids is when they know their kids are same/worse and are not doing anything about it. This woman knows her kid is difficult it would rather point fingers at you. �� BYE


My 2.9 year old has Autism. He is amazing and sweet. He doesnít speak and thatís OK. He will catch up. He is a valuable member of my group and itís important for the other kids to learn to get along with him. They get so excited if they hear him say a couple of words, and they like to follow him and see what heís up to.


Donít be ashamed of your child or his atypical behaviors. Iíd rather explain my son is ASD than have to explain why my typical 5 year old just slapped me in the face at the supermarket!
I agree with this~

OP I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.
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  #11  
Old 01-30-2018, 07:23 AM
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Thank you all so very much! I have terminated the family. The mom called me the "n word" in a text message late last night. I don't understand why they enrolled if they don't like that I am black. I am going to try and not think about it anymore and move on to the next family.

Thanks again!
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  #12  
Old 01-30-2018, 08:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Thank you all so very much! I have terminated the family. The mom called me the "n word" in a text message late last night. I don't understand why they enrolled if they don't like that I am black. I am going to try and not think about it anymore and move on to the next family.

Thanks again!
Whoa What a terrible miserable person that DCM must be. I am so glad you termed

Misery loves company. She probably enrolled with you to make herself feel better about herself. Spend your energy finding a family who is thankful for you and all your program offers.
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  #13  
Old 01-30-2018, 09:31 AM
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She probably enrolled with you to make herself feel better about herself.
She probably enrolled because racist white Americans still think of black Americans as a servant class. You can treat somebody like trash, think they're a lower form of life than yourself, and still expect them to do a better job of parenting than you do. . . that last thought there should tell you something.
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Old 01-30-2018, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Thank you all so very much! I have terminated the family. The mom called me the "n word" in a text message late last night. I don't understand why they enrolled if they don't like that I am black. I am going to try and not think about it anymore and move on to the next family.

Thanks again!
I am so sorry that happened, but am so glad you termed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pestle View Post
She probably enrolled because racist white Americans still think of black Americans as a servant class. You can treat somebody like trash, think they're a lower form of life than yourself, and still expect them to do a better job of parenting than you do. . . that last thought there should tell you something.
Your comment was also racist by specifying white.

Racists come in all colors, ages and socio-economic classes.

No, I don't think you are racist. Just pi$$ed as we all should be about that DCM's comments.
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Old 01-30-2018, 09:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I am so sorry that happened, but am so glad you termed.



Your comment was also racist by specifying white.

Racists come in all colors, ages and socio-economic classes.

No, I don't think you are racist. Just pi$$ed as we all should be about that DCM's comments.
All of this
I am glad you terminated that family. I feel sorry for her child as he will grow up to most likely be just like his mom.
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  #16  
Old 01-30-2018, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I am so sorry that happened, but am so glad you termed.



Your comment was also racist by specifying white.

Racists come in all colors, ages and socio-economic classes.

No, I don't think you are racist. Just pi$$ed as we all should be about that DCM's comments.
Many that speak out against bias are also unwittingly doing the same without intent.
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Old 01-30-2018, 10:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Thank you all so very much! I have terminated the family. The mom called me the "n word" in a text message late last night. I don't understand why they enrolled if they don't like that I am black. I am going to try and not think about it anymore and move on to the next family.

Thanks again!
I am glad you terminated. Sorry you had to experience that.

I'm a minority and all of my clients look different than me, yet all of them treat me with absolute respect and value the diversity their child is exposed to.
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  #18  
Old 01-30-2018, 10:40 AM
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Many that speak out against bias are also unwittingly doing the same without intent.
I had never realized just how much until I took a class in microaggressions in education (optional training).

It was eye opening. I took it for a needed scoring point, but ended up learning a lot.
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Old 01-30-2018, 12:21 PM
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Hi OP I’m glad you resolved this.


p.s. Admin

I accidentally reported this post. I’m on my phone are I thought I was replying! I did not realize until it was too late.
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  #20  
Old 01-30-2018, 12:34 PM
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Hi OP Iím glad you resolved this.


p.s. Admin

I accidentally reported this post. Iím on my phone are I thought I was replying! I did not realize until it was too late.
No worries... It happens.
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Old 01-30-2018, 01:10 PM
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Your comment was also racist by specifying white.

Racists come in all colors, ages and socio-economic classes.
Cat Herder, I was speaking to a particular power dynamic in America--one that my family has participated in. I may have read it into this situation, but it does exist.

I have a couple of photos of my grandmother as a child. One shows her and her cousin, grinning, in the lap of the black gardener. Another shows her and a bunch of other toddlers in August, GA, in the '30s, hunting for Easter eggs under the care of the respective family maids--all black. None of these people were hired to perform child care. It was simply assumed, by the wealthy white parents, that "the help" would also raise their children for them.

When the maid was fired years later, it was the most traumatic event of my grandmother's life. Her parents never gave a thought to the fact that they'd just sent away their child's real parent. As far as they were concerned, "the help" was all interchangeable.
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Old 01-30-2018, 01:19 PM
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Cat Herder, I was speaking to a particular power dynamic in America--one that my family has participated in. I may have read it into this situation, but it does exist.
.
I know it does and knew what you meant, also being from the deep south. I also know from my years here that not everyone will understand what you meant when they first read it and hoped to slow the possible coming storm.
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Old 01-30-2018, 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio View Post
I only wanted to chime in on the child's racial slur: this is something learned from another adult, and that adult is highly likely to be her mother - the one going off at you for your son's behavior. kids don't come up with that stuff by themselves.
That's exactly what I was going to say. Racism is learned it's not something we're born with. Obviously that child is hearing it from one of her parents. I would definitely terminate that family.
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