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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Help! 2yo terrified and it's getting worse
llpa 08:37 AM 05-07-2014
Dcb 29 mos has been with me 8 mos started out a couple of weeks ago having an unreasonable fear of bees flies ants etc. Ok I get the fact that twos have a variety of fears and create their own as well. In his mind I am sure it was real so I dealt w it as tho it was real. He would think he saw a bug and absolutely freak out. Stiffen up, screaming hysterically and run and cringe in a corner and wouldn't let me calm him or help him. After about thirty min he wld calm down. This happened three times, and each time I happened to be either right near him or holding him and there were no bugs anywhere! When this happened outside he was fine as soon as I said we were going inside. He stopped screaming even tho we were still outside.
Then yesterday, he became hysterical screaming that he didn't want the water in the sink to touch him. Up until this point he was washing own hands and actually played in the water way too long most of the time. Mom said he turned on the shower head by accident the day before and freaked out about it, so they removed it
up to this point I have been sympathetic to him, sitting with him, trying to calm him etc then when it's over, moving on as tho all is great.
Well, today he heard thunder. And as soon as I saw his face i said " no way B, we are not doing this today! If you start crying you will need to sit on the rug until you are done." So he started the same pattern, went and sat on the rug and after five minutes of him screaming and me ignoring, he got up and went and played as tho nothing was wrong
...and even tho it still thundered even louder, he kept playing and was fine.
So if you read all this thank you! And what do you think is going on? I don't want to deny real fear that he may have and comfort for it, but he is a nice boy who can def manipulate the adults in his life. I do not normally let him get away w manipulation here.
Do you think it is for attention? Or is he really afraid?!
Then yesterday, he became hysterical screaming that he didn't want the water in the sink to touch him. Up until this point he was washing own hands and actually played in the water way too long most of the time. Mom said he turned on the shower head by accident the day before and freaked out about it, so they removed it
up to this point I have been sympathetic to him, sitting with him, trying to calm him etc then when it's over, moving on as tho all is great. Well, today he heard thunder. And as soon as I saw his face i said " no way B, we are not doing this today! If you start crying you will need to sit on the rug until you are done." So he started the same pattern, went and sat on the rug and after five minutes of him screaming and me ignoring, he got up and went and played as tho nothing was wrong
...and even tho it still thundered even louder, he kept playing and was fine. So if you read all this thank you! And what do you think is going on? I don't want to deny real fear that he may have and comfort for it, but he is a nice boy who can def manipulate the adults in his life. I do not normally let him get away w manipulation here.
Do you think it is for attention? Or is he really afraid?!
Heidi 08:52 AM 05-07-2014
You know the answer...you just saw it with your own eyes.
I'd give mom a heads up...but in a positive way, without the child present.
"Hey, dcm. I have to tell you something pretty funny. Apparently, dcb is quite the actor and has been playing us. I just KNEW he was smart! I tested my theory today, and when it thundered and he started freaking out, I just told him to sit in the crying spot until he was done, instead of my usual hugs and comforting. Guess what? He stopped almost immediately when he got no attention for it, little stinker.
How do you think we should handle that now, knowing this? I want to comfort him if he's really scared, but I don't want him to mess with us, either. What do you think?"
Sorry...that was a long answer...but you get the idea
I'd give mom a heads up...but in a positive way, without the child present.
"Hey, dcm. I have to tell you something pretty funny. Apparently, dcb is quite the actor and has been playing us. I just KNEW he was smart! I tested my theory today, and when it thundered and he started freaking out, I just told him to sit in the crying spot until he was done, instead of my usual hugs and comforting. Guess what? He stopped almost immediately when he got no attention for it, little stinker.
How do you think we should handle that now, knowing this? I want to comfort him if he's really scared, but I don't want him to mess with us, either. What do you think?"
Sorry...that was a long answer...but you get the idea
wdmmom 09:02 AM 05-07-2014
I have one that's 26 months that's in the habit of screaming his face off if he doesn't get his way or the toy he wants to play with or basically anything at all will send him into a frenzy.
I've gotten to a point a firm "STOP!" will quiet him right up. If not, I don't even say time out anymore, I just point to time out and he goes!
I've gotten to a point a firm "STOP!" will quiet him right up. If not, I don't even say time out anymore, I just point to time out and he goes!
EntropyControlSpecialist 09:19 AM 05-07-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
You know the answer...you just saw it with your own eyes.
I'd give mom a heads up...but in a positive way, without the child present.
"Hey, dcm. I have to tell you something pretty funny. Apparently, dcb is quite the actor and has been playing us. I just KNEW he was smart! I tested my theory today, and when it thundered and he started freaking out, I just told him to sit in the crying spot until he was done, instead of my usual hugs and comforting. Guess what? He stopped almost immediately when he got no attention for it, little stinker.
How do you think we should handle that now, knowing this? I want to comfort him if he's really scared, but I don't want him to mess with us, either. What do you think?"
Sorry...that was a long answer...but you get the idea
Yes, for sure bring it up.You know the answer...you just saw it with your own eyes.
I'd give mom a heads up...but in a positive way, without the child present.
"Hey, dcm. I have to tell you something pretty funny. Apparently, dcb is quite the actor and has been playing us. I just KNEW he was smart! I tested my theory today, and when it thundered and he started freaking out, I just told him to sit in the crying spot until he was done, instead of my usual hugs and comforting. Guess what? He stopped almost immediately when he got no attention for it, little stinker.
How do you think we should handle that now, knowing this? I want to comfort him if he's really scared, but I don't want him to mess with us, either. What do you think?"
Sorry...that was a long answer...but you get the idea
llpa 09:34 AM 05-07-2014
Thanks you guys! I am usually pretty good about knowing when I am being played a little his fear seemed so real even this morning! I think you are right but just needed to hear it. I was really shocked when he actually went to the rug and sat this morning because up to this point it was just screaming to the point of not catching his breath. But now that I think back over the last few weeks his tantrums in general have escalated and are much louder and more physical. I've got his number 
his fear seemed so real even this morning! I think you are right but just needed to hear it. I was really shocked when he actually went to the rug and sat this morning because up to this point it was just screaming to the point of not catching his breath. But now that I think back over the last few weeks his tantrums in general have escalated and are much louder and more physical. I've got his number
Oneluckymom 01:13 PM 05-07-2014
I really think it may be a little bit of both...but possibly a little more for attention seeking. AND it sounds like parents are reinforcing his fears (ie: removing the faucet knobs...lol).
I would mostly ignore his crying, tantruming, etc. esp by giving it attention it just reinforces it. UNLESS there is a true and prevalent danger like a snake in the yard, a stray dog that could bite, etc.
If he starts to start in I would say: so and so, we've had this discussion already and there are no bugs here that are going to hurt you, go and join your friends and play. And then just go about your business as usual...he will learn from your reaction that there is no danger and will eventually play.
I learned from personal experience. I had a child here that had a fear of germs. She was my dirt digger and bug hunter and that all stopped due to a yo-gabba-gabba show that was all about germs. It took about 2-3 weeks of intervention. Now she's been fine since and plays just like she always has.
Good luck!!
I would mostly ignore his crying, tantruming, etc. esp by giving it attention it just reinforces it. UNLESS there is a true and prevalent danger like a snake in the yard, a stray dog that could bite, etc.
If he starts to start in I would say: so and so, we've had this discussion already and there are no bugs here that are going to hurt you, go and join your friends and play. And then just go about your business as usual...he will learn from your reaction that there is no danger and will eventually play.
I learned from personal experience. I had a child here that had a fear of germs. She was my dirt digger and bug hunter and that all stopped due to a yo-gabba-gabba show that was all about germs. It took about 2-3 weeks of intervention. Now she's been fine since and plays just like she always has.
Good luck!!
NightOwl 03:12 PM 05-07-2014
The original occurrence was probably a genuine, fear-based reaction, but then he saw how much attention it got him and your vicious cycle began.
llpa 04:31 PM 05-07-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
The original occurrence was probably a genuine, fear-based reaction, but then he saw how much attention it got him and your vicious cycle began.
Wednesday, you are so right! He's a quick learner The original occurrence was probably a genuine, fear-based reaction, but then he saw how much attention it got him and your vicious cycle began.