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  #1  
Old 08-28-2017, 06:45 PM
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Default Feeling Not Sure About This Family

Or maybe it's really a vent.

New family, school teacher mom with easy 10 month old and potty trained 3 yo. Easy, right?

First there was a misunderstanding or something that parents need to provide formula if they want anything besides Parents Choice brand and that I do need to feed an infant formula.

Then on the weekend, mom texted to ask if I couldn't keep her baby cleaner (she kept him inside all Summer to watch older children from the window) and wanted to know exactly how often does DH watch the children.

My Answers:

RE: DH...as little as possible. It's just not his thing, although he's great at storytime, he hates discipline and diapers. However he does watch them for 1.45 hours on Tuesdays so I can take our homeschooled daughter to two classes, and sometimes stuff happens where I mom need to be out of the house. Like how I needed to take DS to the doctor's today over some weird symtoms.

RE: Keeping your baby clean. I am required to take children outside, and although I take a blanket for dcb, he does army crawl and I have never yet figured out how to keep a crawling baby clean. Please bring him in old clothing or brown or denim.

Fast forward to today...I just got a text asking if she could switch from four days/week to two days, because her friend is starting a preschool.

Um, a preschool for a 10 mth old and a 3 yo? That goes all day? I texted back that's what's known as "daycare" not a preschool.

Yes, she says that's right.

I need to calm down but grrrr. I've had soooo many calls for my infant spot the past three weeks and I've turned them all away--not even interviewing. Oh my gosh, I want to find all those old phone numbers and call back.
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Old 08-28-2017, 06:52 PM
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I think you ignored your redflags on this one . Not a normal person at all. I had an infant come to me having never gone outside and I could tell mom was annoyed with all the dirty clothes I would send home. I think if she had said anything I would have laughed in her face.

Replace asap. In fact I would be inclined to terminate immediately for breech of contract...not giving two weeks notice to end contract.
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Old 08-28-2017, 06:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Mom2Two View Post
Or maybe it's really a vent.

New family, school teacher mom with easy 10 month old and potty trained 3 yo. Easy, right?

First there was a misunderstanding or something that parents need to provide formula if they want anything besides Parents Choice brand and that I do need to feed an infant formula.

Then on the weekend, mom texted to ask if I couldn't keep her baby cleaner (she kept him inside all Summer to watch older children from the window) and wanted to know exactly how often does DH watch the children.

My Answers:

RE: DH...as little as possible. It's just not his thing, although he's great at storytime, he hates discipline and diapers. However he does watch them for 1.45 hours on Tuesdays so I can take our homeschooled daughter to two classes, and sometimes stuff happens where I mom need to be out of the house. Like how I needed to take DS to the doctor's today over some weird symtoms.

RE: Keeping your baby clean. I am required to take children outside, and although I take a blanket for dcb, he does army crawl and I have never yet figured out how to keep a crawling baby clean. Please bring him in old clothing or brown or denim.

Fast forward to today...I just got a text asking if she could switch from four days/week to two days, because her friend is starting a preschool.

Um, a preschool for a 10 mth old and a 3 yo? That goes all day? I texted back that's what's known as "daycare" not a preschool.

Yes, she says that's right.

I need to calm down but grrrr. I've had soooo many calls for my infant spot the past three weeks and I've turned them all away--not even interviewing. Oh my gosh, I want to find all those old phone numbers and call back.
I could understand if there was a misunderstanding about formula at first but was fixed and could move on. Questioning how often my husband was with the kids, slightly annoying but I would probably just have left at it "a few hours a week, if that." Then the not getting dirty thing...ok yeah, getting very annoying. Then wanting to switch to 2 days to go to friend's place instead? No thank you. I'd be replacing and giving a two week notice. And the "could I switch to two days" request? Sure you can dcm, however the rate remains the same.
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Old 08-28-2017, 07:02 PM
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sorry to hear that.

My advice on your spots. Never turn away an opportunity to create a waiting list.

here is what I tell people when I am full.

Currently we are full, however, an opening can occur at anytime. I would love to add you to our wait list of invite you to come tour with us. I then take down all of their information and have a spread sheet with it all. I immediately send them an email and invite them to our website.

I have not had a day go by in years that I have had an opening.
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Old 08-28-2017, 07:03 PM
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And the "could I switch to two days" request? Sure you can dcm, however the rate remains the same.


I texted back and said that I would never want anyone here if this wasn't really where they wanted to be. Sounds like a cue for the Happy Speech, doesn't it?

I also calmed down slightly and sent another text explaining why I feel it's not great for little children to be in two different daycares. Two different sets of rules etc.

She thanked me for my explanation but didn't commit to what she is planning next.

Sheesh. She's been here six days and I've had four crazy conversations. Those are not good odds.
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Old 08-28-2017, 07:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Mom2Two View Post


I texted back and said that I would never want anyone here if this wasn't really where they wanted to be. Sounds like a cue for the Happy Speech, doesn't it?

I also calmed down slightly and sent another text explaining why I feel it's not great for little children to be in two different daycares. Two different sets of rules etc.

She thanked me for my explanation but didn't commit to what she is planning next.

Sheesh. She's been here six days and I've had four crazy conversations. Those are not good odds.
speaking from experience, I will NEVER allow a child to be in my program and another one at the same time. I had a child that was with me 3 days and another provider 2 days a week. Well something happened at the other childcare and she tried to blame me for it. It was probably one of the worst things that I have had to deal with as a provider and I will NEVER ever do it again.

I don't mind partnering with family, but I refuse to partner with other DCP or preschools after that.
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Old 08-28-2017, 07:38 PM
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My guess is she will somehow pull the kids and send them to the friend. Then in a few weeks, when baby gets dirty going outside, or one of a million other things happen, she wishes she could come back. The friend thing never works.
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Old 08-28-2017, 07:47 PM
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speaking from experience, I will NEVER allow a child to be in my program and another one at the same time. I had a child that was with me 3 days and another provider 2 days a week. Well something happened at the other childcare and she tried to blame me for it. It was probably one of the worst things that I have had to deal with as a provider and I will NEVER ever do it again.

I don't mind partnering with family, but I refuse to partner with other DCP or preschools after that.
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Old 08-28-2017, 08:05 PM
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My guess is she will somehow pull the kids and send them to the friend. Then in a few weeks, when baby gets dirty going outside, or one of a million other things happen, she wishes she could come back. The friend thing never works.
Yeah, or the friend will go half crazy trying to accommodate her. Dcm is quite controlling and micro-managing.

Her kids have never been in daycare before, they had someone else watching them. I didn't inquire deeper as to why they changed...but I'm starting to think I know the story.
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Old 08-28-2017, 09:13 PM
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Here's what I don't get: WHY 2 daycares? Why doesn't she just move to the friend full time? Could it be because she hopes to keep you as a backup for in case it doesn't work out with the friend? I find her to be ridiculous. I'd start advertising ASAP.
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Old 08-29-2017, 05:44 AM
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I would be done at this point. I don't see her getting any easier and would never accommodate two days a week so she can try out her friend while keeping her foot in the door with you.

Texting me on the weekend to ask me to keep the baby cleaner would annoy me too. I don't mind texts about schedule changes over the weekend or parents double checking supplies before they do their weekly shopping, but everything else can be handled during business hours.
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:35 AM
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I wouldn't term the family but I would just continue on my merry way.

"Sorry DCM, this is the rate regardless of how many days you attend."

I don't see any issues with a child attending more than one place. Kids are resilient and I've never really had a child that wasn't able to adapt to two different environments. It happens all the time. Preschool activities, preschool itself, mom/dad split custody, moving, etc.... kids figure it out pretty quickly if you are firm and consistent about your rules, the different rules or procedures at other places won't play a role in your program.

As for the micro managing mom is doing... I just reply with short, factual responses and don't try to negotiate a compromise or defend my policies, methods and/or routines.

"Licensing requires outdoor play for ALL children. If you are concerned about DC baby's clothing, please send him only in clothing that can get dirty."

"Yes, my DH is part of my program. That is usually the case with IN HOME family child care programs. He will help out and assist when necessary and is permitted to by licensing but I am the predominant caregiver."


I would expand on why or when your DH watches the kids and I wouldn't explain to her anymore than what your rule is.

The more info or details you provide to her when she questions things the more ammo you are giving her to nit pick. Keep it simple, factual and to the point.

YOU Set your policies and rules.
SHE gets to decide ONLY if they work for her or not.

If not, she can submit proper notice.
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Old 08-29-2017, 12:44 PM
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I wouldn't term the family but I would just continue on my merry way.

"Sorry DCM, this is the rate regardless of how many days you attend."

I don't see any issues with a child attending more than one place. Kids are resilient and I've never really had a child that wasn't able to adapt to two different environments. It happens all the time. Preschool activities, preschool itself, mom/dad split custody, moving, etc.... kids figure it out pretty quickly if you are firm and consistent about your rules, the different rules or procedures at other places won't play a role in your program.

As for the micro managing mom is doing... I just reply with short, factual responses and don't try to negotiate a compromise or defend my policies, methods and/or routines.

"Licensing requires outdoor play for ALL children. If you are concerned about DC baby's clothing, please send him only in clothing that can get dirty."

"Yes, my DH is part of my program. That is usually the case with IN HOME family child care programs. He will help out and assist when necessary and is permitted to by licensing but I am the predominant caregiver."


I would expand on why or when your DH watches the kids and I wouldn't explain to her anymore than what your rule is.

The more info or details you provide to her when she questions things the more ammo you are giving her to nit pick. Keep it simple, factual and to the point.

YOU Set your policies and rules.
SHE gets to decide ONLY if they work for her or not.

If not, she can submit proper notice.
Yeah, this is about where I'm at. I asked mom this morning what she had decided and she said that she was late for work (true) and could we talk at pick up. So DH is going to take DD to her therapeutic riding lesson today so I can talk with mom.

But I can't really guarantee that he can do it all the time. It's simply not possible to not include DH in our home/family business.

All my parents drop in unannounced at some point, same with inspectors, of course. I have never given any of my families reason to feel like this put me off at all.

I wonder what she wants to talk about? Does she want to use the threat of leaving to try to negotiate? That would make me sick. I guess I'll find out at 3:30.
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:26 PM
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If she tries to use it as a threat just shut her down. The "issues" she's found are not things you are going to change. End of discussion. She can take it or leave it.
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Old 08-29-2017, 03:39 PM
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So she came and told me that they are going to go with the friends preschool/daycare. She said that it just didn't work out with me the way she'd hoped.

The bright side is that at least it was clean cut. My greatest dread was that she'd just keep coming and keep picking at me. <sigh>
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Old 08-29-2017, 04:03 PM
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Make sure that when she calls in a few weeks that you don't have any availability.
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Old 08-29-2017, 05:02 PM
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Make sure that when she calls in a few weeks that you don't have any availability.


I realized that all three families who I have had quit, have done so because they wanted things that I just couldn't agree to, and they had "want to call the shots" personalities.

I really try to not be in a position where I can't live without a family if needed. I guess they don't realize that to keep doing this hard, low-paying job, we do have to have some limits or it just wouldn't be bearable.
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Old 08-31-2017, 10:56 PM
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after 6 days, she says said "it just wasn't working"? Lol
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Old 09-02-2017, 03:21 PM
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after 6 days, she says said "it just wasn't working"? Lol
Good point! It's a good thing she's giving her marriage longer than that, lol.

Actually, seriously, her "work it out" communication skills are lacking. She has this bright, happy, phony face that she puts on, but can't really listen to my (or even her own children, I've observed) needs and feelings. Or she appears to listen but doesn't respond. And she can't communicate her own.

It was almost like dealing with a little kid who always asks for stuff at the store. She kept asking for stuff but didn't get how it affected anyone else.
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Old 09-02-2017, 05:37 PM
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I would have been done with the questions about your husband. What is she implying or worried about?

Nothing offends me more than people who look into HOME daycare and then act like any male their child comes into contact with at said HOME daycare is automatically a danger. There is no other reason to ask such questions unless they are uneasy.

Anyone who is uneasy around my husband or son is a HUUUGE liability and I won't have them in my home. All my daycare parents know my husband and son. They often answers the door, high five and hug the kids in front of their parents etc. They all act the same around the men as around me.

I couldn't keep a family who acted any other way. I make is very clear at interview that we are a FAMILY daycare and the whole FAMILY is always around their kids. If I get even the slightest feeling they are hesitant about members of my family, I send them on their way.

One lady came for interview years ago and told me it was "creepy" that my son worked for me. I ended the interview on the spot. She then had the audacity to call back later and told me she had looked at several daycares and ours was the best and that she had called my references and everyone loved my son...and she wanted the spot. I told her where she could go.
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Old 09-02-2017, 10:15 PM
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Wow, that's crazy!! How do you politely end an interview for something like that?
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