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  #1  
Old 09-05-2012, 03:36 PM
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EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
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Default 5-Year-Old's Daily Misbehavior

We have an extremely intelligent 5-year-old that will start Kinder next year. The child barely missed the birthday cut off for entering into Kinder this year.

Over the past few months we have seen absolutely no improvement in this child's misbehavior. The child came to us purposely stabbing the baby dolls with the plastic knives to watch the other children shriek/get sad. The child would slam down other children's towers to watch them get upset and smile. The child would take items another child was playing with and hide them behind their back.

The child made friends with another child (opposite gender) 1.5 months ago. When playing with that child, the 5-year-old will behave slightly better. When that other child says that they don't wish to play with the 5-year-old the 5-year-old will sulk, act down, and do nothing. The child isn't immune to getting their own feelings hurt or getting upset when other children do similar things in retaliation.

Within the past 3 weeks, the child has begun to mimic all of the younger children's speech patterns. This is an exceptionally bright 5-year-old who is now saying in a 2.5-year-old's voice, "I no want the lellow block!" and smiling a great big smile when the child sees us look at them. The child likes to get under other people's skin and seems to enjoy negative attention. However, when the misbehavior is ignored nothing happens. The misbehavior doesn't stop or go away.

The child has also begun to lie. The child will say, "So and so slapped me!" despite me being in the same room and seeing that so and so did not slap th3 5-year-old. Change out slap with hit, kicked, pinched, and bit. This happens a few times each day. The child enjoys seeing others in trouble.

We have tried time out despite me hating (yes, a very strong word) time out. It worked a SMIDGE, but I wanted to find something else. Time out really doesn't help children develop an internal locus of control and that's what I truly want for each of them. All of the other children has started to develop it (even the 2-year-olds!).

We moved on to praise, praise, praise the good behavior. That worked a SMIDGE, but only in our presence. If the child thought that they were off the radar (say, heading to the restroom despite us still being able to see them!) they would continue with the same poor behavior.

We have since moved on to hula hoop time. "Since you did X, you now have to sit in hula hoop time by yourself. Those who can't play nicely with others will have to play by themselves." The child gets a toy in hula hoop time and has to play solo. When at a seminar, the teacher said that was essentially redirection (redirecting them to an activity that they COULD do). At least, more redirection than time out.
It only works while the child is in the hula hoop. Once the child is out, it's back to the same old same old.

Around the parents the child behaves horribly. The child is not an only child, but is the oldest. The child will interrupt the parent while talking yelling, "DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY!!!" or will ignore what the parent said and attempt to walk out the front door or will hit the Mom in the face with a stuffed animal or will spit at the Mom while the Mom laughs and makes it all a joke. There is no discipline it seems like.

I am at a loss and it is wearing me down.
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  #2  
Old 09-05-2012, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist View Post
We have an extremely intelligent 5-year-old that will start Kinder next year. The child barely missed the birthday cut off for entering into Kinder this year.

Over the past few months we have seen absolutely no improvement in this child's misbehavior. The child came to us purposely stabbing the baby dolls with the plastic knives to watch the other children shriek/get sad. The child would slam down other children's towers to watch them get upset and smile. The child would take items another child was playing with and hide them behind their back.

The child made friends with another child (opposite gender) 1.5 months ago. When playing with that child, the 5-year-old will behave slightly better. When that other child says that they don't wish to play with the 5-year-old the 5-year-old will sulk, act down, and do nothing. The child isn't immune to getting their own feelings hurt or getting upset when other children do similar things in retaliation.

Within the past 3 weeks, the child has begun to mimic all of the younger children's speech patterns. This is an exceptionally bright 5-year-old who is now saying in a 2.5-year-old's voice, "I no want the lellow block!" and smiling a great big smile when the child sees us look at them. The child likes to get under other people's skin and seems to enjoy negative attention. However, when the misbehavior is ignored nothing happens. The misbehavior doesn't stop or go away.

The child has also begun to lie. The child will say, "So and so slapped me!" despite me being in the same room and seeing that so and so did not slap th3 5-year-old. Change out slap with hit, kicked, pinched, and bit. This happens a few times each day.

We have tried time out despite me hating (yes, a very strong word) time out. It worked a SMIDGE, but I wanted to find something else. Time out really doesn't help children develop an internal locus of control and that's what I truly want for each of them. All of the other children has started to develop it (even the 2-year-olds!).

We moved on to praise, praise, praise the good behavior. That worked a SMIDGE, but only in our presence. If the child thought that they were off the radar (say, heading to the restroom despite us still being able to see them!) they would continue with the same poor behavior.

We have since moved on to hula hoop time. "Since you did X, you now have to sit in hula hoop time by yourself. Those who can't play nicely with others will have to play by themselves." The child gets a toy in hula hoop time and has to play solo. When at a seminar, the teacher said that was essentially redirection (redirecting them to an activity that they COULD do). At least, more redirection than time out.
It only works while the child is in the hula hoop. Once the child is out, it's back to the same old same old.

Around the parents the child behaves horribly. The child is not an only child, but is the oldest. The child will interrupt the parent while talking yelling, "DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY!!!" or will ignore what the parent said and attempt to walk out the front door or will hit the Mom in the face with a stuffed animal or will spit at the Mom while the Mom laughs and makes it all a joke. There is no discipline it seems like.

I am at a loss and it is wearing me down.
That is really challenging considering he has been with you for awhile (yes?) and it sounds like you are investing a lot of time and effort into this situation. Are you SURE there are no special needs issues going on here?
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  #3  
Old 09-05-2012, 05:14 PM
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We have invested a lot of time and love into this child. We do like the child, it is just very tiring to have to do the same thing repeatedly. The kicker is that the child understands what they are doing and they have impulse control, they just refuses to use it. I used to work with special needs children and this child is in no way, shape, or form special needs as far as the eye can see. But????????????? Honestly, I have no idea what the child would even be evaluated for. I can't pinpoint anything delayed/exceptionally odd besides the behavior.

The child is an exceptionally bright little one when they apply themself. I have just never been at such a loss when it comes to guiding a child. Every class I ever took when getting my Early Childhood-6th Grade degree is failing me at this point. I have even raised a child with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder! We're talking about a child who refused to comply and would throw chairs in the Preschool classroom ... and even he was less frustrating because I understood where it was all coming from. We are currently raising a teenager with attachment issues who comes from an abusive/neglectful past and he is MIND BOGGLING with the stuff he does, but it is at least understandable. I haven't had it easy when it comes to raising kids, but this one sends me for a loop.

This child receives 45 hours of attention from both myself and my husband (my assistant) throughout the week. Our rules are very clear to the children and we review them daily. We make sure that expectations are known (despite them never changing) before beginning any activities or transitioning ... yet, here is this same child who will wait until JUST the right moment to do something to purposely irritate another person.
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Old 09-05-2012, 05:26 PM
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i think I had your twin some time ago....this kid wants attention and is doing anything to get it both good and bad..I think you know that already

What I did with this child was I made up several trays (pic attached) of age appropriate activities. I had to learn to catch the bad behavior before it started and when I saw it coming, I would intervene and cut him off. I would take his hand and direct him to the trays. I would ask him to choose just one activity that he wanted to do. If he got bored with it, he cleaned it up and put it away before getting another.

I think the key here is learning to catch it before it happens. I know this sounds crazy, but this is what I found to be the cure. Once you are able to do that, then you can direct the child to whatever you want them to do.

Also, sometimes a child jsut needs a breather. timeout does not have to be seen as such a punishment. You can tell the kid, hey johnny I see that you are upset. why don't you come sit by me and chill out for a few minutes. Let the child collect themselves before moving on. Ask them if they feel better and go from there.

I use a thinking mat. I also offer the power of decision.

would you like to sit and eat your food or would you like to go to time out...I would say this to a child who is displaying bad behavior at the table....... let them decide....
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  #5  
Old 09-05-2012, 05:43 PM
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forgot the picture
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  #6  
Old 09-05-2012, 05:44 PM
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EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
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Originally Posted by daycare View Post
i think I had your twin some time ago....this kid wants attention and is doing anything to get it both good and bad..I think you know that already

What I did with this child was I made up several trays (pic attached) of age appropriate activities. I had to learn to catch the bad behavior before it started and when I saw it coming, I would intervene and cut him off. I would take his hand and direct him to the trays. I would ask him to choose just one activity that he wanted to do. If he got bored with it, he cleaned it up and put it away before getting another.

I think the key here is learning to catch it before it happens. I know this sounds crazy, but this is what I found to be the cure. Once you are able to do that, then you can direct the child to whatever you want them to do.

Also, sometimes a child jsut needs a breather. timeout does not have to be seen as such a punishment. You can tell the kid, hey johnny I see that you are upset. why don't you come sit by me and chill out for a few minutes. Let the child collect themselves before moving on. Ask them if they feel better and go from there.

I use a thinking mat. I also offer the power of decision.

would you like to sit and eat your food or would you like to go to time out...I would say this to a child who is displaying bad behavior at the table....... let them decide....
This child never misbehaves when they are upset. They also often go and sit alone to read/look at a book.

We used the decisions for awhile. That never curbed it either.

The trays is a good idea. The child already has multiple activities that are more advanced on top of a half wall for them to grab and use at their leisure (which this child does). But, this child genuinely enjoys playing with others and then spontaneously doing something to make the other child MAD. Well, everybody but this child's 1 friend. This child won't purposely do anything to make that child mad ... the 5-year-old can't stand to be scorned by the friend. The friend WILL tell the 5-year-old to leave them alone or that they want to play with a different friend if they feel like the 5-year-old is being annoying/rude.
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  #7  
Old 09-05-2012, 05:45 PM
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EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
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forgot the picture
I have always loved that rainbow tray arrangement. The problem is we have no where to put it in our 3 roomed preschool.
10 children, an abundance of age appropriate (and advanced toys) and no room for anything new. The only place for me to put things such as that is on top of the half wall. But, activities for the child to do up there hasn't stopped them yet or slowed down the issues. Hmmmm. Off to look for ideas to make up more.
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Old 09-05-2012, 05:46 PM
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3 rooms and no where to put it.....get rid of the kids....ahhahahahahahahha
wow I would love to see your setup
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Old 09-05-2012, 05:48 PM
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EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
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3 rooms and no where to put it.....get rid of the kids....ahhahahahahahahha
wow I would love to see your setup
LOL I would be so sad to see them go. I'd rather forfeit the pretty rainbow tray arrangement .... I think.

I have posted photos in that little group that has photos of their set up before, I think. Hmmm. I'll go look for you. If I haven't, then I will.
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Old 09-05-2012, 05:54 PM
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LOL I would be so sad to see them go. I'd rather forfeit the pretty rainbow tray arrangement .... I think.

I have posted photos in that little group that has photos of their set up before, I think. Hmmm. I'll go look for you. If I haven't, then I will.
ok cool I can look to. I love looking in there and seeing what everyone has done...

some very wonderful ideas
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  #11  
Old 09-05-2012, 05:55 PM
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ok cool I can look to. I love looking in there and seeing what everyone has done...

some very wonderful ideas
The photos are from 2 months ago, so a little bit HAS changed but I put them in the Group Decor group (I had an album, and I just put them in the actual group).
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