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  #1  
Old 12-10-2014, 12:31 PM
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Default Cannot Handle This Child A Minute Longer

She cries constantly when she wants attention and isn't being held. She wants to eat constantly, she screams in between bites. My days are significantly worse because of her. I count down minutes until she leaves. She's 12m old. She screams bloody murder during nap time the entire time, or may fall asleep for like 10/20 min max on her own. I no longer have the patience for her. Her parents are absolute dreams though it totally stinks. I really need to term her for my own mental health but feel so awful. I'm thinking of only doing 3+ from here on out. Thoughts? How do I term? I have never done it, do I give a certain times notice? Should I wait until I have her spot filled and then term? Blahx
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:38 PM
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I am a reg member btw, but being anonymous for this one, I am a licensed in home provider with 3 other 3 year olds.
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:39 PM
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Deep breathe....

How long have you had her?

Are the parents aware that she cries a lot?

Where do you nap her? She needs to learn to nap well, and I bet the rest would come together.

Personally, I would have a "tough love" conversation before terming. They need to work with you on getting her to eat on your dc schedule, have a predictable routine, and go to sleep independently. If they are willing to do at home what you MUST do at daycare, then I'd give it two more weeks. If they are not, then you will need to ask them to make other childcare arrangements.

What conversations have you had with them about this?
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:41 PM
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Very simple. Let the parents know that you've decided to only take on 3 yo's and need to term ASAP.

That is not only for your well being but that of the child

I am sure that she is feeding off of your frustration, which is feeding her's and around the circle you go.
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:41 PM
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Are her parents aware of the problem? Could you set up something like a probation plan with the parents? I have a form that I give to parents I'm wanting to term that states the problem and that if the problem persists then they will be termed. That way I have documentation that I tried my best and made the parents aware that they're on the edge of a term... makes me feel better when I have to hand over a term letter.

I've had several screamers and with no help from the parents I just had to term them. This is actually keeping me from wanting to advertise to fill the two spots I have... I just won't be able to do another screamer. No way. Can't handle it ever again.

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Old 12-10-2014, 12:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
Deep breathe....

How long have you had her?

Are the parents aware that she cries a lot?

Where do you nap her? She needs to learn to nap well, and I bet the rest would come together.

Personally, I would have a "tough love" conversation before terming. They need to work with you on getting her to eat on your dc schedule, have a predictable routine, and go to sleep independently. If they are willing to do at home what you MUST do at daycare, then I'd give it two more weeks. If they are not, then you will need to ask them to make other childcare arrangements.

What conversations have you had with them about this?
I disagree. When the provider is this frustrated and counts down the minutes, it's really time to sever the relationship ASAP.
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:45 PM
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I have talked with them about how she doesn't sleep independently for more than 20 min- they mentioned she is the same at home and that she doesn't like to be alone, I don't really know how to confront them I guess. My 3 year olds sleep in a separate room for nap time and she gets a pack n play in a totally quiet house. Have tried soothing music, laying her down staying wth her but it's just 15 min by herself. Oh sure she will sleep 2 hours on me if I let her. She needs to eat within an hour of beig here then eats a ton at lunch then screams for nap then needs to eat and by 4 she's so damn crabby nothing makes her happy until 5:30 when parents come. If I walk from daycare room to the bathroom she screams, if I have to set her down for lunch making she screams. If she's too worked up she throws her food at me, on the ground etc.

I'm just majorly stressed about her. I can get nothing done without giving her constant attention.and I don't know what to say to the parents.
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:47 PM
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I disagree. When the provider is this frustrated and counts down the minutes, it's really time to sever the relationship ASAP.
Respectfully, of course!

There have been moments where I could have said the same thing! Part of me wanted to call ALL my dcp's on Monday..

I guess I wanted more info. before I said "term". For me, I have very few problems turning wee one's behavior around, with a little work on the parent's part (or at least awareness). In my state, though, I can nap kids in any far room I want. That makes a HUGE difference, because with a 1 year old, I would have no problem with modified CIO. If I had to nap them all together...no way.

On the other hand, a 3 year old is almost always a lost cause for me. A badly behaved older child is not really something I deal well with.

I guess I wanted more info before I told OP to throw up her hands and say "bye bye".
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  #9  
Old 12-10-2014, 12:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I have talked with them about how she doesn't sleep independently for more than 20 min- they mentioned she is the same at home and that she doesn't like to be alone, I don't really know how to confront them I guess. My 3 year olds sleep in a separate room for nap time and she gets a pack n play in a totally quiet house. Have tried soothing music, laying her down staying wth her but it's just 15 min by herself. Oh sure she will sleep 2 hours on me if I let her. She needs to eat within an hour of beig here then eats a ton at lunch then screams for nap then needs to eat and by 4 she's so damn crabby nothing makes her happy until 5:30 when parents come. If I walk from daycare room to the bathroom she screams, if I have to set her down for lunch making she screams. If she's too worked up she throws her food at me, on the ground etc.

I'm just majorly stressed about her. I can get nothing done without giving her constant attention.and I don't know what to say to the parents.
First of all, if you really just want to terminate, you should. It's okay...

If you want to give it two weeks, and you think you can, I can give you ideas and a sort of script for the parents. If so: Are they just cool with the fact that she needs so much "help" sleeping, or are they also frustrated? Does she sleep at night? What is her daily "schedule" there? When does she get up, arrive, and what are your meal times?
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
She cries constantly when she wants attention and isn't being held. She wants to eat constantly, she screams in between bites. My days are significantly worse because of her. I count down minutes until she leaves. She's 12m old. She screams bloody murder during nap time the entire time, or may fall asleep for like 10/20 min max on her own. I no longer have the patience for her. Her parents are absolute dreams though it totally stinks. I really need to term her for my own mental health but feel so awful. I'm thinking of only doing 3+ from here on out. Thoughts? How do I term? I have never done it, do I give a certain times notice? Should I wait until I have her spot filled and then term? Blahx
If you can't take one more minute of it call the parents for a pick up. knowing what you can handle and what you can't is key! No failure on your part, only if you continue to let it on- Two week trial period and if its not working its not working. I don't hold out until I fill a spot either. I can do it or I can't.
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Old 12-10-2014, 12:57 PM
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The only times I have mentioned it she just say "I just feel so bad "(when she cries on her own for sleeping). I know they rock her to sleep and she sleeps through the night. They feed her at home before she comes.(breakfast).i often give her a snack around 10 because she gets irate. Lunch is 11:45 and snack again around 3. She eats more than the 3 year olds.

The parents kind of seem frustrated I think but they're first time parents and I think they give into the behavior. I'll make one more attempt to tell them she isn't napping well here unless she is beig held. The other option is to tell them nap time is noon until 2 /2:30 and she is only sleeping 10 minutes and will scream the entire rest of the time )I'm not sure they will like that of course.)
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Old 12-10-2014, 01:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
The only times I have mentioned it she just say "I just feel so bad "(when she cries on her own for sleeping). I know they rock her to sleep and she sleeps through the night. They feed her at home before she comes.(breakfast).i often give her a snack around 10 because she gets irate. Lunch is 11:45 and snack again around 3. She eats more than the 3 year olds.

The parents kind of seem frustrated I think but they're first time parents and I think they give into the behavior. I'll make one more attempt to tell them she isn't napping well here unless she is beig held. The other option is to tell them nap time is noon until 2 /2:30 and she is only sleeping 10 minutes and will scream the entire rest of the time )I'm not sure they will like that of course.)
I use this form when putting a child on probation... just so they're aware that if change doesn't happen their contract will be terminated.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B04...ew?usp=sharing
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  #13  
Old 12-10-2014, 01:09 PM
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What kind of reaction do you get from parents for excessive crying probation?
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Old 12-10-2014, 01:26 PM
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What kind of reaction do you get from parents for excessive crying probation?
They're not usually surprised at that point because we've usually had many conversations about it. I had one parent who swore up and down that her child did not scream non-stop at home so I knew nothing was going to change and I termed them. If I've already exhausted everything I can do here and parents are unwilling to do anything to change the situation then I know it's just time to term.
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  #15  
Old 12-10-2014, 05:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
The only times I have mentioned it she just say "I just feel so bad "(when she cries on her own for sleeping). I know they rock her to sleep and she sleeps through the night. They feed her at home before she comes.(breakfast).i often give her a snack around 10 because she gets irate. Lunch is 11:45 and snack again around 3. She eats more than the 3 year olds.

The parents kind of seem frustrated I think but they're first time parents and I think they give into the behavior. I'll make one more attempt to tell them she isn't napping well here unless she is beig held. The other option is to tell them nap time is noon until 2 /2:30 and she is only sleeping 10 minutes and will scream the entire rest of the time )I'm not sure they will like that of course.)
What time does she arrive at daycare?
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Old 12-11-2014, 12:49 PM
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8:30 in the morning
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  #17  
Old 12-11-2014, 02:34 PM
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She arrives at 8:30. Is her getting up time consistent?

Does she use a pacifier or any other kind of comfort object?

I can keep asking questions and then give ideas, but only if you are not terming in the next couple weeks. If you are terming, then just do it and you will feel total relief.

Be prepared though. For some reason, as soon as you term, a lot of kids suddenly flip a switch and make you wonder. Don't buy it.
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