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Old 02-16-2018, 09:32 AM
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My children's grandma comes over & helps me one day each week. My dcks love her to pieces & she has a background check & everything. Our family refers to her as "Mimi" & that is her preference. The dcks call her that as well. However I have a parent who is very upset over this & wants his child to call her Miss so & so. He says it's a respect issue & he feels that it is wrong for me to allow my own children to call her Mimi as well. The appropriate respectful response would be "grandma."

I personally feel it is disrespectful to call someone a name they don't want. She has adamantly stated that she doesn't want to be miss so & so. She prefers Mimi. Also, I feel offended that another parent feels the right to tell me what my own children should call their grandparents in our own home.

I stated that I would address her as miss so & so when talking directly to the child, but not when addressing her to the group as a whole, but she was upset with that b/c she doesn't want to be called by that name at all. The dcd said if I don't address the issue he will start disciplining his child at home for referring to Mimi when at their house.

I'm at a loss here. I feel he needs to be okay with the title she prefers or find alternate care, but this child is related to me & has been with me since he was a newborn so my heart feels like it is being ripped out of me. Am I wrong in thinking he is the one being disrespectful? How do you handle titles in your daycare?
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Old 02-16-2018, 09:38 AM
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People are so stupid. How old is the child? Start calling dcd Grandpa when he picks up and see how he likes it. My own grandma comes and visits my dcks a lot when the weather is nicer. They all call her grandma because that is what I call her. Would they be okay with calling her “miss Mimi”? Do they refer to you as “miss yourname”?
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Old 02-16-2018, 09:58 AM
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People are so stupid. How old is the child? Start calling dcd Grandpa when he picks up and see how he likes it. My own grandma comes and visits my dcks a lot when the weather is nicer. They all call her grandma because that is what I call her. Would they be okay with calling her “miss Mimi”? Do they refer to you as “miss yourname”?
The child is 2 & only recently became verbal enough to discuss daycare at home. Thus the sudden problem with it. He's been calling her Mimi since he started talking so I'm thinking this would be a hard habit to break even without all the other kids saying it all day.
I can ask about the Miss Mimi thing.

The child is actually my nephew so he calls me Auntie which is ok since it's my real title & a term of respect.
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:09 AM
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My children's grandma comes over & helps me one day each week. My dcks love her to pieces & she has a background check & everything. Our family refers to her as "Mimi" & that is her preference. The dcks call her that as well. However I have a parent who is very upset over this & wants his child to call her Miss so & so. He says it's a respect issue & he feels that it is wrong for me to allow my own children to call her Mimi as well. The appropriate respectful response would be "grandma."

I personally feel it is disrespectful to call someone a name they don't want. She has adamantly stated that she doesn't want to be miss so & so. She prefers Mimi. Also, I feel offended that another parent feels the right to tell me what my own children should call their grandparents in our own home.

I stated that I would address her as miss so & so when talking directly to the child, but not when addressing her to the group as a whole, but she was upset with that b/c she doesn't want to be called by that name at all. The dcd said if I don't address the issue he will start disciplining his child at home for referring to Mimi when at their house.

I'm at a loss here. I feel he needs to be okay with the title she prefers or find alternate care, but this child is related to me & has been with me since he was a newborn so my heart feels like it is being ripped out of me. Am I wrong in thinking he is the one being disrespectful? How do you handle titles in your daycare?
This sounds like an issue the parent needs to address with the child.

Personally I would refuse to correct the child but would respect the parent's wishes so if the child called her Miss Mimi I would be okay with that but if she just said Mimi like everyone else I would not correct her and would just continue on.

If the parent insists, it's up to the parent to teach their child. It's a family issue nothing to do with you.

If the parent still persists, then perhaps your program is not the right fit for this family.
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:10 AM
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Originally Posted by mamamanda View Post
The child is 2 & only recently became verbal enough to discuss daycare at home. Thus the sudden problem with it. He's been calling her Mimi since he started talking so I'm thinking this would be a hard habit to break even without all the other kids saying it all day.
I can ask about the Miss Mimi thing.

The child is actually my nephew so he calls me Auntie which is ok since it's my real title & a term of respect.
In this case I’d be telling my brother/sister to get over it.
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:31 AM
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My mom is my backup provider. Because my kids call her granny, the daycare kids call her granny. The parents dont mind and thats what my mom prefers. She says “Im everyones granny” lol
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:42 AM
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In this case I’d be telling my brother/sister to get over it.
My sister's husband is the one who is upset...makes it trickier.
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:44 AM
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This sounds like an issue the parent needs to address with the child.

Personally I would refuse to correct the child but would respect the parent's wishes so if the child called her Miss Mimi I would be okay with that but if she just said Mimi like everyone else I would not correct her and would just continue on.

If the parent insists, it's up to the parent to teach their child. It's a family issue nothing to do with you.

If the parent still persists, then perhaps your program is not the right fit for this family.
This is how I feel exactly. If they want to teach him that at home it's fine, but I shouldn't be told how to address my mil in my own home. Thank you for stating it this way. I was just worried I was being too sensitive b/c it's family. Sometimes we don't see it as clearly when our emotions are involved.
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Old 02-16-2018, 11:11 AM
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My sister's husband is the one who is upset...makes it trickier.
I'd have your sister deal with her own husband. Sillyness.
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Old 02-16-2018, 11:13 AM
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Well, your brother thinks his way is the only way. And he's wrong. In my family, his saying "Grandma" would be disrespectful. We said, "Grandmother" growing up! It would have felt totally ridiculous for me to say the word "Grandma" to my grandmother!

Really, everyone wants to be called what they want and why not acquiesce? It's not his decision to make. I could see if the child was calling her "Mimi" and she didn't want him to.
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Old 02-16-2018, 11:16 AM
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Originally Posted by mamamanda View Post
My sister's husband is the one who is upset...makes it trickier.
My thoughts are that this really has nothing to do with the subject and more to do with your BIL wanting to be in control.

Having his wife bring up the topic vs discussing it with you himself says more than it doesn't.
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Old 02-16-2018, 11:46 AM
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Disciplining a two year old for this makes him an a$$hat.
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Old 02-16-2018, 11:54 AM
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When I was growing up addressing another adult would have been done as Mrs. ........ or Miss........

The first time I heard a child call an adult by their first name, I was like wow!

I personally don't like Miss ......... for some reason. Never had, never will. I also noticed this started with my friends in the South but has seemed to revolve all over.

When my MIL was my sub she liked to be called grandma. Didn't matter if they were her grandkid's or not. I did have one family that didn't like it as their child already had a grandma. I didn't feel it was respectful to call her by her first name either being an older adult. It seemed to finally fizzle as the family saw it wasn't going to be the fight they were able to keep going.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:39 PM
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i may be able to see where he's coming from with , i want my kid to call her Miss soso, and he may think its appropriate for the others to call her Miss soso and he may be right but it isn't his place to say plain and simple.
And it certainly isn't his place to tell you that your kids can't call their own grandma, whatever they want to.
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Old 02-16-2018, 02:28 PM
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What's appropriate for somebody isn't always appropriate for someone else. Tell him she finds being called Miss disrespectful and wants to be called Mimi, and its no business of his what your kids call her. He needs to take a chill pill and stop being such a control freak.
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Old 02-16-2018, 03:00 PM
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I think a few of you are assuming her name is Mimi. Where I live, Mimi is a common word for Grandma. Not her actual name.
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Old 02-16-2018, 03:33 PM
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I think a few of you are assuming her name is Mimi. Where I live, Mimi is a common word for Grandma. Not her actual name.
I did not know this! I was thinking it was her name or nickname. If this is the case then I could kind of understand him not wanting his child to not call someone Mimi if it means grandma and she's not their grandma. But its not his place to tell her that her own kids can't call her that.
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Old 02-16-2018, 03:39 PM
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I did not know this! I was thinking it was her name or nickname. If this is the case then I could kind of understand him not wanting his child to not call someone Mimi if it means grandma and she's not their grandma. But its not his place to tell her that her own kids can't call her that.
Except he said it’s fine to call her grandma. .


It’s common here to adopt grandmas. The local grade school does it. Each classroom has their own grandma that comes and reads to them every week.
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Old 02-16-2018, 03:48 PM
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Except he said it’s fine to call her grandma. .


It’s common here to adopt grandmas. The local grade school does it. Each classroom has their own grandma that comes and reads to them every week.
Ahh! I misunderstood that part. Well sounds like he's just being nit picky.

That's kind of cool about the school adopting grandmas. Especially since there's kids that don't have any or live close to theirs.
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Old 02-16-2018, 04:06 PM
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Isn’t she his mother in law ? ( your sister’s husband’s ) Wouldn’t that make your mother the 2 year old’s grandmother ? Does the child call your mom Mimi outside of daycare ?
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Old 02-16-2018, 04:11 PM
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Isn’t she his mother in law ? ( your sister’s husband’s ) Wouldn’t that make your mother the 2 year old’s grandmother ? Does the child call your mom Mimi outside of daycare ?
I read it as mamamanda's MIL (the OP's husbands mom) so no relation to her sister or sister's husband but I guess she didn't say either way so now I'm wondering too!
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Old 02-16-2018, 04:22 PM
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I honestly think it's very confusing also when someone has to go by several names.

So the child hears others call her Mimi.

OP call her by another name possibly.

Child has to call her something different.

How confusing that would be!


One of my dck always called my husband Uncle **** because I watch my nephew who the child heard call Uncle ****. We and parents just rolled with it until child was old enough to realize he wasn't her uncle.


Yes, I do believe the op is talking about her MIL
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Old 02-16-2018, 06:52 PM
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Isn’t she his mother in law ? ( your sister’s husband’s ) Wouldn’t that make your mother the 2 year old’s grandmother ? Does the child call your mom Mimi outside of daycare ?
She is my husband's mom. The child is my sister's so they are not really related. My children call her Mimi in place of grandma b/c that is what she's requested. She felt grandma sounded too old.

I typically call her Mimi as well. So do some of her other friends. Kind of a term of endearment I guess.

I don't have a problem with the parents teaching the child to address an adult as Miss first name. I do have a problem with them expecting me to change what both my children & I call her.
I don't tell the child to call her Mimi, but he hears every other person refer to her that way so I don't think he is processing her as Miss____ as they keep telling him. He is only 2.
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Old 02-16-2018, 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted by mamamanda View Post
She is my husband's mom. The child is my sister's so they are not really related. My children call her Mimi in place of grandma b/c that is what she's requested. She felt grandma sounded too old.

I typically call her Mimi as well. So do some of her other friends. Kind of a term of endearment I guess.

I don't have a problem with the parents teaching the child to address an adult as Miss first name. I do have a problem with them expecting me to change what both my children & I call her.
I don't tell the child to call her Mimi, but he hears every other person refer to her that way so I don't think he is processing her as Miss____ as they keep telling him. He is only 2.
I think he’s being disrespectful expecting you to change how you and your kids refer to her, I am old fashioned and I feel that an adult should have a title before their name, BUT Mimi is a term of endearment and how she wants to be called. It’s not like kids say ‘mrs.grandma’ so why should it be miss Mimi??

Plus The kid is TWO. It’s not like he’s old enough to understand
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Old 02-18-2018, 10:57 AM
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As a young (not really, but I feel young) grandmother I would not want to be called Grandma if I didn't want to be.

My mother is called Mima by my kids and the daycare kiddos, and if one had to call her Grandma I think smoke would blow out her ears, but also that she wouldn't respond as that's not her name. She is also Mima to her great grandchildren, not Great Grandma.

When I was growing up we called my grandmothers Grandma Schlichting and Grandma Stecher, each and every time we were speaking to them (and yes, my kids called them Great Grandma Schlichting and Great Grandma Stecher). Personally, I'm glad our family moved past that.

I'd tell BIL to adapt.
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:49 PM
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I think he’s being disrespectful expecting you to change how you and your kids refer to her, I am old fashioned and I feel that an adult should have a title before their name, BUT Mimi is a term of endearment and how she wants to be called. It’s not like kids say ‘mrs.grandma’ so why should it be miss Mimi??

Plus The kid is TWO. It’s not like he’s old enough to understand
I would tell your sister to tell her husband to knock it off. My husband's mother is called Nana. And when she comes around daycare kids she is called Nana by everyone. She loves it and the kids recognize her as another motherly figure who cares for them. My sister's mil is called gamma. All of our kids call her Gamma S******. My kids have no relation to her or her husband (grandpa w****) other than marriage, but my kids respect them as the matriarch and patriarch of the family. It is not so much the name as it is the statute of the person within the family. Kids are not dumb. They know that the person plays an important role, so for them, the name means nothing, it is just what they call this important person.

I personally would call my sister and find out the real problem. Probably has very little to do with what the child calls your MIL and much more to do with them not wanting her around for some reason or even possibly because of your own lifestyle or her impact on it. I can't imagine having my sister care for my baby and then using a term of endearment as a means to start a fight or cause disruption of that relationship. It doesn't make sense, and if your sister supports her husband's view, I would be wondering what the bigger issue really is, bc something is missing, imo.
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Old 02-19-2018, 09:08 AM
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Probably has very little to do with what the child calls your MIL and much more to do with them not wanting her around for some reason or even possibly because of your own lifestyle or her impact on it.
I agree with this, the problem is more than Mimi's title (or lack thereof).

some kids call me "miss [name]", while others just go by name. a couple of times, my partner teacher tried correcting them back to miss, and I just gently told her that I don't enforce the title use. they'll have 13 years in school to learn the titles.
as I like to put it, "call me a frying pan, just don't put me on the stove."
if my daughter is with me in the group, she also sometimes calls me by name, almost automatically (because everyone else does). now, THAT feels a little weird...
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Old 02-19-2018, 10:40 AM
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Disciplining a two year old for this makes him an a$$hat.
yup.

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Originally Posted by hwichlaz View Post
I think a few of you are assuming her name is Mimi. Where I live, Mimi is a common word for Grandma. Not her actual name.
I have taken a similar replacement to grandma as well. Because my dd now refers to me with that, some of the kids are as well.

Miss Myname
Myname
Gigi


Don't care what they use to refer to me.



This sounds like the dad is just making an issue out of nothing. I would just tell him- this is what she prefers, and it will be impossible to change in just one child. Get over it. If that's something he pulls his child over, I would kick him in the butt on the way out.
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Old 02-19-2018, 10:47 AM
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My sister's husband is the one who is upset...makes it trickier.

I haven't finished reading everyone's responses, but this guy can pound sand!
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Old 02-19-2018, 01:51 PM
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I think a few of you are assuming her name is Mimi. Where I live, Mimi is a common word for Grandma. Not her actual name.
Exactly! My Mimi was my great-grandma. In my family, we've had Mimi and Papa (equal emphasis on both syllables), Nana and Grandfather, Bamps and Memaw, Granee (emphasis on the 2nd syllable) and Grandaddy. On my husband's side, everybody is Mom Mom and Pop Pop (Philly folks). I've heard Rainbow, Gigi, and Mamaw and Papaw around here, too.

Preference needs to go to the person who is actually being addressed! It's not a term of respect if the subject of the term finds it icky. My mother insists on being called by her name.

I dislike "Miss" as a term, but I use it for myself and for all the girls in my program, and "Mister" for all the boys.
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