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  #1  
Old 05-16-2012, 07:41 PM
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I have daily issues with hitting, kicking and pushing with dcb and dcg. I have had several discussions with parents who have "talks" with the children when they have done these things at dc. When one of them hits or pushes my consequences at daycare are that they have to shadow me for the day.

I have had these children six months and see no improvement in behavior. I feel it is something I am doing, because in my mind, I should see some change in the behavior.

These children are sibs and are 3 and 4 yo. They obviously play rough at home and I have spoken to that, but as I said, I have seen no positive results.

Dcb has shadowed me 3 days this week alone.

I want to explain that they don't hit hard, or push people down, but I've had other children lose their balance from being pushed and fall down and just the fact that this is always how they handle situations makes me very nervous. Other children could fall down stairs or off the slide, etc.

I see some of you have a zero tolerance rule for these actions, but honestly, I'd rather solve the issue if at all possible. These are pretty sweet kids that just, imo, have been allowed to develop some very hurtful and inappropriate habits.

What do others of you do? Do you even bring it up to parents if noone is getting hurt? What if parents seem to listen, but after many months you see no improvement? Help!
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  #2  
Old 05-17-2012, 07:06 PM
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Michael Michael is online now
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This must have gotten pushed back for approval. I am pushing back up. Here are some threads that may help:

hitting : http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=hitting
kicking : http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=kicking
pushing : http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=pushing
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  #3  
Old 05-18-2012, 06:05 AM
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I looked at the threads Michael posted, because this is a concern of mine as well, and it seems the usual is posted - time outs, quiet spots, talking to parents, consistency.
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Old 05-18-2012, 06:19 AM
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Sorry, don't know how to delete a post! Doubled up here!
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  #5  
Old 05-18-2012, 06:23 AM
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Thank you, Michael - I read the threads. I read most of them and it seems pretty much everyone said the usual. Time outs, talking to parent. I guess I was hoping for some HUGE revelation that would open my eyes and I'd say "so THAT's how it's done!!!"
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
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I have daily issues with hitting, kicking and pushing with dcb and dcg. I have had several discussions with parents who have "talks" with the children when they have done these things at dc. When one of them hits or pushes my consequences at daycare are that they have to shadow me for the day.

I have had these children six months and see no improvement in behavior. I feel it is something I am doing, because in my mind, I should see some change in the behavior.

These children are sibs and are 3 and 4 yo. They obviously play rough at home and I have spoken to that, but as I said, I have seen no positive results.

Dcb has shadowed me 3 days this week alone.

I want to explain that they don't hit hard, or push people down, but I've had other children lose their balance from being pushed and fall down and just the fact that this is always how they handle situations makes me very nervous. Other children could fall down stairs or off the slide, etc.

I see some of you have a zero tolerance rule for these actions, but honestly, I'd rather solve the issue if at all possible. These are pretty sweet kids that just, imo, have been allowed to develop some very hurtful and inappropriate habits.

What do others of you do? Do you even bring it up to parents if noone is getting hurt? What if parents seem to listen, but after many months you see no improvement? Help!
Maybe shadowing you is positively reinforcing their behavior? Maybe they want to shadow you?

I have a one strike and you're out rule for that type of behavior in that age group. You hit, you go straight to time out for 3 or 4 minutes, until the bell dings. If the kids are the kind to laugh while in time out, I make them turn around and look at the wall the entire time. Time out at my house is not fun. You do not get attention from anyone at all.

After the time out, I always tell them "We do not hit at my house" and then give them a hug and tell them they have a chance to start over and be nice.

If they are still being defiant, they go back into time out. If they dont say sorry, they go back to time out.

It only takes a few times of doing this for them to realize they really don't want to be in time out, and the behavior improves. I rarely have to use time out these days.

I also highly praise good things they do, so they hear lots of positive too. I compliment sharing, nice deeds, nice things that are said. If you "catch" them doing something nice, it goes a long way!
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
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I have daily issues with hitting, kicking and pushing with dcb and dcg. I have had several discussions with parents who have "talks" with the children when they have done these things at dc. When one of them hits or pushes my consequences at daycare are that they have to shadow me for the day.

I have had these children six months and see no improvement in behavior. I feel it is something I am doing, because in my mind, I should see some change in the behavior.

These children are sibs and are 3 and 4 yo. They obviously play rough at home and I have spoken to that, but as I said, I have seen no positive results.

Dcb has shadowed me 3 days this week alone. IMPO, shadowing can often be mis-construed by the child as "attention" or "special treatment" which is viewed as a reward for their negative behaviors. I am not so sure I would personally use shadowing in this particular situation. I prefer to use shadowing for younger kids who are still learning. These two siblings you are referring to are plenty old enough to know better and are making the worng choices because they have "learned" it is easier and probably in their eyes works.
I want to explain that they don't hit hard, or push people down, but I've had other children lose their balance from being pushed and fall down and just the fact that this is always how they handle situations makes me very nervous. Other children could fall down stairs or off the slide, etc.

I see some of you have a zero tolerance rule for these actions, but honestly, I'd rather solve the issue if at all possible. These are pretty sweet kids that just, imo, have been allowed to develop some very hurtful and inappropriate habits. Having a zero tolerance policy for me DOES mean solving the issue as I do NOT tolerate behaviors such as hitting, pushing or kicking AT ALL. If I had a set of siblings such as yours, I would wach very closely and the micro-second I saw one of them go to hit, kick or push, I would IMMEDIATELY stop the child by using a super firm voice "STOP NOW!" and then I would remove the offending child to another area (preferrably alone where no other children are) and attend to the victim.

Then I would go talk with the offender about making proper choices and why we cannot hit/push/kick EVER and discuss what appropriate consequences should be. At my house, appropriate consequences may mean staying behind with the younger kids when the bigger kids go to the park, or when other have a special treat or some special activity and the offender would miss out or not get to participate. I would make a big deal too about how much fun we are going to have, are having or had so the offender knows and FEELS badly that they missed out on something due to their poor choices.

You are probably spot on that they have simply learned some inapprpriate beahviors and need to have some help "unlearning" them.


What do others of you do? Do you even bring it up to parents if noone is getting hurt? What if parents seem to listen, but after many months you see no improvement? Help!
(I answered some in bold above too). I will sometimes bring it up to the parents but not necessarily every day and every time. I more or less just say "We are really working hard to stop kicking/hitting/pushing here and Sally and Billy are both trying hard but we still have some work to do." Or something similar. I have several kids here who honestly act like savages at home and in the presence of their parents yet are completely different kids here.

I know it is a huge benefit to have the parents on board and working with you but in all honesty I think 100% cooperation by the parents isn't always the norm. Home life is such a different atmosphere and the frustrations that cause the kids to have these behaviors at daycare may not be present at home or they may even play without being directly supervised by the parents so they might not even be aware of how bad it is...kwim?

I guess my only advice to you is to really get your FIRM "mean mommy" voice/act on and first let the kids know that you will NOT tolerate any physical behaviors. If they do it, have immediate and FIRM reactions. Don't let them feel like naything you are doing to curb the behavior could be a "reward" such as shadowing but that they are removed from the "social setting" because they could not behave with good social behaviors. They biggest thing they need to learn is if you don't behave in 'public' (with others kids) then you don't get to be in 'public' with ANYONE including the teacher/caregiver. They will need to paly alone. Rinse and repeat until they learn that playing alone while the other kids are having fun is not what they want. (this is where the exaggerated "really good time" the other kids are having comes into play).

I don't know if my advice is anything different than what the other threads offered but so far it has worked for me as I rarely have instances of hitting/kicking/pushing any more and although it does happen now and then, the offender usually is feeling so badly about the loss if self control that a simply reaffirmation of "We know better don't we?" puts them back on track. IMPO, the child needs to work on self-control skills, impulse control and empathy skills. All of which do come in time and are hte biggest goals in most early childhood settings. If you google those skills, you will find tons of games and activities that you can do to help the kids learn those skills.

Good luck and I hope this helps and makes the days better for you and these siblings
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  #8  
Old 05-19-2012, 07:51 AM
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Thanks, Blackcat for the help. I do appreciate your posts and agree with them. Sometimes I just need to hear it again and know that I CAN make a difference!

My "shadowing" is not exactly coming and helping me. They must play alone with one or two toys ouside of the group but near me. They are not allowed to talk to the group or "play with" them in any way. Sometimes I wonder if the certifier would see this as not allowable. They are near me, but I am not playing with them. For example, if I am hanging out a load of clothes and the kiddos are playing in their playyard, the shadower has to come sit by me in the grass or in a designated area close to me and play all by himself. I do not talk to him or engage him/her except to correct or compliment.

And...... these behaviors are almost ALWAYS in free play. I do dislike free play tremendously. But now that the weather is nice, It is my opinion that the more outside time for the kids the better! We do activities outside as well, but what is being outside if you don't get to play at all??? So I let them have extended free play and that's when this all happens.
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  #9  
Old 05-21-2012, 12:13 PM
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karen karen is offline
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Another suggestion would be to keep the sibs seperate from each other. If one is reading stories send the other one to play puzzles. Keep them seperate as much as possible not only does it stop the hitting but your atmosphere calms down. Hope this helps.
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