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Old 07-25-2011, 08:23 AM
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littlemommy littlemommy is offline
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Default My Son Is A Bully Towards DC Kids

and it seems to be only towards the DC boys. DS is 18 months old, and plays fine with the girls. I have 2 two year old girls, a two year old boy, and a 10 month old boy. For a long time I only had the girls, but once I started the 2 year old boy DS instantly wanted to start playing rough. They were fine and DS wasn't mean towards him, but is not mean towards the 10 month old that I just started 2 months ago. I think it may be a jealousy thing. This 10 month old is held when he has a bottle (he doesn't even try to hold it!) DS hits, pushes, rolls on him, and lately has been trying to bite. The 10 month old is also a very crabby baby, so I'm sure that bothers DS.

I just don't want DS to be so mean that my DC kids leave! When I try to correct his behavior, he laughs and tries to do it again. I've tried raising my voice, the corner, and even spankings...nothing works.
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemommy View Post
and it seems to be only towards the DC boys. DS is 18 months old, and plays fine with the girls. I have 2 two year old girls, a two year old boy, and a 10 month old boy. For a long time I only had the girls, but once I started the 2 year old boy DS instantly wanted to start playing rough. They were fine and DS wasn't mean towards him, but is not mean towards the 10 month old that I just started 2 months ago. I think it may be a jealousy thing. This 10 month old is held when he has a bottle (he doesn't even try to hold it!) DS hits, pushes, rolls on him, and lately has been trying to bite. The 10 month old is also a very crabby baby, so I'm sure that bothers DS.

I just don't want DS to be so mean that my DC kids leave! When I try to correct his behavior, he laughs and tries to do it again. I've tried raising my voice, the corner, and even spankings...nothing works.
So to clarify, he's only mean to the 10 month old who's getting more personal attention? Sounds like you may have had a better group mix before the 10 month old started.

If he's a cranky baby who is drawing out some negative behavior from your own kid, then I don't think the problem is your child. He's not being mean, he's trying to tell you in his only way that he just doesn't like this kid and all the attention he's sucking up, which is saying something, because you have a lot of kids in your house he's got to share you with. The corrective behavior you're administering at this age is probably just going to give him the extra attention he's seeking, and the behavior will escalate.

I've had this issue--the best option for me was replacing the problem child. My son's aggressive behavior all but STOPPED when she left. It was amazing. And his (carefully supervised) interactions with the new baby, who also needs a lot of attention, are much more gentle. They just get along better. I think someone else had suggested they don't take in kids who are the same basic age-group as their own kid so that the needs are totally different and they just don't interact. The other option would be to keep 10 month old completely separate from the group, which he should be anyway. He should be in his own blocked off area where toddlers can't reach him or even touch him so that he's not accidentally injured.
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Old 07-25-2011, 11:03 AM
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When I first started DC in the early 90's, my eldest daughter was jealous and sooooo mean to one of my DCG's. She would scratch her if I didn't wach her like a hawk. It finally stopped after a while, but it was horrible having to explain to the DCM that my sweet little girl had hurt her daughter.
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Old 07-25-2011, 11:52 AM
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Sounds kinda like where we are. My son is 3 and getting better, but he definitely plays rough. He likes to push if they're playing with "his" toys, and sometimes wants to LAY on them for who knows what reason. It is frustrating but slowly it's getting better. I just wish there was a quick fix.
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Old 07-25-2011, 12:08 PM
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I actually kicked my daughter out of my own daycare! When she was 2 1/2 years old, she was very possessive of the toys, me, and anything I did with the daycare kids. Whenever I bought daycare toys, I made sure to tell her they were for daycare and allowed her to buy a toy for herself to keep in her room and play with her personal friends in her room with. Of course she would always bring her toy out to the daycare room and then get mad that certain daycare kids (the ones that weren't her best friends) would try to play with her toys. I kept telling her to take her toys and friends to her room - 2 yr. olds don't listen well! She would also yell at and push the daycare kids that I would hold and give one on one attention to. She would stand up during circle time and yell at the daycare kids "you don't sing, I do!" The entire time, I tried to teach her and explain to her that she couldn't behave that way. I made sure to do one on one activites with her and talked about how it's great that I do daycare so I can be home with her instead of out to work, etc. One day she was playing across the room from the kids, out of the blue, she got up, went up to a daycare kid, and punched him right upside his head, turned around all smug and happy about herself, walked back to her toys and continued to play! That day, I kicked her out of my daycare! I interviewed a couple of daycare centers and chose the one I liked best for her. She went there part-time Mon, Wed, and Fri 9-12. It worked beautifully for us.

I also learned that a few home daycare parents send their personal children to daycare centers! I wasn't the only one! They all had the same basic reason - their child was territorial, jealous, etc. and made it harder for their mother to work with the daycare children in their home.
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Old 07-25-2011, 12:28 PM
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littlemommy littlemommy is offline
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We've been working on "hugging, no hitting" and it's helping a bit. Today I kept the little one in a pack n play with some toys, and of course it kept my son from him, but made the little one cry (which isn't out of the ordinary!)

I'm wondering if part of it is DS getting use to being back at home. We were at my parent's house for a month (major construction project!!) and just got back a week ago Friday. Now that we are back home, I wonder if DS is excited to see his toys and just not wanting to share. I could be wrong, since he isn't as bad with the other kids.
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:27 PM
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I could never "kick my son out of daycare" That's the main reason I do this! I also plan to homeschool... so... it would just be weird to pay someone to watch him? Maybe I'm weird.
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