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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Do You Deal With Angry Parents?
AfterSchoolMom 10:26 AM 06-03-2010
I've had a back and forth with a parent over my rate increase for next year, and I decided NOT to lower my rate for one family, as I didn't think it'd be fair to everyone else. We've got two weeks left, and I'm sure that there will be hard feelings. I'm wondering, how do you all deal with angry parents?
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fctjc1979 10:40 AM 06-03-2010
I'm usually overly sweet but unbending when it comes to things like this. Parents realize that they aren't getting anywhere but can't complain about me being rude or anything. They kind of know that I'm being overly sweet on purpose but I've never had anyone call me out on it.

Judytrickett mentioned that she learned a method from someone else (I'm thinking her name is Pam but might be remembering wrong). She just stares at the parents in order to allow for an awkward silence. Then the parent usually backs down. She could explain it to you better I'm sure.
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laundryduchess@yahoo.com 10:40 AM 06-03-2010
kindness,... sickningly sweet fake heavily sugarcoated kindness. Like the orange soda drink for the gestational diabetes test while pergnant. OVERLY SWEET. Just keep thinking of how it will be when they are gone. =-)
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fctjc1979 10:42 AM 06-03-2010
Originally Posted by laundryduchess@yahoo.com:
kindness,... sickningly sweet fake heavily sugarcoated kindness. Like the orange soda drink for the gestational diabetes test while pergnant. OVERLY SWEET. Just keep thinking of how it will be when they are gone. =-)
That diabetes test is NASTY - and exactly the right analogy for this!!!
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judytrickett 10:59 AM 06-03-2010
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
I'm wondering, how do you all deal with angry parents?
I don't. I don't care if they are angry. It's my business and I run it the way I see fit. Rate increases are a normal event in life. How do they advise you pay for the additional fees for groceries, electricity and water that you provide FOR the use of their child if you do not raise your fees to reflect the fees of everything else?

I don't deal with them. I terminate them and make them someone else's problem. There are not enough hours in the day to consume my time with parents like this.

There are too many daycare fish in the sea to settle for "angry parents".

They just don't like the fact that they didn't get their way. Oh well, too bad so sad. That's life.
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Crystal 12:38 PM 06-03-2010
I don't deal with angry parents either, not that I have had many. I think maybe twice in 13 years I have had to use it, but I just say " If my policies and rates do not meet the needs of your family, you are welcome to find care that offers what you need. Be sure to provide me with the required notice if you choose to do so."

That simple. No one is MAKING them stay with you. If they value you as their provider, they will walk away with their tail between their legs and never mention it again.
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Daycare Mommy 12:46 PM 06-03-2010
Same here. Anyone is acting untrusting or angry at me long-term they get termed. I try to act like I have thick skin, but I really don't and I won't be made to feel like crap in my own home because they are unhappy over something I can't or won't change.
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MarinaVanessa 04:06 PM 06-03-2010
Originally Posted by fctjc1979:
She just stares at the parents in order to allow for an awkward silence. Then the parent usually backs down.
Yup I do this too sometimes and it works great. I mean what are you supposed to do? Go broke? But seriously this method works great. I had a mom that knew that I was going to be closed last Monday for the holiday but didn't find alternate care or request the day off or anything and she came by and was all gun-ho that I would be willing to watch her kid and only her kid that day. She told me while I was telling her about vacation days that I'll be taking next month.

This is how she approached it "So Monday you're closed but since your'e not doing anything except hanging out at your house I didn't see a problem with you watchin "kids name here". I mean you'll be here anyway." I turned back to look at her .... long pause with a straight face (I think an eyebrow may have involuntarily raised) ..... still looking at her ..... and then you can see her get physically uncomfortable and shift her weight to her other foot ... "Or not" she said slowly. I then smiled ... "Great. So vacations. I was telling you that I have the dates of my vacation ..." And that was that. Total awsomeness.
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originalkat 04:16 PM 06-03-2010
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Yup I do this too sometimes and it works great. I mean what are you supposed to do? Go broke? But seriously this method works great. I had a mom that knew that I was going to be closed last Monday for the holiday but didn't find alternate care or request the day off or anything and she came by and was all gun-ho that I would be willing to watch her kid and only her kid that day. She told me while I was telling her about vacation days that I'll be taking next month.

This is how she approached it "So Monday you're closed but since your'e not doing anything except hanging out at your house I didn't see a problem with you watchin "kids name here". I mean you'll be here anyway." I turned back to look at her .... long pause with a straight face (I think an eyebrow may have involuntarily raised) ..... still looking at her ..... and then you can see her get physically uncomfortable and shift her weight to her other foot ... "Or not" she said slowly. I then smiled ... "Great. So vacations. I was telling you that I have the dates of my vacation ..." And that was that. Total awsomeness.
I love it! One of my parents saw the reminder note today about me being closed tomorrow for my conference. She "didnt know about it". It has been ...
1. On the yearly calendar handed out in January
2. On the monthly newsletter for the last 2 months
3. On a reminder note sent home last week.

If you cant figure it out with all that... all I can say is WOW!
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Chickenhauler 09:30 PM 06-03-2010
If they're all bent out of shape about it, they'll find a new daycare.

But, I'm betting that the rate increase is petty in the overall budget.....they may have to skip a Starbucks once a week to even everything out. Or maybe download one less ringtone.


Or just be a wise elbow, and say "Well, I can keep your rate the same, but your kids will spend the summer in the spare bedroom which isn't air conditioned, and you'll have to dress them extra warm this winter, as I'll be setting the thermostat at 55 to make up for the lost revenue"


If they're angry over a small rate increase, I'd bet they got some anger related blood pressure concerns due to life in general.
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professionalmom 10:11 PM 06-03-2010
Originally Posted by fctjc1979:
That diabetes test is NASTY - and exactly the right analogy for this!!!
Ah, man, I totally forgot about that stinkin' test and I'll have to take it in another month or two. Thanks for reminding me.
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professionalmom 10:16 PM 06-03-2010
Originally Posted by judytrickett:
I don't. I don't care if they are angry. It's my business and I run it the way I see fit. Rate increases are a normal event in life. How do they advise you pay for the additional fees for groceries, electricity and water that you provide FOR the use of their child if you do not raise your fees to reflect the fees of everything else?

I don't deal with them. I terminate them and make them someone else's problem. There are not enough hours in the day to consume my time with parents like this.

There are too many daycare fish in the sea to settle for "angry parents".

They just don't like the fact that they didn't get their way. Oh well, too bad so sad. That's life.
Could I get you to donate some of your backbone to me? I really, really want to be as firm and confident as you. I keep getting stuck on the "sweet as apple pie" thing and then it backfires and they act like I'm not nice enough. I want to stop being a doormat. Do you have an intervention program or something?
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missnikki 07:41 AM 06-04-2010
In general, it's best not to apologize, EVER, about giving hard facts about the business end of your job. Keep it short and sweet, and if they have questions, just keep in mind that they more than likely already know the answer- they will test you and push it if they 'sense weakness'...kinda reminds you of our shorter clients at times, no?
Just like with kids, try to stay one step ahead, and have those questions answered in your head before they get asked.
Here is my formula for a backbone-
Example:
Parent: "What do you mean my rate is going up?!? I can't afford that. We have blahblahblahblah to pay for... You didn't say it would go up blahblahblah"
You: "Yes, that's right. The rate increase is due to a rising cost to provide the same level of quality for 'Jenny'. It would be nice if it weren't so expensive to heat the house, or even buy a gallon of milk these days, heh heh, but after a close look at the financials, I just don't see how we can continue to stay open at this rate."
Parent: "Well what if (insert self-serving suggestion here) instead?"
You: (Give one of my 2 favorite answers- "Aw, That wouldbe nice, wouldn't it!" or "That's good to know, thank you.") And dismiss it with the awkward silence routine.
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MarinaVanessa 08:53 AM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by missnikki:
And dismiss it with the awkward silence routine.
I'm telling you ... the akward silence thing works.
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MrsCoffee 11:35 AM 06-04-2010
I had a hard parent to deal with early this spring, when I went from unlicensed to licensed. I raised my rates on the half day only children from $10.00 to $20.00.

This parent was so mad!! Came straight to me and said that it would be a 20% percent raise (for his family) I told him that given my expenses and considering all the other families I will do business with in the future I simply can't accept $10.00 for a half day. If I can't do it in the future I can't do it now. This family pushed so hard for me to get licensed so they could claim me on their taxes.... Then parent asked was it "Nogoshable" I told them "No" It's my business, I will be paying taxes and insurances on it so this is the way it is. This person in the next breath said well I think you should have given more vacation time... Oy!

I give 2 weeks vacation-UNPAID. I myself take 3 weeks. That gives each family 5 weeks of not paying their daycare! I have a backup encase my families can't find alternative care for their children but my off days were set in January when I gave my families their contracts! Way enough time.

Some people will never be happy! But such is life
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judytrickett 07:05 PM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
Do you have an intervention program or something?
Not yet, but I'm working on it!
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QualiTcare 07:51 PM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
Ah, man, I totally forgot about that stinkin' test and I'll have to take it in another month or two. Thanks for reminding me.
that test is not bad at ALL. i always heard people talk about how horrible it was and i asked the nurse who gave me mine what it was like. she asked me if i preffered coke, sprite, or orange soda and told me that's what it tasted like. i said sprite - and that's pretty much what it tasted like. i think it may have been nasty and thick years ago and people have just continued to roll with the story like people tend to do when it comes to exaggerating pregnancy symptoms.

times have changed and so has that "nasty drink."
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QualiTcare 08:01 PM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
Could I get you to donate some of your backbone to me? I really, really want to be as firm and confident as you. I keep getting stuck on the "sweet as apple pie" thing and then it backfires and they act like I'm not nice enough. I want to stop being a doormat. Do you have an intervention program or something?
i know you didn't ask me - but one rule i live by is don't ever let them think you need or depend on their money.

i recently started keeping a kid and charge more than most people would for the hours i have him. i told the mom that she'd have other offers once people found out who was keeping him and how much she was paying, but i was not bidding on babies and i would not come down on the price. she was like - oh, no, i want you to keep him. point being - she doesn't think i'm desperate for her money and it makes parents think twice when they wanna get mouthy.
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laundryduchess@yahoo.com 08:05 PM 06-04-2010
well I for one, do think its a nasty orange thick mess. I thought it tasted the same when I had my first as when I had my 4th. I thought it tasted like a crush with 2 cups of corn syrup in it. No tall tales, no stretching the truth, it was bad. But Im not a sugar eater. I dont drink soda, put sugar in my coffee or tea, and dont eat candy or sweets. So maybe others are used to a sugar drink. I am not. It was seriously bad for me. personally.
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QualiTcare 08:11 PM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by laundryduchess@yahoo.com:
well I for one, do think its a nasty orange thick mess. I thought it tasted the same when I had my first as when I had my 4th. I thought it tasted like a crush with 2 cups of corn syrup in it. No tall tales, no stretching the truth, it was bad. But Im not a sugar eater. I dont drink soda, put sugar in my coffee or tea, and dont eat candy or sweets. So maybe others are used to a sugar drink. I am not. It was seriously bad for me. personally.
i only drank water and nothing else when i had mine. they gave me a choice tho of the 3 flavors and i chose sprite bc it's not as strong as coke or orange soda. it wasn't thick at all. it was exactly like a sprite. maybe different doctor's offices offer different drinks - i dunno, but i heard all the horror stories and it was a joke.
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Daycare Mommy 08:13 PM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by laundryduchess@yahoo.com:
well I for one, do think its a nasty orange thick mess. I thought it tasted the same when I had my first as when I had my 4th. I thought it tasted like a crush with 2 cups of corn syrup in it. No tall tales, no stretching the truth, it was bad. But Im not a sugar eater. I dont drink soda, put sugar in my coffee or tea, and dont eat candy or sweets. So maybe others are used to a sugar drink. I am not. It was seriously bad for me. personally.
I didn't take that test when I was pregnant, but as sensitive as pregnant women can be to smells and tastes, I believe it. I remember I couldn't have bread in the house the whole 9 months. Just the smell of it made me gag over and over until I got out in fresh air. And everything else (unless it was a peppermint candy made me want to gag) Ah memories!
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QualiTcare 08:22 PM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by Daycare Mommy:
I didn't take that test when I was pregnant, but as sensitive as pregnant women can be to smells and tastes, I believe it. I remember I couldn't have bread in the house the whole 9 months. Just the smell of it made me gag over and over until I got out in fresh air. And everything else (unless it was a peppermint candy made me want to gag) Ah memories!
i worked at a restaurant the first time i was pregnant and i couldn't walk into the freezer without getting sick. my boss made it someone else's job to go in there and get what i needed after i christened every trash can in the joint. there was also a glade air freshener i used to love that started making me sick and it still makes me gag when i smell it. i know pregnant people can be sensitive - i'm just sayin - those drinks have changed from what they used to be in consistency and they even offer different soda-like flavors. i'm sure some people could be sensitive to soda, but i highly doubt every pregnant person gets sick on orange soda, sprite, or coke. i could be the only exception.
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fctjc1979 08:35 PM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
i worked at a restaurant the first time i was pregnant and i couldn't walk into the freezer without getting sick. my boss made it someone else's job to go in there and get what i needed after i christened every trash can in the joint. there was also a glade air freshener i used to love that started making me sick and it still makes me gag when i smell it. i know pregnant people can be sensitive - i'm just sayin - those drinks have changed from what they used to be in consistency and they even offer different soda-like flavors. i'm sure some people could be sensitive to soda, but i highly doubt every pregnant person gets sick on orange soda, sprite, or coke. i could be the only exception.
I'm sure I'll have to take this test before too long. I'm three months pregnant. I had to do it for two other pregnancies. The first one was 11 years ago and it was nasty. I did it and was ok but it was not one of my favorite experiences. The second time I did it was only 2 years ago and it wasn't as bad. But I'm 100 times more nauseous with this pregancy than I was with the two girls.
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QualiTcare 08:41 PM 06-04-2010
Originally Posted by fctjc1979:
I'm sure I'll have to take this test before too long. I'm three months pregnant. I had to do it for two other pregnancies. The first one was 11 years ago and it was nasty. I did it and was ok but it was not one of my favorite experiences. The second time I did it was only 2 years ago and it wasn't as bad. But I'm 100 times more nauseous with this pregancy than I was with the two girls.
yeah, that's what i was assuming is maybe it was worse in the past (like 11 years ago as you said). my first one was seven years ago and it tasted just like sprite or a generic sprite - and then again a couple years later with my son. i had morning sickness with my son, but with my daughter (the first pregnancy) it was reeeally bad. the doctor was telling me to gain weight and people couldn't tell i was pregnant at 7 months - due to morning sickness, i couldn't keep anything down, but the drink wasn't bad even then for me.
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professionalmom 05:02 AM 06-05-2010
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
that test is not bad at ALL. i always heard people talk about how horrible it was and i asked the nurse who gave me mine what it was like. she asked me if i preffered coke, sprite, or orange soda and told me that's what it tasted like. i said sprite - and that's pretty much what it tasted like. i think it may have been nasty and thick years ago and people have just continued to roll with the story like people tend to do when it comes to exaggerating pregnancy symptoms.

times have changed and so has that "nasty drink."
Although I didn't mind the actual taste when I had to do it 2 years ago with DD, I did have a few problems after it. I had gastric bypass surgery in 2001 and am sensitive to sugary stuff. It does a number on my digestive system. Plus, this time I am pregnant with twins and a bit more sensitive to stuff. At least it's only a one time thing. They can't give me the 3 hour test if my numbers are high with the first. It's too much for post-gastric bypass patients.
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fctjc1979 07:15 AM 06-05-2010
Originally Posted by laundryduchess@yahoo.com:
well I for one, do think its a nasty orange thick mess. I thought it tasted the same when I had my first as when I had my 4th. I thought it tasted like a crush with 2 cups of corn syrup in it. No tall tales, no stretching the truth, it was bad. But Im not a sugar eater. I dont drink soda, put sugar in my coffee or tea, and dont eat candy or sweets. So maybe others are used to a sugar drink. I am not. It was seriously bad for me. personally.
I don't do sweets either. I do drink Mountain Dew but that's really the only sweet thing I consume other than the occasional piece of cheese cake. Pregnant or not, most things are just too sweet for me. I even stopped eating beef jerky because most of the manufacturers are putting a bunch of sugar in it now. Yuck! The strange thing was that for the last pregnancy, I started craving chocolate pudding. But for this pregnancy, I'm sick enough all the time that anything sweet makes me turn my head away. I can't even watch my family eat pancakes. The THOUGHT of all that syrup is just disgusting.
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Tags:bad parent, soda, sweets
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