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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Is Daycare A Women's World?
dave4him 07:18 PM 10-12-2011
I do not know of very many other guys who have gone into the work of daycare providing. I havent really met with too man people opposing the idea of me starting a home daycare, im just wanting to make sure i make the best impression. I love my family, my kids, and any kids i watch will be loved just like my own. Going to be an interesting adventure ahead.
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Ariana 07:32 PM 10-12-2011
I personally think it's fantastic!! I wish more men would take on these roles for both little girls and little boys. Seeing a man take on a nuturing role is extremely important in children's worlds, so bravo to you It's just unfortunate that a few bad apples have ruined it for most men in this field.
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Cat Herder 07:50 PM 10-12-2011
I think it is wonderful (my DH is my backup) but you should be aware of the huge stigma attached to men and changing diapers/toileting.

I have worked in a few large centers, inspected and conducted trainings in even more... They all had one underlying theme.... No Men allowed in rooms with diapering or potty training.

Do I think it is fair? No. Is it real? Yes.
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sharlan 07:55 PM 10-12-2011
My husband is very involved with my daycare, always has been.

Now, having said that, I would not leave my children in a man's care. I know that there are a lot of nurturing men out there, but a few bad apples that I have personally come in contact with have formed my opinion and it won't change.
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dave4him 08:01 PM 10-12-2011
Believe me if i had it my way I could turn around the income and allow my wife to get an easier job and be home more! Her job is burning her out so much as it is, but i think thats how it is a lot of times. I'll slap the next man upside the head who askes his stay at home wife sarcastically what she did all day! These suit and tie guys are so clueless, LOL
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Cat Herder 08:03 PM 10-12-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Belive me if i had it my way I could turn around the income and allow my wife to get an easier job and be home more! Her job is burning her out so much as it is, but i think thats how it is a lot of times. I'll slap the next man upside the head who askes his stay at home wife sarcastically what she did all day! These suit and tie guys are so clueless, LOL
Be careful what you wish for, there are a few members who will take you up on that....
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dave4him 08:06 PM 10-12-2011
My wife says it sometimes, ;P oh well..... least i kept them all alive right
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Unregistered 08:29 PM 10-12-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
I do not know of very many other guys who have gone into the work of daycare providing. I havent really met with too man people opposing the idea of me starting a home daycare, im just wanting to make sure i make the best impression. I love my family, my kids, and any kids i watch will be loved just like my own. Going to be an interesting adventure ahead.
My husband and I do family day care together and he is amazing with the children and the parents love that he is here. Good Luck
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misspollywog 08:38 PM 10-12-2011
The two little ones I have now came from a dc run by a man (he closed down and moved - lucky me lol) and according to their mom, they LOVED this guy and she had nothing but great things to say about him.

Just thought that might give you a boost of self confidence.
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dave4him 08:40 PM 10-12-2011
It helps that i have been stay at home dad for a year with my own three and this is a small enough town to where most people at least have seen me hauling my own through here and there. Guess i wont be able to run errands once i have my daycare in place
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melskids 05:12 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Believe me if i had it my way I could turn around the income and allow my wife to get an easier job and be home more! Her job is burning her out so much as it is, but i think thats how it is a lot of times. I'll slap the next man upside the head who askes his stay at home wife sarcastically what she did all day! These suit and tie guys are so clueless, LOL
i'll be sure to show my hubby this post tonight...lol

kuddos to you! i know a man in our area who not only does childcare at home, he has a FULL house of ALL 2 year olds, and a waiting list a mile long.
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2ndFamilyDC 06:33 AM 10-13-2011
I know when I go to my daycare training conferences (all day training) there are about 6 men to 80 women there. So it is a woman's world it seems, but there are men out there doing it. Good luck to you.
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godiva83 06:43 AM 10-13-2011
One of the best employees and coworkers I have had the privilege of working with was male! When I first hired him some of the parents were uneasy, and he received an unfair judgement at first because of his gender-- 4 months in they thought he was the best thing since sliced bread and everyone loved him.
I think/ wish more males would enter the daycare profession, takes a strong confident male to enter 'a women's world'
Good for you
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Heidi 06:56 AM 10-13-2011
Welcome!

I have a friend in Madison that has been running a family childcare for about 25 years. He is known to be one of the best providers around.

He has spoken at conferences. I will ask him for tips on "being a man in a woman's world", if you like, and I will pass them on to you.

Bwa ha ha for once the tables are turned! :-)
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Blackcat31 07:42 AM 10-13-2011
You know I was thinking about this as we have had plenty of discussions about men in the field in almost every college course I have taken and although some people have mixed feelings about it, I think that it is wonderful and I wish there was a way to get more men involved.

A majority of the noted Child Development Theorists/Specialist and ECE Pyschologists we study and learn from are men, so..... just sayin'.
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Heidi 07:45 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
You know I was thinking about this as we have had plenty of discussions about men in the field in almost every college course I have taken and although some people have mixed feelings about it, I think that it is wonderful and I wish there was a way to get more men involved.

A majority of the noted Child Development Theorists/Specialist and ECE Pyschologists we study and learn from are men, so..... just sayin'.
Yeah, but I think they just observed the children while the women did all the actual caregiving...
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permanentvacation 08:00 AM 10-13-2011
I see both sides.

On one hand, having a man interacting with the children is very good for kids. Kids need to see that men can be kind, caring, loving, etc. Men usually joke around with kids a bit more then women do, and when reprimanding, are usually more firm, but can show that they aren't mean and scary, but firm and caring. Men usually run around more outside chasing the kids and playing ball with the kids then women do. So, it is good for a man to be involved in taking care of kids.

However, I would never leave my child alone only with a man and I would not be comfortable with a man changing my children's diapers/helping in the bathroom, etc.

I would be more comfortable hiring a man/woman team when my children are 6/7 years old and able to tell me if something happened. I would not hire a man or man/woman team until my child was completely potty trained and had knowledge of what someone can and can't do to/with them, were able to defend themselves some and had the confidence to tell me if something happened.

I know plenty of women have harmed children, however, it is more common from men, so I would be more careful with men.
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Blackcat31 09:18 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I see both sides.

On one hand, having a man interacting with the children is very good for kids. Kids need to see that men can be kind, caring, loving, etc. Men usually joke around with kids a bit more then women do, and when reprimanding, are usually more firm, but can show that they aren't mean and scary, but firm and caring. Men usually run around more outside chasing the kids and playing ball with the kids then women do. So, it is good for a man to be involved in taking care of kids.

However, I would never leave my child alone only with a man and I would not be comfortable with a man changing my children's diapers/helping in the bathroom, etc.
I would be more comfortable hiring a man/woman team when my children are 6/7 years old and able to tell me if something happened. I would not hire a man or man/woman team until my child was completely potty trained and had knowledge of what someone can and can't do to/with them, were able to defend themselves some and had the confidence to tell me if something happened.

I know plenty of women have harmed children, however, it is more common from men, so I would be more careful with men.
I know that is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it. However, I find that statement to be really sad. Sad, that we as a culture feel we can't break free from that kind of stereotyping. Sad that we are still separating men and women into categories when we, as women, are always screaming for equal rights/treatment.

Yes, you said there are plenty of women that harm children but since more men do it then women, we should be more careful. Why are we just simply not more careful? Why does the thought process even involve separation of the sexes?

I honestly don't think men in childcare are more apt to harm a child. No more than a woman is. I really don't think it has anything to do with being a man or a woman. I think it has more to do with having a good, trusting relationship and open communication with the caregiver.

I wouldn't leave my child with anyone (male or female) that I didn't feel comfortable with. We will never get over this stigma if we do not start changing the way we think, feel and speak about this subject.

Why is it okay for men to be stay at home dads, and even single fathers, but it isn't ok for them to watch other people's children? Why is it ok for Timmy to play in the kitchen center and with the high heels and princess crowns, but later when he is older, he can't work in child care? Why is all of that ok, just so it can NOT be ok later? Doesn't make sense to me.

Permanentvacation~ I am so NOT singling you out. You are free to feel and think any way you want and I RESPECT THAT!! I really do.

I completely understand where you are coming from, I just wish society would change it's way of thinking and tolerance and acceptance were easier to come by. We try to teach our little ones to love people for who they are, but as adults we still have our biased ways of thinking and that just really makes me sad.

I think I should be leaving this thread now because this is a hot button topic for me.
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permanentvacation 09:37 AM 10-13-2011
Well, of the 100+ pedophiles in my area, 99+ of them are men. In every jail in every state, there are many many more men in jails than women. I don't think it's stereotyping. It's a proven fact that you have to be more careful around men than women.

So,especially as a mother of a young child, I would not hire a daycare that has a man in it, especially if it's only the one man there or only one man and one woman. I might be okay if it's a center with numerous women and maybe one man, but I would rather only women be in the facility that I have my young daughter in. Once she's a bit older, I might feel comfortable with a man around as long as there are also women.
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daycare 09:42 AM 10-13-2011
I have a good male friend who is a daycare provider. He is a single dad and he is the BEST! Allthough he is not as strict as I see most women, I know taht his families love him. And what I mean by strict, is that he lets the kids jump on sofas and stand on chairs.... things that would never happen here at my house....lol

the funny part is that he is a really tall, dark man that looks like he just got out of jail....lol But he is a youth minister and just the most loving person I have ever met. This guy has people lined up to get into his daycare.... I think its fantastic. There are a lot of little boys and girls without a daddy... In fact, there are more children without daddys then without mommies, so I think he has a great thing to offer......
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Blackcat31 10:20 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
Well, of the 100+ pedophiles in my area, 99+ of them are men. In every jail in every state, there are many many more men in jails than women. I don't think it's stereotyping. It's a proven fact that you have to be more careful around men than women.

So,especially as a mother of a young child, I would not hire a daycare that has a man in it, especially if it's only the one man there or only one man and one woman. I might be okay if it's a center with numerous women and maybe one man, but I would rather only women be in the facility that I have my young daughter in. Once she's a bit older, I might feel comfortable with a man around as long as there are also women.
Statistics will NEVER change until our attitudes do.
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Ariana 10:32 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Statistics will NEVER change until our attitudes do.
I'm not sure what this means? Can you clarify?

I for one can completely understand the hesitation some parents feel about having a man in the daycare field, especially when psychologists tell us that most pedophiles choose jobs where they interact with kids. I also know that most parents never see abuse coming. Pedophiles aren't the "boogyman" they're people you know and trust unfortunately. Having said that you can't go around living in a bubble and never have your kids interact with men (whather you have a son or a daughter). I just wish the world wasn't this way because I know so many men who would make excellent care providers.
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laundrymom 10:59 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I don't think it's stereotyping. It's a proven fact that you have to be more careful around men then around women.
I've never seen that research. Could you please tell me more about the study?

I guess on the flip side one could say,....

I would never send my kids to a dayhome ran by a woman because you have to be more careful, they may leave the children unattended and go to target. You know how much women love target

Your point about there being over 100 MALE pedifiles in your area has nothing to do with a mans ability to be an awesome childcare provider for infants.

That is stereotyping. Just as it would be for you to say, OMG, he's from mexico, I bet he's here illegally. !!

Or, he's a black man from Detroit ,... I bet he sells drugs.

Or,... He is a white truck driving hunter from Kentucky, I bet he can't read or hold a job.

I've not seen ANY research advising people to be on the watch for all men who enjoy being around children. Could someone please point me to a creditable study?

My question on this to all of you is,...
I love when a child climbs into my lap, looks into my eyes and says, I love you Soooo much. You rock!
It makes me feel awesome to know they feel love, safety, security, trust, etc.

Would it be wrong of me to do these things if I were male? I don't think so but reading some of the responses make me wonder. How a woman's Behaviors would be interpreted if repeated exactly by a man?

I mean,... Would someone look at a male provider accusingly if they were rocking an 18mo old girl to sleep after a nightmare? Simply because he was not a she?
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Blackcat31 11:09 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I'm not sure what this means? Can you clarify?

I for one can completely understand the hesitation some parents feel about having a man in the daycare field, especially when psychologists tell us that most pedophiles choose jobs where they interact with kids. I also know that most parents never see abuse coming. Pedophiles aren't the "boogyman" they're people you know and trust unfortunately. Having said that you can't go around living in a bubble and never have your kids interact with men (whather you have a son or a daughter). I just wish the world wasn't this way because I know so many men who would make excellent care providers.

Sorry, I meant stereotypes (not statistics) will never change until our attitudes do.

Until we stop assuming men (because of their sex) are going to be pedophiles or harm our children, men will be shooed away from the early childhood profession in general. As a man, I would not want to go into a field where women are looking and whispering about whether or not I might harm the children. Until we stop assuming that it is unsafe to leave our children in the care of men, things will never change.
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Blackcat31 11:10 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I've never seen that research. Could you please tell me more about the study?

I guess on the flip side one could say,....

I would never send my kids to a dayhome ran by a woman because you have to be more careful, they may leave the children unattended and go to target. You know how much women love target

Your point about there being over 100 MALE pedifiles in your area has nothing to do with a mans ability to be an awesome childcare provider for infants.

That is stereotyping. Just as it would be for you to say, OMG, he's from mexico, I bet he's here illegally. !!

Or, he's a black man from Detroit ,... I bet he sells drugs.

Or,... He is a white truck driving hunter from Kentucky, I bet he can't read or hold a job.

I've not seen ANY research advising people to be on the watch for all men who enjoy being around children. Could someone please point me to a creditable study?

My question on this to all of you is,...
I love when a child climbs into my lap, looks into my eyes and says, I love you Soooo much. You rock!
It makes me feel awesome to know they feel love, safety, security, trust, etc.

Would it be wrong of me to do these things if I were male? I don't think so but reading some of the responses make me wonder. How a woman's Behaviors would be interpreted if repeated exactly by a man?

I mean,... Would someone look at a male provider accusingly if they were rocking an 18mo old girl to sleep after a nightmare? Simply because he was not a she?
FANTASTIC post laundrymom!!!!! Nicely said!!!

We definitely need a like/love button!!
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Ariana 11:10 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Sorry, I meant stereotypes (not statistics) will never change until our attitudes do.
Ahh ok!! Thats what I thought you meant! I wish we could change the statistics
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Meeko 11:13 AM 10-13-2011
My husband was my assistant when we started doing group care and now my son is. The kids LOVE him and so do the parents.

I have a lot of single mothers who are thrilled to know there is a good male role model in their childrens' lives.

However, I have also had women turn up their noses when they find out my helper is male because they are convinced that all men are child molesters

I usually point out that many men are teachers, doctors etc who will have contact with their child.

I recently had a woman come by for interview. She loved our set up and wanted to have her 3 year old son go here......as long as I got rid of MY son as my helper!!!!!!!!!!

She told me the child's father was in prison for sexually abusing her older daughter (not his). I understand her feelings and feel so bad for her. But she told me she has decided to keep her children away from men until they are much older. I wanted to cry.

Her daughter went through a terrible ordeal, but she is teaching both her and her son that ALL men are like that. Her daughter is going to grow up completely paranoid about men. Maybe never able to have a relationship with one.

I tried to gently tell her that she should be letting her kids see that not all men are bad. They need to trust again. She requests no men teachers for her daughter at school etc. and will do the same for her son.

She is fueling the attitude that is infecting others. Men make wonderful teachers, wonderful day care providers, wonderful nurses and doctors.

I say go for it! I used to live in Oklahoma (Altus AFB) The best provider on the base was a man. His wife was active duty and they wanted a stay at home parent so he became a day care provider so he could be home with their kids too. He was fun, involved, and more often than not taught us women a thing or two at meetings! I say the more men the better in childcare!
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graham.shellbell 11:19 AM 10-13-2011
My husband and I run our childcare together and my 19 year old son works with us. They change more diapers than I do..the kids all love them(esp since my hubby is a big kid most of the time) I have only had one person tell me they were a bit worried about my husband being here..I told her then we weren't the daycare for her. I would love to see more guys in a nurturing role like this.
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Country Kids 11:26 AM 10-13-2011
At my childs elementary school we only have one male teacher and a male reading teacher. There are more at the middle school/high school. Most of the elementary schools here only have female teachers.

Our town has only one registered offender that is female. I can't tell you how many are men-to many.

I think being a male provider if wonderful if you are ready for it. It a new territory for men. It wasn't that long ago only women were nurses, men were doctors. Women were teachers, males were principles. Men were lawyers, women the secretaries. It could go on and on but it is an evolving cycle. Slowing women enter into the work force where it used to only be men and vice versa.
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laundrymom 11:39 AM 10-13-2011
Not just the work force,... I can't begin to tell you how frustrated I get when I go in to the auto parts store!!! Oh hello just because I have breasts does NOT mean you can 1. Try to belittle my knowledge 2. Try to sell ms something I don't need, 3. roll your eyes when I tell you what I want. Like I'm too dumb to install something.

Ugh. Lol sorry. I get grumpy. Lol
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
At my childs elementary school we only have one male teacher and a male reading teacher. There are more at the middle school/high school. Most of the elementary schools here only have female teachers.

Our town has only one registered offender that is female. I can't tell you how many are men-to many.

I think being a male provider if wonderful if you are ready for it. It a new territory for men. It wasn't that long ago only women were nurses, men were doctors. Women were teachers, males were principles. Men were lawyers, women the secretaries. It could go on and on but it is an evolving cycle. Slowing women enter into the work force where it used to only be men and vice versa.

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GrannyJ 12:21 PM 10-13-2011
My Son also helps me! He is an ex marine and in the evening he teaches Ju Jit Sue. He is a divorced father and loves children and the children love him. He only comes by now to visit because I only have 2 children right now but everyday the kids ask if he is going to be here!!!

I have to say I was shocked reading some of the post and almost brought to tears. I would expect this from parents but not from providers.
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Meeko 01:24 PM 10-13-2011
So if all men are potential child molesters....I guess women should stay single and use a sperm bank......because men can't be loving and nurturing to children?????? What an insult to every loving father out there.

Men CAN be good care providers. More should go for it. Every client I have ever had over the years has been thrilled with the care their children received from my husband and my son. One client was single mother of two boys. She lived with her mother and her sisters. She loved the fact that her boys got to play ball with my guys and be "boys"!!

But I still do get calls from women who think my son must be weird because he chose working with kids as a career.

And yet they don't seem to balk at male pediatricians who get to touch their kids all over and see them undressed! Why the double standard? If men are so heinous, then why trust ANY man???? Just sayin'.....it's so silly.
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dave4him 02:54 PM 10-13-2011
24 hours on this board and i already know how to start hot topics Fun. Glad there is so much imput really since you kind of feel alone when the stay at home mom groups in the area wont let you visit for play dates.
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Blackcat31 03:23 PM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
24 hours on this board and i already know how to start hot topics Fun. Glad there is so much imput really since you kind of feel alone when the stay at home mom groups in the area wont let you visit for play dates.
Seriously? Bet they'd let you in if you said you'd change the oil in their cars! LOL!! Not funny. but that is sad that they won't let you join...

What kind of message is that sending to their children then? Wow, some people.
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nannyde 03:35 PM 10-13-2011
One of my neighbors did day care for years when his kids were little. His wife worked at an insurance company and got him some of her work mates kids for business. I think he made it five years or so.

He only had little boys who were age mates to his kids.

I wouldn't hire a male staff assistant. It would be too big of an obstacle to get over. I can see husband and wife teams or mother son teams but a male non related assistant would markedly decrease my chances of getting the particular parent I'm after.

If I owned a center I would hire males in a heartbeat. The younger males with the three and up crowd is a big seller.
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Country Kids 04:07 PM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
One of my neighbors did day care for years when his kids were little. His wife worked at an insurance company and got him some of her work mates kids for business. I think he made it five years or so.

He only had little boys who were age mates to his kids.

I wouldn't hire a male staff assistant. It would be too big of an obstacle to get over. I can see husband and wife teams or mother son teams but a male non related assistant would markedly decrease my chances of getting the particular parent I'm after.

If I owned a center I would hire males in a heartbeat. The younger males with the three and up crowd is a big seller.
Why would it be a big obstacle? Why would it decrease your chances for parents?
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nannyde 04:23 PM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Why would it be a big obstacle? Why would it decrease your chances for parents?
They wouldn't go for it.
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Michelle 08:21 PM 10-13-2011
My hubby is my assistant too but I do have to admit that when I was at Ikea the other day, I wanted to put my dd in the daycare because she loves it and there was only a man in there and I just kept walking.
I'm sorry, but one little grab or one touch can dramatically change a child's life.
My job is to protect my child and I know it sounds ridiculous coming from me because my hubby is my assistant but I know he is awesome and would never hurt a child.
I have never had a single parent say anything about him being here.
They love him and so do the kids.
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dave4him 01:05 AM 10-14-2011
Its a difficult thing really. I know i would have a hard time thinking of putting my kids in a daycare with a guy there unless i knew him really, really well. Trust plays a high role in anything though. I have seen plently of messed up women as well as men so im not sure gender roles cant ccarry both types.
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learn-n-grow 08:27 AM 10-14-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I think it is wonderful (my DH is my backup) but you should be aware of the huge stigma attached to men and changing diapers/toileting.

I have worked in a few large centers, inspected and conducted trainings in even more... They all had one underlying theme.... No Men allowed in rooms with diapering or potty training.

Do I think it is fair? No. Is it real? Yes.
But what's sad is that women are very capable of doing the same things people fear that men would do and what sucks is a lot of women get away with it...some world we live in.
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Michelle 09:20 AM 10-14-2011
Little girls get very shy at around 4 and 5 and some girls this age occasionally have toilet accidents or need baths, you can't imagine how uncomfortable these girls would feel having a man that's not her daddy change them or help them with their clothing. To me it's just not natural and not right to make a girl go through this.
I have heard people bring up the fact that kids have male teachers and pediatricians. Male teachers only teach, they don't change their clothes.
Pediatricians visits are usually only once a year for physicals and the parents can choose a male or female doctor.
I always let my child decide when they got to a certain age if they want a male or female doctor.
My hubby does not change diapers or clothing, he is their friend,preschool teacher,driver,cook, playground referee,and sometimes trampoline

In todays day and age you can't be too careful and I don't know why a man would want the liability of being the only male adult in the house full of kids that we all know love to tell stories and with parents that love to blame every little scratch or rash on the provider.
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Blackcat31 09:46 AM 10-14-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
Little girls get very shy at around 4 and 5 and some girls this age occasionally have toilet accidents or need baths, you can't imagine how uncomfortable these girls would feel having a man that's not her daddy change them or help them with their clothing. To me it's just not natural and not right to make a girl go through this. I have heard people bring up the fact that kids have male teachers and pediatricians. Male teachers only teach, they don't change their clothes.
Pediatricians visits are usually only once a year for physicals and the parents can choose a male or female doctor.
I always let my child decide when they got to a certain age if they want a male or female doctor.
My hubby does not change diapers or clothing, he is their friend,preschool teacher,driver,cook, playground referee,and sometimes trampoline

In todays day and age you can't be too careful and I don't know why a man would want the liability of being the only male adult in the house full of kids that we all know love to tell stories and with parents that love to blame every little scratch or rash on the provider.
Make a little girl go through what??? Why would they be traumatized by an adult caregiver attending to their basic needs? What about boys? They are changed and assisted by women who are not their mothers? Are they traumatized by that?

The only reason a child would be uncomfortable with that situation is if they somehow have the impression that one gender is safer than another. Children adopt the attitudes they have about the world around them from the adults in their lives.

I am really surprised and saddened by the attitudes some of the poster's have on this forum. Especially because we are child care providers and by taking on that role, we have a responsibility to teach our little ones, acceptance, tolerance, diversity and equality for both genders.
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mismatchedsocks 10:23 AM 10-14-2011
I will go back to read the posts after I write. My assistant is my boyfriend Dave. He has been here for about 2 years, almost done with associates in early childhood, got a few grants and job offers JUST for being a guy in the field. I have had most parents love it! One parent did not sign because she didnt want him changing her daughter diaper...to each their own. ( she did call back a little while after and actually since we have become accredited to see if we had openings. NOPE!, not taking that liability)

His name is Dave too.


Just went back to read the posts. If and when I open a center I really hope there are males that apply. I would love to kick this sterotype in the butt. Yes it can happen, but it can happen at school as well ( are kids not supposed to be alone in classroom with male? ) it can happen anywhere, uncles, family, own fathers... how can you know? You cant. Just run background checks, have gut instincts and stay on top of your childs care, regardless if its male or female.
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daycare 10:56 AM 10-14-2011
after reading some of these post, I recall a situation that had occured a few years ago. I was very ill and needed to go to the doctors. My daycare was full at the time. I had 4 boys and 4 girls here.

Well, I have never closed for illness and was not even taking the time to get regular medical check ups. After getting very ill, I had to start going to the doctors weekly. It was only going to be for about an hour maybe less. So I wrote to all of the familes to let them know that my husband would be my back up and that all of the appointments would be made during napping hours. This way it woudl be easy on everyone. Especially my husband.

Well most of the families felt horrible and some even asked me if they wanted me to just keep their kids home on those days I would need to go to the docs. I said no, everything is fine, my husand is here. One of the families that had two girls here threw a huge fit and said NO way.
So I told them that they would need to either come pick thier kids up or I could hire an asst they would have to pay.
Eventually they gave in. I just think that its so crazy that people think so closed minded..... I told them your a dad and you stay home with your girls, my husband is a dad too and he also stays home with our girl, whats the difference?
Ugh...people
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Michelle 03:26 PM 10-14-2011
I am talking about a man alone with children all day everyday.
Not an occasional back up for appointments or emergencies.
If the flood gates get opened to this,(all male run family daycares) some Mc Martin type thing will happen, then it will be all over the news and parents will not want their kids in home care if there is even a man living there (such as a hubbie that works outside the home while wife runs the daycare)
We have all seen how the news often makes things worse. They put fear in people and then we will all have a very hard time getting parents to trust us.

Yes, there are male obgyn's and male teachers but when women go to the obgyn and have a male Doctor ... there has to be a nurse present. (to protect him)
When my teen daughters are alone in the room with their male counselors or male teachers, the adults always leave the door open, blinds open and sometimes even has another adult present to protect themselves.

I am all for male teachers,(my daughters have had many) just not at this young tender age.
Kids this age can not usually tell what has happened to them or even defend themselves.
Why would anyone want this liability?

Nobody has answered this question.
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nannyde 04:17 PM 10-14-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I am talking about a man alone with children all day everyday.
Not an occasional back up for appointments or emergencies.
If the flood gates get opened to this,(all male run family daycares) some Mc Martin type thing will happen, then it will be all over the news and parents will not want their kids in home care if there is even a man living there (such as a hubbie that works outside the home while wife runs the daycare)
We have all seen how the news often makes things worse. They put fear in people and then we will all have a very hard time getting parents to trust us.

Yes, there are male obgyn's and male teachers but when women go to the obgyn and have a male Doctor ... there has to be a nurse present. (to protect him)
When my teen daughters are alone in the room with their male counselors or male teachers, the adults always leave the door open, blinds open and sometimes even has another adult present to protect themselves.

I am all for male teachers,(my daughters have had many) just not at this young tender age.
Kids this age can not usually tell what has happened to them or even defend themselves.
Why would anyone want this liability?

Nobody has answered this question.
For me it wouldn't be an issue of assuming liability. For me it's an issue of whether or not it would sell. When I'm scouting for new clients I am already cherry picking for the perfect customer who wants what I sell and can pay. Adding the layer of having a male staff assistant would really narrow down the group even further. It wouldn't be something that I could financially endure.

I don't think of it past that.
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dave4him 08:32 PM 10-14-2011
Its good for us to remember the impression we give children by how we respond and act. If we ask a child how they did in school during the day in a certian tone of voice they will think they did something wrong by telling you about events.... this has happend when my niece was little.. thats my older niece the now 12 year old.
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Blackcat31 09:07 PM 10-14-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I am talking about a man alone with children all day everyday.
Not an occasional back up for appointments or emergencies.
If the flood gates get opened to this,(all male run family daycares) some Mc Martin type thing will happen, then it will be all over the news and parents will not want their kids in home care if there is even a man living there (such as a hubbie that works outside the home while wife runs the daycare)
We have all seen how the news often makes things worse. They put fear in people and then we will all have a very hard time getting parents to trust us.

Yes, there are male obgyn's and male teachers but when women go to the obgyn and have a male Doctor ... there has to be a nurse present. (to protect him)
When my teen daughters are alone in the room with their male counselors or male teachers, the adults always leave the door open, blinds open and sometimes even has another adult present to protect themselves.

I am all for male teachers,(my daughters have had many) just not at this young tender age.
Kids this age can not usually tell what has happened to them or even defend themselves.
Why would anyone want this liability?

Nobody has answered this question.
The answer to your question is men don't WANT or ASK for those situations to be a liability for them, but sadly they are because some people are unwilling or unable to move past the idea that men are harmful or untrustworthy and will ultimately do something bad.
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dave4him 09:10 PM 10-14-2011
SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situtations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats
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Blackcat31 09:23 PM 10-14-2011
I wish I had an answer to that one Dave.

But I do think that things change when people's attitudes do.

We can't stay frightened and close-minded.

If we teach our children this attitude, our world will never evolve.

We need people willing to say it IS ok.
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dave4him 09:25 PM 10-14-2011
That is why i want to be friends with the people i serve when watching their kids.
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Michelle 11:21 AM 10-15-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situtations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats
This is why our church has a nursery rule where only females change diapers and help with bathroom issues, it's to protect children AND the adults.

One time I was applying sunblock on all the kids and a parent told me to make sure to pull her 4 year olds sons shorts down just a little in the back to get his lower back because when shorts become wet, they sag and he was very light skinned and burned easily. Well my female assistant did as requested and he said, "ooh why did you touch my butt?" She told me what happened and I told the mom and she laughed and said, "that's o.k. he always says that"
I can only imagine how different this would have turned out if it were a male provider alone with nobody else there to defend him.
So, my answer to prevent this kind of situation is to have another person in the daycare whenever there is a diaper changed, or clothes changed, especially when diaper rash cream is applied, etc.
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kendallina 12:55 PM 10-15-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situtations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats
I've been reading through this thread the last couple of days and trying to decide how I wanted to respond. First, I think it's GREAT that you are doing daycare. This field needs more men in it. I have worked with so many little children that do not have a positive male role model and all children (boys and girls) need this!

I think being known in your community could help you a lot. I don't know if you have young children yourself, but if you do, then get them out in the community. Go to library storytime, playgroups, weekend festivals, everywhere! Be seen in your community and develop friendships with other parents and community members. This helped me tremendously in starting up, but I think would be even more important for a man starting up. Parents have to KNOW that they trust you before leaving their children with you and unfortunately it can be more difficult for people to trust a man with children than a woman.

The second thing is to screen your clients well. The parents are not just interviewing you, but you are interviewing them. Unfortunately, as you have probably already read on this forum there are a lot of families that think they're your boss and when things don't go their way, some parents can get very vindictive. I'm sure others will have more info on what kinds of red flags to look for in clients, but you (all of us, really) should try hard to make sure that the clients you work with are mature, reasonable people.

I wish you lots of luck in your business!
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momofsix 03:58 PM 10-15-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situtations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats
I love the idea of men caring for children I hope we can come to a place where it's more accepted.
There's a man that opened a dc home near me, I don't know him but see his ads on Craig's list, and it seems he's filling up pretty quickly!
Maybe if YOU wanted, you could have cameras in your dc as a reassurance to parents. I know I would never do that-cost, feeling "spied" on, not feeling comfortable in my own home...-but there are providers that do have cameras.
Blessings in your endeavour!
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Crystal 05:57 PM 10-15-2011
My husband is my full-time assistant. He began working with me a year after I opened, 14 years ago. My son worked with the children as a teeneger. We have a very successful business. My Dad, now 65, just began taking classes in Child Development and is working at the college Child Dev. Center.

So, yes, there is a need and a role to fulfill for men in child care.
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Crystal 06:06 PM 10-15-2011
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
Well, of the 100+ pedophiles in my area, 99+ of them are men. In every jail in every state, there are many many more men in jails than women. I don't think it's stereotyping. It's a proven fact that you have to be more careful around men than women. I agree with you here, to an extent. Yes, there are many more REGISTERED male pedophiles, and I am sure in general, there ARE more. however, I do believe that there are many sexual offenses perpetrated by women that go unreported or unfounded. The statistics prove only that more men GET CAUGHT.

So,especially as a mother of a young child, I would not hire a daycare that has a man in it, especially if it's only the one man there or only one man and one woman. I might be okay if it's a center with numerous women and maybe one man, but I would rather only women be in the facility that I have my young daughter in. Once she's a bit older, I might feel comfortable with a man around as long as there are also women.I understand where you are coming from. I think it is common that people who encounter a one man team, so to speak, offering child-care, to question his motives. But, just as with any potential provider for my child, I would ASK THOSE QUESTIONS, and make the decision on who would be the best provider for my child based on the answers to those questions, my impression of the provider and the program. I would not rule out a provider soley based on gender.
Imagine our lives in a world where everyone was close-minded.
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Crystal 06:17 PM 10-15-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
Little girls get very shy at around 4 and 5 and some girls this age occasionally have toilet accidents or need baths, you can't imagine how uncomfortable these girls would feel having a man that's not her daddy change them or help them with their clothing. To me it's just not natural and not right to make a girl go through this. I think alot of people feel this way. I don't, but it is important for the provider to take precautions to protect themselves from allegations....like your husband, my husband doesn't assist with toileting or diapering. They also do not sit on his lap. We don't bathe children, so that's a non-issue.
I have heard people bring up the fact that kids have male teachers and pediatricians. Male teachers only teach, they don't change their clothes.
Pediatricians visits are usually only once a year for physicals and the parents can choose a male or female doctor. In recent news, there have been many male teachers accused and found guilty of molesting children in school....most cases with the children in the tween years.
I always let my child decide when they got to a certain age if they want a male or female doctor. certainly. when they are old enough to make that decision, it should be their right too, just as it is for you or me.
My hubby does not change diapers or clothing, he is their friend,preschool teacher,driver,cook, playground referee,and sometimes trampoline

In todays day and age you can't be too careful and I don't know why a man would want the liability of being the only male adult in the house full of kids that we all know love to tell stories and with parents that love to blame every little scratch or rash on the provider.Sad as it may be, I think you are right. I think it puts your liability at risk....that accusations can happen very easily.....and a lone male provider should make sure to document everything. While I don't think we should exclude male providers from working solo, I think it's wise business practices to make every effort to protect yourself. And I think it would be prudent of parents to interview and check records and references closely.....of course, that should be done with any potential provider for our children.
I responded in bold
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Nellie 06:53 PM 10-15-2011
I want to congratulate your new adventure in the daycare field. I have a friend that brings her son to a "daddy" daycare and just loves him. They live in a small town and he is the favorite, has a waiting list, and every one hopes HE will pick there family. I think it will be great see a male in this role. I also believe that you will be a priceless asset to children that come from fatherless families. You will make a HUGE difference in there lives.
Like some others have already posted getting out in to the community and getting to know people will really help you out. Once you are established word of mouth will be your best advertisement. I come from a small town and once I got my first few kids most all others have come from word of mouth. I will not only come from people that directly know the parents, but indirectly too. A mom will tell her friend how much she loves your daycare and that friend will pass it on to a friend or family member that has small children. There was a daycare lady that quit doing it 5 or 6 years ago in my town when her children were in school and old enough to not need babysitters or daycare anymore. She decided a few months ago to start back up and she was FULL before she ever had time to advertise. Every one still remembered her. People were even pulling there children out of daycares that they were already very established at(luckily non of my families left) I never had any close friends or family take there children to her, but every one new her name. If you are great will the children the buzz will grow it may take some time, but it will.

Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I've never seen that research. Could you please tell me more about the study?
According to the SCCADVASA
*Men are the offenders 94% of the time in cases of child sexual abuse. Men sexually abuse both male and female children. 75% of male offenders are married or have consenting sexual relationships.0Only about 4% of same-sex abuse involves homosexual perpetrators; 96% of the perpetrators are heterosexual.
* Family sexual abuse crosses all classes of society. There is no race, social, or economic class that is immune to family sexual abuse. Incest is estimated to occur in 14% of all families. 10 to 20% of American children are incest victims; 90% of the victims are female, and 90% of the abusers are fathers or stepfathers.
*National statistics indicate that in approximately 85% of the cases, the offender is known to the victim. He/she is usually a relative, family member, family friend, baby-sitter, or older friend of the child.
According to Advocates of Youth
*Most children are abused by someone they know and trust, although boys are more likely than girls to be abused outside of the family.2,5 A study in three states found 96 percent of reported rape survivors under age 12 knew the attacker. Four percent of the offenders were strangers, 20 percent were fathers 16 percent were relatives and 50 percent were acquaintances or friends. Among women 18 or older, 12 percent were raped by a family member, 33 percent by a stranger and 55 percent by an acquaintance.24*Children are most vulnerable between ages eight-12.8 The average age for first abuse is 9.9 years for boys and 9.6 years for girls.6 Victimization occurs before age eight in over 20 percent of the cases. Another study found 24 percent of female child sexual abuse survivors were first abused at age five or younger.9The National Resource Council estimates the percent of the U.S. population which has been sexually abused to range from a low of 20-24 percent to a high of 54-62 percent of the population; the higher estimate includes sexualized exposure without touching, such as masturbating in front of the child.1 The largest retrospective study on the prevalence of child sexual abuse found 27 percent of women and 16 percent of men reported abuse.
*In up to 50 percent of reported cases, offenders are adolescents.1,5 In 82 percent of accusations recently studied the accused offender was a heterosexual partner of a close relative of the child's. Researchers estimate that between 96 to 100 percent of accused abusers are recognizably heterosexual.25 Another study found that almost half of offending fathers and stepfathers also abused children outside their family.

I think that parents need to be diligent when it comes to child sexual assault. They need to talk to there children about it and frequently. Most offenders get to know the victim for 4 months before the 1st incident. The first incident my be a inappropriate touch or showing the child something that they shouldn't see. Offenders often victimize the child on average for 2 years. If families talk, talk, and talk about this could you imagine the heart ache and grief that would be prevented if the told SOMEONE the first time something happened.

I had a dear female friend that started getting sexually abused when she was 8years old by her mom's boyfriend. At 10 he started her on pot and cocaine. At 12 she told her Aunt about it. Not that she was "telling" on him, but talking about it as a dinner table conversation. She never knew what he was doing to her was wrong. Her mom didn't believe her, so she went to live with the Aunt. When she was 13 the mom found out that he was having a relationship with a 16 year old girl and she was pregnant, then she decided to believe he daughter. At 14 she was pregnant. By 18 she was doing what ever she could for drugs. Keeping boyfriends she really didn't like, but needed someone to support her. She died at 19. She was very promiscuous but she hated the sex. It was so hard for me to watch her life. Friends tried and tried and tried to get her on the right path. I know that those years of torment wrecked her for life.
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dave4him 08:19 PM 10-15-2011
I have been a stay at home dad for a year now as of November 1st anyway. My twins were born on 8-9-10, and we have an adorable 4 year old as well. So for the last year the community has seen plenty of me between walmart and other places with all three of the kids. Quite a handfull. And yes it can be a bit of work getting them all around but you make adjustments and figure it out. I have a lot to learn, and hopefully will be able to fill up the daycare quickly. Course my own already take up a few spots
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Michelle 10:24 AM 10-16-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Statistics will NEVER change until our attitudes do.
WHAT?
how can changing attitudes change statistics?
If 90 percent of Americans let their hair down and say "Oh, we think men should stay at home and watch our little kids because we don't think our kids will be hurt we are all "open minded now!"
What do you think will happen?
All the pedophiles that don't have a criminal record yet will open up their
"Daddy Daycares" and then what will you say?
Would you honestly put your little boy or girl in their care?
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jen 12:21 PM 10-16-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
WHAT?
how can changing attitudes change statistics?
If 90 percent of Americans let their hair down and say "Oh, we think men should stay at home and watch our little kids because we don't think our kids will be hurt we are all "open minded now!"
What do you think will happen?
All the pedophiles that don't have a criminal record yet will open up their
"Daddy Daycares" and then what will you say?
Would you honestly put your little boy or girl in their care?
I can honestly say that my son had a male daycare provider from the time he was about 6 months old until about 2.
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Michelle 12:40 PM 10-16-2011
I had a friend that was molested by her dad for 8 years, her life was so messed up, she was very promiscuous and could never stay in a relationship no matter how good the guy was. I am not just worried about touching and other abuse but also inappropriate pictures , these guys can do whatever they want in their own home.
I know the thought is sickening but who would know?

I know there are a lot of good men out there that will do great in the childcare industry. I just think they should work in centers where there are a lot of checks and balances, for the kids protection and for the men. (false and true allegations)

I guess this is just a "hot button" for me because of all I have seen in my life.
Believe me, I am all for men teaching, My daughters actually prefers male teachers. I just love children and they are so innocent and I have seen the pain and misery that some sicko's have caused.
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Blackcat31 03:00 PM 10-16-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I had a friend that was molested by her dad for 8 years, her life was so messed up, she was very promiscuous and could never stay in a relationship no matter how good the guy was. I am not just worried about touching and other abuse but also child ****, these guys can do whatever they want in their own home.
I know the thought is sickening but who would know?

I know there are a lot of good men out there that will do great in the childcare industry. I just think they should work in centers where there are a lot of checks and balances, for the kids protection and for the men. (false and true allegations)

I guess this is just a "hot button" for me because of all I have seen in my life.
Believe me, I am all for men teaching, My daughters actually prefers male teachers. I just love children and they are so innocent and I have seen the pain and misery that some sicko's have caused.
By her dad!?!? Maybe we should do away with fathers too and never let them be unsupervised with their own children.

And YES! Absolutely without a doubt, I would put my child in a care with a male caregiver. I would do my background research and get references just as I would with a female caregiver. I have absolutely no qualms about leaving my child with a man ALONE .

While my children were young, they had only two babysitters and both were teen age boys. Best babysitters I ever had.

My DH is my substitute and is left with the children alone many times. ALL the parents are ok with it because they know the chances of their child being sexual molested or harmed are no different when left with my husband than they are when left with me.

I also stand by what I said. IF people stop being so closed minded and assuming ALL men are bad then the stereotype that all men are bad will go away.

FWIW~ Michelle, None of my feelings about this are directed in any way at you personally. This is also a hot button topic for me as well because of the fact that I have had many many male caregiver experiences in my life and none of them were negative. I also come from a predominantly male family in which the males were just as responsible for caring (alone) for the children than the females. Many of the men in my family are very loving and attentive and I feel sorry that in today's world they cannot share what postive attributes they have without the fear that someone will see it as malicious or harmful.
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dave4him 06:07 PM 10-16-2011
Perhaps this is why i am getting the DHS permit and the STAR qualifications... it helps to have some level of accountablity... something to say hey other than the fact my own three children are doing great i WILL be period!
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Michelle 10:04 PM 10-16-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Perhaps this is why i am getting the DHS permit and the STAR qualifications... it helps to have some level of accountablity... something to say hey other than the fact my own three children are doing great i WILL be period!
I am not talking about you personally, I am talking about the general subject, I am sorry if I offended you, I am sure you will do well, there are a lot of good men out there, and I am sure you are one of them, and I think you deserve to go nuts like the rest of us! ...good luck and be careful to document everything, even when a child comes in sullen, or sad... just right it down.
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Cat Herder 01:04 PM 10-17-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
SO how do men get themselves from getting into those situations where they are accused of doing things they did not do. How do they protect themselves from parents who try to use them as scapegoats
Women have not even figured that one out.

We also get blamed for every bruise, illness and scrape. The difference is they assume it is about us not supervising...

We live in an imperfect world.

I do believe you are on the right track, Dave, by being active in your community and having people KNOW, LIKE and TRUST you.

THAT is the biggest hurdle to any profitable business plan and you seem to already have that going for you.
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dave4him 07:07 PM 10-22-2011
Of course the other side of the coin would have made me a youth or assit. Pastor's sometimes get the wrong side of the news these days too.... basically there are just too many rotten apples out there. Cant keep us from growing tree's
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