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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCM Bringing Felon To My Home
misspollywog 03:12 PM 10-18-2011
I have a new, very nice dcm and two adorable dcks that I love to death but twice now she has brought her brother along to drop off/pick up the kids and today I found out he is a felon. He seems very nice and seems to be genuinely wanting to move past his past. However, his felonies are for armed robbery and kidnapping. He was very honest with me and told me he is trying to get a job but no one will give him a chance. The robbery was twelve years ago but the kidnapping one was just four years ago.

Since he is out now so I assume it was a 2nd or 3rd degree (not that it matters really because it speaks to his character).

I don't feel unsafe, persay, I am capable of taking care of myself and we have cctv cameras here but... um, well...

Naturally, I have to protect my dc and address this with dcm but I'm not sure how to do it without seeming like I am like everyone else -- unwilling to give this guy a chance to be a productive citizen. Has anyone dealt with this and if so, do you have any suggestions?
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wdmmom 03:20 PM 10-18-2011
Do not allow him in your home. If DCM is there, he can wait in the car. And if he's on the pick up consent form, tell DCM that he isn't allowed in your house for the safety of the children presently enrolled.

If she has a dispute, tell her it would be no different than having your neighbor over to have coffee yet they are a sex offender and set the local grocery store on fire.
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Crystal 03:21 PM 10-18-2011
Well, it is likely that it is not legal for you to allow him around your child care children....you might want to ask the licesning agency.
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daycare 03:21 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by misspollywog:
I have a new, very nice dcm and two adorable dcks that I love to death but twice now she has brought her brother along to drop off/pick up the kids and today I found out he is a felon. He seems very nice and seems to be genuinely wanting to move past his past. However, his felonies are for armed robbery and kidnapping. He was very honest with me and told me he is trying to get a job but no one will give him a chance. The robbery was twelve years ago but the kidnapping one was just four years ago.

Since he is out now so I assume it was a 2nd or 3rd degree (not that it matters really because it speaks to his character).

I don't feel unsafe, persay, I am capable of taking care of myself and we have cctv cameras here but... um, well...

Naturally, I have to protect my dc and address this with dcm but I'm not sure how to do it without seeming like I am like everyone else -- unwilling to give this guy a chance to be a productive citizen. Has anyone dealt with this and if so, do you have any suggestions?
Yes my own SIL brought a registered sex offender into my DC and did not tell me at the time. I found out later when they decided to divorce. Yes that's right she knew he was one but still had a child with him and married him. Well several years later they are now divorcing.
Well my niece was here for a few weeks. I called my LiC and They said even though he is a sex offender he has the right to his child unless court says otherwise. So I had to allow for this sicko to my house. I had to term my own niece after a week because I feared for everyones safety.

In your case he's not related. I would think that as long as he's not hanging out at your house and he's only accompanying the sister it's not really a huge deal.
If he does something out of line, I would say something.
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godiva83 03:30 PM 10-18-2011
I have never had this happen or anything similar, so I can not speak on expierience.
I would want to believe that his disclosure about his felonies is a step in the right direction; however, those are pretty serious charges in my books and I feel if you didn't bring it up, you wouldn't be doing ur job (protecting ur DCK's) and this Mum should realize this.

I think as a DCP you are not crossing lines by bringing it up. Maybe, just be straight forward saying this information will remain confidential; however, you as a DCP due to the charges your brother faced he can never come unattended and to be honest it makes you nervous, and would appreciate cooperation and some form of reassurance
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2ndFamilyDC 03:50 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Well, it is likely that it is not legal for you to allow him around your child care children....you might want to ask the licesning agency.
I know here in Minnesota he would not be allowed in my home or any where near the dc kids.
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misspollywog 03:56 PM 10-18-2011
Thanks guys. This is really uncomfortable. I'm legally unlicensed so I don't have a state rule on this, however, I have to protect my home and my dc. You've all given me great suggestions and I appreciate it.

She shouldn't have put me in this position to begin with and the more I think on it the madder it makes me.
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Blackcat31 03:57 PM 10-18-2011
I have a couple of DCD's that have criminal records. One for something similar to what you mentioned. He is the step father to one of my dck's and a soon to be father to a yet unborn baby. He is not banned from dropping off or picking up the daycare child. He has served his debt to society and is treated like any other parent.

Licensing said people do not have to disclose their criminal histories to use daycare services or be present on the premisis. The only exception is if they are registered sex offenders and in that scenario, I would have already been notified by our Sheriff's Dept. already.

2ndFamilyDC~ My licensor could not find anything in our rules and regs stating that a parent/significant other with a criminal history can NOT be on our property during child care hours. If you have this information, could you send me the info on where I can find this? Thanks.
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daycare 04:19 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I have a couple of DCD's that have criminal records. One for something similar to what you mentioned. He is the step father to one of my dck's and a soon to be father to a yet unborn baby. He is not banned from dropping off or picking up the daycare child. He has served his debt to society and is treated like any other parent.

Licensing said people do not have to disclose their criminal histories to use daycare services or be present on the premisis. The only exception is if they are registered sex offenders and in that scenario, I would have already been notified by our Sheriff's Dept. already.

2ndFamilyDC~ My licensor could not find anything in our rules and regs stating that a parent/significant other with a criminal history can NOT be on our property during child care hours. If you have this information, could you send me the info on where I can find this? Thanks.
I was about to add something similar to what blackcat said

I guess my question is how would you have known if he or the sister didn't tell you?
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misspollywog 05:05 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:

I guess my question is how would you have known if he or the sister didn't tell you?
True and I wish I didn't know now because it makes me uncomfortable knowing and of course I'm going to judge his character now based on his crimes which may or may not be fair, but it is what it is.

I try not to judge people, really. In fact, the first time I saw him he was sporting a blue bandana on his head -- kind of a gangsterish look, especially for a small town in Idaho but I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he seemed very nice, well mannered and today he was well dressed and seemed genuinely sincere about wanting to get a job. He also looked very ashamed of himself when he told me about his record so I do feel he is trying to move past his past.

Ugh. I dunno why this bothers me, except KIDNAPPING. Really??

On one hand, I feel bad because we all make mistakes (granted few of us commit armed robberies or kidnappings!) and sometimes people like him need to be given a chance. On the other hand, even if I didn't know about the felonies, I have other dcp's coming and going and am uncomfortable having a "gangsta" looking guy coming and going given that isn't the norm here.

I would feel the same way if one of my dcm's brought a guy covered in swastikas wearing a wife beater and combat boots (those guys are not hard to find here, unfortunately) to my door and I'm 99.9% sure this particular dcf would be uncomfortable with that since they are Hispanic/Native American!

Thinking I should breach the subject with her using that analogy, actually. As in, I don't mind if he comes to my door (NOT inside!) as long as she is with him and as long as he isn't sporting his "gangsta" look because I know she'd appreciate I treat a neo-nazi type the same for her families benefit regardless of a criminal record. Oh, and btw, knowing his record, if he tries anything funny she should make sure he knows I will shoot him first and ask questions later. After all, this IS Idaho lol (kidding of course! Well, sort of..).
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daycare 05:32 PM 10-18-2011
I know how you feel trust me I really do.
But the thing is that we cant really do much. If you really feel that uncomfortable, I would say something to the DCM. I would just tell her

HEy DCM I just wanted to talk to you about your brother for a min. I can't stop thinking about the fact that he has commited a crime that involves children and that he comes here to the DC where there are a lot of children present. I know taht everyone has a past and that he is really trying to change his life, but I just can't help feel uncomfortable about it. I really hope that you understand that this comes from a business aspect and that I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I would prefer that your brother not attend the daycare with you when you are here to drop off and pick up.

I am sure the that DCM will understand.
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misspollywog 07:10 PM 10-18-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:

I am sure the that DCM will understand.
You are right and she seems VERY easy to communicate with so that is just what I'll do. I'll also suggest to her that he look at the ND oil fields as they are hiring and will probably overlook his record moreso than my mostly Mormon neighbors will.
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Cat Herder 07:59 AM 10-19-2011
I don't understand why he is coming into your house to begin with
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misspollywog 08:25 AM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I don't understand why he is coming into your house to begin with
Apparently he is her ride when her husband has their car. The first day he came to the door with her, carrying a thing of toys she donated to the daycare and the second time he just came to the door with her.

DCM will be here in an hour and I am talking to her about this right away as I tossed and turned all night over it. Ugh.
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Cat Herder 08:32 AM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by misspollywog:
Apparently he is her ride when her husband has their car. The first day he came to the door with her, carrying a thing of toys she donated to the daycare and the second time he just came to the door with her.

DCM will be here in an hour and I am talking to her about this right away as I tossed and turned all night over it. Ugh.
Maybe it would be better if you just employed the Buh Bye Outside Program, altogether, with this family. Tell her it is simply to make drop-offs and pick-ups more efficient (which it does. It is my policy with everyone)

It sounds like he is being of assistance to his sister and for her it is wonderful. I foresee her being overly sensitive to it being an issue to you and becoming defensive. As an older sister, I am afraid I probably would as well. No, I am not proud of it.

I can pick on my siblings all I want, but let someone else do it and I am on them like white on rice. YKWIM?

IDK, I may be off base, but something to think of.
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misspollywog 01:14 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
Maybe it would be better if you just employed the Buh Bye Outside Program, altogether, with this family. Tell her it is simply to make drop-offs and pick-ups more efficient (which it does. It is my policy with everyone)
I am definitely doing this with everyone from now on. Especially considering I got the scoop on his crimes today -- it was (edited to say) PRETTY BAD (not kid related but violent)!!!!!!

She seemed very understanding when I told her I couldn't allow him to come around.

Still, UGH!!!!!! Why me???? Not that I'd wish it were any of you, either.
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Blackcat31 01:18 PM 10-19-2011
Miss pollywog: I PM'ed you.
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permanentvacation 01:22 PM 10-19-2011
Personally, I can't believe that a parent is taking a kidnapper to a daycare! If I was informed that someone had been a kidnapper, I would insist that they are not allowed on my property at all for the safety of the children.

I just called my supervisor. I was informed that there is no law stating that previous criminals - no matter what the charges - are not legally allowed on daycare property. However, as a homeowner, you can say that you do not want that specific person on your property. Also, that as a daycare provider, you are not allowed to leave someone who has not had their background check done and cleared unattended with the children, so you, the daycare provider, would have to be right there in the room or yard with the children anyway. She also said that even though there is no law stating that they can't enter daycare property, you as a homeowner can say who is or is not allowed on your property.

You could always terminate that child! Then you wouldn't have to worry about him being there on a consistant basis. However, if there are no real problems with that child or family, they might realize that the only reason you are getting rid of them is because of his background and they might cause problems with you.

They didn't have to tell you his history, since they did, you know to be more careful when he is around. You never know what any of your parents or the people that they allow to drop off/pick up their child's history or current issues are. But at least you do know theirs. I would personally be absoutely beside myself if a person who had previously kidnapped a child came anywhere near my daycare kids or my personal children!

If you have a good relationship with the parent, you might be able to let them know that you simply don't feel comfortable with him coming to your daycare and ask that either he stay in the car or not come with the parent at all.

I believe that you have the right as a homeowner to tell them you don't want that person on your property. Of course, that might cause problems between you and their family. But you should have the right to say who does or doesn't come on your property.

I have occassionally wondered myself about doing home daycare. When I get a call for an interview, sometimes I get a funny feeling and am not always comfortable with having strangers in my home. Think about it! We literally are inviting complete strangers in our home on a consistant basis! We are usually having them come in when it's only us, a woman, with a few little children, sometimes our own children are there as well. Yeah, I have times when I'm not too comfortable with that idea! I have also occassionally worried about the real estate agents who sit in an open house. You never know who shows up!
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misspollywog 01:33 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Miss pollywog: I PM'ed you.


Thank you much.
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Blackcat31 01:39 PM 10-19-2011
Originally Posted by misspollywog:


Thank you much.
Just watching out for ya!
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Daycare Diva 10:23 AM 10-20-2011
Regardless of daycare rules or state rules, this is your house and you get to say who comes in. I don't allow my parents to bring extra people in my house. They can stay in the car while you pick up. There is really no reason for them to be there. My house is not open to the public.
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mismatchedsocks 10:26 AM 10-20-2011
Is there a world wide place we can look into peoples background? i know for wisconsin we have a court system website we can see who gets tickets, or arrested. But what if they live out of state?

I mean any of my daycare families can have a record out of state and I would not know!
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momofsix 12:25 PM 10-20-2011
Do you know if he kidnapped a child? The term "kidnapping" doesn't necessarily mean it was a child. A distraught boyfriend that wouldn't let his girlfriend leave an apartment could be charged with kidnapping too, as an example. Either case is bad, but some scenarios would make me worry much more than others.

I would never terminate care for something like this, unless he was showing other behavior that concerned me. He paid his debt, he told you himself and I'm sure that was extremely hard for him to do (he didn't have to!) and it's not like he's ever alone with any of your kids.

I've heard stories of here of much scarier daycare dads than this guy is!
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2ndFamilyDC 12:35 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I have a couple of DCD's that have criminal records. One for something similar to what you mentioned. He is the step father to one of my dck's and a soon to be father to a yet unborn baby. He is not banned from dropping off or picking up the daycare child. He has served his debt to society and is treated like any other parent.

Licensing said people do not have to disclose their criminal histories to use daycare services or be present on the premisis. The only exception is if they are registered sex offenders and in that scenario, I would have already been notified by our Sheriff's Dept. already.

2ndFamilyDC~ My licensor could not find anything in our rules and regs stating that a parent/significant other with a criminal history can NOT be on our property during child care hours. If you have this information, could you send me the info on where I can find this? Thanks.




I was told if they have a felony they cannot be on my property or near the kids.
Of course my licensor would not know if a dc parent had a felony, but if I was told that one of my dc families had a felon living with them and wanted them to come to my home I would call my licensor and discuss it with them.

If I had a family member with a felony he/she would not be allowed to live in my house or be around the kids, so why would it be different for a dc parent? Makes no sense to me.
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Blackcat31 12:50 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by 2ndFamilyDC:
I was told if they have a felony they cannot be on my property or near the kids.
Of course my licensor would not know if a dc parent had a felony, but if I was told that one of my dc families had a felon living with them and wanted them to come to my home I would call my licensor and discuss it with them.

If I had a family member with a felony he/she would not be allowed to live in my house or be around the kids, so why would it be different for a dc parent? Makes no sense to me.
Oh, I hear you but unfortunately just like Target might drug test its employees they have no say over the personal business of the people who purchase their goods and services. KWIM?

I did run it by my licensor and she said there is no law in the state of MN saying that but as a PRIVATE business owner, you are entitled to ban or prohibit anyone you choose to.
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momofsix 12:51 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by 2ndFamilyDC:
I was told if they have a felony they cannot be on my property or near the kids.
Of course my licensor would not know if a dc parent had a felony, but if I was told that one of my dc families had a felon living with them and wanted them to come to my home I would call my licensor and discuss it with them.

If I had a family member with a felony he/she would not be allowed to live in my house or be around the kids, so why would it be different for a dc parent? Makes no sense to me.
In most states they are specific felonies listed, especially those having to do with children
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misspollywog 01:19 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by momofsix:
Do you know if he kidnapped a child? The term "kidnapping" doesn't necessarily mean it was a child.
It was a botched murder-for-hire and didn't involve a child but it was very violent and speaks to his character.
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momofsix 01:27 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by misspollywog:
It was a botched murder-for-hire and didn't involve a child but it was very violent and speaks to his character.
WOW, that is scary!
How was he able to get out so soon?
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misspollywog 01:39 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by momofsix:
WOW, that is scary!
How was he able to get out so soon?
He rolled on his accomplices and took a plea deal. The others got long sentences and he's out in 4 years.
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mismatchedsocks 01:45 PM 10-20-2011
That is scary! Keep safe, and now I really want to run background checks on everyone who comes here.

I have to say I have most of the parents drop off and pick up on the porch outside, and if they have to step in my front room, which is a little room (hardwood)with cubbies then they only stay in there. I dont have parents IN my house(carpet) but now I am even more glad I dont allow them any further.
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misspollywog 05:17 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by lilrugrats:
That is scary! Keep safe, and now I really want to run background checks on everyone who comes here.

I have to say I have most of the parents drop off and pick up on the porch outside, and if they have to step in my front room, which is a little room (hardwood)with cubbies then they only stay in there. I dont have parents IN my house(carpet) but now I am even more glad I dont allow them any further.
Since all of this I've become very vigilant about waiting at the door for drop-offs and having the kids ready at the door 5 minutes before pick-up time.

The kicker to all of this is that today I found out he lives with his mother (dck's grandma) and I just googled her address because I remember dcm told me before that her mom lives nearby. Well, whaddya know, I can see her front door from my back porch.

At least we have share two common neighbors who are cops, but still!! UGHHHH.
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