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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would This Bother You as A Parent?
Unregistered 08:56 AM 05-15-2016
Hi everyone. I don't know what it is, but the crew I have currently just don't know how to get along. Many of them missed the cut off for prek. They're four already and think they know every thing. They're always saying and doing mean things on purpose. I mostly try to ignore it and get them play separately, but one thing they do that really bothers me is when they give dirty looks. On Thursday, one girl wouldn't quit. I said "If you want to give dirty looks, give to yourself". She said without missing a beat "I will". I made her sit at little vanity area because it had a plastic mirror. I said "Ok, give yourself that look and see how it feels". I want to note, I didn't say sit there forever or any time. She stomped her feet and had a fit. Afterwards, she wondered away to play. Which I didn't mind, because it wasn't a time out. Anyway, she was fine the rest of the day. On Friday, she didn't show up. I got a call saying, she wouldn't be coming again because the parents didn't agree with me putting her in front of a mirror all day. WTF? Just wondering if they would bother you as a parent? I tried explaining it was barely two minutes, but they were upset. When I explained how the children were all starting to give each other and me dirty looks, they also didn't care.
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Thriftylady 09:01 AM 05-15-2016
While I may have handled it differently, that wasn't your question.

I do think though that you tried to explain to the parents, and they believed the child when she said she was "in front of a mirror all day". Sounds like a good riddance, what if she later said you beat her and they believed it?

All that being said, I would have given a real time out for the offense. My time outs are what I call a reverse time out. So when you act like that, you have to go to time out, but you may come out when you are ready to play and act nicely. So it could be one minute or it could be ten, it is totally up to the child. I consider giving "dirty looks" an act of being mean and rude. I guess what I am saying is try to be consistent in your discipline and it may solve your issue with the dirty looks!
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Josiegirl 09:27 AM 05-15-2016
I think how you handled it was unique and just maybe the dcg realized her face didn't look all that great. You did just fine; what I think was the dcg gave an exaggerated story and dcm believed every word. And you really don't want someone in dc like that anyways. A well-versed parent should not believe everything their child says.
Did dcm even try to talk with you to hear your story? Have there been other issues between this particular mom and you in the past? It sounds like she over reacted immensely if this is the isolated incident that drove her away. Or maybe from her viewpoint it might be the proverbial straw. Either way, it doesn't sound like open communication or trust has been 100%.
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MunchkinWrangler 09:32 AM 05-15-2016
As a parent I would probably do this myself. I think when a child is taught what it feels like if it happened to them, there's an understanding.

However, as a daycare provider, I wouldn't have handled it that way. I get that it's frustrating when all of them are doing the same rude thing and your frustration builds that much quicker. I would have given the same consequences I give for any behavior not just that type of behavior.

Unfortunately, kids are spoiled nowadays so no one wants to discipline behavior much less let someone else do it. I think you dodged a bullet with this one, the accusations would surely build and with parents who don't look at both sides, or the reality of their children's behavior, eventually you'd be accused of much worse.
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Controlled Chaos 09:36 AM 05-15-2016
A parent who believes there child's story and immediately pulls the child without conferncing with the provider is not a parent I would want around. Good luck the the dirty looks. I treat them the same as back talk and other undesirable behaviors. "That is not kind. You need to play at the table with the puzzle by yourself for a bit so you do t make one if my friends sad. You can play somewhere else when you are fast to be a kind friend "
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childcaremom 11:24 AM 05-15-2016
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
A parent who believes there child's story and immediately pulls the child without conferncing with the provider is not a parent I would want around. Good luck the the dirty looks. I treat them the same as back talk and other undesirable behaviors. "That is not kind. You need to play at the table with the puzzle by yourself for a bit so you do t make one if my friends sad. You can play somewhere else when you are fast to be a kind friend "


And very similar to how I handle undesirable behaviour.
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Laurel 02:47 PM 05-15-2016
Great minds think alike! I was thinking 'put them in front of a mirror.'

I agree with the others. If mom won't even consider your side then she can find care elsewhere.
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Mad_Pistachio 03:19 PM 05-15-2016
only from a parent's standpoint: oh, you're genius! I am so stealing this! I mean, I used the mirror to show a dirty face when it needs to be washed or a hair style, or her hemangioma, which is in the center of her back, but it didn't cross my mind to put a mirror in front of her face for a dirty look. so, yeah, thank you for the idea.

Thrifty is right: good riddance. it could get much, much worse that just a mirror incident...
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Ariana 08:11 PM 05-15-2016
This is the same parent who will bail their kid out of jail when she gets caught red handed with 50kg of cocaine.
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BumbleBee 09:03 PM 05-15-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
This is the same parent who will bail their kid out of jail when she gets caught red handed with 50kg of cocaine.
YUP!

I love the way you handled it. I put a spitter in front of the sink to 'get all his spitting out' (he was 4). stopped the behavior cold turkey.

As for the parents, probably a blessing for you. Obviously their little princess can do no wrong and quite frankly a parent who will believe a 4 yr old whole heartedly isn't one I'd want around. I'm not saying their kid is lying but 4 year olds, in general, will stretch the real story.

Her parents are going to have fun when she gets to school. Oh to be a fly on the wall at those meetings.
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CityGarden 09:25 PM 05-15-2016
I feel those who posted above gave some good feedback to your initial question so I wanted to add something to consider going forward.....

If many of the children in your program are older and acting out or showing signs of needing more you might need to look at what you are offering to help both their and your piece of mind on the day to day. Are they getting enough outdoor play time with lots of opportunities for gross motor movements? Are you providing a stimulating learning setting? I do not mean focused lessons or traditional academics but are you stretching the way they think: some examples are having them help prepare meals or snacks, asking them about what they are building with the blocks then encouraging them to take their idea to the next level, caring for a daycare fish, teach origami, have them start journaling, add a weekly poetry tea time / walk to the library for story time, etc.

My dd has a late birthday so with public school she could have started kindergarten but not with private which was the route we were going. I so so fortunate the oldest class in her preschool really served the needs of a Pre-K even thought not calling themselves that (they adjust really depending on the ages of the kids at the time --- right now with many parents opting to go public that class is younger that it was when my dd attended). As a parent I am glad the lead teacher could ebb and flow to what was needed with each group of children at the time.

Please note I do not know what sort of program you are offering so you might already be doing the items I am suggesting. These were just what jumped to mind from your OP before you got into the specifics of the one dcg. I am sorry her parents did not even think to call you for clarity though - my dd is 9 and I still feel the need for clarity from teachers at times.
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Tags:bad fit, terminate - no trust, trust
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