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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>"We Hate You"
sally 09:31 AM 03-20-2014
Sitting down at lunch all the kids and I try to have conversations while we eat. Today dcb blurts out we hate you. I asked who do you hate? He says my mom and dad hate you and so do I and my sister. We do not use the word hate in my home and I haven't heard anyone else talking like that at all. So do I let it go? Bring up to mom at pickup? The parents and I have had our differences because they want special treatment and I won't give it so we aren't super friendly. But I have to say it bothers me quite a bit and I don't know if I just need to get tougher and not let stuff like that bother me. What would any of you do in this situation?
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daycarediva 09:35 AM 03-20-2014
I am thinking he must have heard that somewhere. I would bring it up to the parents, for sure. "Today little Tommy said that Dcm, Dcd, sister and he all hated me. While I am sure that isn't the case, we don't use that word here. Maybe you could talk to him about it."
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Play Care 09:55 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by sally:
Sitting down at lunch all the kids and I try to have conversations while we eat. Today dcb blurts out we hate you. I asked who do you hate? He says my mom and dad hate you and so do I and my sister. We do not use the word hate in my home and I haven't heard anyone else talking like that at all. So do I let it go? Bring up to mom at pickup? The parents and I have had our differences because they want special treatment and I won't give it so we aren't super friendly. But I have to say it bothers me quite a bit and I don't know if I just need to get tougher and not let stuff like that bother me. What would any of you do in this situation?
I agree with Diva, I would address it - in front of the child if need be...
Based on their reaction you can decide how you want to proceed. Because if it was clear it WAS coming from the parents I would be done providing care.
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melilley 09:56 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I agree with Diva, I would address it - in front of the child if need be...
Based on their reaction you can decide how you want to proceed. Because if it was clear it WAS coming from the parents I would be done providing care.

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llpa 10:08 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by sally:
Sitting down at lunch all the kids and I try to have conversations while we eat. Today dcb blurts out we hate you. I asked who do you hate? He says my mom and dad hate you and so do I and my sister. We do not use the word hate in my home and I haven't heard anyone else talking like that at all. So do I let it go? Bring up to mom at pickup? The parents and I have had our differences because they want special treatment and I won't give it so we aren't super friendly. But I have to say it bothers me quite a bit and I don't know if I just need to get tougher and not let stuff like that bother me. What would any of you do in this situation?
I agree w the PP and would def address it, but I just had to say what the WHAT??????
That really stinks! I always say " I believe half of what your child says about home if you believe half if what he says about dc. " if it seems true, I wld be done w care.
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CraftyMom 10:36 AM 03-20-2014
I also would not provide care for someone who "hated" me. Sounds like he overheard a conversation and repeated it to you

My guess is they are already looking at other daycares.

You may want to term to show them that you do not appreciate being talked about like that.
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SilverSabre25 10:36 AM 03-20-2014
Eh. I'd treat it the same way I treat my daughter's declarations of hatred. "Ok." or "Okay, well I love you anyway."
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Josiegirl 10:40 AM 03-20-2014
Do you have any idea if they're looking for new child care? I agree with bringing right to the forefront and asking them if they're upset about something, looking for childcare, etc. Doesn't sound like he said it out of anger so I'm thinking he did hear it at home. I'd be advertising for new dcps right away and replace them.
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MarinaVanessa 10:42 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Eh. I'd treat it the same way I treat my daughter's declarations of hatred. "Ok." or "Okay, well I love you anyway."

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Play Care 11:25 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by llpa:
I agree w the PP and would def address it, but I just had to say what the WHAT??????
That really stinks! I always say " I believe half of what your child says about home if you believe half if what he says about dc. " if it seems true, I wld be done w care.


I've had kids tell me they don't like it here, they aren't coming back, etc. during a conflict, and I find a simple response is usually best (we will be sad but okay) I've never had a child tell me their whole family hates me just out of the blue - and it seems suspect in light of the other issues with the parents. I wouldn't be able to ignore that.
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KidGrind 11:32 AM 03-20-2014
Your parents drop you off daily to a person they hate? You must be just the joy of their existence.
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sahm1225 11:45 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
Your parents drop you off daily to a person they hate? You must be just the joy of their existence.
Lol!

Definitely bring it up. Just casually say 'today at lunch dcb said the strangest thing! He said that your whole family Hates me. I explained that we don't use the word 'hate' at daycare. Isn't that crazy? No clue where he got it from either, it was just so random.'

And just stare at them in silence. People have the habit of talking too much when there's uncomfortable silence. Go from there.
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melskids 12:01 PM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
Lol!

Definitely bring it up. Just casually say 'today at lunch dcb said the strangest thing! He said that your whole family Hates me. I explained that we don't use the word 'hate' at daycare. Isn't that crazy? No clue where he got it from either, it was just so random.'

And just stare at them in silence. People have the habit of talking too much when there's uncomfortable silence. Go from there.
This!
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Crazy8 12:19 PM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Eh. I'd treat it the same way I treat my daughter's declarations of hatred. "Ok." or "Okay, well I love you anyway."
I think the "I hate you" in anger actually means less than this case. This boy is obviously repeating a conversation he heard at home. If it was a great family I would have a hard time believing it but if the relationship is strained I would believe that it was probably a topic of conversation at home and I would absolutely tell the parents about it. If I was in a position to do so I would probably term, but I know its not always that easy. But I would want parents to know I know what they are saying about me behind my back!
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nannyde 12:30 PM 03-20-2014
I would have said "EXCELLENT" ;-)
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hwichlaz 12:45 PM 03-20-2014
I bet he overheard them say that they hate leaving him at daycare, not that they hate YOU. Most parents hate leaving their kids all day. I'd tell him that "hate" is a bad word, and if he says it again, I'd sit his butt down for a few min.
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crazydaycarelady 12:54 PM 03-20-2014
I would have a chat with the parents. If they are spewing that kind of talk and attitude towards you at home, influencing the child toward you, I wouldn't want that kind of negativity coming into my home.
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Evansmom 02:06 PM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would have said "EXCELLENT" ;-)


I always told my kids "well that's just means I'm doing my job right then!"
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MarinaVanessa 02:15 PM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I think the "I hate you" in anger actually means less than this case. This boy is obviously repeating a conversation he heard at home. If it was a great family I would have a hard time believing it but if the relationship is strained I would believe that it was probably a topic of conversation at home and I would absolutely tell the parents about it. If I was in a position to do so I would probably term, but I know its not always that easy. But I would want parents to know I know what they are saying about me behind my back!
In all honesty for me I could care less what they thought or said about me behind my back. As long they aren't being disrespectful to my face while in my home and follow my policies I don't see what the big deal is. Parents could think what they want to think, it doesn't hurt my feelings.

If they get butt-hurt and want to go home and vent to their family in the comfort and privacy of their own home because I don't want to cater to their special requests then fine by me.

If the child is disrespectful or hurtful because of the conversation or because the child is feeding off of this energy or if the parents behavior is disrespectful or goes against my policies, then I will address it. Otherwise I would leave it.

I vent about my clients all of the time for one thing or another but it's not such a big deal that I would term over it, I just vent.

Also to a child "I hate it .." sounds pretty much the same as "I hate her..". Little ears tend to hear things differently than how they come out and don't understand context that words are used in. I would hate to bring this up in a way that actually started problems if there really wasn't an issue to begin with KWIM?
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sally 02:20 PM 03-20-2014
So I told mom at pick up what dcboy said and I think her face got a little red. She said they would have a talk at home. I can't wait to see if the dad says anything to me at drop off tomorrow or drops and runs. Oh well I have decided not to let it bother me. If they dislike me because I don't give in to their every want then too bad for them and good for me! I'm going to have a great night. A fellow provider in town is having a cpr/first aid class at her house and I'm looking forward to getting that out of the way tonight.
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KIDZRMYBIZ 03:21 PM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
I bet he overheard them say that they hate leaving him at daycare, not that they hate YOU. Most parents hate leaving their kids all day. I'd tell him that "hate" is a bad word, and if he says it again, I'd sit his butt down for a few min.
Let's hope this is the case. Although idt many of my families actually hate using daycare. It's definately a lifestyle choice. Every family could make it on one income. It would require only a change in priorities, putting the child(ren) highest9 (ie: one car, smaller house, no cable/satelite, less fancy phone or internet service, less high maintenance hair/nails, it goes on and on!).
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Play Care 04:04 PM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by MV:
In all honesty for me I could care less what they thought or said about me behind my back. As long they aren't being disrespectful to my face while in my home and follow my policies I don't see what the big deal is. Parents could think what they want to think, it doesn't hurt my feelings.

If they get butt-hurt and want to go home and vent to their family in the comfort and privacy of their own home because I don't want to cater to their special requests then fine by me.

If the child is disrespectful or hurtful because of the conversation or because the child is feeding off of this energy or if the parents behavior is disrespectful or goes against my policies, then I will address it. Otherwise I would leave it.

I vent about my clients all of the time for one thing or another but it's not such a big deal that I would term over it, I just vent.

Also to a child "I hate it .." sounds pretty much the same as "I hate her..". Little ears tend to hear things differently than how they come out and don't understand context that words are used in. I would hate to bring this up in a way that actually started problems if there really wasn't an issue to begin with KWIM?
The OP stated there were issues already. I get venting, but using the word "hate" to describe the provider? I'm not comfortable watching a child whose parents may talk like that about me.
I guess I see that as completely different than a 4 yo telling me he hates me because I won't let him do something, etc.
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Unregistered 05:10 PM 03-20-2014
I would definitely address it with the parents and I would do so in front of the DCB. I think that even if only one parent is picking up, it's still important to address it with the other parent even if it's not until the following day.

My concern would be that the DCB was very specific with his comments. Those aren't typical comments from a kid his age to come up with independently. If he had said "I hate you" rather than saying what he said, you could chalk it up to the DCB saying it out of anger but it sounds more like he's repeating stuff that he's heard his parents say or parts of things that he might have heard his parents say.

Pay attention to the parents' response and if it doesn't seem right, then protect yourself and let that family go.
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Lucy 06:38 PM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by sally:
So I told mom at pick up what dcboy said and I think her face got a little red. She said they would have a talk at home. I can't wait to see if the dad says anything to me at drop off tomorrow or drops and runs. Oh well I have decided not to let it bother me. If they dislike me because I don't give in to their every want then too bad for them and good for me! I'm going to have a great night. A fellow provider in town is having a cpr/first aid class at her house and I'm looking forward to getting that out of the way tonight.
The "talk" will be:

Stop repeating things we say at home! What we talk about at home STAYS at home!!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 09:01 PM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by Lucy:
The "talk" will be:

Stop repeating things we say at home! What we talk about at home STAYS at home!!
How funny but true.
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CraftyMom 06:10 AM 03-21-2014
I'm curious to see how the parents act today
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sally 08:45 AM 03-21-2014
Well dc dad is late. Fridays are their late day but they are 15 minutes late as of now. And I've already started advertising for their 2 spots.
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sally 08:52 AM 03-21-2014
He just dropped off. He talked more than usual and acted kind of guilty. Makes me laugh
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TaylorTots 09:17 AM 03-21-2014
Hope those two spots fill for you with wonderful loving dcfs!
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sally 11:22 AM 03-21-2014
Thank you TaylorTots! I hope so too
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MarinaVanessa 11:24 AM 03-21-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
The OP stated there were issues already. I get venting, but using the word "hate" to describe the provider? I'm not comfortable watching a child whose parents may talk like that about me.
I guess I see that as completely different than a 4 yo telling me he hates me because I won't let him do something, etc.
Well to me, problems or not, its obvious that they dont hate her or they wouldnt leave their los with her. They may start looking for care now that they're embarrassed but OP is doing the same so not such a big deal. OP went with her gut and what was comfortable for her which is great. Hope she can find quick replacements and get these clients out soon
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Starburst 09:03 PM 03-21-2014
I would address the issue, but since you have had issues with them trying to take advantage of you I would definitely consider terming or at least probation. Personally for me, that would be too much of personal issues at that point that would interfere with ones ability to remain professional.

I would also count that as a sign of disrespect that the child said that to you (which is in my policies as a grounds for termination; it's one thing to have an opinion but not to say it out loud to that person) and is violating the other children's rights to not be exposed to toxic words that can create a toxic environment. Especially since kids are copycats, the other kids hear one child say that to you, next thing you know the poison spreads and all the daycare kids are saying that; probably not even just to you but at home (and the other parents will drop their children from your program because they don't want their children to say such hateful words). Either way, it will effect your daycare!
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Mondaygirl 10:01 AM 03-22-2014
The blushing mom and gushing dad are highly suspicious. That reeks of guilt. Meanwhile, what parent leaves their kid with a provider they hate?
I'm sorry the kid said that, it's hurtful.
I hope you find a couple of sweet kidlets to replace them.
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sally 01:31 PM 03-25-2014
I just had someone message me for their 3 year old and 1 year old. Wish me luck!!
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daycare 01:32 PM 03-25-2014
Originally Posted by sally:
I just had someone message me for their 3 year old and 1 year old. Wish me luck!!
you will get it !! fingers crossed for you
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MarinaVanessa 01:34 PM 03-25-2014
Originally Posted by sally:
I just had someone message me for their 3 year old and 1 year old. Wish me luck!!
Luck your way!!
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llpa 01:54 PM 03-25-2014
Luck!!! Let us know what happens
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TwinKristi 02:16 PM 03-25-2014
Good luck!!!!
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