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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What to Make Out of This?
Liliya 06:05 AM 09-09-2010
Parents told me this morning that a soon to be a 3 year old boy for the past few weeks cries and tells them that he does not want to go to my house, because the kids are mean to him. They told me names of two kids and I told them right away that this could not be true. The only change is his little brother started a few weeks ago, could it be jealousy or maybe he just misses his parents and is making up stories? They come first, and leave last most of the time.
I just do not know what to think? He is happy here all the time. I did ask him why he did not want to come to my house and he said I do want to come here.
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countrymom 06:09 AM 09-09-2010
hmmm, thats hard because sometimes I think parents put things in childrens heads. I would maybe at pick up time in front of the parents ask the child some questions like "did you have fun today" "was anyone mean to you" so that way the parents and you yourself can see what is being said.
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Lilbutterflie 06:15 AM 09-09-2010
He's probably going through a phase, maybe separation anxiety, or jealousy of his brother, like you said. Keep your eye on him throughout the day just to make sure there isn't something going on behind the scenes that maybe could have been missed. But I'm sure it's just a phase he'll grow out of.
Countrymom had a great suggestion, when the parents pick him up, give them a little synopsis of his day & include him by asking "Did you have fun doing ______?" Or you can ask him things like "Tell your mom about _______ today, wasn't that fun?"
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Crystal 07:27 AM 09-09-2010
3 is a very typical age for children to say things like this. There could be alot of reasons, but it is usually that the child is just beginning to realize the concept of time and that he will not be seeing his parents for several hours. He doesn't know yet how to convey to his parents that it is a long day for him and he misses them when he is at school and they are at work.

It could also be that he is manipulating his parents into feeling guilty for leaving him all day, probably related to the new sibling. This is a classic age of learning that saying things to worry or upset the parent gets them a reaction - usually one that is in the child's favor.

I'd tell the parent both of these things. I'd also do as suggested above and ask the child in front of the parent how his day was. If he says another child was mean, ask specifically what it was the other child did that was mean....if he makes somethingup or is not honest, call him on it in front of the parent....set the example that not being honest about things like this will not be allowed and hopefully the parent will pick up on it and realize that they need to make the child be honest about his day.....once the child realizes he will not get away with it, that should put an end to it soon.
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missnikki 08:04 AM 09-09-2010
I guess someone should point out that it is possible that the kid really feels like someone IS being mean. I know you can't believe everything they say, especially the dramatic stuff, I get that. But at 3yo, the self-centered perceptions are still predominent, and learning how to play in a group takes time to get used to. Put it this way: He believes what he is saying but is probably wrong.
I would talk about it with him in front of the parents, at his eye level, and remind him that I am there to make sure no one hurts him, and he needs to tell me when someone is mean so I can help him, blah blah. That should ease the parent's minds and put a stop to the complaining (whether true OR false).
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MyAngels 10:04 AM 09-09-2010
Originally Posted by missnikki:
I guess someone should point out that it is possible that the kid really feels like someone IS being mean. I know you can't believe everything they say, especially the dramatic stuff, I get that. But at 3yo, the self-centered perceptions are still predominent, and learning how to play in a group takes time to get used to. Put it this way: He believes what he is saying but is probably wrong.
I would talk about it with him in front of the parents, at his eye level, and remind him that I am there to make sure no one hurts him, and he needs to tell me when someone is mean so I can help him, blah blah. That should ease the parent's minds and put a stop to the complaining (whether true OR false).
Definitely true - I once had a little girl who complained several times about the other kids pulling her hair, which was not true, of course. After talking about it and watching I finally realized that the girls were playing "dress up" and "make up" and pretending to comb each others hair. She just perceived it as "pulling" her hair. So it was definitely true to her, just not accurate.
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melskids 10:04 AM 09-09-2010
i had a 2 1/2 year old tell his mother i never give him anything to drink (obviously not true...i would never do that) and thats why he didnt want to come. i also have a four yr old girl constantly telling on me to mom. the newest one is that she doesnt like my house because i dont have any books. first of all, that excuse to me is just silly, and second, i have more books then barnes & noble...lol i totally think they just say things sometimes for attention.
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TGT09 10:22 AM 09-09-2010
I'm having a sort of similar situation. This child doesn't happen to be a teacher's child that was off all summer, does he?
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Liliya 10:39 AM 09-09-2010
Originally Posted by TGT09:
I'm having a sort of similar situation. This child doesn't happen to be a teacher's child that was off all summer, does he?
No,he was here all summer,same kids since he started,only changes that his one year old brother started about month ago and mom said that he is saying it for a few weeks now,so they decided to ask me or tell me. I do not know why they did not say anything earlier.
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tenderhearts 01:18 PM 09-09-2010
I have kids ask another, do you want to play with me and if they other child says no I'm going to color, then the other child will come and tell me that they are being mean because they wont play with them. I hear it and the other child wasn't being mean but that's how 3 or 4 yr olds interrupt it.
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Unregistered 12:10 PM 09-10-2010
It could just be a phase he's going through. We have a boy who's now 4 who's an only child and mom & dad baby him a little too much. When he was 3, he'd have screaming tantrums when both would drop him off in the morning and he'd cry for a good hour or so. Nothing we did would console him. He just wanted to go home to mommy & daddy. He then did this occasionally, mostly on days that mom & dad carried him in and hovered over him for 10-15 minutes talking baby-talk and bombarding him with questions. Are you cold? Do you want breakfast now? Do you want cereal first or yogurt first? Do you need to Potty? Do you want mommy to put your other shoes on? (he always had 2 pairs). This is 2 parents doing this at the same time.

So of course, when they did finally try to leave, he'd start screaming his head off. And the first thing they'd ask him was if he was afraid of something. Then Dad would take him in the hall and speak to him and come back and say little____ hit him yesterday. I'd tell him that we were with him and never saw this incident, but we'd look into it. And we did. At first, we spoke to the other kids and would ask if they saw someone hitting _____. Toddlers are pretty honest and most will fess up even if they did it themselves. No one ever saw a thing and neither did we. If anything, this boy was usually quite aggressive and needed to be told to keep his hands to himself frequently. We came to realize that this boy was smart enough to know that whenever he said that someone was mean to him - mommy & daddy would hover for another 1/2 hour or so. We mentioned it to the parents, and while dad agreed, it took a few months of this before mommy & daddy figured it out for themselves. Now one will drop him off and hand us his stuff, kiss him goodbye and quickly exit. I don't know if it was a phase that he went through or if he realized that his crying wasn't going to stop his parents from going. But he no longer does this. Thank God!
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seashell 08:51 AM 09-13-2010
I have a child here who tells her mom that "***X bit me today". No, she didn't bite her! Mom can't find a mark on her and in many cases, ***x wasn't even in daycare that day. ***x did bite her shirt about 6 months ago while they were pretending to be puppies. Never bit her skin. But it stuck with her. Maybe the kids did something one day that the child didn't like and it just stuck too? I also agree that mom or dad may be directly asking was ***X mean to you today? Most kids will just say yes. Especially if they're getting mom or dad's attention if they do.
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Tags:3 year old, fibber, lie
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