Ok, so one of my 4 year olds goes to prek 3 days a week. My only dcg. She will cry and whine to get her way, and if you don't nip it in the bud, that is the only way she will talk to you. I nipped it in the bud, and it doesn't happen here. Well, at school she has a teacher who is very soft spoken, and doesn't want to ruffle any feathers. DCG wanted a bow to glue onto her project at school that another girl in class had. The teacher tried to help her pick a different one, and she didn't want a different one and started FLIPPING out. Throwing things, screaming, running. Flipping out. This went on for a few minutes and when she couldn't get her to calm down, she called me to come get her. All the other kids were upset and were starting to cry because she was hurting their ears, or scaring them. The INSTANT I walked into the room she stopped. Boundaries. I gathered her up with her things and we went home. First thing I did was have a talk with her about what happened and whether it was appropriate behavior. Then I had her draw a picture of what happened at school and helped her write "I am sorry". She was not allowed to watch a movie at nap time but took a nap with the littles. She was exhausted from all the freaking out that she did! So, I guess my question is, I do still talk to the parents about her day? Or do I let the teacher do that? My gut is to tell mom and dad and let them deal with her the way they would in their home. Thoughts?

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No personal experience, but my gut says that you did the right thing. I think that also talking to the parents is entirely appropriate--explain both what happened and what YOU did, and make sure to let them know that you're letting them know so that THEY can handle it at home as well (tacitly letting them know that you are expecting them to met out some consequences as well and don't entirely consider the matter "handled").

I'm a bit amazed that the school didn't do more to handle it--sounds like a fairly typical tantrum to me, if a bit over the top for something so seemingly minor. Perhaps it's just because I'm out of touch with how preschools/pre-ks handle things? Seems to me like they could have called in another teacher to help out, or something...

Interestingly, I opened the thread expecting to answer "no" on punishing for something that happened at school, but given the circumstances, it was DEFINITELY appropriate for you to do, IMO. That was something that needed handled immediately and firmly...and she's also old enough to understand the delayed consequences that will (hopefully) come at home.

My final thought is that if this is so out of the ordinary (which it sounds like) is she feeling okay, or were there other things going on that the teacher hadn't seen, did the other girl take the bow from your DCG in the first place, something like that? Once she calmed down, or now that it's so far removed, have you tried asking her what made her behave like that?

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I think you did the right thing. If the teacher had dealt with it at school and just told you about it at pickup, then no, don't dicipline after the fact. I would tell the parents what happened, tell them you handled it today but they should talk about proper behavior at school.

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I would be sure to tell the parents. The school involved you by calling you to pick her up. I'm just wondering, why did they call you and not the parents?

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No, not a punishment...but you were dragged into it so you should discuss it with the girl and her parents.

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The thing that I find odd about the whole situation is...why did the school call YOU? Why didn't they call the parent?

It is late in the day so maybe I am misreading it. But I would be TICKED if my child was at school and they called the provider over me first.

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Same here. And actually, as the provider, I would be ticked that they called ME to pick up instead of the parents. And as someone else has said, WHY did they need to call for a pick up anyway? She could have sat in the office or time out or something instead of having to involve the parents/dcp. I mean, WE don't call the parents to come get the kid every time they have a temper tantrum, why wouldn't they (teachers) be able to deal with it?

But, from what you said that you did, I totally agree - I would have done the exact same thing (after all, she inconvenienced you also, by you having to drop everything and get all the other kids in the car and get her!) and I would definitely tell the parents and subtly express my desire that she gets "talked to" at home so this doesn't happen again. Still shaking my head over why the school chose to call you to get her instead of calling parents and trying to work through things together. I mean, flip it around and it seems kind of silly. Let's say it's a school day and she's at your house getting ready to go. She throws a temper tantrum. What would you do? Deal with it, right? Talk to parents to find a way to work through this together so you are on the same page. Do you call her teacher to come get her?? of course not. At that point it has nothing to do with the teacher, it's between you and parents. That's why teacher should have called parents - it should be between teacher and parents, shouldn't involve you, even if dcg does go to your house after school.

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If she is listed as the pickup person and the teacher knows the child is in daycare, I can see how it can happen. not that it's not entirely right, but I can see it happen.

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That's what I was thinking.

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I would be livid if I was at work and my daughter did that at preschool and they called daycare instead of me. I've been a parent of daycare children (as recently as last year) and I am sorry - but I NEVER would have expected my daycare provider to be called at all. The school should have called the parent and the parent should have ASKED the daycare provider if she would be able to pick up out of the normal scheduled time and if it was too inconvenient then it would have been my job as parent to figure out how to get her.

But that isn't what you asked.

Normally I don't believe it is a providers job to give a consequence for something that didn't happen under their roof. But if it is something that causes complete disruption and you are taking over the roll of the parent then I think you did the right thing - because she is going to barely remember what happened when she gets home that night and you dealt with it immediately while it was still fresh in her head and your consequence was completely appropriate and not over the top at all (I've seen some that were ridiculously over the top). And age appropriate!!!

I would absolutely tell mom and dad. I think that parents should always know when their children are out of line even if the consequence has been dished out already.

I'll go back to my roll as parent in this situation - As the parent if we don't know how bad it is we will never know it needs to be fixed. I just now am being told about my son's bus behavior. Bus driver has been trying to handle it herself for the last 2 years. I JUST found out that he has been HORRIBLE on the bus and how on earth can I have helped her stop this behavior - or deal with it if I didn't know???

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I would have told the school when they called that they needed to call her parent. Its not a normal pickup time for you and you cant get there right now. But,... since you picked up I would have told the parent as soon as you returned that school called, insisted she was picked up explained the situation. Have them deal with the school. personally I would have RIPPED the school as a parent if the school called childcare instead of me. That isnt the childcares business. To deal with the situation as it is though, I would tell mom that in the future the school needs to call her, you are a ride, and a provider, not a mom and you cant make decisions for them in this matter. I would let school know at drop off that you are an EMERGENCY contact,.. not a parent. If they attempted to contact the parent in an emergency and you had to meet them at the hospital or something that is fine, but to call and request pickup for not being able to handle a childs behavior,.. that is a parents responsibility not a childcare providers. That you were put in the middle of something that wasnt your business and you will appreciate it if that doesnt happen again.

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I wasn't put out by being called instead of the parent, and either was mom or dad. I am listed as the contact for the day, so I am who they contacted. I live a block from the daycare, so it wasn't a big deal. I did have to load the kids up into the stroller and we walked over. I guess I wouldn't expect them to call the parent during the day, because I am the care provider during the day, so if they are in need of something during the daytime hours, I am the go to person. Anyways, thanks for the feedback on the discipline. I talked to mom and dad too. They are FANTASTIC and we were on the same page. Worked out well. They appreciated the fact that I handled it here and that they thought I handled it perfectly. They are going to talk to the preschool teacher about how to handle dcg differently in the future. All in all, it worked out.

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I would HIGHLY doubt the school would have just called the provider unless she was added as the main contact. Some parents are just like that and would rather the provider go get the child instead (especially if they are closer to school). Not to mention, I was called to come get my kindergartner dcb last year because the school called both parents and couldn't get them, I was 3rd on the list.

However, I completely agree that this was something that the teacher/school should have handled and not had to call. A little ridiculous and as the parent I would have doubts about my preschool not being able to handle a temper tantrum.

ETA: Like a pp said, I expected to open this post and say no but I think you handled it wonderfully! Glad the parents agreed.

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