How Would You Handle This?

[BumbleBee]

two 5 year old dcb's making fun of other kids. Their primary target is a 15 month old dcg. Essentially she is the only one who cannot verbally defend herself. They make fun of the other kids too but their focus is usually on the 15 month old.

An example of some of the things they say:

15 month old falls down. "Haha dcg, you can't even walk" then mimicking her walking and falling down.

15 month old can't get the door open on the toy car to get out. "Haha dcg, you can't get out of the car"

Towards other kids:

"Haha, you can't put your shoes on by yourself!"

"Haha, you can't put that toy together by yourself."

"Haha, you took a nap. Only babies take a nap!"

There's more, but that's a snippet of things they say. How would you handle this situation? What would consequences be? What would you say to the parents? What would you expect from the parents?

[Josiegirl]

What about creating some kind of an incentive plan for random acts of kindness? Ignore this kind of behavior and really praise praise praise the heck out of the others when they make their playmates feel good or when they do things to help each other. It might take awhile but maybe these 2 little buggers will get it. I was thinking about using the 'fill others' buckets' idea but I've tried it before with little success. Not sure my younger kids got it. But you could still use some kind of an incentive such as random stickers being given when you catch someone being helpful and kind. We made kindness posters. On one poster I wrote the caption "Being Kind means....." and I wrote in all the things they thought of, of what kindness means to them. Plus they helped find pictures in magazines and we glued them on. We made another poster Friends Like To______ Together. And I wrote in every idea they came up with. It's cute, the background we painted their feet and everybody got to walk all over the posterboard before we wrote on it. They came up with ideas such as 'Friends like to eat hot dogs together, or play with pink dolls together, go to the doctor together, eat popsicles, etc.
Another thing you could do is have a jar for each child and every time you catch them being nice, kind, helpful, learning new things, etc., write it on a slip of paper and put it in the jar to share with mom and dad.
Hopefully, these 2 dcks will start striving to earn their stickers or positive comments for their jar too.

I would so much discipline them for this but ignore it and praise the kids who ARE being nice friends. I might mention it to the parents but I wouldn't expect anything from the dcps; dynamics are different in dc and at home. Obviously these boys are teaming up with each other and enjoying their game.

[finsup]

Originally Posted by BumbleBee

two 5 year old dcb's making fun of other kids. Their primary target is a 15 month old dcg. Essentially she is the only one who cannot verbally defend herself. They make fun of the other kids too but their focus is usually on the 15 month old.

An example of some of the things they say:

15 month old falls down. "Haha dcg, you can't even walk" then mimicking her walking and falling down.
"you're right dcb, she is just learning to walk. Please hold her hand and walk with her a bit, she could use your help

15 month old can't get the door open on the toy car to get out. "Haha dcg, you can't get out of the car"
You're right dcb, she needs help. Please help her out of the car"
Towards other kids:

"Haha, you can't put your shoes on by yourself!"
"you're right, she's too young, please help her

"Haha, you can't put that toy together by yourself."
"She needs some help learning how that works, please show her"
"Haha, you took a nap. Only babies take a nap!"
Babies do take naps, as do big kids when their attitudes warrant it.
Please go get a mat and lay down"

There's more, but that's a snippet of things they say. How would you handle this situation? What would consequences be? What would you say to the parents? What would you expect from the parents?

So I replied with what I would say to them in bold. Plus tons of praise for those being kind, good friends etc. Being kind is a big one here so I would probably find a bunch of actitives that promote that. Maybe a reward they can work towards together as a group? We've done circle time before where someone says one thing nice about the person they're sitting next to, I'd be doing that (maybe not sitting next to, maybe just draw names) with those boys to start saying nice things about dcg. I'd definitely let the parents know it's happening and I'd expect them to discuss it, but that's probably all I would expect them to do.

[midaycare]

Kind of a similar situation when ds's 9 year old friend comes over and he's kind of a jerk Just kidding. He says similar things and I will say, "That's right, dcg is learning to walk. Just like when you were little and you were trying to walk."

Some of my 4 year olds laugh at the younger kids, although not in a mean spirited way. Then we talk about when they were younger and the silly things they did.

[daycare]

I would ask them to come talk to me right after I heard it. I would ask them how do you feel? let them answer, then ask how do you think your friend feels? How would you like it if I said that to you? example, you can't write your name. How would that make you feel if I said that in front of all of your friends? I know they will answer that would make them sad, or etc.

then ask them, well what do you think you could do to fix it? then let them think of some ideas. They need to be armed with solutions so that they can start to be able to resolve their own conflicts and what no.

If they did it again, I would have them come sit and draw a picture. ask them to think about what we just discussed.

kids are mean, we will never change that. but we can teach them that it's wrong and show them the right way to treat others no matter how old or how young they are. With consistency and encouragement, they can and will treat others with dignity and respect.

[hwichlaz]

I like the responses you've already gotten...but also...if they are doing this as a team I wouldn't allow them to play together.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by hwichlaz

I like the responses you've already gotten...but also...if they are doing this as a team I wouldn't allow them to play together.

Same here!

I also like Finsup's responses.
That is what I would probably do as well.