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  #1  
Old 12-04-2018, 09:39 AM
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CountryRoads CountryRoads is online now
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Default Child Disrespecting Their Parent

Do you step in and say something to a child who is misbehaving with their parent?

For example, I have a 2.5 year old dcb who sometimes hits his mom when she picks him up. She laughs about it and just continues on, but I have a hard time not saying something! Like "hey dcb, don't hit your mom! She does alot for you!"

He also runs from her when it's time for him to go. And when she tells him to put away a toy he has in his hand, he throws it on the floor and she doesn't make him put it away.

This child is a total sweetheart with me, it makes me cringe to see him hit and disrespect his mom with no consequences. But, I am not his mom and feel like I would be out of line.

Do you say something when you see that behavior?
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  #2  
Old 12-04-2018, 09:43 AM
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I am 100% in charge in my facility. So until they walk out the door I maintain control. You hit you sit, mom waits.
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  #3  
Old 12-04-2018, 09:45 AM
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Yes I would say something because it is written clearly in my contract I do not tolerate this kind of behavior in my home Pick up and drop off have to be quick for this very reason parents are unable to stand up to their kids it makes me crazy!
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Old 12-04-2018, 09:56 AM
BrynleeJean BrynleeJean is offline
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This is interesting to me because I had no problem doing this in my childcare rooms I ran at the centers I worked at. Probably because there was this distance in the relationship between me and the parents, I didnt care what they though of me, my job was those children and that class room (ahh the days)
so now that I have this relationship with the parents where they talk to me ,as they would with the director when they walked into a center, just chatting about their day like they are friends (a thing I also never dealt with until home childcare), I don't feel as confutable disciplining their children in front of them
A fear of loosing their business?
A fear of the award conversations to come from me disciplining them in front of them?
Its pretty obvious it should be done. Its chaos when a child comes in a behaves like they are playing this mental game with you like nanny nanny boo boo my mom is here and you can't tell me what to do anymore. kwim
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Old 12-04-2018, 10:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrynleeJean View Post
This is interesting to me because I had no problem doing this in my childcare rooms I ran at the centers I worked at. Probably because there was this distance in the relationship between me and the parents, I didnt care what they though of me, my job was those children and that class room (ahh the days)
so now that I have this relationship with the parents where they talk to me ,as they would with the director when they walked into a center, just chatting about their day like they are friends (a thing I also never dealt with until home childcare), I don't feel as confutable disciplining their children in front of them
A fear of loosing their business?
A fear of the award conversations to come from me disciplining them in front of them?
Its pretty obvious it should be done. Its chaos when a child comes in a behaves like they are playing this mental game with you like nanny nanny boo boo my mom is here and you can't tell me what to do anymore. kwim
That's true! I didn't think of it like the child is playing games. I guess I'm afraid of embarrassing the parent or making them feel belittled. BUT...it's obviously not okay to hit. I have one dcm who gets on her 20 month old every time he does something naughty and I just love it! It's nice to see a parent not tolerate bad behavior!
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Old 12-04-2018, 10:14 AM
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Nope. When a parent is present I fully expect them to parent their child. I m officially off duty in that sense when the parent shows up.

I make sure the parents know this expectation up front.

If the child is old enough to understand we will discuss their bad/unwanted behavior the next day and in some cases have a consequence but other than telling a parent "It's time to go" I do not intervene.

The only time the 'My house=my rules' concept applies is when I am the only adult present. To me this is a very important step in teaching kids the hierarchy of authority.
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  #7  
Old 12-04-2018, 11:10 AM
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Default My 2 cents

I am the caregiver of the child when the parent is not present. When the parent is present I feel s/he is responsible for their child.

I would only intervene if they child hit or in some other way disrespected another child while the parent was present.
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  #8  
Old 12-06-2018, 09:12 AM
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Default Disrespectful to parents

We had one that was a handful when mom or moms came to pick up. He was never a problem all day just when one of them came. Then he moved to head start and I would pick him up at noon and hecame to our home. Well headstart would send home a note saying he was uncontrollable till the last ten minutes and when mom picked him up here he would be ok but she would read the note and for five minutes coddle him and kiss him and say I am proud of you changing the last ten minutes and never say anything about pushing the other boy off the slide or throw the chairs. Next he went to kindergarten and got suspended two times and kicked out of that school all within a month. Now for thirty five years my wife has been doing daycare and I have watched kids at first respect there parents and everyone to nowadays all parents want to do is never upset them let them call the shots and never be negative. I never allowed him to act up I would stand up and hold his hand pick up his shoes walk him over to a spot and tell him to sit and put them on and stay there till mom walked him out .. he did just that .. then as they pulled out the driveway you could hear him screaming at mom all the way down the block.. I do t ask the kids to do something I tell them I donít let them deside. I get in trouble with my wife a lot for that but the kids are more closer to me most of the time.. itís a different time now but I do think itís gi Worse. Sorry for the rant but parents always say they canít control their kids and donít know why, they ask what I do and I tell them .
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  #9  
Old 12-06-2018, 10:24 AM
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I try not to, but sometimes I canít help it. Like PP said, it depends who the family is and what kind of personal relationship Iíve formed with them or how intimidated I am by them 😏

A few years ago I had a set of brothers who were terrible all the time. One day when DCM dropped off, the older one, probably 4 yrs old, was throwing a screaming fit towards the mom. She just kept saying ďI know youíre upsetĒ and tried giving him whatever he wanted to get him to stop. My kids were still sleeping and I was tired of his screaming. I picked him up out of his chair, told him he was not to talk to his mom like that and put him in the time out chair. When I turned back around, mom was gone. That was their last day in my care. When I termed, DCM told me I made her feel like a terrible mother and she cried the whole way to work. I so badly wanted to say ďI guess the truth hurts!Ē
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Old 12-06-2018, 10:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I try not to, but sometimes I canít help it. Like PP said, it depends who the family is and what kind of personal relationship Iíve formed with them or how intimidated I am by them 😏

A few years ago I had a set of brothers who were terrible all the time. One day when DCM dropped off, the older one, probably 4 yrs old, was throwing a screaming fit towards the mom. She just kept saying ďI know youíre upsetĒ and tried giving him whatever he wanted to get him to stop. My kids were still sleeping and I was tired of his screaming. I picked him up out of his chair, told him he was not to talk to his mom like that and put him in the time out chair. When I turned back around, mom was gone. That was their last day in my care. When I termed, DCM told me I made her feel like a terrible mother and she cried the whole way to work. I so badly wanted to say ďI guess the truth hurts!Ē
What did she think you were supposed to do?! Stand there and just allow this child to wake up your whole household simply because he feels like having a fit because he wasnít getting his way? Some people....
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  #11  
Old 12-06-2018, 11:23 AM
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I have said something but it doesnít help. What worked for me was having the child dressed and ready to go when mom knocked on the door and out they go. The transition back to chaotic mothers is so dramatic and bad so I nipped it by not having the transition in my entryway. I also send a text to let mom know that due to this behavior this will be the way pickup is going to go.
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  #12  
Old 12-06-2018, 11:29 AM
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I'm sorta like BC as far as expecting a parent to parent when they are present. The responsibility shifts back over to the parent any time they are present BUT I expect my house rules to be followed at all times so I expect the parents to intervene and correct issues as they are happening when they are present.

If a child breaks a rule or becomes unruly (running inside, throws, hits etc) then the parent needs to step in and correct it. If they don't then I don't step and correct the child because at that point my issue is no longer with the child, it's with the parent. So I address the parent and correct the parent.

"Susan, Johny is running inside when he needs to use his walking feet. Please correct it."
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  #13  
Old 12-06-2018, 11:41 AM
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I am also like BC I think. If a child starts acting up and the parent isn't parenting I will take the child's hand gently and then walk them to the parent and physically hand the child to the parent saying "it is time to listen to mom/dad's directions now". I think it gives the message that this is not ok behavior and the the parent needs to intervene without overstepping or doing the punishment thing. It has really worked so far for me. Mom or dad usually backpeddles and then intervenes or gets out of there real quick.
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  #14  
Old 12-07-2018, 08:57 AM
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I step back and let the parents wrangle their own children. However, if a child were hitting their parent and the parent provided positive reinforcement by treating it as something entertaining, I would seriously consider terming. The last thing I need is for the other kids to look at that and decide it's OK to slap an adult.
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  #15  
Old 12-07-2018, 01:19 PM
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I don't because once the parent is there it's not my problem. For children who try to run away I put myself in-between the child and the escape route. I've also been known to go pick up a child and bring him/her back to the parent if the parent lets things go on too long.

I think it's interesting to watch how children act when their parents are around - it gives me an insight into how things are at home. I learn that Sally whines because Dad gives in, and Janie runs around like crazy because Mom just stands and watches her.
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  #16  
Old 12-09-2018, 01:55 AM
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I have a separate drop off space, so I just tell them I'm going to check on the other kids and let them work it out. I only get involved if they're affecting me or my property. If Mom wants to sit there and get slapped, that's on her. The child won't be doing it to me!

If they were in my daycare space and dawdling/ not putting away their toy and leaving, I would get involved in order to get them both out the door. I have done that in the past when I didn't have a separate space for drop off. I had to physically pull a child from a ride on toy and walk him to the door. It needed to end!
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  #17  
Old 12-09-2018, 08:14 AM
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I donít intervene if a child is being disrespectful to his/her parent. What I will do is correct a child who is breaking a classroom rule like climbing on the tables or throwing toys even if mommy or daddy is present. If Johnny wants to sass his mommy that is her job as a parent to put a stop to the behavior. If Johnny is doing something where he might get hurt or hurt another child it is my job as a teacher to keep my students safe.
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