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  #1  
Old 01-18-2012, 11:48 AM
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Default Is Your Own Child Your Worst?

I logged because i feel guilty feeling this way. But I really need to know if I am the only one going thru this. My own dd is my worst one here. She will soon be 3 (my oldest in the group), she's the loudest (always yelling or screaming, a toy snatcher, can't nap in the main room and lay down like the rest of the kids, she is a former biter and today she did it again fighting over a toy, she is my picky eater, a fake cryer, a bully, the list can go on and on and on.

I am so drained at the end of the day and the thought "going home with her" drains me more.
Although she for the most part, is a completly different child at home.
She tests her limits but nothing like in daycare.

I waited along time for her and I love her to death but my gosh..... Im exhausted.
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Old 01-18-2012, 12:10 PM
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YES!!! We'll a few years ago, yes. My youngest is thankfully now in 1st grade but when she was home with me I hated it during dc hours!! My now 3rd grader was always fine but my youngest was just how you described.
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Old 01-18-2012, 12:15 PM
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PLEASE tell me how you got thru it. I am open to any suggestions
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Old 01-18-2012, 12:26 PM
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Don't feel guilty. I had the exact same feeling on and off since I started in August. I felt strongly about sending her to another daycare today if I could, lol! Initially it was her having ownership over everything. Now it's her wanting to be the class clown, tattling, asking questions she already knows the answer to (what do we do next, does this go here, etc). She got the "annoying" trait from my husband though lol. But seriously, I'm doing time out or losing activity time with her. (ex. She loses the first few minutes of the block center). It works for the most part.
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Old 01-18-2012, 12:46 PM
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I definitely have this problem! I can honestly say it is my own fault...I try to treat my own little one (17 months) the same as all of the others; however, he isn't the same. I'm his mom! He knows how to push my buttons, and is much more willing to try to push them then any of the other littles I care for. My older son - now 4 and in preschool - was also challenging when he was here every day with me. I can proudly report that his teachers at preschool think he is a wonderful, respectful, smart and kind child (whew!). I know I am doing the right thing for my kids by staying home with them, but there are most certainly days when I question my judgement!!!! Hang in there ~
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Old 01-18-2012, 12:53 PM
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I started doing daycare when my son was 18 months; he is almost 4 now. Until about 6 months ago; he was one of the worst in my care. When I started being honest with myself about it; I realized that I wasn't as consistent him as I was with the other daycare children. When I started to be much more consistent, he seemed to get better. He also has reached a much higher level of maturity now (there is a big difference b/w a 3 yr old and a 4 old when it comes to maturity and independence!). Now he has become a good example to the other daycare children!! I am super proud to be his mom.
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Old 01-18-2012, 12:56 PM
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One more thing; I also found that he was often acting out b/c he was fighting for my attention. He didn't like sharing his mom with all of those other kids!! Try to do things with him, just him, whenever you can (I realize this would probably be outside of daycare hours). This will make a huge difference, too!
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Old 01-18-2012, 12:58 PM
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Totally normal! My 2 yo is so aggressive! He simply wants more of my time one on one and we'll just have to get through it... He doesn't stay in the playroom, it's difficult to understand different rules from home time. Sometimes I have to separate him for the time being from the daycare group. Good thing the daycare dad of the dck that mine has bitten and scratched thinks my kid is "just soo cute"!
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Old 01-18-2012, 01:26 PM
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My two sons where harder to do childcare with then my daughters. It got to the point where I only worked the school schedule just so I could have a break and also show my own kids that they were important to me! Once I did that life became wonderful. In the last year I have had to go back to working the full schedule and I could see the effect on my one son almost immediately, and he is a teenager. Childcare and him have never gone hand in hand=
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  #10  
Old 01-18-2012, 01:38 PM
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Yes, my older dd is by far the worst child I watch. My husband and I say that if she acted like this for a daycare provider, she would most likely be terminated within the first 2 weeks. She is a bully (physically and mentally) and she constantly challenges me. However, it is in her personality and has nothing to do with daycare (as she acts this way all the time...lucky me ). I have found that every child needs to be encouraged and punished differently. In my daughter's case (and I know it sounds "cruel"), but the best thing for her AND me is to lock her in her room until she chills out. Sometimes it takes a minute or so, other times it takes 10-15 minutes. The reason I lock the door is because otherwise she will come out prematurely when she is still acting like she is possessed. I have not found a fool proof plan for when we are out in public besides re-direction (works ~60% of the time and relies heavily on our patience), but we are still learning as parents on how to handle her.

When she goes to our gym daycare or our families' houses, she acts much better. Apparently, she only acts like this with my husband and I. She has good days and bad days. For example, I was so proud of her yesterday because she went through the entire day without time alone in her bedroom. That happens maybe once every other month, if I'm lucky. I have found that I tend to be more of a pushover with her compared to the daycare children, which doesn't help.

My advice to you is to be consistent with your child and find the best way to reward for good behavior and punish/re-direct for bad behavior. Good luck!
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  #11  
Old 01-18-2012, 01:54 PM
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My youngest was until she started school. I have a DCP friend who's son is the same way. She found another home DCP with a child the same age and they've been trading son's two days a week. It's been great for both boys.
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Old 01-18-2012, 02:26 PM
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Yes, my almost 4 year old is a terror some days! I love him with all my heart, but some days he wears me out!
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  #13  
Old 01-18-2012, 02:32 PM
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My own kids were never really an issue for me but now they are grown and gone and my worst kid is DH!!

He comes in for the bulk of lunch time prep, lunch time and the tooth brushing, toileting routine before naps and teaches the kids all sorts of 'naughty behaviors"

He teaches them how to and sometimes gets them so wound up they don't nap! He starts food fights sometimes and teases all the girls by calling them "quick little squirrels" to which they squeal and laugh....he has sord fights and wrestling matches with the boy. He also makes fart jokes and funny faces while eating so they him to pieces but if I could send him to the quiet corner, I would!
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  #14  
Old 01-18-2012, 03:02 PM
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Yes I am dealing with this too but it has gotten considerably better lately. It really started when a new 18 month old DCG started a few months ago. She had a lot of feelings going on and I knew it. I still deal with it daily but a lot of it is pretty normal for her age. I make her follow the same rules as the rest of the kids and acknowledge her feelings all the time. I will get down to her level and say "I can see that you're angry, can you take a deep breath and tell me why you're angry" This took a few times of doing it but she now is able to take a deep breath and tell me why she's angry and we talk about what to do next (usually it's me reiterating the rules) or encouraging her to do something on her own etc. I also bought a book called "when Sophie gets angry" and this book really helped her sort out her feelings. I also conducted some circle times and chatted about feelings and how to deal with them.

I think some kids just react to sharing their parents and need extra TLC, otherwise they feel angry all the time. Just taking the time to understand it from her point of view helps a lot. At first I thought it was jealousy but after a post on here I realized it had nothing to do with jealousy. I was reacting to the idea of jealousy by giving in to her more than I should have. As soon as I started treating her the same and setting up boundaries things got a lot better. I also set up our spare room as a 2nd playroom where the toys in there are only hers. No daycare kids play in there. I also make sure to say things like "these are the rules at daycare" or "maybe we can do that when daycare is over" so she could seperate in her mind the difference between daycare and family time. As soon as daycare is over I turn into her regular mom and we cuddle on the couch and read books until my husband gets home. It's our special time.

Anyway this is how I dealt with it and it seems to be working for me and my daughter, but all kids are different. Hopefully it can help you somewhat but just know that it's pretty normal for kids to test their parents most of all because they feel 100% comfortable with them so if they feel angry they take it out on those they love the most.
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Old 01-18-2012, 03:41 PM
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ha, you guys think your kids are bad, mine are older and they are the worst. You should see the show they put on for the kids. Its so embarressing. I eat alot of chocolate and drink pop to help me cope. Some days I make them go outside or they can go to their room.
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  #16  
Old 01-18-2012, 03:48 PM
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Yes, I have the same struggle here.

Honestly, I feel for my dgs a little. I know it stems from the fact that this is his house, these are guests - I am his mom, they are not my kids but get a lot of my attention - most of the toys were his when he was younger - he's the oldest and knows the most about the house - it's hard for him to know what he should be acting like.

I came across a similar thing when I homeschooled my kids. It was hard for mom to also be "teacher", sometimes.

Like homeschooling, the daycare is great for us and we both love it, but sometimes it's hard to know the boundaries and the roles we both play and how they overlap and interact.
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Old 01-18-2012, 04:33 PM
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Ummmm.....my thought today was, "Can I term my own kids?"
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Old 01-19-2012, 11:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyLeigh View Post
Ummmm.....my thought today was, "Can I term my own kids?"
so funny because I said that to my husband soooo many times!!
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Old 01-19-2012, 11:09 AM
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yes, yes, yes she is! For the first year (she was 2), she was great in preschool. But, ugh, now that she's 3, we're really struggling some days. We've started a behavior chart (which I'm not generally fond of, but thought we'd try it) because I am seriously ready to send her away during my preschool hours.

Btw, so far, the behavioral chart is working (it's only been 2 days, though... ).
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Old 01-19-2012, 11:17 AM
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I always ask my kids when their mom is coming to get them.
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lil angels View Post
I always ask my kids when their mom is coming to get them.
LOL funny!
I should use this one on mine. Some days she's an angel and others she's definitely jealous and wants mommy all to herself! It's so frustrating.
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:27 PM
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My daughter used to behave badly alot when the dck's were here. I am sure she was doing it to get my attention. She was being forced to share her mommy with other kids. She was also being forced to share her home and her toys (I only had a few part time children at that point so there was no way I could afford separate daycare toys). Not an easy thing for a 2/3 year old. I dealt by letting her keep certain toys in her room so she didn't have to share "special" things. I also made sure she got lots of "mommy time" so that she knew she was the most precious little girl to me. We got through and now she is 9 and absolutely adores the 3 little ones that I watch now.
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Old 01-23-2012, 08:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
My own kids were never really an issue for me but now they are grown and gone and my worst kid is DH!!

He comes in for the bulk of lunch time prep, lunch time and the tooth brushing, toileting routine before naps and teaches the kids all sorts of 'naughty behaviors"

He teaches them how to and sometimes gets them so wound up they don't nap! He starts food fights sometimes and teases all the girls by calling them "quick little squirrels" to which they squeal and laugh....he has sord fights and wrestling matches with the boy. He also makes fart jokes and funny faces while eating so they him to pieces but if I could send him to the quiet corner, I would!


I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!

My kids are grown, two are my assistants and are great 90% of the time. My dh is a huge kid and does similar stuff, it drives me nutty but the kids love him.

I'm glad it's not just me lol.
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  #24  
Old 01-24-2012, 10:40 AM
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Certainly! This is a huge problem for me. My son is 3 and misbehaving the most. I'm his mom, he doesn't see me as his teacher. He was so nice when he went to preschool before, but with the dc at home he's terrible. Consistency is the key. The other kids are doing better here than at their home too bc I'm more consistent with them. It's hard but you have to treat your own kids the same as the others. Mine is also the oldest in the dc so he's sometimes just bored and I try to give him is own level activities e.g. preschool/kindergarten books while others color, or computer time while others nap. But it shouldn't look as preferential treatment again.. All the best!
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