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Old 02-23-2010, 04:17 PM
Willsgirl
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Angry I Can't Stand This Parent!!!

Ok..I am hoping that someone here will at least empathize with me..and hopefully I won't offend anyone. I am a new provider , and I have learned a lot this last year from my mistakes. The biggest mistake I have made was accepting this child who's mother is more of a problem than she is!! She came to me with this story of drama and trauma that was hard to believe in the first place, but I am a sucker for "helping those in need." She told me how "horrible" her two year old was and she just wanted me to know upfront that there were problems..outbursts, screaming, tantrums that were not of the normal two year old realm. So I signed the contract and took the child in knowing full well that it was going to be an uphill battle for a while. Well the first day she cried and screamed a little when mom left, which is to be expected..and that was about it. ..UNTIL.. mom showed up to pick her up. The behavior that soon followed was shocking. It was as if Linda Blair had entered the room..you know,the one possessed by a demon! Objects were flying and the SCREAMING..it made my head pound. It was like night and day. This sweet little demure child all day long and then demon possessed as soon as mom walked in the door. This was the first in a barrage of confusing situations..to many to name. To make a long story short I have come to the conclusion that the MOM is obviously the problem. She is a FAKE, a liar, and exaggerator, and just...UUHHGG! I CAN"T STAND HER!! I know she isn't the GODLY, loving , mother she claims to be because of the way her child acts around her! I CRINGE when she walks into my house. My throat tightens and my blood pressure rises and I just want her OUT of my life!! But this poor little child?? I just don't know what to do. There is no way I am going through this for another year. How do you tell a parent ," It's not your child...IT"S YOU LADY!!" Thanks for hearing me out...I"m at the end of my rope with this person.
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:51 PM
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Yikes, that's crazy. I've always thought that child care is MUCH easier without dealing with the parents. How long have you had this child in your care? We have in our policy that the first 2 weeks are a trial period to see how things go. If we terminate at the end of 2 weeks (we've only had to do this one time that I can remember, but we're thinking our newest child will be the 2nd one), we can just say it's not working out. You wouldn't have to give details, but if she asks if it's because her child is so horrible, be honest and tell her you've not had too many problems with the child (but you don't have to give any details as to exactly why you are terminating care. You just simply don't think it's going to work out). At my old preschool/daycare I thought a parent was going to be the type to try to cause problems (she was constantly talking about how bad the child's old daycare was, etc), so I finally mentioned it to the director after this lady said some things about another staff member that just didn't seem to add up nor sound like her. The director didn't see it yet, though and believed the mother. Finally after a few months (with her continuing to try to cause problems), she came up with a story that was so far from the truth that the director KNEW it was false. She ended up being terminated right away after that and it wasn't her child, it was her lies and dramas.
I don't think daycare providers should have to tell a reason why they terminate care. Employers are allowed to fire a person without giving a reason, so why shouldn't we be able to terminate care without giving a reason? Let us know what you end up doing. We can all learn (for down the road if we haven't already had this particular problem).
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Old 02-24-2010, 06:16 AM
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If the child is fine & the problem is the parent then I think I may try having the child dressed & ready to go when Mom arrives. Tell mom that this is what you will be doing just to make it easier, that there will be no chit chating at pick up or drop off. If you need to talk do it by email or phone. See how it goes like that & if that doesnt work then then term. I would also let the mom know that the child is fine during the day & is only a terror at drop off & pickup. I let my parents know when I think the child is playing them, I dont have patience for it. Just the other day I got in between DCB & a parent cuz he thought he was going to have a fit when she left & she was going to turn around to confert him - I wouldnt let her. He hasnt done it since.
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Old 02-24-2010, 08:54 AM
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I've said it once and I'll probably say it a million times more throughout my provider days ... Why is it that when the parent's show up the littles are completely different children? I've been warned as well just like you and braced myself and was prepared for the worst but after the first few days or even first few minutes they're little angels!!

I'm like you and have a soft spot for broken families and children but I find that if given a little attention, love and nurturing the children calm down and are just great. Most are very sweet. I can't say for sure (because I do not know what goes on in their homes) but I believe that maybe the children aren't given enough attention or held accountable for their actions. Here I give no slack, I'm firm but fair. Pick up those toys before you get another, eat only in the dining area, eat everything or you don't get seconds of what you like etc. but to me it seems that having a schedule, routine and consistency is what helps them.

What does the mom do when she arrives and her little acts up? How does she react to the child?

I had one mom that as soon as she walked in the door the little girl became angry and pulled, punched and kicked her (4 years old). Even told her she hated her. The mom would just stand there and completely ignore the little girl other than to hold her arms and apologized and said things like "Oh I am sooo sorry that you have to deal with her" "It's like she's got a demon" "She's such a bad kid, I'm cursed". Um ... HELLO!! In front of the child!! No wonder why the child doesn't like you! If you talked about me like that I wouldn't like you either! It got to the point to where while this was happening all I had to do was get down and hold my arms open and the little girl would just walk over to me and I would just hold her and rub her back and immediately she would calm down. I would have to tell her that hitting, kicking etc was not ok at my house at all at any time especially to her mother and that we do not use the word hate etc. I WOULD DO THAT!! Not her mom!! Sometimes I wonder about some people. I just didn't have the heart to let her go because of something that wasn't her fault. They moved last year but she still calls me from time to time (she's six now).
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Old 02-24-2010, 09:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tymaboy View Post
If the child is fine & the problem is the parent then I think I may try having the child dressed & ready to go when Mom arrives. Tell mom that this is what you will be doing just to make it easier, that there will be no chit chating at pick up or drop off. If you need to talk do it by email or phone. See how it goes like that & if that doesnt work then then term. I would also let the mom know that the child is fine during the day & is only a terror at drop off & pickup. I let my parents know when I think the child is playing them, I dont have patience for it. Just the other day I got in between DCB & a parent cuz he thought he was going to have a fit when she left & she was going to turn around to confert him - I wouldnt let her. He hasnt done it since.
I start getting the children who are still here ready about 6-8 min. before my closing time, so they are all ready to go when parents arrive. This is one thing I must do, there are many days I need to leave within 5-15 min. to take my daughter to her activities, meetings, appts. etc..... If I don't do this, it may take parents 10 min. or longer to have their children get dressed or they goof around, or they stand around and talk while their children don't listen to them etc.... THis does really help!!! Good Luck!!!
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Old 03-04-2010, 11:14 AM
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I do have a trial period of 2 weeks, if anything happens with the behavior of the child the contract is off and the kid is out! You don't want to deal with a parent like that.
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Old 03-04-2010, 02:11 PM
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I have found so far - the parents are much harder to deal with than the kids
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Old 03-05-2010, 07:54 PM
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I agree! I am just glad I only have to see the parents for a few short minutes each day.
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Old 03-05-2010, 08:01 PM
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I agree! I am just glad I only have to see the parents for a few short minutes each day.
Say amen to that one!!!
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