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  #1  
Old 07-24-2012, 04:37 PM
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jenheu2006 jenheu2006 is offline
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Unhappy I Have A Few Problems And Need A Providers Point Of View

I am a mother of a 4 year old girl. She has ADHD tendensies but doctors where I live wont test her because of her age, she has been through alot in the past year with divorice,family member death, ect. and also has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She is a good girl just gets confused sometimes by her emotions. I have recently taken her to a physchologist who is working with her once a week to work through her emotions. I know she has issues, and I am not ignoring them, nor do I ignore the good or bad behaviors. There are consequences for her bad choices. One day last week she was pushing buttons the teacher asked her to go to the office and grabbed her arm to walk her there (that is fine with me) my daughter then started a tantrum. The teacher picked her up in mid tantrum causing my daughter to accidentaly kick the teacher. I came to pick her up after work that day, when the teacher approached me in the parking lot and toldme of this incident. I enforced a punishment at home and the next day she wrote an apology to the teacher and was behaved. I talked to the supervisor and told her that the teacher would not have gotten kicked if she hadnt picked my daughter up in mid tantrum. The day care supervisor said that the teacher did whatever she had to do to "prtotect herself"I asked her if my daughter was being violent, her response was "Well nobut you never know with these kids". I want to pull her out of there but not sure what the regulations are and dont want to hurt my daughter emotionaly by switching. I just dont know what to do. Any advice?
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Old 07-24-2012, 04:59 PM
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  #3  
Old 07-24-2012, 05:17 PM
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well it depends. I don't really feel I know enough to say. Do you feel she has been labeled as trouble in her current daycare? Has she formed a bond with any of her teachers? Is there a daycare that you feel she would do better in. Is there pehaps a developmental childcare in your area that would work with her?
I understand what you meant about the teacher not getting kicked if she had not picked her up but... She should listen to the teacher. I say that so kindly, not to hurt your feelings in any way.
When you say she was pushing buttons i assume you mean the teachers buttons??
That may lead me to think that she might need another teacher because this one is may be getting too emotional and is not dealing with her as well as she could be.
I as so sorry that you and your daughter are going thru so much.
I know ADHD can be difficult.
If I were you I would consult with Nanny de about your daughter. She may be able to give you some excellent advice about your daughters childcare and dealing with her emotional and behaviorial issues.
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Old 07-24-2012, 05:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenheu2006 View Post
One day last week she was pushing buttons the teacher asked her to go to the office and grabbed her arm to walk her there (that is fine with me) my daughter then started a tantrum. The teacher picked her up in mid tantrum causing my daughter to accidentaly kick the teacher. I came to pick her up after work that day, when the teacher approached me in the parking lot and toldme of this incident....I talked to the supervisor and told her that the teacher would not have gotten kicked if she hadnt picked my daughter up in mid tantrum. The day care supervisor said that the teacher did whatever she had to do to "prtotect herself"I asked her if my daughter was being violent, her response was "Well nobut you never know with these kids". I want to pull her out of there but not sure what the regulations are and dont want to hurt my daughter emotionaly by switching. I just dont know what to do. Any advice?
First of all the daycare provider probably picked your child up to protect your child and not herself. When a four year old throws a tantrum the danger is them getting hurt by hitting their head, running away, etc. You are correct that the teacher would not have been kicked had she let your daughter be but it doesn't seem like the teacher made a big deal out of being kicked but instead just informed you that it had happened. It seems she also came out to the parking lot to avoid telling you in front of your daughter which was a great choice.

I don't know what you mean about the "regulations" if you are talking about a 2 week notice it should be covered in the handbook that you signed and they should have given you a copy of on enrollment.

Maybe you forgot some things in your post but I see no reason to uproot your daughter from this center, especially with all of the things she has went through lately. That said, go with your gut as her mother but realize it may be incredibly difficult to find a daycare that will accept her or keep her if she is difficult to handle and that you will have some concerns almost anywhere...
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Old 07-24-2012, 05:24 PM
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It sounds like you are working on this. You clearly aren't making excuses for your daughter.

The teacher should have let the director talk to you first. Approaching you in a parking lot seems unprofessional to me.

Your daughter can't just have a meltdown on the floor in the way, so sometimes she's going to get picked up and moved. She''ll need to deal with that, and hopefully next time, she'll be careful about where her feet are.

In the 80s, I took more than a few pairs of shoes away from kids who were kicking. Cowboy boots were popular back then. Not fun.

Anyway... I don't recommend you just pulling her without the two week's notice, but I do think you should give it a day or two to think about it, and then give notice, while you find a better solution for your daughter.

One center might be wonderful for your child, while the next might not be a good fit. Some kids just do better in different settings. A very large chain center might have more to offer your daughter, or possibly she needs a small home like setting. Maybe she needs to be somewhere with a Mom, not a teacher. Maybe she needs several teachers and a big playground. Only you would know.. you know her better than anybody else.

If you just pull her out without finding out what their policy is, you could end up paying a lot more than you have...so, check into that first. Maybe look on their website, or go over your handbook before tipping them off.

Check out other daycare settings before taking your daughter. If she tells the school "I am going to a new daycare", they may fill her spot and give you notice before you are ready.

Assume the notification is at least two weeks.

Good luck to both of you. I hope you find someplace that you will be very happy with.
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  #6  
Old 07-24-2012, 05:39 PM
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Default Thankyou guys

My daughter definitely has issues. I admit that and i am trying to help her. I reward her for her good behavior and we have a punishment "ladder". First time out, second offense isolated to her room or quiet place third time early bed time fourth a prized possession is taken and must be earned back. I explained to her I understand she was mad at the teacher and is allowed but her reaction was wrong. She was to give me a toy of hers, wrote a note (I had written it but she copied it) and gave it to said teacher. Later in the week she had another incident with my daughter being sent to time out for not listening. The teacher made me aware and said that my daughter was ignorant, uncontrollable, and a malevolent little child and needs mental help. That is the entire story. I kind of feel that this teacher is picking at every little problem. Friday she was sent to time out for crying because her morning teacher left her, mind you she feels everyone leaves and never comes back. I am just confused and every one just keeps telling me she is "mental".
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Old 07-24-2012, 05:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenheu2006 View Post
My daughter definitely has issues. I admit that and i am trying to help her. I reward her for her good behavior and we have a punishment "ladder". First time out, second offense isolated to her room or quiet place third time early bed time fourth a prized possession is taken and must be earned back. I explained to her I understand she was mad at the teacher and is allowed but her reaction was wrong. She was to give me a toy of hers, wrote a note (I had written it but she copied it) and gave it to said teacher. Later in the week she had another incident with my daughter being sent to time out for not listening. The teacher made me aware and said that my daughter was ignorant, uncontrollable, and a malevolent little child and needs mental help. That is the entire story. I kind of feel that this teacher is picking at every little problem. Friday she was sent to time out for crying because her morning teacher left her, mind you she feels everyone leaves and never comes back. I am just confused and every one just keeps telling me she is "mental".
Okay I would be fuming!!!!!!
NONE to happy!!!
Did she really say to your face that your child was "ignorant, uncontrollable, and a malevolent little child and needs mental help"????
If she did that teacher would no longer work in my center.period.
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Old 07-24-2012, 05:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenheu2006 View Post
Later in the week she had another incident with my daughter being sent to time out for not listening. The teacher made me aware and said that my daughter was ignorant, uncontrollable, and a malevolent little child and needs mental help. That is the entire story. I kind of feel that this teacher is picking at every little problem. Friday she was sent to time out for crying because her morning teacher left her, mind you she feels everyone leaves and never comes back. I am just confused and every one just keeps telling me she is "mental".
I would go to the director and tell her what the teacher said. It's not appropriate. I would not let a teacher who feels so negatively about my daughter watch her for another second. The teacher obviously needs more training and some manners, maybe she should go to time out.
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  #9  
Old 07-24-2012, 06:23 PM
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The director (head lady) says she backs her staff 100% and that my daughter needs help and proceeded to ask me about what I let go at home and told me how to discipline my child. I except advice as I have never been through these situations before, but I can say we do the same thing everyday at the exact times. I understand children need routines and consistancy. They are aware of the divorice and everything else, they know she is going to therapy, but seem to not want to be on the same page. I asked the director if there was anyway my daughter could be put in a room with the same teacher every day (since she has adjustment/transitioning issues) untilwe get things resolved at counseling. She quickly said no and that my daughter (who turned 4 in June) is being held back in the 2/3 year old room due to her mental state. I just don't understand how someone knows a child is hurting inside and say such mean things about them. I dont want to pull her out and hurt her more emotionaly because there are a few good teachers there, just one bad apple. But I also dont want this teacher treating her the way she has been. And I have told her that I am not asking her to ignore the bad behavior but handle it a different way. My daughter is afraid of that teacher now. Ugh this is hard. I hope it works out. A teacher who my girls and I adore told me to hang in there so I geuss we will see.
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Old 07-25-2012, 08:09 AM
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I would just give them notice right away and start looking for a new place. You still need to wait the two weeks, (or lose money).

I think you can find a better fit. Or at least a school who is more prepared to help her.
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  #11  
Old 07-25-2012, 08:19 AM
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You need to pull your child from that center! I don't care what the situation is, calling your child any type of name and labeling her is NOT helpful but is very harmful to her self-esteem and fragile emotional state!

That teacher should be ashamed of herself and should be reported! Calling a child any type of name and humiliating them in anyway in that manner is a reportable offense here!

I would remove her immediately from that situation before she is emotionally or mentally harmed any further.

I would also let your child's therapist know of this so she can help your daughter work through her emotions and feelings regarding this!

WOW! I cannot believe that a director would support her staff when the teacher claled names like that! Wow!
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  #12  
Old 07-25-2012, 08:25 AM
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Does your public school have an early childhood or 4-K program? A Head start?
It sounds like your daughter needs to be with somone who is trained to deal with emotional challenges.

Holding her back because of her behavior is completely contrary! How is she going to learn if what she spends her days with is 2 and 3 year olds? Other 4 year olds would model age-approprate behavior for her.

I would pull her from this place and find something more suitable. The change will be hard, but if it's a change for the better, then she'll do thrive in the long run.

Here is a link to your school districts' early childhood program. Maybe they can help you out....

http://me.milfordschooldistrict.org/...cipals_msg.jsp
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Old 07-25-2012, 01:05 PM
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Since you are aware of her issues and freely admit to problems, I would try to find an environment where the school/daycare is willing to work WITH you. As a caregiver I am more than willing to sit down with parents and work out a plan that is conducive to both daycare and what the parents are trying to accomplish at home.

I might suggest a smaller daycare where your daughter would get more one-on-one attention.

I, personally, have no problems with parents who are attempting to work out issues that they see in their children. All kids have issues. What I have problems with is when Sweet Suzie or Huggable Harry can do no wrong in the parent's eyes and they will not work with the caregiver to overcome their children's own personal challenges.

Just IMO, but I think a smaller group setting might be easier for a daycare provider to work WITH you.
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Old 07-25-2012, 02:24 PM
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Children with ADHD often do better in a smaller setting.

Unfortunately there is no test for ADHD it is just questionairs from the parents, teachers, and childcare

Then if the meds work they know it was ADHD it seems because the way their brains are wired a stimulant calms them down. Whichmakes me wonder about my grandson. Caffine calms the boy down weird. hmmmm I do see my #1 ds in his behavior but he is a 2 yr old boy also.

I would try a great family childcare with a preschool program.
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Old 07-25-2012, 03:09 PM
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Find a smaller family daycare. Call your local children and family services and ask them for a referral to a special needs friendly home daycare. I would pull her immediately. The teacher obviously needs to find a new profession. How dare she speak about that little girl that way!
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  #16  
Old 07-25-2012, 03:55 PM
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It was not okay to call your child names at all.

As you said, your child has gone through a lot and I think all parties agree that she is a handful right now, to say the least. It sounds like you need to look for a daycare setting with teachers experienced with kids that do need particular care or have special needs. It sounds like the current teachers are very overwhelmed with her and she obviously is not reacting well to a variety of things.

Whatever you do, please continue pursuing help for your child. Look into programs provided through the public school systems. Sometimes they do free evaluations, therapy or special preschools. Please also be honest with your next caregiver and let them know the behavioral struggles as well as your expectations regarding what approaches you are comfortable with and what you are not. I know you are upset right now and that this current situation does not sound like it was handled in the best way, but in the teachers defense, they have a lot on their plates on a daily basis and many are not trained to handle special needs kids.
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Old 07-25-2012, 04:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itlw8 View Post
Children with ADHD often do better in a smaller setting.

Unfortunately there is no test for ADHD it is just questionairs from the parents, teachers, and childcare

Then if the meds work they know it was ADHD it seems because the way their brains are wired a stimulant calms them down. Whichmakes me wonder about my grandson. Caffine calms the boy down weird. hmmmm I do see my #1 ds in his behavior but he is a 2 yr old boy also.

I would try a great family childcare with a preschool program.
My child psychology teacher told us that a sure fire way to tell if a child suffers from hyperactivity is to give them caffine. If it calms them down they are hyperactive. Ritilin speeds up people that do not suffer hyperactivity.
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