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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>30 Day Probation?
wdmmom 06:05 AM 08-15-2011
I am considering handing out a 30 day probation letter to one of my families.

Is this common? Or have any of you done anything like this?

Here's some background:

DCM and DCD aren't together. DCM drops off everyday and DCD picks up every Wednesday and Friday. When DCD picks up, it's 30 minutes later than if DCM were to pick up.

DCM has been dropping off all over the clock. DCG is suppose to be here at 745am but comes anywhere between 740am and 9am. I've already told DCM that if DCG is going to be late, I need a phone call or text. She was good about and now she just shows up whenever with no call or text indicating she is going to be late.

DCG has shown signs of aggression lately. Signs include: pulling hair, pinching, sitting on children, and hitting children.

I've addressed the issues with DCM and she tells her to "be nice" and said most recently that she's been putting her in time out on the couch. (REALLY
?! The couch...as in...in front of the tv?! Yeah, that certainly qualifies for a time out! DUH!)

She also screams this horrid high pitched scream if she doesn't get her way, she only naps for about an hour and the latest issue I've had is DCM will drop her off wearing jeans and come pick her up wearing work clothes.

I feel bad that I am giving notice but half way through my day, I'll be reminded why I don't want to have to do this anymore.

Any suggestions?
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LittleD 07:06 AM 08-15-2011
Iam having the same problems but the parents are together. They are done onSept 2 tho. I have sent out newsletter stating I need to know when parents are picking up dropping off so I can be prepared. Ive asked parents specifically "whattime is pick up today" or "what time is drop of tomorrow" They still do it whenever. I even say you told me X time, I dont have his stuff together. They say xoh thats fine, Ill wait" THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO CALL on Sunday to let me know when dropping off. All my others were comming at 9, I said to my hubby, Im sleeping til 8:30, if they show up before that tough. I got up at 7:45 they showed up at 8:10. Figures!
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MG&Lsmom 08:17 AM 08-15-2011
In May I did this with a 2yo dcg. She was having a hard time all around. Parents were no help. I put her on a 30 day probation with specific items I was wishing to see improvement in. 2 weeks in I handed DCM a termination letter. It was clear she wasn't going to make improvements, and there was some evidence of underminding from the parents, so I just ended it. It ended not good but not because of me. I knew I made the right decision as the stress level was gone the next day. And based on what I witnessed on her last day, I'm glad to have the family out of my life.
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Blackcat31 08:41 AM 08-15-2011
Do you have a fairly good relationship with both parents? I would try talking to them both (separately) and let them know that whatever the two of them are going through, you want to make your home and the time their dd spends there as normal and as consistent as possible. The dcg, should be able to have one "safe" place to be while her parents are dealing woth whatever they are going through. Talk to the mom and dad about how important it is for dd to arrive at a regular time and picked up as consistently as possible as well.

Tell the dcm, that if she doesn't arrive as scheduled she willbe assessed a late fee or early drop off fee. If she fails to call after a reasonable amount of time (like 15-30 minutes) tell her the space will not be available when she tried to drop off. Tell dcd, the same about late pick ups...if he arrives later than the scheduled pick up time, he will be assessed a fee.

It is hard to be stuck in the middle and probably even scary and very unsettling for the child as well. Which probably explains her aggression and unwanted behaviors. I would use examples of these behaviors when expaliaing to dcp's about the importance of consistency.

I would also tell mom to stop using words to the child and show her consistency and safety and security by keepong life as normal as possible right now. As far as the time outs, you can't make mom see the error in her ways (the TV and couch as time out ?!?! ) but you can definately offer some suggestions as far as how to properly implement a time out or "punishment" for behaviors at home.
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wdmmom 08:51 AM 08-15-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Do you have a fairly good relationship with both parents? I would try talking to them both (separately) and let them know that whatever the two of them are going through, you want to make your home and the time their dd spends there as normal and as consistent as possible. The dcg, should be able to have one "safe" place to be while her parents are dealing woth whatever they are going through. Talk to the mom and dad about how important it is for dd to arrive at a regular time and picked up as consistently as possible as well.

Tell the dcm, that if she doesn't arrive as scheduled she willbe assessed a late fee or early drop off fee. If she fails to call after a reasonable amount of time (like 15-30 minutes) tell her the space will not be available when she tried to drop off. Tell dcd, the same about late pick ups...if he arrives later than the scheduled pick up time, he will be assessed a fee.

It is hard to be stuck in the middle and probably even scary and very unsettling for the child as well. Which probably explains her aggression and unwanted behaviors. I would use examples of these behaviors when expaliaing to dcp's about the importance of consistency.

I would also tell mom to stop using words to the child and show her consistency and safety and security by keepong life as normal as possible right now. As far as the time outs, you can't make mom see the error in her ways (the TV and couch as time out ?!?! ) but you can definately offer some suggestions as far as how to properly implement a time out or "punishment" for behaviors at home.
This is what you get when you work for young, single parents.

I don't have a great relationship with DCM but I do tell her what I expect and what my concerns are. Of course, they fall on deaf ears. Telling the child (20 months) isn't going to do anything.

That's why I thought the probation might be a better approach. Clearly discussing things with her is getting no where. I'm hoping by giving the probation period, the child will be picked up at regular drop off time each day, child will be picked up at the same time each day, and the DCM will understand that the reigns need to be tightened.
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Blackcat31 08:58 AM 08-15-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
This is what you get when you work for young, single parents.

I don't have a great relationship with DCM but I do tell her what I expect and what my concerns are. Of course, they fall on deaf ears. Telling the child (20 months) isn't going to do anything.

That's why I thought the probation might be a better approach. Clearly discussing things with her is getting no where. I'm hoping by giving the probation period, the child will be picked up at regular drop off time each day, child will be picked up at the same time each day, and the DCM will understand that the reigns need to be tightened.
Gotcha...I didn't realize the child was only 20 months! LOL!! And I completely understand about the young single parents! (No, I don't mean them all of them for anyone who felt I was stereotyping) In your situation then I would totally go with the probation period and maybe that will get mom to see that you aren't messing around.

Are you in the position to term then if the situation doesn't change? I also think you should start charging the mom for late or early drop offs and charge the dad for late pick ups.
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Tags:discipline - notifying parent, discipline plan, notice, probation, probation - length, single mom excuse
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