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Unregistered 07:06 AM 03-10-2016
Member but Posting as Unregistered. Going incognito just in case this dcm happens to lurk on here I can deny any connection to me.

I have a dck that is almost 2. Dck was 41 lbs in Jan when dck went to dr for ear infection, so this is a BIG kid. Dcm and dcd carry dck around everywhere, and so of course dck expects that I should as well. There are no developmental or medical problems. This child will sit where they are and cry until they are either picked up and carried, or at the very least I can get them moving by lifting them to their feet and leading by the hand.

Well, with this child's weight, even pulling them to their feet is getting to be too much. I have been trying this week to use some tough love, and if dck cannot move themselves for whatever it is they want (unless it is something pertinent like a diaper change, eating, or nap) then I ignore. Of course, this has resulted in some frustration for me and all the other kids listening to him go on and on the last 3 days, but I know with consistency this too, shall pass.

Now for the problem. Last night when dcm came to pick up dck I was changing a baby's diaper, and the dck in question was across the room when dcm came in. She called dck to come over to her, and as usual dck sat and cried and held up arms waiting for her to pick them up. She called and called, and they cried and cried. I could not "help" dck up as I was changing a baby. Then...a preschooler says to the dcm, "Dck's name is lazy." I handled it immediately and appropriately, telling the preschooler that it was an unkind comment, blah blah blah. Dcm finally walks in and picks up and carries her dck, angry now, and is saying all the time she is getting dck ready to go that she doesn't appreciate mean comments and that they are working with dck to be better about this. I remained calm and professional and stated that while it is trying for all of us (dck, dcm and dcd, me, and even the other kids in my care) for different reasons, we'll get through it. Dck WILL come around soon. Smiles. Time to move on. Good-night.

Well, this morning when dcm drops off she is very angry. Says that she does not want dck being made fun of, and that she is aware that dck is behind on things but that dck shouldn't be teased. I told her that teasing or mocking is absolutely not allowed here, and that I am very upset that she would think that. I also told her that the preschooler that made the comment last night was reprimanded, which she witnessed. I also told her that dck is where they should be developmentally, and that dck is able to stand up and walk or at the very least crawl to move about, but chooses not to if dck thinks that someone will do it for them. Dcm left for work in a huff then.

I feel like I should say more to this dcm. I think it is more embarrassment for her child's behavior/issue than anything, but I don't like her saying that he is being mistreated verbally at daycare. It doesn't sit well with me. Should I say more, or just let it blow over?
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Ariana 08:01 AM 03-10-2016
I think she just feels bad about what that child said and is feeling angry about it. I would drop it at this point personally. You can't convince someone when they have their mind made up so you'd be wasting your time. I also think that by you continually bringing it up maybe shows that you are not confident about what you are saying.

This mom needs to face the consequences of her actions. A 2 yr old who doesn't move and weighs 40 pounds is a problem. Maybe this is the best thing that could have happened to be honest!
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NightOwl 09:36 AM 03-10-2016
Wow. 40lbs... I think mom is overly sensitive because she's embarrassed. She's embarrassed because she's realizing how problematic this has become and SHE is likely the cause of it (since you mentioned there's no underlying health problems). She feeds him unhealthy foods, she carries him constantly, she enables the behavior, so she (and probably dad also) is feeling like she's being judged. So I'm guessing she's hyper sensitive to even the slightest remark, even if it's from another child.

If it was me, I would probably follow up on this. Maybe email her and tell her that you run a tight ship and you would never allow one child to mock another, but you cannot control what comes out of that child's mouth. You can only reprimand him for being unkind and mention it to his parents, but that's it. It seems to me that she's frustrated with the situation that she's put herself and her child into and she's looking to take it out on somehow else.
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nannyde 10:48 AM 03-10-2016
Why did she drop off if she was very angry?

I would have asked her to take him home, settle down, and when she is completely calm she can explain to you how sometimes children say things that may be true but can be hurtful to other children. She can explain that she knows he's perfectly capable of getting up and walking and that by catering to his wish to be carried she is risking others around him witnessing the behavior and verbalizing their opinion.

When.she can do that she may return. She can't misbehave and then drop off.
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Unregistered 11:27 AM 03-10-2016
Ariana-I agree, the preschooler saying it out loud may be just the thing this dcm needed to hear to get her to encourge her child to be independent instead of enabling them.

Night Owl-This is a big child. Tall, too, and just too big overall to be carried anymore. She probably does feel judged...by a 5 year old no less!

Nannyde-Oh, how I wish I had your lady balls! I did figure she can't honestly believe that he is being made fun of at daycare and still drop him off.

I was going to send her an e-mail, but I honestly don't want to put the time or effort into it. I think instead, I will see what her attitude is at pick-up, and tell her a version of this (her attitude will determine how sugar-coated it comes out):

The preschoolers comment has shown that it is time to recognize and correct this issue (thanks Ariana!), as it is affecting all of us. I run a tight ship and do not allow any mocking or teasing (thanks Night Owl!). Sometimes children do put things rather bluntly, but obviously you really do not feel that my environment is unhealthy for dck or you would not have left him here this morning (thanks Nannyde). We just need to keep insisting that dck get themselves up and walk, and we will have a happier and healthier kid for it.

Then, she will have the opportunity to apologize to me for her reaction and accusation...
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Unregistered 12:02 PM 03-10-2016
I would be more likely to suspect mom believes the preschooler heard the lazy comment from you and is repeating it. True or not.

At 2 years old and 40 lbs he may have difficulty standing and moving around. His weight may be causing him pain in his ankles and knees.
He is still a baby.
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Tags:big baby, spoiled child
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