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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Sneaking Underwear In
mountainside13 05:57 AM 01-05-2015
Daycare family has been gone for 2 weeks. They came back today dropped off and left. I checked DCG and she is wearing underwear! I called mom hoping she was potty trained over the last 2 weeks. Nope. She said she only had a few accidents yesterday. I just need to take her every 20-25 minutes?!? I didn't even do that with my own children, I waited until they were ready to be potty trained. I told her its 2 weeks without an accident at daycare, with diapers/pull ups. There are no diapers in the bag, just 8 changes of clothes. Do people really think I don't care if kids pee on my couch or my carpet?!
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midaycare 06:05 AM 01-05-2015
Oh heck no. I keep extra diapers around for emergencies. This would count as one.
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Blackcat31 06:06 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
Daycare family has been gone for 2 weeks. They came back today dropped off and left. I checked DCG and she is wearing underwear! I called mom hoping she was potty trained over the last 2 weeks. Nope. She said she only had a few accidents yesterday. I just need to take her every 20-25 minutes?!? I didn't even do that with my own children, I waited until they were ready to be potty trained. I told her its 2 weeks without an accident at daycare, with diapers/pull ups. There are no diapers in the bag, just 8 changes of clothes. Do people really think I don't care if kids pee on my couch or my carpet?!
Did you make mom come back and bring diapers?

That kind of thing really irks me because it demonstrates a parents' complete lack of regard for you, your environment and the additional work load it places on you.

I'd seriously consider removing the diaper at the end of the day and without any warning or "heads up" send child home with just undies on.
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Blackcat31 06:07 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by midaycare:
Oh heck no. I keep extra diapers around for emergencies. This would count as one.
I keep emergency supplies too but I would NOT use them in this case because that just makes this all too easy for mom.

I'd REQUIRE immediate pick up or diapers to be brought. If it inconveniences mom, she might just be a bit more aware next time she tries to sneak something in.
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mountainside13 06:10 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Did you make mom come back and bring diapers?

That kind of thing really irks me because it demonstrates a parents' complete lack of regard for you, your environment and the additional work load it places on you.

I'd seriously consider removing the diaper at the end of the day and without any warning or "heads up" send child home with just undies on.
I am really considering calling her back to pick up or bring diapers. I was loosing my patience so I ended the call to collect myself. I don't have any diapers to put the child in right now. All I have are 2s & 3s that won't fit. They had over 2 weeks to work on PT and it sounds like they started PT yesterday. Try to bully me into doing it. They used to be a golden family but the last 4 months it's been 1 problem after another!
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Kabob 06:16 AM 01-05-2015
I ended up terming a dcm immediately when she did this...she was a great dcm until she had a second child...then she kept breaking policies and disrespecting me. Sending dcg here without diapers without warning was the icing on the cake...especially since dcm was lazy about potty training at home since she said she was too overwhelmed and tired to do it herself...

So, I'd either call and tell her to fix the issue immediately or term depending on her past and current behavior.

Some people just aren't worth the struggle to make them parent...
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mountainside13 06:42 AM 01-05-2015
The child had an accident, so I'm going to call mom for diapers. I'm not ready to term yet. I really love the child! But mom and dad need to start following policies again.
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midaycare 08:06 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I keep emergency supplies too but I would NOT use them in this case because that just makes this all too easy for mom.

I'd REQUIRE immediate pick up or diapers to be brought. If it inconveniences mom, she might just be a bit more aware next time she tries to sneak something in.
I would charge dcm for the diapers used, but I'm not keeping a dck in underwear in my home that is not potty trained. No way!
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midaycare 08:07 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
The child had an accident, so I'm going to call mom for diapers. I'm not ready to term yet. I really love the child! But mom and dad need to start following policies again.
I wouldn't term over this - not unless they had other issues. It can be difficult to potty train and a lot of parents can't recognize when a child is truly potty trained until they spend lots and lots of time with them.
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mountainside13 08:35 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I wouldn't term over this - not unless they had other issues. It can be difficult to potty train and a lot of parents can't recognize when a child is truly potty trained until they spend lots and lots of time with them.
She just turned 2 and doesn't notice when she goes or if she has to go. She has had 3 accidents now. No answer from mom or dad.
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Cradle2crayons 08:38 AM 01-05-2015
I always have emergency supplies.. And I'd call mom with three options...
(1) she can pick up
(2) she can bring diapers
(3) I can use my diapers at $2 each diaper to be paid at pick up
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daycare 08:50 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Did you make mom come back and bring diapers?

That kind of thing really irks me because it demonstrates a parents' complete lack of regard for you, your environment and the additional work load it places on you.

I'd seriously consider removing the diaper at the end of the day and without any warning or "heads up" send child home with just undies on.
hahahahah ok I know I am bad, but I did this and the worst thing possible happened in DCD brand new truck.

Of course, it was my fault and I said oh well that is how he was sent, so I figured that he must be potty trained.. We both know that kids can't wear underwear to school until they have demonstrated a full 2 weeks of accident free success here...

AND then I secretly giggled.....

BUT in my defense, I had told the parents already enough times to stop sending DCK in underwear.
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daycare 08:54 AM 01-05-2015
This has happened to me and I would just not call the parents. Make do with what you have today and send home a bill at the end of the day for diapers/wipes.

Send an email and talk face to face. Print out your policy and highlight "no underwear part".

Tell them she needs to have diapers tomorrow or can not drop off until she has all of the supplies necessary.

Personally, I wouldn't give DCP any options, they didn't give you any....I would just put DCK right back in a diaper and deal with it at the end of the day.

Refuse drop off...

I guess I am just not very confrontational and don't like to create issues. YES I understand that the parents were in the wrong here big time, BUT I think that you are only going to start a fire if you go calling and demanding for pick up.

Sucks that they broke your rules and didn't inform you that their child was wearing undies.

DO you have back up diapers?
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Blackcat31 09:04 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
She just turned 2 and doesn't notice when she goes or if she has to go. She has had 3 accidents now. No answer from mom or dad.
Start calling emergency contacts. NOT being reachable as a parent is a HUGE no-no in my book and absolutely unacceptable.

Makes me think mom is purposely not responding to you.

What if this was a real life or death emergency????

Call contact people.

Don't let mom bring child again without a supply of diapers.
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daycarediva 09:45 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Start calling emergency contacts. NOT being reachable as a parent is a HUGE no-no in my book and absolutely unacceptable.

Makes me think mom is purposely not responding to you.

What if this was a real life or death emergency????

Call contact people.

Don't let mom bring child again without a supply of diapers.
Yup. I would also be willing to term over it. Dropping and running to make sure you didn't notice, the added 'only a few accidents' and blatant disregard for your policies, and then not responding? NO NO.
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Controlled Chaos 10:01 AM 01-05-2015
I would be so pissed. I would not term, but would call and require diapers or pick up. Not being able to reach them might be a term. That scares me.
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deliberateliterate 10:06 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Yup. I would also be willing to term over it. Dropping and running to make sure you didn't notice, the added 'only a few accidents' and blatant disregard for your policies, and then not responding? NO NO.
Not to mention that she brought EIGHT changes of clothes. She knew full well what kind of day you were going to have. That's beyond disrespectful and right into rude. I'd give that kid a huuuuuge cup of juice 10 minutes before pick up.
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daycarediva 10:20 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by deliberateliterate:
Not to mention that she brought EIGHT changes of clothes. She knew full well what kind of day you were going to have. That's beyond disrespectful and right into rude. I'd give that kid a huuuuuge cup of juice 10 minutes before pick up.


and I'd take the diaper I put her in off.

This is another reason I supply everything. *I* decide when a child moves to underwear. *I* inform the parent. Not the other way around, and it's gone over so much that I keep copies of just that policy on the bulletin board, and regularly hand them out.
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hope 11:13 AM 01-05-2015
3 accidents in one day so far? I would term if she doesn't call back within 20 minutes of your initial call. And if she does call back I would have a serious talk with her. She didn't tell you anything at drop off on purpose. She didn't want you to send her away for diapers. And now she isn't calling you back on purpose because she doesn't want to pick up early.
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Unregistered 11:25 AM 01-05-2015
Not answering or responding to my calls is grounds for immediate trmination in my contract. It is one thing to be so rude and disrespectful of your time and policies, but to not respond to your daycare provider is downright DANGEROUS!

It depends on how upset you are, but I would wait till pick up, charge them for any diapers, and tell them dck cannot come tomorrow without diapers and if the next time they do not respond to your calls/texts, they will no longer be welcome at your daycare. It sucks to be tough, but there are rules for a reason and if we don't enforce them, they are no longer rules, just suggestions.
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Mom of 4 logged out 12:02 PM 01-05-2015
Update?

I would NOT allow for no response. I once had a REAL life emergency (kid went into anyphalaxis). I had to have an ambulance come get the kid. I had 5 other kids with me, and could not go with the child. Mom was unreachable. She had lied to me about being at work, and her boss outed her. I couldn't reach ANYONE to be with the child, so the police officer who had come along with the ambulance, went ahead and rode with the child. It was UNACCEPTABLE that mom didn't return my phone call and I left a VM saying "S is going to the hospital, (name of hospital) and why" for TWO HOURS! She arrived at hospital TWO hours later as well...Claimed she was working and her boss didn't give her the message. BS!!! What if we could not have saved the child!?

And how AWFUL the kid had to ride alone with a stranger...
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mountainside13 03:27 PM 01-05-2015
Mom picked up at normal time. I told her no more underwear at my house. She had 6 accidents, 1 was on the couch and another on the carpet. Mom was ticked and didn't say much, didn't pay me. I'm 90% sure they will start looking for someone else tonight.
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daycare 03:40 PM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
Mom picked up at normal time. I told her no more underwear at my house. She had 6 accidents, 1 was on the couch and another on the carpet. Mom was ticked and didn't say much, didn't pay me. I'm 90% sure they will start looking for someone else tonight.
awe man that stinks.

you don't require payment in advance?
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Play Care 04:13 PM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
Mom picked up at normal time. I told her no more underwear at my house. She had 6 accidents, 1 was on the couch and another on the carpet. Mom was ticked and didn't say much, didn't pay me. I'm 90% sure they will start looking for someone else tonight.
If I had called for early pick up and mom waltzed in at normal time, I *know* she'd be looking for new day care as I'd term.
Why are you allowing this?
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Unregistered 04:21 PM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
If I had called for early pick up and mom waltzed in at normal time, I *know* she'd be looking for new day care as I'd term.
Why are you allowing this?
This here! OMG she has NO respect! WOW! I know you love DCK but you know what? Mom was gonna leave anyway as soon as she didn't get her way!

I would let her know TONIGHT she forgot your money and it needs to be at your door. I would also then term her immediately!
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Hunni Bee 07:45 AM 01-06-2015
Oh my 17-month-old used the potty several times over the holiday, I guess she's trained, I'll start sending her in underwear to school.

Why do parents think using the potty a couple times = potty trained? Taking her every 20-25 minutes? She had "a few accidents", how is that trained? I don't get it.

How crappy of her, and then to have an attitude? Yuck.
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Blackcat31 07:48 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
If I had called for early pick up and mom waltzed in at normal time, I *know* she'd be looking for new day care as I'd term.
Why are you allowing this?


I wouldn't have even noticed how ticked mom was because of how ticked I would be at her blatant dismissal of my attempts to contact her.

Definitely wouldn't be keeping her unless she did some serious back pedaling AND massive apologizing.
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daycare 08:41 AM 01-06-2015
Just read all that happened.

WOW!!!!

Curious to know. Did DCM say why she didn't call you back? What about the DCD??
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daycarediva 08:54 AM 01-06-2015
Did they come today?

I would have emailed her a copy of my potty training policy, explained how serious the situation could have been when she was not returning my phone calls, and then depending on the response back, either termed or accepted her apology.
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mountainside13 09:28 AM 01-06-2015
They showed up at normal time today, she was in a rush to get out the door. They did bring diapers! I have taken her to the potty a few times but it is a hit and miss. I really don't think she is ready to start. I think the only reason she is using the potty is because we are catching her right before she has to go. The reasoning was dad was in meetings all day and mom was on off site. It could be true but unlikely. I don't know if I'm going to term or not. The child is my youngest best friend. He was really struggling for the 2 weeks she was gone. So I'm having a hard time deciding. The parents forgot the check again so that's just more salt in the wound.
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Blackcat31 09:45 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
They showed up at normal time today, she was in a rush to get out the door. They did bring diapers! I have taken her to the potty a few times but it is a hit and miss. I really don't think she is ready to start. I think the only reason she is using the potty is because we are catching her right before she has to go. The reasoning was dad was in meetings all day and mom was on off site. It could be true but unlikely. I don't know if I'm going to term or not. The child is my youngest best friend. He was really struggling for the 2 weeks she was gone. So I'm having a hard time deciding. The parents forgot the check again so that's just more salt in the wound.
I mean this in the nicest possible way but they are walking all over you and you are letting them,

REGARDLESS of whether mom was in a meeting all day or not is NO excuse to be unreachable.

Being in a hurry at drop off and pick up is NO excuse to simply disregard your policies and not discuss yesterday's incident with you.

NOT paying you is another way to manipulate you into being at THEIR disposal. If you are concerned about your son losing his best friend, then I would cave and just let this family do as they please for free because that is basically what they are doing right now.

I'm sorry they are treating you so poorly and I'm sorry you are allowing it so in my honest opinion the blame falls on everyone here.

Some things in my program are simply non-negotiable and the underwear thing and the being unreachable is two examples of those non-negotiable things. We all have to decide what we are and aren't wiling to put up with and if something is non-negotiable for you, you HAVE to enforce it or what's the point? Venting about something you aren't willing to change is not fair to those who are offering suggestions and advice.

Like I said....I am NOT trying to be harsh or hurtful and I'm sorry if it comes across like that but its disheartening for me to read so many vents from providers about things THEY have the power to control...but are often afraid or unwilling to do so.
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TheGoodLife 09:58 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I mean this in the nicest possible way but they are walking all over you and you are letting them,

REGARDLESS of whether mom was in a meeting all day or not is NO excuse to be unreachable.

Being in a hurry at drop off and pick up is NO excuse to simply disregard your policies and not discuss yesterday's incident with you.

NOT paying you is another way to manipulate you into being at THEIR disposal. If you are concerned about your son losing his best friend, then I would cave and just let this family do as they please for free because that is basically what they are doing right now.

I'm sorry they are treating you so poorly and I'm sorry you are allowing it so in my honest opinion the blame falls on everyone here.

Some things in my program are simply non-negotiable and the underwear thing and the being unreachable is two examples of those non-negotiable things. We all have to decide what we are and aren't wiling to put up with and if something is non-negotiable for you, you HAVE to enforce it or what's the point? Venting about something you aren't willing to change is not fair to those who are offering suggestions and advice.

Like I said....I am NOT trying to be harsh or hurtful and I'm sorry if it comes across like that but its disheartening for me to read so many vents from providers about things THEY have the power to control...but are often afraid or unwilling to do so.
I agree- you are providing free care, AND to a disrespectful family I would contact mom today and tell her you need your payment at pick up, with 2 days (or whatever it is) of late fees or no care will be given.
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mountainside13 10:24 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I mean this in the nicest possible way but they are walking all over you and you are letting them,

REGARDLESS of whether mom was in a meeting all day or not is NO excuse to be unreachable.

Being in a hurry at drop off and pick up is NO excuse to simply disregard your policies and not discuss yesterday's incident with you.

NOT paying you is another way to manipulate you into being at THEIR disposal. If you are concerned about your son losing his best friend, then I would cave and just let this family do as they please for free because that is basically what they are doing right now.

I'm sorry they are treating you so poorly and I'm sorry you are allowing it so in my honest opinion the blame falls on everyone here.

Some things in my program are simply non-negotiable and the underwear thing and the being unreachable is two examples of those non-negotiable things. We all have to decide what we are and aren't wiling to put up with and if something is non-negotiable for you, you HAVE to enforce it or what's the point? Venting about something you aren't willing to change is not fair to those who are offering suggestions and advice.

Like I said....I am NOT trying to be harsh or hurtful and I'm sorry if it comes across like that but its disheartening for me to read so many vents from providers about things THEY have the power to control...but are often afraid or unwilling to do so.
You are completely right! I needed straight forward! They are walking all over me, they know it and I am letting it happen. I am getting better at standing up for myself. A year ago I wouldn't have told them no more underwear, I would have just dealt with it. Taking awhile but I'm getting there.
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daycare 10:39 AM 01-06-2015
my daughter lost a friend because the mother of the friend was a not a good person. It's unfortunate for my daughter that she had to experience this, but I could not allow for my daughter to continue a friendship that was lead by an adult that was just not nice or responsible at all.

your children may be too small to experience this now, but what about in years to come. Are they still going to be friends???

If they are still friends are you ever going to be on the same page as the best friends mom? Probably not. so just let it go now.

Your child will be ok....
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Luna 10:42 AM 01-06-2015
I can't imagine why you are having a hard time deciding. You know they don't care about your potty training policies, you know they don't care that you can't reach them in an emergency, you know they don't care that you now have to deal with urine on your furniture and carpet, and you know they don't even care that you don't get paid on time. What more do you need? It's too bad your child will miss his friend, I agree. But really, what else would they have to do to help you decide? How badly do they have to treat you?
I promise it will only get worse, because now they know there are no consequences for anything. I'm so angry for you.
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Blackcat31 10:44 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
You are completely right! I needed straight forward! They are walking all over me, they know it and I am letting it happen. I am getting better at standing up for myself. A year ago I wouldn't have told them no more underwear, I would have just dealt with it. Taking awhile but I'm getting there.
It IS hard but look at it this way, YOU are setting an example for YOUR child by speaking up and being direct about what you will and won't tolerate.

That's a skill ALL children need. Especially in today's world. ANY time a situation calls for directness, just take a deep breath, imagine your child is watching and THIS moment is the only lesson they are going to receive about standing up for their rights/wants/wishes etc....WHAT actions do you want your child to witness?

THAT ^^^ makes it easy to do...because we can all do that for our own children. Do NOT let others (DCF's, other providers or anyone else for that matter) tell you what you do or don't have to put up with in YOUR life.

YOU have the power to make so many things happen or not happen. It really does begin with YOU.

Now take that POWER and use it to make yourself happy....in your personal AND professional life and don't apologize for it.

Everyone deals. We can't change others....only our own actions and choices and that is a gift we ALL have but VERY few use.
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AuntTami 10:56 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
You are completely right! I needed straight forward! They are walking all over me, they know it and I am letting it happen. I am getting better at standing up for myself. A year ago I wouldn't have told them no more underwear, I would have just dealt with it. Taking awhile but I'm getting there.
A few months ago I had a child that fell and cut her lip open. Dad was unreachable, and grandma(the emergency contact) wasn't able to come right away. Fortunately I only had her at the time so I took her to the hospital. Where we waited for over FOUR HOURS with a bleeding crying 2 year old before her dad even got to the hospital! Grandma came 2 1/2 hours after I called her but the hospital wouldn't touch DCG until dad got there- at his normal pick up time!!!! I was IRATE! and I ended up terming. There's absolutely no excuse for no one to be reachable. I am lax on a lot of my policies but after that incident I require mom and dads personal and work numbers and THREE LOCAL emergency contacts. If mom or dad isn't here in 20 minutes I call the next on the list until I find someone who can come get the kid IMMEDIATELY. It's your program. Put your foot DOWN! What if it had been an emergency?! Nope no way. Termed on the spot they would have been
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mountainside13 02:38 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It IS hard but look at it this way, YOU are setting an example for YOUR child by speaking up and being direct about what you will and won't tolerate.

That's a skill ALL children need. Especially in today's world. ANY time a situation calls for directness, just take a deep breath, imagine your child is watching and THIS moment is the only lesson they are going to receive about standing up for their rights/wants/wishes etc....WHAT actions do you want your child to witness?

THAT ^^^ makes it easy to do...because we can all do that for our own children. Do NOT let others (DCF's, other providers or anyone else for that matter) tell you what you do or don't have to put up with in YOUR life.

YOU have the power to make so many things happen or not happen. It really does begin with YOU.

Now take that POWER and use it to make yourself happy....in your personal AND professional life and don't apologize for it.

Everyone deals. We can't change others....only our own actions and choices and that is a gift we ALL have but VERY few use.
You are such a great motivator! I got some texts from the dad earlier that made my decision a lot easier. I printed out my termination letter and giving it to them at pick up.
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TheGoodLife 02:55 PM 01-06-2015
Curious what the DCD text you!
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Josiegirl 02:56 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
You are such a great motivator! I got some texts from the dad earlier that made my decision a lot easier. I printed out my termination letter and giving it to them at pick up.
Good for you!!
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NeedaVaca 04:00 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by TheGoodLife:
Curious what the DCD text you!
Me too!
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mountainside13 04:34 PM 01-06-2015
That his cash was at home and if he had to go get it then he would be 30 minutes late. I said fine. He texted and said that he was getting off work late and that he will just come pick up the child and pay tomorrow. I said no, he can run home and go get it. He complained that he had to go out of his way. I made a snappy comment and said he wouldn't have to do this if it was paid when it was due yesterday. He got here clearly ticked and handed me a hand written termination notice. I agreed and took my term notice out of her diaper bag, said guess I won't need this. Not quiet what I planned but it's over either way.
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Ariana 05:07 PM 01-06-2015
Great thread and great advice from all! Good for you for standing up and giving them the boot . I term face to face, no letters. You will get there
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hope 05:21 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
That his cash was at home and if he had to go get it then he would be 30 minutes late. I said fine. He texted and said that he was getting off work late and that he will just come pick up the child and pay tomorrow. I said no, he can run home and go get it. He complained that he had to go out of his way. I made a snappy comment and said he wouldn't have to do this if it was paid when it was due yesterday. He got here clearly ticked and handed me a hand written termination notice. I agreed and took my term notice out of her diaper bag, said guess I won't need this. Not quiet what I planned but it's over either way.
Did he at least pay? Or did her come ticked without pay?
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Shell 05:26 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by mountainside13:
That his cash was at home and if he had to go get it then he would be 30 minutes late. I said fine. He texted and said that he was getting off work late and that he will just come pick up the child and pay tomorrow. I said no, he can run home and go get it. He complained that he had to go out of his way. I made a snappy comment and said he wouldn't have to do this if it was paid when it was due yesterday. He got here clearly ticked and handed me a hand written termination notice. I agreed and took my term notice out of her diaper bag, said guess I won't need this. Not quiet what I planned but it's over either way.
what nerve! Does he honestly think the next provider is going to take this crap?! Guess he'd better keep his pen handy- he's going to be hand writing lots of term letters if this is the way he behaves. What's with all these parents lately?!
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mountainside13 05:54 PM 01-06-2015
I should have clarified. I do term face to face, I just put the term letters with their belongings along with a pen. I have a table next to the door but I don't put term letters on them for others to possibly see. I also don't want to keep them far away because then I have to leave the parent unattended. He did pay for the 2 weeks. I accepted the 1 day difference since I was planning to term under the same circumstances.
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Luna 02:51 AM 01-07-2015
Well done! You are going to feel so much better
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