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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Completely OT, Personal Issue
NightOwl 11:00 AM 06-11-2014
Just thought I'd share this. It's personal, not daycare related.

Playing with my husband's iPhone, which is his work phone, I find inappropriate messages from a woman in his office. Her: I drive you crazy, don't I? Him: nope. Her: Do you like to cuddle and smooch while watching TV? Him: actually no. Not a cuddler. I don't like to be touched at all when I'm relaxing. Her: Well you haven't done it with the right person yet! I like being "distracted" from watching TV. Her: When will you be back in the office?? Him: no response. Her: I promise I am not boring! I may be too much even for you to handle. Him: again, no response.

I was SEETHING MAD. My husband obviously isn't interested. He apologized for not telling me, said he didn't want to upset me, but it was obvious even to me that he was trying to show her his disinterest.

So I sent her this text: This is John _____'s wife. Your text messages to my husband are highly inappropriate. Just know that I have screen shots of those messages and I will have your job if I ever hear of anything inappropriate happening again. He obviously is not interested, so back off. Confirm that you got this message so that I don't have to call (the owner of the company) tomorrow to fill him in.
She responded hours later with "got it".

Lolololol lol

I looked her up on Facebook, and she's MARRIED! Well, I couldn't pass up that opportunity. I pm'ed him the whole situation and told him I was sorry to have to inform him of this, but I felt he had a right to know what his wife was up to.

Karma is a bitch.
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NoMoreJuice! 11:05 AM 06-11-2014
Omg...I think you did the right thing sending it to her hubs!! That kind of harassment crap is totally uncalled for!! Glad you found a keeper that is interested in keeping a healthy marriage!
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Leanna 11:07 AM 06-11-2014
Wow. I don't know what to say other than good for you for having the chutzpah to do that .
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NightOwl 11:07 AM 06-11-2014
Ikr! Not to gloat, but I have a SEXY husband and I could definitely see why she would be so bold. But she obviously wasn't thinking with her head.
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CedarCreek 11:10 AM 06-11-2014
What a ho-bag.

Your response was much nicer than she deserved.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. My hubby would be in hot water too for not telling me.

Like, boiling-his-skin-off hot.
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Unregistered 11:10 AM 06-11-2014
Yep,karma is a bitch! She won't be doing that again now will she! I had to do that one time too,it wasn't quite so obvious and my husband is such a nerd he acted like he didn't even know it was flirting. After reading it again he sent her a message that it was inappropriate and disrespectful to both spouses.She got what was coming to her too when I told her husband!
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Shell 11:18 AM 06-11-2014
Good for you, and well played. I don't know what I would have done, I would be sooo angry!
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NightOwl 11:23 AM 06-11-2014
He didn't get off easy, don't get me wrong. I felt he should have told me or nipped it instead of trying to be nice and hoped she got the hint. I asked what he would do if he found messages like that in my phone, and he agreed he'd be LIVID.
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playground1 11:26 AM 06-11-2014
Well played indeed! I think you handled that really well.
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NightOwl 11:45 AM 06-11-2014
I'm glad you guys agree! You know how you have that little moment of doubt before making a bold move? I had that and second guessed my decision until I received the "got it" text. That told me she KNEW she was wrong and it wasn't simple flirting.
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midaycare 11:50 AM 06-11-2014
What a tool! Great job of handling it.
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playground1 11:51 AM 06-11-2014
True story: Years ago I met a guy at a party and we made out a bit. He was a dj, I thought he was cool He asked for my number and he called, but for whatever reasons I couldn't make it on the days he wanted to go out.

So about a week later I get a call from his pregnant wife, who is living in a motel with their 2 other kids. She wants to know who I am and asked me if I'd slept with him. I was, as you can imagine, very pleased to report that I had not. She asks me to do her a favor and I feel like he deserves it so...

the next night she does a girl night with her friends at a club and later in the evening ask him to join them. I was there, with his wife, when he arrived Never seen a guy move so fast in my life. Totally worth it.
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lovemykidstoo 11:53 AM 06-11-2014
Holy cow, that was awesome what you did!! It was great when you wrote it to her, but to send it to her hubby was an added bonus. Might have been fun to act like you were your husband and say "hey yea baby meet me at my house tonight." Then answer the door when she arrived and see the shock on her face hahaha. Good for you!
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melilley 11:57 AM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by queen_of_the_playground:
True story: Years ago I met a guy at a party and we made out a bit. He was a dj, I thought he was cool He asked for my number and he called, but for whatever reasons I couldn't make it on the days he wanted to go out.

So about a week later I get a call from his pregnant wife, who is living in a motel with their 2 other kids. She wants to know who I am and asked me if I'd slept with him. I was, as you can imagine, very pleased to report that I had not. She asks me to do her a favor and I feel like he deserves it so...

the next night she does a girl night with her friends at a club and later in the evening ask him to join them. I was there, with his wife, when he arrived Never seen a guy move so fast in my life. Totally worth it.
Awesome that you did that! It reminds me of that new movie out. I haven't seen it yet, but heard it was funny.
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melilley 12:02 PM 06-11-2014
I think what you did was awesome!
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craftymissbeth 12:04 PM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by queen_of_the_playground:
True story: Years ago I met a guy at a party and we made out a bit. He was a dj, I thought he was cool He asked for my number and he called, but for whatever reasons I couldn't make it on the days he wanted to go out.

So about a week later I get a call from his pregnant wife, who is living in a motel with their 2 other kids. She wants to know who I am and asked me if I'd slept with him. I was, as you can imagine, very pleased to report that I had not. She asks me to do her a favor and I feel like he deserves it so...

the next night she does a girl night with her friends at a club and later in the evening ask him to join them. I was there, with his wife, when he arrived Never seen a guy move so fast in my life. Totally worth it.
That. Is. Awesome.

OP, I have that same little bit of doubt, too... but it's usually immediately AFTER I open my big mouth

I found texts and phone calls to/from one of my husband's co-workers. In fact, some random person messaged me on Facebook and told me that she was tired of hearing all about how my husband and that girl were dating and so proud of themselves for fooling me. We separated for awhile and then he finally got his own apartment... and not even a week after he signed the lease she moved in with him. This was a couple weeks ago.

I'm SO glad you have a good guy on your hands
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melilley 12:06 PM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
That. Is. Awesome.

OP, I have that same little bit of doubt, too... but it's usually immediately AFTER I open my big mouth

I found texts and phone calls to/from one of my husband's co-workers. In fact, some random person messaged me on Facebook and told me that she was tired of hearing all about how my husband and that girl were dating and so proud of themselves for fooling me. We separated for awhile and then he finally got his own apartment... and not even a week after he signed the lease she moved in with him. This was a couple weeks ago.

I'm SO glad you have a good guy on your hands
Awww So sorry you had to go through that.
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NightOwl 12:09 PM 06-11-2014
That's terrible crafty! What an ass!
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craftymissbeth 12:11 PM 06-11-2014
He still won't admit it
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playground1 12:12 PM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
That. Is. Awesome.

I found texts and phone calls to/from one of my husband's co-workers. In fact, some random person messaged me on Facebook and told me that she was tired of hearing all about how my husband and that girl were dating and so proud of themselves for fooling me. We separated for awhile and then he finally got his own apartment... and not even a week after he signed the lease she moved in with him. This was a couple weeks ago.

I'm SO glad you have a good guy on your hands
Oh, no. How are you doing? I know it's cold comfort but rest assured, they won't last. Relationships like that never do. Do you guys have kids?
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craftymissbeth 12:15 PM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by queen_of_the_playground:
Oh, no. How are you doing? I know it's cold comfort but rest assured, they won't last. Relationships like that never do. Do you guys have kids?
Meh. I think that's why I've been so critical on here lately. Sorry bout that! Yes, we have a 7 yo son. He's surprisingly ECSTATIC that his dad doesn't live here anymore



Anyway, let's swing this topic back to Wednesday and the awesome job she did

(Thank you guys for being so sweet)
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MarinaVanessa 01:15 PM 06-11-2014
Oh my Wednesday! Good for you!
Out of curiosity ... did the husband ever say anything?
And I'm dying to know what it's going to be like at the office when your hubs goes back in. Can you say ... awkward lol.

And ok I have to admit ... now I want to know what your DH looks like
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grandmom 03:11 PM 06-11-2014
Wednesday,

Having earned the title of the betrayed spouse, I question your husband's integrity in this just a little. He should have ended it long before that many messages. The idea that he responded that he "doesn't like to be bothered" egged her on. Please keep a close eye on his phone for a while. Not just reading the texts, but look at the call log and text log on the phone bill. Something isn't right that he didn't end it sooner. I hope I'm wrong.

Craftymissbeth and Wednesday,

Spend some time on a web site: survivinginfidelity.com.

You will both gather good information and find support there.
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TwinKristi 03:56 PM 06-11-2014
WOW!! I'm glad you handled it as well as you did. Something somewhat similar happened years back. A client of my dh's started emailing him after the job was completed which obviously raised my eyebrows. I read back and she first emailed him asking what his fave football team was (he hates sports in general) and then when his bday was and all sorts of just personal like questions! Then she basically spilled her guts that she probably overstepped her boundaries hugging him on the last day but every time they talked it just left her feeling so raw and emotional. Then something along the lines of her son asking if he was going to be his new daddy!? I sent them all to myself and looked up her dh's email address as work (not a common name and worked for a very popular company) and I told my dh straight up, THIS isn't okay. I know you didn't do anything "wrong", she pursued you and is obviously lonely and needing some companionship BUT this is not the way we deal with things. I told him I saved all the emails and if I see anything from her again I'm sending them all to her husband. Never emailed him again! Well, she did about work but I replied and informed her we're extremely busy and looking at months before he would come out. We saw her a few years later at a basketball game for our son when I was literally 9 mos pregnant and he didn't even recognize or acknowledge her but I sure did. HA!
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NightOwl 04:17 PM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by MV:
Oh my Wednesday! Good for you!
Out of curiosity ... did the husband ever say anything?
And I'm dying to know what it's going to be like at the office when your hubs goes back in. Can you say ... awkward lol.

And ok I have to admit ... now I want to know what your DH looks like
Lolol. He actually left yesterday for a month long business trip in Morocco. So he's out of the country. I'm sure she's horribly embarrassed, and I think he was a little.... Proud. I think he found it flattering that I got so riled up.

Haven't heard from the husband yet. I offered to send him the screen shots. As I looked at his profile I noticed that he hadn't been on in a week, so he's not a regular Facebook checker. I promise I'll update though when/if i hear from him!

My husband is tall, bald (the good kind of bald), has full tattoo sleeves, and just carries himself with an air of confidence. We've been married 8 years and I still find him super hot.
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NightOwl 04:23 PM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by grandmom:
Wednesday,

Having earned the title of the betrayed spouse, I question your husband's integrity in this just a little. He should have ended it long before that many messages. The idea that he responded that he "doesn't like to be bothered" egged her on. Please keep a close eye on his phone for a while. Not just reading the texts, but look at the call log and text log on the phone bill. Something isn't right that he didn't end it sooner. I hope I'm wrong.

Craftymissbeth and Wednesday,

Spend some time on a web site: survivinginfidelity.com.

You will both gather good information and find support there.
Thank you for your concern. When I first started reading them, I was sooooo angry with him. I had to reread them a couple more times to really absorb it all. But if you knew my husband, you'd know that loyalty is his middle name. He really is one of a kind. And this isn't me talking with blinders on. That's just how it is. But I WILL be watching very closely, have no doubt.
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permanentvacation 06:05 PM 06-11-2014
I really like how you handled the entire situation. Many people would not have said anything to her husband, but I agree that he has the right to know what his wife is doing. I definitely would want someone to tell me if they caught my husband (hypothetical, I'm not married now) trying to get involved with someone else.
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SilverSabre25 07:00 PM 06-11-2014
gosh. it's going around right now i guess.


p.s. this comment was in reference to my own life.
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NightOwl 09:00 PM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I really like how you handled the entire situation. Many people would not have said anything to her husband, but I agree that he has the right to know what his wife is doing. I definitely would want someone to tell me if they caught my husband (hypothetical, I'm not married now) trying to get involved with someone else.
That's exactly what I told him!
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tehck_1013 09:10 PM 06-11-2014
Originally Posted by CedarCreek:
What a ho-bag.
Sorry but this made me bust up laughing.

But man, I would hate to be put in a situation like this... I am a very jealous woman lol. Luckily, my husband is the most sweetest, most loyal, and genuinely honest person I've ever met. He currently supervises a maintenance crew at a large nursing home. Occasionally he comes home and tells me about some weird behavior from one of the lady nurses or whatever (its always a different lady). Undeniable flirting. Even after he speaks of me. I mean some people are just deliberately ignorant of any family life/relationships whatsoever and they just really do not care. I get all riled up even though they are old and not good looking at all, and sometimes pretty heavy set, and have absolutely no chance in hell with getting even a raised eyebrow from my hubby lol. He is really good with pushing them away and hurting their feelings or being callous so they get off his back lol. He also thinks it's cute that I get so jealous.

But yeah, despite being super jealous and the anxiety attack I would get after seeing text messages like that, I wouldn't have a problem calling a chick up, or texting, emailing, or hell even meeting up to mark my territory and put her back in her place. You did a great thing! That's YOUR man! They love knowing we care that much about them to be upset about "ugly" meaningless flirtation attempts. At least in my situation lol.
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NightOwl 09:27 PM 06-11-2014
He has a very short temper and can go from zero to PISSED in about 10 seconds, but that night, he just stood there with his hands in his pockets and allowed me to rant. He said he totally understood. He was so sorry for not telling me but thought he was protecting me from any drama. He thought it would just blow over and go away.

I told him there was no way I was going to be one of those ignorant, passive wives who just let some ***** move in on her husband. And then he cracked a smile. I think it made him feel appreciated, loved, etc, etc.
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Laurel 03:48 AM 06-12-2014
Actually she could lose her job if your husband ever wanted to file sexual harassment charges.

My daughter was sexually harassed at a job. She had the night shift and there was just one other guy there with her. She always felt he was in her personal space and just felt funny around him. He would say inappropriate things but she just brushed them off. Then one night he slapped her butt as she opened the door. She said it was pretty hard. He acted like he was kidding and told her she couldn't take a joke. But, as luck would have it, the security camera caught it, she reported it, and he got fired. THEN, other girls that had worked with him before also came forward.

So most places have a pretty strict policy regarding women and it should be no different for men.

Laurel
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taylorw1210 04:24 AM 06-12-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
That. Is. Awesome.

OP, I have that same little bit of doubt, too... but it's usually immediately AFTER I open my big mouth

I found texts and phone calls to/from one of my husband's co-workers. In fact, some random person messaged me on Facebook and told me that she was tired of hearing all about how my husband and that girl were dating and so proud of themselves for fooling me. We separated for awhile and then he finally got his own apartment... and not even a week after he signed the lease she moved in with him. This was a couple weeks ago.

I'm SO glad you have a good guy on your hands
Been there, done that - put up with it WAY too long (5 years!!).

Originally Posted by Wednesday:
He has a very short temper and can go from zero to PISSED in about 10 seconds, but that night, he just stood there with his hands in his pockets and allowed me to rant. He said he totally understood. He was so sorry for not telling me but thought he was protecting me from any drama. He thought it would just blow over and go away.

I told him there was no way I was going to be one of those ignorant, passive wives who just let some ***** move in on her husband. And then he cracked a smile. I think it made him feel appreciated, loved, etc, etc.
Sounds like you have a good man, Wednesday! I, too, would be on the high alert but it sounds like he genuinely didn't want to worry you. Although not telling us makes us worry more most of the time!
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Unregistered 07:00 AM 06-12-2014
Good for you! I too had a young girl getting overly friendly with my husband at work. (She's 22 he's 47) calling him after hours asking for advice, asking for help with heater or car, etc. My hubby treating her just like one of our girls, she was in fact a friend of our daughters. I would even tease him "how was your little girlfriend at work today? " she eventually was fired but still continued to call him, to the point it was now becoming a hmm? type of situation. My oldest daughter (27) got wind of it and came to her mamas defense so quick! Girl never saw it coming and let's just say we never heard from her again.

My husband was innocent, helping a young girl out. I finally had to ask him, "what if this was our daughter showing such "innocent"friendship with an older man?" He says "well i would tell her he is a dirty old geezer that was only looking for a payout!" My reply, "so are you looking for a payout, cause in this instance YOU are the dirty old geezer!" His mouth dropped open " I never thought of it like that!"
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SunshineMama 09:00 AM 06-12-2014
You handled it perfectly! Go girl!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 04:57 PM 06-12-2014
Originally Posted by grandmom:
Wednesday,

Having earned the title of the betrayed spouse, I question your husband's integrity in this just a little. He should have ended it long before that many messages. The idea that he responded that he "doesn't like to be bothered" egged her on. Please keep a close eye on his phone for a while. Not just reading the texts, but look at the call log and text log on the phone bill. Something isn't right that he didn't end it sooner. I hope I'm wrong.

Craftymissbeth and Wednesday,

Spend some time on a web site: survivinginfidelity.com.

You will both gather good information and find support there.
I have got to agree here.
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Tags:infidelity, spouse issues, the other woman
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