How Long Do You Wait?

[daycare]

I have a new dck who has been with me for a little over 3 weeks. The child is almost 4 and came from a large center base program.

Parents claim that the school was not working with dck and they wanted a smaller class size with more attentive teachers.

I met with family 3 times and never saw any red flags.

Fast forward to week 1 to present

red flags-
refuse to listen to anything

can not transaction

child is not shy at all and will force themselves on everyone, including teachers

pushes and hurts others but does not care, hit my hand away yesterday.

not potty trained, says I have to pee but then will throw a tantrum if you take them to the bathroom.

repeats things about 9-15 times on average. Example. I asked her can you please use your fork? She repeated that like 10 times. Kind of like a parrot, or echolalia. Does not every try to talk to anyone here, but will answer questions when asked.

lines up all toys no matter what it is. Crayons, pegs, puzzle pieces, babies, etc

sucks thumb, grabs and rubs hair or misbehaves when it gets loud.

zero eye-contact

can not connect with any of the kids

when interacting, the kid will just force self on the other kids.

zero self help skills

So my question is, how long would you wait to talk to the parents about all of this? there are so may red flags I dont know where to even start.

I just feel that it's too soon to approach the parents with this????

Also, I feel like the parents are not telling me all the reasons they moved their child.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

If you think they are aware of some of the issues and are in denial, and you don't bring it up it could further their belief that it's no big deal.
If you think they are aware of the issues and lied to down play them so you'd take their kid, and you don't bring it up, then they'll assume you see no problem.

If you don't think they know what's going on, and you wait they may tell themselves "well if it was a big deal, she would've said something sooner". Or, she's just saying that because X happened last week.

Just my thoughts.

[Denali]

Originally Posted by daycare

I have a new dck who has been with me for a little over 3 weeks. The child is almost 4 and came from a large center base program.

Parents claim that the school was not working with dck and they wanted a smaller class size with more attentive teachers.

I met with family 3 times and never saw any red flags.

Fast forward to week 1 to present

red flags-
refuse to listen to anything

can not transaction

child is not shy at all and will force themselves on everyone, including teachers

pushes and hurts others but does not care, hit my hand away yesterday.

not potty trained, says I have to pee but then will throw a tantrum if you take them to the bathroom.

repeats things about 9-15 times on average. Example. I asked her can you please use your fork? She repeated that like 10 times. Kind of like a parrot, or echolalia. Does not every try to talk to anyone here, but will answer questions when asked.

lines up all toys no matter what it is. Crayons, pegs, puzzle pieces, babies, etc

sucks thumb, grabs and rubs hair or misbehaves when it gets loud.

zero eye-contact

can not connect with any of the kids

when interacting, the kid will just force self on the other kids.

zero self help skills

So my question is, how long would you wait to talk to the parents about all of this? there are so may red flags I dont know where to even start.

I just feel that it's too soon to approach the parents with this????

Also, I feel like the parents are not telling me all the reasons they moved their child.

They center probably asked that the Child be evaluated and they got angry and ran. I would just ask in what way was the center "not working with the child"?? You want specifics. Do not let them skirt the questions with deflection by complaining, whining, anger, or them turning it around by all the things she does at home.

Ask it nicely. That you don't want to make the same mistake the center did and maybe set up a meeting with the parents to go over thing the child can do and what you'd guys can all work on together. Caring for the kids is a group effort.

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by Denali

They center probably asked that the Child be evaluated and they got angry and ran. I would just ask in what way was the center "not working with the child"?? You want specifics. Do not let them skirt the questions with deflection by complaining, whining, anger, or them turning it around by all the things she does at home.

Ask it nicely. That you don't want to make the same mistake the center did and maybe set up a meeting with the parents to go over thing the child can do and what you'd guys can all work on together. Caring for the kids is a group effort.

Had a parent not only quit on me, but made a ridiculous false report to licensing when she left. She quit when I asked her to have her son evaluated by a speech therapist.

You got a red flag in the interview when they told you that the last caregivers "didn't work with" their child (We can't/won't do anything about it, and the center that we expected to couldn't "fix" him or complained that we wouldn't).

They wanted more attentive teachers (our son needs WAY more supervision than he received because he has behavior issues at a minimum).

It's just hard for us to see those flags!

I would definitely bring this up soon. I'd have a list of resources for the parents to utilize ready. For example, I would tell them that I'd like them to call Sarah at the school district's office at 555-5555 and set up an evaluation for their child to assess for any developmental issues that may be causing the behaviors you are witnessing. Give them the most important issues and make them sound MEDICAL if you can, rather than behavioral (parents hate to think their kids don't behave, we know!).

[Josiegirl]

I don't think it's too soon at all. Speak with them about some of the things you notice and see what their reaction is. A child that age will be in school soon and needs help learning these skills the sooner the better and if there are developmental problems it's never too early. I agree with the PPs who suggested this is probably why they left the center.

[Cat Herder]

"Ok guys, When you interviewed you said that you felt your child was having issues due to the previous childcare environment. I have had a some time with *** and I now see it is more than that. I have made ..... observations and recommend ..... What are your parenting goals? How would you like me to help?"

Conference time.

[daycare]

Thanks ladies. I have been having a really rough couple of months and I don't know why I'm second guessing myself.

I think maybe it's because the Dcd works with the department of ED, early learning and we know a ton of people in common. I also feel I need special gloves on to handle his situation.

Thank you catherder for the wording to approach this, looks like a conference is in my very near future.