Kinda Rude Vibe

[CalCare]

So, let's face it, I'm kinda desperate for enrollees at the moment! But, I just had a kind of rude exchange with an email inquiry. I'm feeling like just not even continuing the conversation. Am I being overly dramatic!? Maybe she'll turn out normal. She seems kinda snotty! See, she asked rates - first question, for 3, 4 or 5 days full time (she also asked how long I had been licensed which slightly made me think it was some kind of provider fishing for info because what parent asks that?). Asking rates first (and basically only question), is kind of a pet peeve of mine. And when I replied, I didn't give rates haha, I asked oh what age, and what schedule are you looking for. Then she was like, "2.5, if you could please tell me the rate I asked for in the previous email, that would be great".... Mhmmm. Does that seem kinda rude to you, or am I reading too much into this?

[Mom2Two]

I'm voting "rude!" I usually get asked if I have openings, after which I ask ages, where the family lives/works, and what hours are needed.

I don't really give rates til after those questions have been answered.

[storybookending]

I think I would take this is a rude as well and not reply.

[NeedaVaca]

I have no problem giving my rates and prefer it so no one gets their time wasted if they can't afford it. However, I always ask my questions first to make sure it's even a good fit for my openings. Age and hours needed must be given before I would give the rate. I would respond saying that prior to giving out rates I need to know the days and hours you will need care, rates may vary based on that information, once I have the specifics I would be happy to get back to you with a rate.

[MarinaVanessa]

Passive aggressive me wants to say
"I can't give you a quote without knowing what the schedule you are looking for, if you can please tell me the info I asked for in the previous email that would be great"
.... wait 1 minute and then send an email ...
"The opening is no longer available"

Passive me wants to not return her email

Business me would respond with
"My rates are based on each individual family's number of days, drop off and pick up times and the child's age. Without that information it's difficult to give you an accurate quote." and then I'd include my rates for full time care.

[LysesKids]

Originally Posted by CalCare

So, let's face it, I'm kinda desperate for enrollees at the moment! But, I just had a kind of rude exchange with an email inquiry. I'm feeling like just not even continuing the conversation. Am I being overly dramatic!? Maybe she'll turn out normal. She seems kinda snotty! See, she asked rates - first question, for 3, 4 or 5 days full time (she also asked how long I had been licensed which slightly made me think it was some kind of provider fishing for info because what parent asks that?). Asking rates first (and basically only question), is kind of a pet peeve of mine. And when I replied, I didn't give rates haha, I asked oh what age, and what schedule are you looking for. Then she was like, "2.5, if you could please tell me the rate I asked for in the previous email, that would be great".... Mhmmm. Does that seem kinda rude to you, or am I reading too much into this?

RUDE... here in TN we can be licensed exempt & everyone who knows anyone, knows that the only licensed home provider in my county dropped her license just a few months ago, partially because of QRIS. Asking how long I have been licensed or in childcare would be a serious red flag, because that info is on my website lol.

[sahm1225]

You could always reply with 'if you could answer the question I asked about your schedule on the email below

Or you could reply nicely with, 'thank you for your inquiry. Rates are based on whether it's 3.4 or 5 days. If you could tell me the days you are looking for, I can give you a personalized rate. If you are looking for a range of tuition, it's between xx to xx per week'

[CalCare]

Ok so it's not just me lol... Hm. Really debating sending her the rates. I mean, not just this email convo, it's potentially a person I will have to work with!

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

Wow... ok.
1. EVERY list of "things to ask when you're looking for a provider" starts with "What is you experience?". Everyone I've ever read. I'm amazed more parents don't ask this. Wouldn't you want to know how long someone had been doing this before you left your kid with them?

2. When I was parent looking for care, my biggest peeve was providers who couldn't give me a ball park idea of cost up front. I had NO CLUE about things like contracted hours, NONE. Why? Because I'd never had to deal with daycare. I loathed going through a dance with a provider just to find out there was no way I could swing it money wise. Yes I would ask all the other questions later, but upfront I needed to know if I could even afford it. (Not in a 'drop my weekly nail appointment' type way. In a 'I have to buy groceries and make a house payment' way.)

Was she blunt? Yes. But why not EXPLAIN (nicely) how your rate structure works and WHY you need to ask a few questions first before you can give her an idea. Searching for quality childcare is stressful, and after you've had your heart broken a few times because you found the perfect place and couldn't afford it you start asking upfront.

I just don't see anything in the initial interactions that would warrant a negative reaction. Actually the first rude thing I saw was: " And when I replied, I didn't give rates haha". I know you didn't write "haha" in the reply email, but I'm sure the feeling was there. So that would explain her reaction.

Sorry for the rant, but it just seems like an "us vs. them" attitude when this parent simply asked a couple questions.

[CalCare]

Yes, exactly why I ask. I couldn't tell if I was seeing it wrong. It just seemed odd the way she asked "how long have you been licensed?" I have never met a parent that knows anything about licensing UNLESS they include that they are an ECE person. It seemed quite odd. Instead of "what's tour experience?" Or "how long have you been open" or "how long have you been doing childcare" ... Or Something, different. It gave me a weird vibe in the second email when she sounded like, "just tell me the rates, lady" ... As for my haha,,, yep haha! She won't show her hand, but I shouldn't laugh about not showing mine?

[CalCare]

But honestly, I do appreciate the differing perspectives! I dont know if I should just move forward on this one and see it as a totally normal, legit inquiry. :/ It probably is. I want to believe it is.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

Originally Posted by CalCare

Yes, exactly why I ask. I couldn't tell if I was seeing it wrong. It just seemed odd the way she asked "how long have you been licensed?" I have never met a parent that knows anything about licensing UNLESS they include that they are an ECE person. It seemed quite odd. Instead of "what's tour experience?" Or "how long have you been open" or "how long have you been doing childcare" ... Or Something, different. It gave me a weird vibe in the second email when she sounded like, "just tell me the rates, lady" ... As for my haha,,, yep haha! She won't show her hand, but I shouldn't laugh about not showing mine?

This is the "us vs. them" I was referring to. Her "hand" could quite likely be "I need childcare and I don't know what I'm doing". Your enjoyment at getting one over on her, came BEFORE her "just tell me the rates, lady" response. So I'm saying, she could be simply looking for care, not understanding the process, knowing that money is going to be a brick wall for her, and she was confused by your unwillingness to provide the information (and possibly receiving a response from you in a mocking tone). I don't think either of you are "wrong" in this, but more that you're possibly misreading each other. I will also admit that I could be missing the mark completely, she could be looking for the information for other reasons. BUT a reply to the initial rate request nicely explaining why you needed more info would have garnered you more information about her intentions without creating any harsh tones in the conversation. Now, if that was the case, and she had that response, then yes I agree that she was rude.

[Mom2Two]

When I needed daycare for the first time, I know that I asked about costs right away. But it never occurred to me that there was much difference between providers. I also didn't understand that there was much difference between doctors at that time either. I just trusted everyone to be super awesome at what they did for a living.

I think though that a lot would come across in HOW it got approached. Someone who was snotty is probably just snotty.

[Denali]

Just because someone has had their heart broken and didn't get want they wanted when they wanted it does not give that person the right to be rude to the next person they talk to.

That's a ****ty reason to be rude.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

Originally Posted by Denali

Just because someone has had their heart broken and didn't get want they wanted when they wanted it does not give that person the right to be rude to the next person they talk to.

That's a ****ty reason to be rude.

Not my intention in that comment at all. Was just trying to explain why I don't believe it is rude to ask for rates up front. I think it's easier to have a conversation when both parties are being open and honest from the jump. I understand that some providers don't just hand out their rate structure. However, there is no point in a parent wasting a providers time only to find out there's no way they can take the spot (because that would be rude). Not excusing bad behavior, but rather offering some perspective on why I don't find the behavior (asking for rates upfront) as bad.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I see both sides. I think that it is important to be upfront with rates and I think a parent who seeks out the info could be a great dc parent, as they are making sure they can financially afford the care, versus asking for discounts or concessions after the fact. However, I do not think your reply was snarky, but just asking for more info so you could give her a more accurate rate. Her response did sound snarky to me, though. She could have just answered the questions and then repeated the question about rates. Instead, she gave you half the info. Asking about how long you are licensed and giving very little info makes me think she is another provider seeking info on her competition, so I would maybe play the game a little longer and let her fish. I would probably reply back with "Until I know the number of days and the times you will need care, I can not offer you an accurate rate. If you would like to give me more information, I will get you a definite rate."

[Josiegirl]

I don't necessarily see it as rude either(unless there was a general tone about her). But I do think if rates are a priority with dcps then it probably won't be a good fit. I'm probably one of the cheapest around(am currently upping my rates to what everyone else charges) but I'd be afraid as soon as they find someone cheaper then they'd switch. There is no benefit to changing caregivers constantly for that reason. But I can also see that rates would be a major concern for some dcfs.

[Jupadia]

I've had emails that just basically ask my rates. Depending on any additional information suppled such as age and days wanted. I do send back a response that includes my rates. Also let parent know that I only now offer full time care so their are no part time rates available. I will also add in some of the benifits if my program and urge parents to call and set up a viewing. I get it cost is a huge factor when it comes to childcare. I know I would not want to waste providers or my time if the cost was not something I could afford.

[Second Home]

I am usually asked 2 things right away
1. how long I have been doing child care , I reply with Lic since 2003 .
2. what are my rates . I reply with it depends on your child's schedule . And ask what hours they need care for .

So while the questions do not seem odd to me the way she replied would turn me off a bit .

[Snowmom]

Yes, I totally understand wanting to know rates upfront.
But yes, the way she responded would not receive a reply from me.

Although, when I get those kind of emails (How much or what hours are you open or even a quick "do you have an opening"), I respond with a very specific email stating what I need from them in order to move forward.

I start by thanking them for their interest, then I ask:
What age is your child?
Regarding rates: I am not available open-close, I charge by pick up time, therefore I would need to know the exact hours you need care. Please include all days of the week.
What date do you need to start care for your child?
Has your child been at an in-home daycare before? Why are you seeking a change?


If I had a snarky one line response to those questions, I likely wouldn't answer after that.

[finsup]

Almost every time I've gotten a reply like that it's been another provider fishing for rates (thank you google). Super annoying because really, if you're honest and just say "I'm starting a daycare and have no idea on rates, I was wondering if you could help?" I'd be more then happy to give them an average. Generally I reply "I understand you are looking for an exact rate. However, my rates are not set. They are determined on a case by case basis and depend on how many days as well as drop off and pick up time. If you can provide me with that information, I'd be more then happy to give you an exact rate. Thanks!"
The other providers never reply. If it's a parent who replies and still doesn't give me an exact schedule, I move on. I will ask, and then ask once more with an explanation and after that if they still can't answer, I'm done. It's not a hard question

[daycare]

for me, text is too hard to read.
I would say meet in person and go from there.

If you can't figure out by the email she sent, then meet in person and try to decide.

If you are really needing people that bad.

[Controlled Chaos]

Rates matter. I don't want to waste anyone's time if they can't afford me. I will happily tell a prospective parent or another provider my rates.

People ask me all the time how long I have been lisenced. They just want to know how experienced you are.

[Meeko]

I am always happy to tell parents my rates. I would personally hate to shop for something and not know the price until I got to the checkout, as it were.

[daycarediva]

Originally Posted by Meeko

I am always happy to tell parents my rates. I would personally hate to shop for something and not know the price until I got to the checkout, as it were.

YUP. I put my rates on EVERYTHING. I still get a few 'rate check' inquiries, but I don't mind at all giving them out.

I have specific rates for FT, 4, 3, 2 and drop in days, regardless of pick up time.

[storybookending]

I'm all for giving out rates as well. I would hate to waste anyone's time if they couldn't afford my care. And waste my time explaining policies to someone who would never enroll. I think what OP was trying to convey was the way that the parent asked about it was rude. I would have replayed to the first email something like "I would be happy to discuss rates but my rates are different for everyone and based on a number of different factors. To give you an accurate quote could you please tell me the age of the child in question, how many days a week care is needed an an approximate time frame?"

[Ariana]

I always get the "what are your rates" mostly from people who cannot afford my rates. I know this because every time I tell those people my rates the convo dies and they are never to be heard from again. Anyone who can afford my rates only asks me right before they sign on so they know how much my desposit is!

[CalCare]

Well in the the end, I never replied and that was that. I didn't like the tone. I've had a number of people want to know rates. Their emails go something like this, "Hi, I saw your ad on xxx, Do you take infants? Can you send me your rates?" Or "Hi! Your pictures are beautiful! Do you offer earlier drop offs at all? Can you send me your rates and other info? Thanks! -name"

[Ariana]

Originally Posted by CalCare

Well in the the end, I never replied and that was that. I didn't like the tone. I've had a number of people want to know rates. Their emails go something like this, "Hi, I saw your ad on xxx, Do you take infants? Can you send me your rates?" Or "Hi! Your pictures are beautiful! Do you offer earlier drop offs at all? Can you send me your rates and other info? Thanks! -name"

Oh wow, at least they try to be somewhat polite! Most of the convos I get are "what are your rates"....they literally don't even form a complete sentence. I write back with "hello and thank you for your inquiry, my rates are xyz". And then crickets super rude. I don't know what happened to common human decency.

[Mom2Two]

Originally Posted by CalCare

Well in the the end, I never replied and that was that. I didn't like the tone. I've had a number of people want to know rates. Their emails go something like this, "Hi, I saw your ad on xxx, Do you take infants? Can you send me your rates?" Or "Hi! Your pictures are beautiful! Do you offer earlier drop offs at all? Can you send me your rates and other info? Thanks! -name"

[Mom2Two]

Originally Posted by Ariana

Oh wow, at least they try to be somewhat polite! Most of the convos I get are "what are your rates"....they literally don't even form a complete sentence. I write back with "hello and thank you for your inquiry, my rates are xyz". And then crickets super rude. I don't know what happened to common human decency.

Me too! The ones that ONLY ask about rates are usually a dead end. Why are they asking??? I'm a bit baffled by it. Have they chosen another daycare and are just trying to find out if the prices are fair? I have no idea.

The bald rates question is kinda a bucket of ice water. "Have you got any openings" is a way warmer.