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VTMom 07:39 PM 08-03-2011
I'm hoping someone can give me some ideas. For the summer crew, I have, among others, two 8 year old girls, along with my own 6 1/2 year old daughter. Among these 3 girls, one is extremely manipulating with the other two. She'll frequently use crying, "you're mean" and "you don't like me" declarations to guilt the other two into playing what she wants. This is continual throughout the day.

Is this normal behavior? Any ideas on how to help them?
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Michelle 08:02 PM 08-03-2011
Originally Posted by VTMom:
I'm hoping someone can give me some ideas. For the summer crew, I have, among others, two 8 year old girls, along with my own 6 1/2 year old daughter. Among these 3 girls, one is extremely manipulating with the other two. She'll frequently use crying, "you're mean" and "you don't like me" declarations to guilt the other two into playing what she wants. This is continual throughout the day.

Is this normal behavior? Any ideas on how to help them?
Very normal!
I'm going through the same thing, we've run the gambit of all that you described to, getting others against each other, to crying, sulking, girls, club, and apology letters. ( we don't allow clubs). Then the next morning, everyone loves each other for a while, then it starts all over again.

Just be vigilant and keep your ears open and watch for "set ups", lies and exaggerations... I sometimes give them beauty parlor days when they are all getting along. I publicly praise the girls that are being kind and try to keep them very busy, baking, swimming, etc. so they don't have time for the mind games. I have one 8 year old, one 9 year old, 2 ten year olds, and 4 four year olds....ALL GIRLS !!
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VTMom 08:08 PM 08-03-2011
Man! This is going to take years off from my life.

I try to stand back (while having my super-Mom hearing tuned in) to see how they are going to handle it and if they can work it out on there own. I step in when things escalate or if they are stuck. I know they'll be dealing with this in school, so I think it's important for the three of them to figure this out. I guess I'm just shocked at the intensity of this one girl. I guess with a 6 year old, we haven't hit this point yet.

Thanks for responding.
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Kaddidle Care 05:50 AM 08-04-2011
Unfortunately, the problem is that you have 3. There's always one odd-man-out. I fear that will most likely be the 6 year old as the others will act very pompous because they are "older". Lots of activities to keep them busy and not at each other's throats.
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Meyou 06:29 AM 08-04-2011
I seperate them when they start bickering. Absense makes the heart grow fonder and all that. lol

My youngest is 7 and is a bossy overbearing know-it-all and the best thing I can do to stop the bossiness and bullying is to take her targets away. She spent 2 hours playing alone at the end of yesterday and was very ready to be nice to her friends today. I'm actually lucky it's my child that's the instigator in my SA group. I can send her to her room to cool down for as long as it takes. I don't do mean, leaving people out or bossiness.
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AnythingsPossible 08:17 AM 08-04-2011
Do you have a large enough group that you could seperate them and have them each help a younger group?

If you know that the one is manipulating, have her go and help the younger kids, tell her you could really use her help with something and give her an activity to run with another group.

Hover nearby while they are playing and when the one starts in with the "that's not fair, you don't like me" intervene and talk out the situation with them.
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Tags:behavior problems, manipulation
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