This is something I've mulled over for awhile and really wrestle with. Alot of providers will comment on the long hours we work, how parents use everyone of our hours we are open, and how parents pick up, take the children home, feed them, bathe and then bedtime. In my mind though I do the same thing and I work at home. From my closing time till bedtime I only have 3 1/2 hours and still have to make dinner, eat, clean up, to bathes, make lunches, homework help, etc.. So really I'm not really spending any quality time with my own kids. I don't even watch tv till about 9 at night when I go to bed and usually fall asleep doing that. What I think it all comes down to is are really really any different than the parents that work outside the home. Yes, we are home with our children when they are little but its not really like we are true SAHM. We have state regulations with lots of rules and regulations so even though we are home we have true jobs just like any parent that works outside the home. Like I said just something I've been mulling over.

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I agree. Though I structure my business so that I only accept parents that allow me to leave my house with their kids. To do preschool runs (which they benefit from), shopping, activities, etc. So I'm getting to have a little more interaction with them than I would have otherwise, but not a ton.

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I didn't start doing daycare until my youngest twins were 1st graders. Before that I was a stay at home mom. I only take clients who can pick up by 4:00-shortly after my own kids get home from school- so that my dc kids don't steal time from my own kids.

To be honest I really can not relate to my clients who make the choice to work full time and give me their tiny little babies to love on. They all have spouses who pull down big bucks If you can afford to stay home with your babies why wouldn't you want to?

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My kids start school at 905am and are out at 355pm. If they ride the bus to and from, they leave at 840am and don't get home until 435pm. My kids all have the same rule...in your room by 8pm and lights out by 830pm. All showers, etc must be taken by 8pm.

I don't get off work until 530pm. But I'm still able to spend that hour that they get home until I get off with them.

Usually they are doing homework or cleaning their rooms right when they get home, they help me with dinner, they help with clean up, and they have at least an hour to bike ride, play outside, etc before bed. I spend an hour helping with showers, getting clothes picked out for the next day and tucking them in.

I feel the time I spend with my kids is very different than a parent providing time with their kids. I work from home so I have time to plan dinner and thaw it, etc. Parents get off work, get their kid and everything is usually hurried. Dinner, bath, bed. If they are spending 10+ hours a day away from their kid, they want to rush dinner and bath so they can put them to bed.

My kids get up when I do. I get at least a good 5 hours of face-to-face time with my children each day and they go to school.

Even when I worked outside the home, I picked up no later than 3pm each day so I could spend time with my kids! I still got at least 5 hours contact then too!

I actually wanted to spend time with my kids and play and teach and cook together and laugh together. Parents today want to go to work and go home and not have any additional work...and let's face it...kid's are work!

So to answer your question, Yes, I'm different! Very different!

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I'm different. My kids are still number one in the evenings. We eat healthy meals as a family, go for a walk or a trip to the subdivision pool EVERY day except bad weather, my 3 year old and I cook brownies and stuff together, we run errands as a family and frequently stop by the pet store or other fun kid options and I don't hear of any of my DC families that do this. One DCM said her daughter owns no "dress" clothes or special occasion clothes because they do not go anywhere period (DCG only has play clothes for daycare), she rarely even runs errands with her child from my understanding. Another mom cannot take her child anywhere because she was a wild little thing, almost 3 and still running into the street and such.

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I think the biggest difference is our availability to actually BE there for our kids. Nobody is changing my son's diapers; I am. Nobody else is listening to him cry, putting him to sleep, feeding him...I am. I'm here to see his first smile; his first step; hear his first words; laugh at his first little made up dance. Most important, nobody else is giving him the foundation to start off in life. I am.

I think that even though we are working, we are still here for our kids in a way that parents who put their kids in daycare sacrifice. The reason they sacrifice that, I try not to judge, but I know I wouldn't give it up for the world. Since I'm the only one I can control, I'm happy with that.

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I was just talking to my bff the other day about this EXACTLY. I try super hard to have both my kids in bed by 9 at the latest (my oldest is 3). I think that is even a little late. But by the time my last daycare kids leave at 6. I get supper cooked and cleaned up, I nurse my baby, and factor in time for baths.Maybe if I'm lucky get 30 mins to do some one on one fun with them at this point I'm completely EXHAUSTED and feel guilty. I try to make more time by letting the supper dishes wait til morning. Or letting my oldest stay up later because she can sleep in late. But it just starts a vicious cycle of being exhausted because my youngest wakes up at 5am to nurse and my first kids get here at 6am.

A lot of family and friends make fun of me because my kids are pretty attached to me and I only leave them if I absolutely have to for this exact reason. I'll tell myself that even though I only have very little time to myself or not quite enough sleep at night that its okay because in a few short years mom won't be so cool to hang around all the time

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LIKE

Good mommy!

I would give up a lot to have just one day with each of my school aged children when they were young like yours.

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I have 2 sons, 7 and 16. My youngest was raised in our center. My husband and I both work at our center, full time, and we have one staff member. Our center is a seperate facility, on the other side of town. We commute, we rush every darn where we go. The center IS our family. We "live, eat and breathe" the business. Our kids go to schools way far apart, and frankly, I see my teen for 4 hours a day. And it kills me. The younger one, about 5 hours a day. Also kills me. Weekends are spent at the school, cleaning and maintaining a 100 year old building. So....hmmm we're not much different. We DO LOVE going home at night and not living there, big plus. But yeah, we do a morning mad rush, don't eat that great, are tired, work long hours, etc. Our wonderful sons are good boys, we are blessed, and we do our best to be involved and do fun stuff. The young one and I go to the beach every saturday. Every single one. The elder and his dad ride bikes saturdays. And dinner together every single night. But nay, not perfect, far from it, working hard and keeping on keeping on. Our center's families work hard too, and it shows, but I have the PRIVILAGE of caring for their kids every day. BEST gig in the world. I get to color and play play dough. Bonus! Lots o' buggers and butt wiping and fussing and fighting, but a super rewarding gig. Most days! Lol!

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My boys are 9 & 11, my daughter is 3. She spends the day doing daycare with me, so that's tons of face time, but my boys see me for a bit over breakfast and then they disappear til bus time. Same after school -- they come in just as I'm taking the dc kids outside for outdoor play & pick-up time. So they pretty much disappear into their room or go out and play with their friends til dinner. We eat dinner together every night, whether it's home-cooked or delivery, and then we usually end up going separate ways in the evening (extra-curriculars, homework with one parent or the other, or playing outside with their friends). So all in all, I don't think I actually have any more face-time with my kids than the dc parents have with theirs.

I very strongly believe, however that there is a HUGE difference in the fact that I am working at home. My kids know that I'm always available if they ever really need me. If they're sick at school, I'll be home to take the call. They won't be locked out at the end of a school day, and they won't be coming home to an empty house. And their friends know it too. We're one of the only families where a parent is home after school (among my boys' friends).

Personally I think it's "quantity time" that's more valuable than "quality time". Having a parent always available to a kid is a huge advantage (I believe) to their sense of security and to their sense of family too. Anyway, JMHO

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I completely agree!!!
I used to get so down because I would try to act like a SAHM or daydream about it and get so busy taking care of other kids I would get sooo down and sad and resent everything. I was no fun.

I have friends who are SAHM and I of course envy them and despise them all at the same time. How did they get so lucky? Oh all the wonderful things I would do with my children if only I could be a SAHM. That is all I have wanted since I was a little girl, but my dream didnt come true.

Then I realized in order to survive and not be so down I had to look at it as "a job."

My daughter wanted me to cuddle her during nap time today and I had to tell her, "After the babies leave I can cuddle you tonight." It broke my heart to say that to her but I had 2 babies that needed me.

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I worked at a center before my daughter was born, (almost 24 years ago) then started a home daycare to be with her. She started out almost believing that a few of the other kids were her siblings - because I ran it as a FAMILY, HOME, daycare. (She still keeps in touch w/ a couple of them.) So I spent as much - more - "face time" with her as I did with the daycare kids. There was no rush to feed/dress her in the a.m. because we were at home. All of the older kids, including her, knew as any older siblings do, that sometimes babies needed more attention than they were getting at a particular moment, but they learned patience that way!! She benefited all through the pre-school years by participating in the daycare activities. As she grew older my daughter was a bit annoyed to have a crib in her room, but she did like that she was able to go HOME after school, not elsewhere. Yes it was a relief to her when they went home (as it was to me) but then our evenings began immediately, no commute time. I did not shuttle my daughter off to another room during daycare hours - I was with her to nurse, hug, comfort and teach her all through the days. YES I definitely believe that her life and mine were different, and far better, because we were home together through all her growing up years. She had to share a bit of her mother's love, but so do those with siblings. Sometime it seems that this forum is all about BUSINESS and loses the FAMILY part of family day care homes. With my home daycare structured as a family space, my daycare kids all benefited, and my daughter and I did too.

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I could almost have written this myself (except I have three kids, who all grew up while I "did daycare"). I always felt blessed to be able to be there when my kids left in the morning for school, after I had prepared them a good breakfast, of course, and to be there in the afternoon when they got home, always excited and chattering about what had gone on at school that day. I agree with the PP who said, quantity is as important and quality, as well.

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Country is it possible to get your household stuff DONE when the kids are in the house and up playing? Can you cook supper, get laundry done, cleaning etc. when the kids are there and UP?

Do you have a lot of "school" activities with them? Are you playing with them quite a bit?

Not to judge at all... just trying to see if I can help you out.

And what ages are your kids and your dc kids and how many?

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I have always had plenty of time with my kiddos and DH during the days.

I don't keep kids my own kids ages. Never have. I started with SA's only then transitioned to infants/toddlers only.

My daycare space/classroom area is separate from the family areas. I close the door at 6pm and don't look back.

I do all "my" housework during the business day while my own teens and DH do theirs in their own time.

I cook in bulk on weekends and keep my freezers full so weekday meals are a breeze.

I "homeschooled" my kids through K-12 Online Public School until junior high very successfully as well.

I would not give up one minute of it. 4 more years and all my babies will be in college dorms/driving to senior year in high school respectively.

Then I am closing down for good, it has been a long run, but went by really fast.

It can be done, it just takes alot of planning and follow through.

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I'm really lucky, but I don't feel that way. I only take older dck's right now (2-5 year olds) so no babies, except my own newborn who is due any day. I plan my activities in the daycare to do things my own kids love to do, and the dck's that I have had for the last 2 years are like extended family. My older DD is homeschooling next year, which I'm really looking forward to - it seems like school takes up so much of her time! I also take Fridays off to spend with just my own kids, so only have dck's 4 days a week.

One of the reasons I did this was to spend time with my own children when they were young. I won't give that up!

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I feel like sometimes as soon as daycare is done I am off running my boys somewhere but I feel if I worked outside the home I would be even more stressed. I am able to start dinner get laundry done clean up and be here for my kids when they walk through the door after school. I need to work to make it for our family so all in all this is the best choice. Sometimes I don't get enough time for myself but its what mom's do for our kids. Plus my husband is a big help so that is the reason I do this.

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I have loved reading everyones replies! Nannyde to answer your questions no I really can't be doing things while the children are here. With the group I have I really need to stay with them at all times. My computor is in my schoolroom and one of them has discovered the mouse and I'm constently on them about leaving it alone and that is with me right there-imagine if I left. There is a couple I even have to take with me when I go make lunch. My kitchen is right by the room but you never know what will happen.

Also, during naptime I help my one daughter that homeschools with any questions/assignments that she might have. We are actually thinking of having her go to school because I'm not able to give the time into homeschooling that I would like with the dck here. She has done it for about 6 years and its just getting to hard.

I'm not a newbie at this either-15 years. I just feel that as my children are getting older and not involved here in the childcare because they are at school that they are just pushed to the back. I'm up and making breakfast at 5:30, they get up at 6:00 and eat while I get ready. They all start getting ready and then I have kids get here. Both of my older ones go to school at 7:00 and get home between 2;45-3:15. I have children here till 5:30 most days. 3 of my children are involved with evening activities which is done this week but will be gone from 5:00-7:30 and my husband takes them because he is involved as a coach with this. So while he is gone with them I do dinner, laundry, clean up, paperwork, etc. I think what is frustrating to me is the dcp don't have to worry what their houses look like, no extra paper work to do, etc. because they don't have a people in and out of their houses all day.

Before I picked up 2 of my dck that arrive around 6:30 I would clean from 6:30-8:30 in the morning and then again for an hour or so in the evening. I can't leave the room though anymore because of their age and they are needing to be supervised constantly.

I know a couple of my own children will say "its all about daycar not us" because I'm always dealing with childcare issues even when I'm off.

Yes, my kids like having me home but I'm not home for them really because I'm still working. One of my children needed picked up from school (elementary) after staying after for a function and I was to pick him up. Parent that was suppose to be picking up an hour earlier texted me 15 min before I was to pick up soon and said I will be there in 30 min. I had no way to go get my son because of carseat issues. Luckily I was able to get a ride for him but he won't stay after anymore because he is afraid of being left at the school.

Thanks for listening everyone! Just having a sounding board helps with the days we put in.

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quality time is better than quantity of time IMO. with my current situation there are days that i'm home with my kids ALL DAY (on days i don't work or have class) but i don't DO anything with my kids because i'm busy doing homework, doing laundry, cleaning the house, etc. then there are days (like today) where my daughter went to her summer program and my son went to his grandma's while i was in school, but when we did get home i went outside and jumped on the trampoline with them, cooked on the grill and REALLY listened to them talk, etc. i'm pretty sure they enjoyed today where we only had a few hours together but it was truly spent TOGETHER than they do the days when we're at home all day together, but i'm preoccupied.

this is why i cringe a little when i see people assuming that parents who work and have their children in care don't spend any time with them, blah blah. even though they may only have five hours every evening during the week, you don't know HOW they spend that time with their children. on the weekend when providers might be doing "work" for the daycare - shopping, cleaning, etc., parents might be at the zoo or at the park, etc. it's just a silly assumption IMO.

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This is the same with my family now that my 2 kids are in school full time. I will say to those that have young ones at home, for me anyways, it has gotten alot easier now that my kids are at school. I feel like I'm at 'work' and then I'm closed soon after my kids are at home from school. I has been hard though since I do have to miss some things. My younger ones seems to be affected more though.

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Love it! I'm the same way, and I get the same response. You are doing great. A very good mommy

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Oops, I was trying to quote the gal that gets feedback from family on how attached her kids are to her

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