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Old 02-10-2016, 02:47 PM
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Red face A Little Nervous!

This is my third year doing daycare but first time I've ever had to term a family. I've turned families away because they weren't the right fit, and that was hard! I'm probably going to use the nice generic term letter that floats around this forum from time to time. My question is, do you gals ever tell your families your terming why you're letting them go? The little girl I'm terming is aggressive and verbally very unkind on a daily basis, she spends most of her time in arms reach of me because if how bad it is. (I have a policy in my handbook for termination due to violent behavior) I've had her for 2 years and there has never really been an improvement, her parents give in to everything she does and it shows! Parents these days! I have a part time family set to replace her which will be hard but it's worth it for my sanity and the happiness of the other kids Ugggh but now to the dirty work of terming her and then deal with her awful parents for two weeks after.
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Old 02-10-2016, 02:56 PM
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Sometimes less is more, but in this case I think I would give a reason. I would just state something simple though, such as "behavior is detrimental and dangerous to other children". That may be enough to make them think about it.

IF you WANT and you think it may work, you could do a probation period. Sometimes that helps. But you would have to list the time frame to revisit it, and state on it exactly what you need to see change (pick the worst behaviors). You are not in any way obligated to do this though and would only be if you think the parents would take heed. It also would depend how severe the behavior is.
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Old 02-10-2016, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
This is my third year doing daycare but first time I've ever had to term a family. I've turned families away because they weren't the right fit, and that was hard! I'm probably going to use the nice generic term letter that floats around this forum from time to time. My question is, do you gals ever tell your families your terming why you're letting them go? The little girl I'm terming is aggressive and verbally very unkind on a daily basis, she spends most of her time in arms reach of me because if how bad it is. (I have a policy in my handbook for termination due to violent behavior) I've had her for 2 years and there has never really been an improvement, her parents give in to everything she does and it shows! Parents these days! I have a part time family set to replace her which will be hard but it's worth it for my sanity and the happiness of the other kids Ugggh but now to the dirty work of terming her and then deal with her awful parents for two weeks after.
I usually ONLY tell parents the reason why I am terming IF I believe it will benefit them and they will learn from it or change their ways.

If I don't think they care or will do anything about it and I just want them gone, then I just do the generic term and refuse to give any additional details other than it's just not working out.

Good luck! Terming IS hard but saving your sanity is so much more important!
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Old 02-10-2016, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Thriftylady View Post
Sometimes less is more, but in this case I think I would give a reason. I would just state something simple though, such as "behavior is detrimental and dangerous to other children". That may be enough to make them think about it.

IF you WANT and you think it may work, you could do a probation period. Sometimes that helps. But you would have to list the time frame to revisit it, and state on it exactly what you need to see change (pick the worst behaviors). You are not in any way obligated to do this though and would only be if you think the parents would take heed. It also would depend how severe the behavior is.
Thanks, I'm leaning towards giving them the reason, I have thought about doing the probation period but the truth is I'm done, and I don't foresee them changing the way they parent. All other conversations about behavior have only generated an apology and then the behavior continues The hardest part is the behavior is usually directed at my own daughter.
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Old 02-10-2016, 06:51 PM
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You put up with this behavior for two years! In this case I would not give a reason since it really isn't about the agression and mostly about finding a better replacement. Not to sound rude but it sounds like the parents and you were putting up with it for way too long. It should take a lot less than two years to term for agressive behavior if this was endured every single day and targeted at your daughter no less!?
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Old 02-11-2016, 08:10 AM
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I tell them why. I can't see any reason to lie about it.

"Your child is too aggressive for this environment, she lacks the desire or ability to change that. I've exhausted all efforts in working on the behavior. The last day I will provide care for your child is XXX."
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:59 AM
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I feel your pain! But, you have to do it. To tell you the truth if you don't you are in effect doing just what her parents do with her and giving in. Which is really doing everyone, especially the little girl, a disservice. It is always hard to let a client go, but like you said your sanity is worth it.

I would not tell them why, just to avoid the whole defensive conversation that would happen. Just wish them well and tell them you are sure she will thrive in the future. I try to keep it as positive as possible. BTW most times they pull out before the two weeks even expires.
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Old 02-11-2016, 08:55 PM
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Behavior is unacceptable and I am no longer willing to care for her. The last day of care will be blah, blah, blah.
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