Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCB 4.5 Still In Pull-Ups *Update*
lvt77 06:14 AM 02-04-2011
So yesterday I posted an issue that I was having with a 4.5 DCB that is still in pull ups and had soiled my carpet in my DCR. After getting advice from everyone I deided to talk to the family about the issue. DCM was not asnwering my calls so I called and talked to dad. Told him the issue and that we all needed to work together and work on getting this child toilet trained or I was gong to have to draw the line.
Obvioulsy mom and dad talk and mom takes it all the wrong way
The mom sent me a message last night lashing out at me telling me that I am a daycare provider and that I am being paid to wipe her sons butt. She then goes on to tell me that there is nothing medically wrong with her child that he is just lazy about wanting to potty train... She ends it by telling me that she is giving her two weeks notice.
Part of me is relieved, because I was in the position that I wanted to term. however, now I am feeling as though I am in a position of being accused of something that did not happen and so forth. (the dad really twisted our conversation tot he mom)
I would like to require the family to sit down and talk to me about it, as they never did ever come to me and try to talk about this, they just threw stuff at me and said we are terming. If they don't sit down and talk to me, then I will term on the spot.
Also this is the first time that I have ever had a family term.
What would you do?? and forgive me if I am not very clear here, but I was up all night long and its only 7am here...
Obvioulsy mom and dad talk and mom takes it all the wrong way
The mom sent me a message last night lashing out at me telling me that I am a daycare provider and that I am being paid to wipe her sons butt. She then goes on to tell me that there is nothing medically wrong with her child that he is just lazy about wanting to potty train... She ends it by telling me that she is giving her two weeks notice.
Part of me is relieved, because I was in the position that I wanted to term. however, now I am feeling as though I am in a position of being accused of something that did not happen and so forth. (the dad really twisted our conversation tot he mom)
I would like to require the family to sit down and talk to me about it, as they never did ever come to me and try to talk about this, they just threw stuff at me and said we are terming. If they don't sit down and talk to me, then I will term on the spot.
Also this is the first time that I have ever had a family term.
What would you do?? and forgive me if I am not very clear here, but I was up all night long and its only 7am here...
jen 06:20 AM 02-04-2011
Personally, I would let it go as a lesson learned.
In the future, when you have a serious matter to discuss, consider putting it in writing and scheduling a conference with both parents to discuss the issue.
It's hard to get termed, even if you wanted it, but I guarantee you one thing...the first day you are free and clear of these people, you'll feel a million times better about it.
ps: I find it better to term a client than to push them until they term me. It's better for you all the way around.
In the future, when you have a serious matter to discuss, consider putting it in writing and scheduling a conference with both parents to discuss the issue.
It's hard to get termed, even if you wanted it, but I guarantee you one thing...the first day you are free and clear of these people, you'll feel a million times better about it.
ps: I find it better to term a client than to push them until they term me. It's better for you all the way around.
AfterSchoolMom 06:21 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by :
I am being paid to wipe her sons butt
Are you freaking KIDDING me? I am being paid to wipe her sons butt
That would wind it up for me right there. If that's what they think of you and your business, then good riddance to them, and who cares what they think?
Seriously - I'd let them go and never look back.
lvt77 06:24 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
Personally, I would let it go as a lesson learned.
In the future, when you have a serious matter to discuss, consider putting it in writing and scheduling a conference with both parents to discuss the issue.
It's hard to get termed, even if you wanted it, but I guarantee you one thing...the first day you are free and clear of these people, you'll feel a million times better about it.
ps: I find it better to term a client than to push them until they term me. It's better for you all the way around.
very very good point. I thought about that after i talked to the dad that I should have tried again via email or another letter.Personally, I would let it go as a lesson learned.
In the future, when you have a serious matter to discuss, consider putting it in writing and scheduling a conference with both parents to discuss the issue.
It's hard to get termed, even if you wanted it, but I guarantee you one thing...the first day you are free and clear of these people, you'll feel a million times better about it.
ps: I find it better to term a client than to push them until they term me. It's better for you all the way around.
One of the main issues is that the communicatoin was very poor. The child had every tom dick and harry picking him up and dropping him off, notes would be sent home, but then would never get back to the DCM or DCD. They didnt reurn my phone calls and etc...
So do you think that I should clear the air with them or leave it alone, I dont like the fact that they are terming based on incorrect information?
lvt77 06:29 AM 02-04-2011
Should I ride out the two weeks or should I just end it now. I have not even talked to the DCM yet about any of this because I wanted some advice from you experienced ladies out there....
Blackcat31 06:35 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by lvt77:
very very good point. I thought about that after i talked to the dad that I should have tried again via email or another letter.
One of the main issues is that the communicatoin was very poor. The child had every tom dick and harry picking him up and dropping him off, notes would be sent home, but then would never get back to the DCM or DCD. They didnt reurn my phone calls and etc...
So do you think that I should clear the air with them or leave it alone, I dont like the fact that they are terming based on incorrect information?
Does it really matter? They are leaving ....they will think whatever they want and obviously no amount of discussion on your part will make them be any different. I would do as PP suggested and chalk it up to a lesson learned and wave sweetly as they go..... It does feel bad when people leave misinformed but right now it is a moot point because they are already leaving so I think if you try to talk with them more indepth it would only be to make yourself feel better so I personally wouldn't even bother. Let it go...breathe deeply and be glad it will no longer be your job to wipe his tush!!!! very very good point. I thought about that after i talked to the dad that I should have tried again via email or another letter.
One of the main issues is that the communicatoin was very poor. The child had every tom dick and harry picking him up and dropping him off, notes would be sent home, but then would never get back to the DCM or DCD. They didnt reurn my phone calls and etc...
So do you think that I should clear the air with them or leave it alone, I dont like the fact that they are terming based on incorrect information?
Ride it out...take the high road. Makes you a professional and gives her no more ammunition to talk smack about you.
lvt77 06:38 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Does it really matter? They are leaving ....they will think whatever they want and obviously no amount of discussion on your part will make them be any different. I would do as PP suggested and chalk it up to a lesson learned and wave sweetly as they go..... It does feel bad when people leave misinformed but right now it is a moot point because they are already leaving so I think if you try to talk with them more indepth it would only be to make yourself feel better so I personally wouldn't even bother. Let it go...breathe deeply and be glad it will no longer be your job to wipe his tush!!!!
Ride it out...take the high road. Makes you a professional and gives her no more ammunition to talk smack about you.
thanks for responding... You are correct. I just need to let it go and be happy that it is finally over. I could not have gone one more day of having to change a poop of a 4.5 year old child. Does it really matter? They are leaving ....they will think whatever they want and obviously no amount of discussion on your part will make them be any different. I would do as PP suggested and chalk it up to a lesson learned and wave sweetly as they go..... It does feel bad when people leave misinformed but right now it is a moot point because they are already leaving so I think if you try to talk with them more indepth it would only be to make yourself feel better so I personally wouldn't even bother. Let it go...breathe deeply and be glad it will no longer be your job to wipe his tush!!!!
Ride it out...take the high road. Makes you a professional and gives her no more ammunition to talk smack about you.
I am not too sure what to say to the DCM as I have told her that I am aware of her wanting to term. do I say nothing, do I ride out the two weeks....uuugghhh I feel sad..
Little People 06:39 AM 02-04-2011
I would just tell her that because of her text "The mom sent me a message last night lashing out at me telling me that I am a daycare provider and that I am being paid to wipe her sons butt" that you do not want to be paid to wipe her 4.5 years olds butt and I would hand her a termination paper as of today!
DCMomOf3 06:39 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Does it really matter? They are leaving ....they will think whatever they want and obviously no amount of discussion on your part will make them be any different. I would do as PP suggested and chalk it up to a lesson learned and wave sweetly as they go..... It does feel bad when people leave misinformed but right now it is a moot point because they are already leaving so I think if you try to talk with them more indepth it would only be to make yourself feel better so I personally wouldn't even bother. Let it go...breathe deeply and be glad it will no longer be your job to wipe his tush!!!!
Ride it out...take the high road. Makes you a professional and gives her no more ammunition to talk smack about you.
I agree. And they will soon learn that your expectations are valid and not too high when they start to look for other care. Just keep your head high, and finish off the 2 weeks very professionally.Does it really matter? They are leaving ....they will think whatever they want and obviously no amount of discussion on your part will make them be any different. I would do as PP suggested and chalk it up to a lesson learned and wave sweetly as they go..... It does feel bad when people leave misinformed but right now it is a moot point because they are already leaving so I think if you try to talk with them more indepth it would only be to make yourself feel better so I personally wouldn't even bother. Let it go...breathe deeply and be glad it will no longer be your job to wipe his tush!!!!
Ride it out...take the high road. Makes you a professional and gives her no more ammunition to talk smack about you.
SandeeAR 06:42 AM 02-04-2011
Personally, I would send a text requesting an immediate conference with both parents. Set a time and send it. Also, put in the text, no reply to this text confirming this conference will be considered IMMEDIATE termination, due to lack of communication. (They haven't replied before, why would they start now). I would also send it to email if you have that. Keep a copy printed for yourself.
That would get him out the door now and mom can find someone else to "pay to wipe his butt"!
That would get him out the door now and mom can find someone else to "pay to wipe his butt"!
safechner 06:52 AM 02-04-2011
I agree with everyone. Let it go, it is not worth your time. I do not want to clean his butt up to get paid, that is disgusting. Truth is, I feel so sorry for his parents who are not grow up to be parents to their son. What a shame! She probably will find someone else and provider will tell her the same thing about his potty training since he is older. If he is going to school, no one will wipe his butt.
That is why I wrote in my policy about communication that is very important to me.
That is why I wrote in my policy about communication that is very important to me.
countrymom 06:52 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
Are you freaking KIDDING me?
That would wind it up for me right there. If that's what they think of you and your business, then good riddance to them, and who cares what they think?
Seriously - I'd let them go and never look back.
thats exactly what I was thinking!Are you freaking KIDDING me?
That would wind it up for me right there. If that's what they think of you and your business, then good riddance to them, and who cares what they think?
Seriously - I'd let them go and never look back.
countrymom 06:53 AM 02-04-2011
it'll be interesting to see if they can find someone else to wipe his butt.
nannyde 07:03 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by lvt77:
I dont like the fact that they are terming based on incorrect information?
I think you are reading this all wrong.I dont like the fact that they are terming based on incorrect information?
They have full and complete information. If you would have texted, emailed, or called them regarding a free week of day care they would have gotten back to you within seconds. There would be no misunderstanding that.
She is telling you that you are going to do as you are told. You are not going to put any expectations on her. You are getting paid to do what she tells you to do right when she tells you to do it. That is what she is paying for.
If you tell HER what to do then you are not doing your job. Telling her that they have to meet to discuss something is telling her what to do.
When she told you that it is your JOB to wipe her sons butt she wasn't kidding. She was very clear about that SHE will decide what she is paying for and she decides wiping his butt and/or having him in undies when they want is what she wants from a provider.
It's OKAY for her to want to hire someone to do as they are told. When she leaves your house she will most likely find providers who will shut up and do as they are told. She will find providers that are willing to have the kid in undies and have them ruin their furniture and carpeting.
She WILL find someone to do as they are told until she gets into the public school where there is no money exchanged. Then she will understand that she will have to do as she is told when the school demands she comes and gets the child and start having meetings regarding this.
So... just take it easy and know that you have just come across a kind of client that has behaviors that are not going to work for you. I would tell them that you are going to go ahead and skip the two weeks notice and today will be the last day. You can't provide the service they need but you understand their wanting it and how it IS best for their kid. She is right that it is her child's providers job to clean his butt but you aren't going to be able to offer that so you are not the right person for her child.
It's about what is best for her child and for the parents and you just aren't best for them. It's not personal. Don't take it that way. You don't have to be right about it. It's okay to leave it that THEY are right about it and you are just not able to do the right thing for them.
lvt77 07:23 AM 02-04-2011
wow thank god I found this site..
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that. Seriously, you should start writing books. What wonderfull knowledge you have and so powerful.
I feel much better now after reading your reply
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that. Seriously, you should start writing books. What wonderfull knowledge you have and so powerful.
I feel much better now after reading your reply
Blackcat31 07:26 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by lvt77:
wow thank god I found this site..
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that. Seriously, you should start writing books. What wonderfull knowledge you have and so powerful.
I feel much better now after reading your reply
LOL! Copy/paste....copy/paste.....copy/paste....I am going to have to do a "Works Cited" page at the end of my updated and rewritten policy handbook...wow thank god I found this site..
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that. Seriously, you should start writing books. What wonderfull knowledge you have and so powerful.
I feel much better now after reading your reply
Little People 07:34 AM 02-04-2011
I have a notebook that I have been keeping and when nannyde post her excellent answers, I highlight them then print and CAREFULLY PLACE in my folder! 
cillybean83 07:40 AM 02-04-2011
i would term immediately...and probably attach a bill for carpet cleaning from where the 4.5 year old pooped on the carpet!
Tin Blues 08:26 AM 02-04-2011
You should be dancing a jig. Gather up any stuff he has and send it home with him at the end of the day. You don't have to take care of him for 2 more weeks. You have grounds for immediate termination. A 4.5 yr. old boy is way too old to be having these types of accidents.
What's more, his folks will have a dickens of a time finding anybody willing to put up with accidents with a kid that old.
What's more, his folks will have a dickens of a time finding anybody willing to put up with accidents with a kid that old.
lvt77 11:48 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by safechner:
I agree with everyone. Let it go, it is not worth your time. I do not want to clean his butt up to get paid, that is disgusting. Truth is, I feel so sorry for his parents who are not grow up to be parents to their son. What a shame! She probably will find someone else and provider will tell her the same thing about his potty training since he is older. If he is going to school, no one will wipe his butt.
That is why I wrote in my policy about communication that is very important to me.
I have a whole page on communication, but this family has obviously NEVER read myb PHB. I am starting to feel a lot better thanks to all of everyones help..I agree with everyone. Let it go, it is not worth your time. I do not want to clean his butt up to get paid, that is disgusting. Truth is, I feel so sorry for his parents who are not grow up to be parents to their son. What a shame! She probably will find someone else and provider will tell her the same thing about his potty training since he is older. If he is going to school, no one will wipe his butt.
That is why I wrote in my policy about communication that is very important to me.
Kaddidle Care 03:31 PM 02-05-2011
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
Are you freaking KIDDING me?
That would wind it up for me right there. If that's what they think of you and your business, then good riddance to them, and who cares what they think?
Seriously - I'd let them go and never look back.
What she said! Are you freaking KIDDING me?
That would wind it up for me right there. If that's what they think of you and your business, then good riddance to them, and who cares what they think?
Seriously - I'd let them go and never look back.
I read that part about her telling you "I am being paid to wipe her sons butt." and said "Whoa!"
Kudos to you for not replying with what you really felt because I would have found that really hard to do!
She treats you like the stuff on her son's butt - good riddance - tell her to wipe it herself!
Anyone that lets a child go that long without even trying to potty train is negligent and downright lazy. It borders on neglect. If they have tried and failed, it's ok but you keep trying. The proper prize is usually enough incentive for the child to make it happen, especially at that age.
Chin up, stand your ground, you've done nothing wrong and it's their loss.
Forgot to say.. Nanny D - you are the bomb! LOL
cillybean83 04:47 PM 02-05-2011
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
Forgot to say.. Nanny D - you are the bomb! LOL
Isn't Nan the best? I so want MY kids to go to her daycare... lolForgot to say.. Nanny D - you are the bomb! LOL