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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Doozy of a problem DCB
Unregistered 08:58 AM 05-07-2012
I have run a daycare for almost a decade and I've never had a child like the one I have now. He's been with me almost a year and just turned 5. He is not toilet trained, his parents are trained to take him and remind him. Even if I take him every hour he still has accidents. When I noticed this a month into care I suggested there could be an issue. DCPs refused to believe anything could be wrong with their child. He has on average has 5-10 accidents a week with me peeing and pooping in his underwear. He says he doesn't know he has to go and never comes to tell me. I always am the one to notice and initiate asking him to clean himself up and get changed.
Besides that he also has some anxiety issues going on. When he does have an accident he ignores everyone and refuses to participate in any activity even if we are out at a park or children's play center.
He doesnt posses the ability to tell me what is bothering him and often if things do not go his way (example: he has to wait for a turn with a favorite sand toy) he will sit for up to hours by himself ignoring everyone and refusing to move, eat, or communicate at all. I don't try to move him when he is like that because the last time I did he kicked me and tried to hit me.
There is no reasoning with him at all as he'll either ignore me, pee his pants (on purpose) or have a fit.
I am so burnt out from this and dread each day until he starts school. It is so hard dealing with this behaviour. I think he has a pretty serious anxiety issue and a bladder problem. Parents seem to want him to get help but are still think "he's fine". I would love to term and just be done with it. Parents would have a very hard time finding anyone to take him for such a short time and I do feel guilty even though he acts like this with his parents too.
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countrymom 09:29 AM 05-07-2012
first DON'T LET THEIR PROBLEM BECOME YOUR PROBLEM

second, sounds like your are ready to term. If you can hold out for a couple more months then fine, but otherwise I think you have made a decision.
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mrsp'slilpeeps 09:49 AM 05-07-2012
I think it's time to tell the parents the he is not ready to come to your house with out pullups.

They need to be the ones to make sure he is fully potty trained BEFORE he comes to daycare and school.

It is not your job.

I had a dcg that would slap me when I tried to change her wet clothes. I was done.

Put the problem back into their hands.
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SunshineMama 10:19 AM 05-07-2012
Do you think he is able to recognize when he has to go?

Some kids have SPD, and sensory issuess that make it almost impossible for them to be able to tell when they have to go to the bathroom.

I agree with OP though- dont make their problem your problem. 5 year old messy pants all the time = icky!
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My3cents 10:34 AM 05-07-2012
Originally Posted by mrsp'slilpeeps:
I think it's time to tell the parents the he is not ready to come to your house with out pullups.

They need to be the ones to make sure he is fully potty trained BEFORE he comes to daycare and school.

It is not your job.

I had a dcg that would slap me when I tried to change her wet clothes. I was done.

Put the problem back into their hands.
I don't agree with this. If he is in your care full time- well then yes it is your job to work with the parents to potty train the child. Its a group effort or it usually won't work.

I will say it is your home- you can't have him soiling everything, so until he can go 6 weeks straight in a clean pull up, he needs to have a pull ups and not underwear. This is to protect your home, and for sanitary reasons. I highly encourage at home to use underwear so he can feel when he is going, and is wet or soiled. I hate pull ups- but in care they do have their place so that the child is not eliminating all over the place-

Not asking but placing the child on the potty every half hour is a good start. When they go- make a big deal out of it. This helps the child to realize they are actually doing what they need to do to potty. Praise, praise,praise.......when they don't make no deal out of it. Don't wait forever for this moment to happen- 3-5 minutes is more then enough time.

Five years old- time to see the doctor and find out if a medical issue is at hand.

Best-
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Country Kids 10:39 AM 05-07-2012
I can say that in a way it is our job but if he's not willing to try and go or parents aren't willing to take to the doctor then that means they don't care or wanting you to do it all. Its not our job to potty train but to help the parents do it.

Now, what are they going to do when the child starts school? The teacher definetly won't have time to take him every 30 min. and she will tell them its not her job to potty train!
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DCP 10:42 AM 05-07-2012
I had a little girl kind of like that - she has been with me for two years now but the beginning was awful...she refused to talk to me - for any reason and this ended up with her having accidents constantly. Her mom was forced to send in pull ups - the mom changed her defense reasoning over and over again coming up with excuse after excuse.

I thought they were going to leave me over it - which is fine as I knew I was doing the best I could. this child ALSO would do the refuse to play thing with others, not let anyone know she soiled her pants etc.
A little over a year of using tough love and forcing her to have to ask me for everything and anything (just to get her to realize I do not bite!) she now has come A LONG way!!
She not only had typical anxiety around people..she had group anxiety. We still struggle a little bit with the group thing but I teach her over and over again it is ok to be wrong. I actually purposely made a mistake myself once to show her that even I mess up sometimes. I then did a few one on one assessments with her to get her to trust me.

She still has anxiety issues but after a lot of hard work - she is getting better! Luckily I had not aggressive behavior towards me like you do with your little one - Moms do not take being told something is not right with their kids...and will become defensive or make up excuses over and over again.

If the child becomes a major stress factor and the parent is no help...it is surely not worth it to keep him there.

Wish you lots of luck!!
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LittleD 02:34 PM 05-08-2012
I can't see the school allowing him to go if he is not potty trained by that time. The occasional accident, understandable. But 5-10 times in a week, wouldn't the kick him out of school, or demand the parents seek medical opinion? Call CPS if they don't seek medical help?
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cheerfuldom 03:05 PM 05-08-2012
Originally Posted by My3cents:
I don't agree with this. If he is in your care full time- well then yes it is your job to work with the parents to potty train the child. Its a group effort or it usually won't work.

I will say it is your home- you can't have him soiling everything, so until he can go 6 weeks straight in a clean pull up, he needs to have a pull ups and not underwear. This is to protect your home, and for sanitary reasons. I highly encourage at home to use underwear so he can feel when he is going, and is wet or soiled. I hate pull ups- but in care they do have their place so that the child is not eliminating all over the place-

Not asking but placing the child on the potty every half hour is a good start. When they go- make a big deal out of it. This helps the child to realize they are actually doing what they need to do to potty. Praise, praise,praise.......when they don't make no deal out of it. Don't wait forever for this moment to happen- 3-5 minutes is more then enough time.

Five years old- time to see the doctor and find out if a medical issue is at hand.

Best-
pottying every 1/2 hour? I wouldnt even do this for a 2 year old. I take the kids potty every hour, even while potty training unless they TELL me they have to go outside of that. I would never do this for a five year old. I would have required pullups after that first few accidents (clearly a pattern) and to be honest, if they would not work with me and there was not progress, I would have terminated. I can't be changing a giant school age kids diapers. He really needs some sort of medical attention at this point IMO
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Daycare Diva 05:48 AM 05-09-2012
I would not be changing a 5 year old unless they were special needs. What are they going to do when he starts school?
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