I have a fairly new family in my care. The DCM continually is questioning the way I do things here, even though everything was thoroughly covered during the interview process as well as in the 50 emails she had sent me with questions. (I know, should have been a red flag).
She wants me to track the breast milk usage down to the .10 oz. She wants detailed communication of what the kids did, who they played with, what they ate, how much etc. She wants a wide open range for drop off and pick ups. Etc, etc, etc. I have explained to her that this is in-home, GROUP childcare and she just keeps coming up with more questions/issues. Her husband will ask questions at pick up time, and she will later text me to confirm what I already told him. I have put my foot down on a couple of the issues, because I don't feel I should have to waste time because she has trust issues. Frankly, I have accommodated her requests, but am getting tired of it. I am now resorting to not responding to things that have already been covered in previous communications. Have any of you ever had a DCP like this? I feel like nothing I can ever do will be enough....

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.10 of ounce?! Are you kidding me?!?!
Ummmmm no.
Lol. Just no.
And who did they play w?
Their friends.
What did they play?
Imagination.
Rinse and repeat. Lol.

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I wouldn't respond either. And other than a brief, "baby ate X ounces today, pooped, and slept great", I wouldn't go into details. If she asks what they did...played. What they ate...food. If you want her to pick up and drop off regularly, you need to tell her and be specific and firm. When dad picks up, tell im that you would prefer he relay this info to mom, as you do not answer texts/calls after daycare hours.

Just to add, if nothing you do will be good enough, then terminate. Not worth it and if they want that kind of attention, they need a nanny.

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Fortunately no I have not had parents like this. Stop responding or term.

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Is she brand new? Is her baby still very young? This is her first child? First time in daycare?

Maybe she hasn't gotten the hint yet that it is inappropriate and she's still feeling uncomfortable. Trying to juggle child care, working and breast feeding can be so very stressful. She's probably not getting adequate sleep at home and just needs reassurance that everything is okay. It sounds extreme, but maybe she just needs some time to get used to things.

I remember that feeling of not being in control when my son was in daycare, I'm sure I freaked my provider out at one point because I saw he was sleeping under a heavy comforter (3mo) and I was terrified of SIDS. I didn't want my provider to think I didn't trust her, but it DID terrify me.

I would suggest sending her a couple of texts throughout the day. "Johnny has been so sweet to your little guy today and has been playing peek-a-boo with him all afternoon" -- mommyneedsadayoff's suggestions to be short and sweet and not go into too much detail, try to be as positive as possible.

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It is hard for moms to pump enough breast milk. If you've never done it you don't realize how much work it is to get an oz. If you are kind and take the extra little bit of time to calm her nerves she may relax sooner. I think the quick texts are a wonderful idea

Finding your 3m under a thick blanket?! I would absolutely NOT trust her after that. I'm sure that she just didn't know any better (How long ago was this?) but it would still make me question her judgment. What else that could potentially kill your child would she not know about?

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Right?! My son is 3.5 now so it was several years ago, and in her defense the blanket was only pulled up to around his waist area, she couldn't figure out the swaddle I had sent (it was the type with velcros). I definitely said something to her immediately, she told me she understands the risks of SIDS and wasn't feeling comfortable even leaving the room while he slept yet. It happened in his first week of care, I can still see the picture she sent so vividly when I think about it. Makes me shutter =)

_____

I bet this mom calms down soon, it's hard to be away from your baby all day. You wish you could know exactly what they are doing at every moment, it's just not possible if you are working. You want to make sure you are sending enough milk and milk is not going to waste. Pumping SUCKS. My second baby isn't born yet and I already go to bed thinking about how many oz and how many bottles I will send for him when he starts daycare.

How does this mom send the milk for her baby? Is it frozen or fresh? Do you bottle it for her baby or does she send it in ready-to-feed bottles?

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Third child. Fifth daycare. I am a strict rule follower, have explained everything over and over. She just keeps coming up with something new. It doesn't even concern her baby most of the time. She wants nanny services from a group child care provider and at home child care costs.

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HAHA!

Ok I have no other suggestions, she needs to go!

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Exactly! some parents get off on the control and attention. We are here for the kids not the parents

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Tracking of breastmilk - $20 per week
Report on playtime - $20 per week
Answering after hours texts - $10 (per text)
Variable pick up times - $20 per week
Report on mealtimes - $20 per week

You could make a lot of extra money on this family

I'm glad I've never had to deal with that level of - ahem - parental involvement

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I had a mom like that. Drove me insane! Texts all day long, telling me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, what not to do, etc. It was constant. At first I thought she would calm down (dad was complete opposite and actually told mom to chill a few times lol). She never did calm down, started insisting on "sit downs" with me. I termed her. It got ugly (on her end) but I am SO glad I made the choice I did. It wasn't worth the hassle.

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Thank God for the parents who trust us enough to let us care for their children instead of answering umpteen texts a day, measuring exact food amounts and documenting every single thing their child does or who he plays with. Can you imagine?? How would we ever be able to properly supervise all of the others, let alone, feed, teach, toilet, love, read, change diapers, etc. This is why I chose to stay home with my kids. I'm afraid I would have been intolerable as a dcm.

If you want to keep this family, I'd definitely sit down with them and tell them you do NOT have the time to do everything she has requested. Your priority during the day is her child and all the other children. See if you can reach some reasonable agreement, such as a couple text updates a day and fill out a quick daily note. Something....This is her 3rd child??? Good grief, by the time my 3rd came along I was ready to say here take her and give her back when she can drive. JK of course.
Her 5th daycare...has she termed them all or have they termed her?

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They came from a center before me, but that was not affordable with 3 kids. I think she termed all of them, plus reported one because she thought they had two many kids in one room. I actually feel bad for her husband, as it appears she doesn't believe anything he says either.
She is nice to me one day, and then has some complaint the next. It is driving me batty. Hoping to find a replacement at some point, enough is enough.

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I complete an infant daily form for under 1yr. Some providers in my cluster send home form until 2yrs. Maybe she needs a form?

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I actually do send a form with feedings, naps and diaper changes listed plus add a bit about baby's general mood. She will question if the amount of milk fed doesn't add up. I have reminded her that sometimes some has to be discarded, but I try to be careful.
I am trying to be understanding, but sometimes people have their own issues that get in the way of them ever being happy. I really like the kids and they are getting great care here.

I will not be bullied by her, because I was so clear what I was willing to do and not do. Ughhh.

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Nope.

Just nope.

We have one like that in another classroom who wants daily, detailed reports on her son's every bowel movement - her THREE year old son. Color, consistency, amount, etc. And she doesn't want them in the form of the daily report we use - she wants an after hours phone call or text message from the teacher.

I don't get it. I'm also a dcm and as long as my two-year-old doesn't blow her diaper off, everything's fine. Jeeze.

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We have one like that, though she hasn't tried to contact us outside business hours. And she's less obsessed with bowel movements and more obsessed with his eating habits. She wants us to count how many crackers/peas/pears/etc. he eats. And measure how much milk he drinks. My favorite part is that she used to work at a center I used to work at and I had her son in my class back then too. Unfortunately, she was capable of contacting me in the middle of the day then. At least, until I turned my classroom phone off and told the directing staff that they either needed to get her to stop calling me (she was calling 2-4 times per HOUR) or actually walk back to my room when they needed me.them that.

At my last center, I had a parent would calculate out how much breastmilk we used vs. how much she brought in and always complain that it wasn't accurate enough or that we were wasting milk, etc. And, in KY, parents are supposed to bring prepared bottles in ready-to-feed amounts. If we were wasting it, it was more than likely because the parents were putting too much in the bottles.

But, no, I wouldn't be all that extra stuff for her. Though, in reality, I would probably do what MyAngels suggested since that's what I used to do when I ran a boarding barn for horses. If something wasn't standard, I would do it for a fee. That fee was based on how much I didn't want to do it. Basically I made it worth it to me to do.

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Do you, by chance, have a 'master list' with all these costs? I'd love a copy to share with those certain 'types' of parents, LOL! I'm actually serious about this here though, really. Send me one!

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Just set your fees at whatever would make it worth it to you to do those things. If it's obscenely high, then so be it. If a parent ever actually decides it's worth it to pay $90/week extra for you to write a description of their poop (or whatever), then at least you feel like it's worth it.

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Maybe you could just send samples of poop home? I could see if they had a really good reason for needing to know these kind of things, dr's note for a health condition or something, but I cannot imagine it would vary too much from when they poop at home???
I was an anal mom of my firstborn but even *I* wasn't that anal.

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Her power is in numbers. She has three slots. She's not stupid. In a center she's a blip on the radar. In home care she's got three precious slots.

I would just sit her down and tell you you don't have this much parent conferencing built into your fees. You don't have this specific of record keeping and reporting built into your fees.

Tell her that although she may feel this is best for her baby, that you couldn't offer the level of service she is requesting for her or any clients for the base price. If she wants this much tracking, access to your time, and communication, you have to raise her rate for the infant so you are compensated for the special services.

She can have xyz included in the price as all parents do but if she wants xyz it will be another X $ per week.

It's not personal. It's not about what she is specifically asking for. Its simply the time it takes to service her wants and the conferencing to discuss it.

Time is money. She should understand that.

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I would never agree to the wide open drop off and pick ups. Did you

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The thought of charging her for all of the 'extras' is hilarious!

I have decided to change my Infant Report Form and include a small area that details our meals for the older two. I will not include how much each child ate, nor details about who and what they played with etc. The kids bring home a project, so she can clearly see what we are working on.

Micromanaging her children already...they are going to have so much anxiety when they are older, it is sad.

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Nannyde, I did not agree to the wide open pickups. Her husband often works late with no notice. I told them that if pickup is going to be after a certain time, I need a text message ASKING me if it will work that day. It should not be assumed that it will work. I might be out of breastmilk for their baby at that point, or starting an activity with the other kids. I also let them know that all of my other clients have a set pickup time, and usually pick up before that, not after. I also let them know I will not keep a child here for longer than 10 hours a day without extra fees involved.

Her demands are getting ridiculous.

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, no I don't have a list. Fortunately in all my years of providing care I've never had to deal with this level of whatever it is . I do agree with Nannyde's take on it - if they want a level of service above and beyond what you provide for all families they need to pay for it .

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This is where I KNOW I am different than most providers....

I would straight up call her out about her behavior..

Email it, write it in a note or say it...personally, I'd say it to her directly in person. Firmly.

"DCM your requests/questions are becoming ridiculous and not at all condusive to group care. I do not appreciate your need for constant attention as I am a busy working provider and will NOT address your ever growing list of questions regarding tiny unnecessary details on a daily basis with you any longer. We discussed these things upon enrollment. From today forward, you will either trust the care and services I provide (without the 101 additional questions) or you will submit your written notice of termination."

She needs to know you do not NEED her.
She needs to either choose to be part of group care or she needs to leave.

These are the types of parents I have little patience for. I TOTALLY and completely understand new parents and their uncertanty but this mom doesnt fit that in my opinion. To me, she just seems to want attention and has figured out how to get it through her kids. She wouldnt have lasted my 2 week trial period.

Sorry you are having to deal with this OP.

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If you have read my book, reread the PASS (Parental Attention Seeking Syndrome) parent section. Also, you may need to be prepared so read the Hard Core Pawn parent section. It will tell you how this is going to end.

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This makes total sense to me in this situation.
It's a very professional response that tells her you don't have time for her demands, and yet offers her a solution if she truly thinks she needs it.

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I'd term.

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I'd offer her the services at a price. I'd send the email this weekend.

If she balked or put up any fuss, 3 kids or not, I'd term.

No thank you.

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