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  #1  
Old 08-18-2017, 11:27 AM
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Denali Denali is offline
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Default Feeling Upset And Angry

Good morning everyone.

I just started a little 3 year old DCG on Tuesday. Parents are divorced and mom coddles very badly. DCG is sweet, but has a hard time understanding that I'm not here to get her toys and cater to her. DCM used to be a SAHM and is more upset about DCG coming here then DCG I think.

As I've said before in other posts, my 5 yr old son has disabilities and sensory processing disorder. I explain at all interviews that my son does have disabilities and he goes to special education classroom during the school year. We have a 6 month old puppy that is training to become a therapy and service dog for DS.

There is some drama with this family regarding who pays who for child care between DCD and DCM. We worked out a payment schedule. My contract is with DCM only.

Sunday afternoon (before I knew that the DCM and DCM have court orders to split childcare costs) when I text DCM how much it was going to be for the trial period she responded with "up front!? I don't get paid until Friday."

DCM came to drop off this morning. Made a comment that DCG didn't want to come and has been telling me that ( indicates my son) "that boy was hitting her yesterday and being mean." Then starts baby talking to DCG about she needs to come in and she'll be ok.

I started to explain that DS pats people to great in excitement and his pats are a little more firm (now where close to hurting but kids who are sensitive and don't like to be touched will call it hitting) that what a typical child would use. That I explain this to the kids, he's not hitting really, he's trying to say hi. DS's therapists and us are working with him on it.

She didn't really stop soothing, coddling, and loving on DCG and I got the impression that she didn't care to listen to me explain what had happened. She cut me off with "she said he hit her with toys." I responded with "I did not see that and it was not brought to my attention yesterday."

Finally she turns from her daughter and talks to me. She wanted to know if he got time-out, I told her I redirected as the patting was not being done to hurt but to express happiness. DCG gave DS a high five a I thought we were good.

She wanted to know when "his bus comes? she didn't want to get held up because of it."

I didn't like her tone.

I do not think this is going to work. I took a post dated check for the trial period (yes I know, I'm prepared to eat the loss if it doesn't clear) that I will be cashing today. If there are any problems that will be it. I'm thinking of terminating services anyway, giving her the unused money back...

But am I not sure if I'm just being sensitive over the how she was talking about my son. I don't think it suck in that he was my son until his bus came and I said "mommy loves you DS, have a good day at school!" And gave him a kiss and sent him out.

What would you do?

(Side note: I don't need the money, I took the post dated check and was willing to deal with some of the drama because we are saving to start a new business and hopefully close the daycare by March 2018. Their money is all savings to go to getting there closer to December 2017)
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  #2  
Old 08-18-2017, 11:35 AM
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I would either teminate saying something like "it is clear from our conversation that DCG is not happy here and is having a hard time adjusting to new children". Blame it 100% on the conversation she made up about what her kid said.

If not I would stop ALL communication with mom at drop off and pick up. Nod and smile and do not relay any info about your son to her. If she brings up hitting I would simply say "no he did not hit her". It is not a lie, he didn't. Act surprised at everything mom tells you about what DCG said. Ignore moms tantrums. This will minimize moms ammunition against you and your son.
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Old 08-18-2017, 12:51 PM
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Im confused. You explain that you have a child with disabilities at the interviews, right? How did she not know he was your son?

Im probably not the best to answer this because I have a 5 year old with disabilities andif a parent ever pointed at my child and said 'that girl' in a mean tone, I would point them out the door quicker than they can finish their sentence.

The time of the dcm PLUS that she gave you a postcdated check would be enough for me to say 'not a good fit'. They obviously didn't pay attention to the interview if they didn't know he was your son and that you had to pay at the beginning of the week.

If you decide to keep the family, I would have a very clear conversation about when you expect to be paid and about how they must trust you. I would also implement the bye-bye outside policy.

If you decide to term, I would use what the dcm told you about dcg not wanting to come. Just say that you really thought about it and their absolutely adorable incredibly smart snowflake deserves one on one care since that's what she's accustomed to.
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Old 08-18-2017, 01:59 PM
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My opinion-term this hateful lady. Your son will have too many times have to endure the disapproving stares or comments from people who don't understand him. There will be times that you, as his mom, will endure the heartache of seeing his feelings hurt---but it should never happen in HIS home!
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Old 08-18-2017, 02:07 PM
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Kinda hindsight now, but always collect $ before they start or on the day-of. Going forward, clearly state when payment is due (deadline date and time) and tell her that your son has a disability that affects him socially and that he's going to therapy for it. That he's with you and that it's a non-negotiable if they are not comfortable having him around.
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Old 08-18-2017, 02:42 PM
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I think this lady has issues beyond what you can help her with. People are sometimes dumb about my daughter, like recently Dcm who has had kids here three years acting surprised that dd is seven years old, but I couldn't bear someone being rude to her or about her. I mean, your son was being NICE.
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Old 08-18-2017, 03:09 PM
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To clarify:

My son was not at the interview. He was out with his sister and grandma. So yesterday was the first day she has really seen him.

She did not point at my son. If she had and used the tone she had she would have been shown the door.

I usually do not expect post dated checks unless the family has been with me for a bit. But in my wanting to be done with interviews I agreed to just this once from her. I'm going to be cashing the check tonight or tomorrow. If there are any problems that's it. I do like DCG, she is sweet just used to her being the center and axis for everything. She will fit in very well once she gets used to group care.

The problem is mom. I think after I cash the check I will give her notice for the reasons others have said. It's going to completely Go off what happens at pick up and payment. Maybe she'll be appalled at her own words and attitude (I wasn't sure if I was reading to much into it or something like that...)
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Old 08-18-2017, 03:22 PM
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Denali Denali is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Two View Post
I think this lady has issues beyond what you can help her with. People are sometimes dumb about my daughter, like recently Dcm who has had kids here three years acting surprised that dd is seven years old, but I couldn't bear someone being rude to her or about her. I mean, your son was being NICE.
And that is what is bothering me so much about it all I think. I explained (or tried too) and someone who is understanding or open to understanding would have gone "ah! I see." But there was none of that. Just her wanting to know if he had been punished for trying to express himself in one of the only ways he knows how.

I want people to understand and parents to be aware. That's why I don't try and gloss over it and not tell families. If they have a problem with individuals with disabilities then I don't want them here. Same with my dogs, it's a package deal.
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  #9  
Old 08-18-2017, 05:53 PM
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Denali make sure you cash the check at HER bank!!!
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Old 08-18-2017, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Denali make sure you cash the check at HER bank!!!
Yesgo to her bank and cash it.
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Old 08-18-2017, 06:39 PM
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at least your child CARES enough to be with the daycare kids, shares his feeling by patting them and giving high fives. He could be one o those children with disabities that ignore the kids, or is out and out mean! This mom sounds Ike a fruitcake who trusts her child more than you.
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Old 08-19-2017, 02:57 AM
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I think, if you want to keep this dcf, maybe a sit-down discussion with her is in order. She's completely ignorant of your child's situation and needs to be educated. I get the fact that her child is the center of her world and their family is going through a lot BUT there are others to consider also!!
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Old 08-19-2017, 06:39 AM
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Buh bye
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Old 08-19-2017, 06:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
I think, if you want to keep this dcf, maybe a sit-down discussion with her is in order. She's completely ignorant of your child's situation and needs to be educated. I get the fact that her child is the center of her world and their family is going through a lot BUT there are others to consider also!!
this was also my thought. the lady sounds like she needs a good education is kindness and respect. wouldn't you want your child to learn and understand that we are all different and how you can always help others no matter your age, color, sex, disability (I don't even like that word) race and etc. BTW I don't like the word disability because I don't ever see a person with one. we are all unique and are here to teach each other something. My best friends daughter has downs and she has taught me more than most adults. This woman makes me angry and sad.

Hugs to you. I hope that this situation works itself out.

Last edited by daycare; 08-19-2017 at 06:36 PM.
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Old 08-20-2017, 04:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
this was also my thought. the lady sounds like she needs a good education is kindness and respect. wouldn't you want your child to learn and understand that we are all different and how you can always help others no matter your age, color, sex, disability (I don't even like that word) race and etc. BTW I don't like the word disability because I don't ever see a person with one. we are all unique and are here to teach each other something. My best friends daughter has downs and she has taught me more than most adults. This woman makes me angry and sad.

Hugs to you. I hope that this situation works itself out.
In early childhood classes, its now Differing abilities. You know the people first wording!
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Old 08-20-2017, 11:11 PM
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Doesn't sound like a good fit. I like the "it seems like she's not comfortable or happy here" explanation for terming 😁
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  #17  
Old 08-20-2017, 11:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flying_babyb View Post
In early childhood classes, its now Differing abilities. You know the people first wording!
People first language means you literally say the word "person" first (or the equivalent to the word). So, for saying something about disabilities, you would say, "People with disabilities" or "Children with disabilities" instead of "Disabled person" (the word "person" is second in that example). People first language is about word order, not really using "differing abilities" Instead of "disabled".
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