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  #1  
Old 01-04-2013, 03:26 PM
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Provider_Manda Provider_Manda is offline
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Unhappy My Own Child Is Becoming A Bully :(

I am at a loss!! My son will be 3 in 4 days, and of course he is the light of my life. He is a very well behaved child and I have always been so "proud" of him. But here lately he is becoming mean to 2 little dcg's. He takes their toys, he pushes, rolls on top of them..you name he does it.

He gets punished, and sometimes I feel like that is all I do..and it kills me. But I am at my whits in. I mean to the point I don't even want to do it anymore b/c of the looks I am starting to get from other parents.

How do I handle this? He has seperate toys, gets plently of love and affection..Gets special outings with mom and dad when everyone is gone..But yet is becoming a Brat!

Please any advice would be so appreicated..I love my job and all the kids, this job has help me and my husband so much..I love being home with my baby, but I don't know how much more I can handle of him, nor how much the parents will take. Please help!!
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Provider_Manda View Post
I am at a loss!! My son will be 3 in 4 days, and of course he is the light of my life. He is a very well behaved child and I have always been so "proud" of him. But here lately he is becoming mean to 2 little dcg's. He takes their toys, he pushes, rolls on top of them..you name he does it.

He gets punished, and sometimes I feel like that is all I do..and it kills me. But I am at my whits in. I mean to the point I don't even want to do it anymore b/c of the looks I am starting to get from other parents.

How do I handle this? He has seperate toys, gets plently of love and affection..Gets special outings with mom and dad when everyone is gone..But yet is becoming a Brat!

Please any advice would be so appreicated..I love my job and all the kids, this job has help me and my husband so much..I love being home with my baby, but I don't know how much more I can handle of him, nor how much the parents will take. Please help!!
He is getting reinforcement for his behavior. Children don't always differentiate between positive and negative attention.

The way he sees it is: I do something naughty and mom pays lots of attention to me.

Even if you are scolding him or having a discussion about why he can't do it, he only sees that you are giving him attention....kwim?

I would start being swift and firm with the rules. The second he begins to do one of the actions you said to the DCG's have him leave the room. Have him go to a designated area (his room, your room, any where he is NOT the center of attention or can be the center of attention).

The less you say and do, the better. I wouldn't give reminders or warnings. Just swift and quick. He'll get the point. He is plenty old enough to understand consequences.

The faster he learns that that behavior earns him ZERO attention, the faster he will stop. When he has a good day, reward him with your time. If he has a bad day, then just do your normal routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. No extra time and attention from you or dad. Once he masters having a good day for a bit, start aiming for good weeks. Baby steps.
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Old 01-04-2013, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
He is getting reinforcement for his behavior. Children don't always differentiate between positive and negative attention.

The way he sees it is: I do something naughty and mom pays lots of attention to me.

Even if you are scolding him or having a discussion about why he can't do it, he only sees that you are giving him attention....kwim?

I would start being swift and firm with the rules. The second he begins to do one of the actions you said to the DCG's have him leave the room. Have him go to a designated area (his room, your room, any where he is NOT the center of attention or can be the center of attention).

The less you say and do, the better. I wouldn't give reminders or warnings. Just swift and quick. He'll get the point. He is plenty old enough to understand consequences.

The faster he learns that that behavior earns him ZERO attention, the faster he will stop. When he has a good day, reward him with your time. If he has a bad day, then just do your normal routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. No extra time and attention from you or dad. Once he masters having a good day for a bit, start aiming for good weeks. Baby steps.
was going to say the same thing.
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Old 01-04-2013, 04:58 PM
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my son went through a phase like this as well.

I tried to be proactive about the behavior instead of reactive. It really helped. I would catch it right before it happened. I always praised him to no end for doing good. When he did bad, I just took him by the hand and lead him to his room without a word. He knew he did bad, I didnt have to tell him.

After a good 5 minutes, I would go and talk to him and tell him you need to apologize to your friends. Friends don't hurt each other. He would listen to me and eve give them a hug. then back to our day.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:09 PM
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You are not alone, I am going through the same but with a 4 yo! I am glad someone else asked as I was too embarrassed! Hang in there! I'm sure it'll get better for both of us.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:12 PM
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oh and as for the DCP that are giving the looks...

One time one of my DCP said what is wrong with your child why is he acting like that?? I turned to her and said sorry I am a DCprovider, not God and my child is just like any other normal 4 year old.

they did not reply a word.....
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Old 01-04-2013, 07:13 PM
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I think this happens to most providers.
My daughter got so bad that I sent her to preschool an extra two half days. She is getting better so I cancelled one of the days. Be firm. It's very hard for you too. You both need to share your time and he needs to share his toys and house. It's not easy.
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:31 PM
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Dont feel bad! Most of us moms go thru hard phases with the kids and home daycare just makes it that much tougher. I agree with what others have said and will add to make sure that your activities are appropriate for your son as well as the daycare kids. Bored kids get in trouble! Also, find what motivates him and use that as reward for good behavior. The bully in this house has always been my middle daughter. I have posted some frantic "help me!" threads as well. Being careful about how she is given attention really helps. We also use solo art or movie time as rewards for her. She loves both of those things and gets to do that when she is behaving well! She's 3.5 so it makes a little more sense to her. I know that is harder to do for a just turned 3 year old but its something to think about. As for the craziness in front of the parents....give your son something awesome to do during pickup time that he doesnt get to do at any other time. Preferably something where he is seated and away from the door. Give him clear instructions that he is to stay there while mama helps the kids get picked up. Make pickup time fun instead of yet another time when he "has" to be bad to get your attention. We did playdoh at pickup time for a long time and that worked for quite awhile!
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