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  #1  
Old 09-21-2013, 07:27 PM
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My baby (5 months old) started daycare last month. I went with this particular daycare because it was an older woman (60), lots of experience, and of course I feel she is wonderful with kids. Well, she recently got a boyfriend and I have noticed that she has been gone a few times and her assistant has been watching the kids. On thursday, i think she was gone the entire day and did not tell me. The assistant is 20, and I like her, but I feel that they should both be there. Any recommendations on how I should handle the conversation? I don't want to come off as rude, but I do want to let her know that I'm not comfortable with her assistant just watching my child all the time. Also, I need to make sure this new boyfriend is finger printed and cleared .

Since you all are day care providers what would be your recommendation?

Thanks.
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Old 09-21-2013, 07:34 PM
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My baby (5 months old) started daycare last month. I went with this particular daycare because it was an older woman (60), lots of experience, and of course I feel she is wonderful with kids. Well, she recently got a boyfriend and I have noticed that she has been gone a few times and her assistant has been watching the kids. On thursday, i think she was gone the entire day and did not tell me. The assistant is 20, and I like her, but I feel that they should both be there. Any recommendations on how I should handle the conversation? I don't want to come off as rude, but I do want to let her know that I'm not comfortable with her assistant just watching my child all the time. Also, I need to make sure this new boyfriend is finger printed and cleared .

Since you all are day care providers what would be your recommendation?

Thanks.
The boyfriend doesn't need to be finger printed and cleared UNLESS he is around the kids. Then yes. It is reasonable to make sure that has happened. My boyfriend just recently moved in to my daycare home last month, but we went through all the background checks and paper work more than 3 months ago because he started staying over and was there in the am when kids would arrive. I also never go on 'dates' during daycare hours (dbf is actually my substitute if I have a quick appointment) and if I do have to leave I ALWAYS notify the parents. ALWAYS. I would bring your concerns to the table for sure. You have a right to know who is around your kids and who is actually taking care of them (not that the substitute doesn't do a good job). Just my two cents
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Old 09-21-2013, 07:46 PM
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I can understand your concern. But your daycare provider is also entitled to take time off. If you trust her, then you should trust her judgment with who she leaves in charge, provided that the assistant is background checked and has followed all licensing protocol. Obviously the provider should be the primary caregiver the majority of the time, but she also needs & deserves time off without having to shut down the daycare. I don't think taking the entire day off for one day, isn't extensive. I mean, I am sure you get to take a day off here and there.

Were you informed that the assistant worked there when you interviewed ? We don't tell our parents when our assistant will be working for one of us. They know that she is our assistant, and can sub for one of us when we need time off. But our situation is different, because there are two primary caregivers, so when we have a sub in for one, the other is still present.

I think ASKING about how much time she will be away is fine. Honestly, as a provider if a parent told me that they were uncomfortable with me taking a day off for myself, even with me finding a suitable substitute, I would probably suggest they find other care. I understand where you are coming from, but to tell her that you are uncomfortable with her taking a day off is really hard for me to hear, and I'm sure she would feel the same way. POSSIBLY, you could ask when she will be taking a day off and keep your daughter home that day - if you really want to keep her there. I would wait and see if the sub was the primary caregiver more often than you have stated. If it becomes a really frequent thing, then I would address it. But right now it just sounds occasional.

I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Doing this job it is SO HARD to get time off. Most providers get so few paid days off, and virtually no sick days, that it is so nice when you can have a substitute in to relieve you.
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Old 09-21-2013, 07:58 PM
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My baby (5 months old) started daycare last month. I went with this particular daycare because it was an older woman (60), lots of experience, and of course I feel she is wonderful with kids. Well, she recently got a boyfriend and I have noticed that she has been gone a few times and her assistant has been watching the kids. On thursday, i think she was gone the entire day and did not tell me. The assistant is 20, and I like her, but I feel that they should both be there. Any recommendations on how I should handle the conversation? I don't want to come off as rude, but I do want to let her know that I'm not comfortable with her assistant just watching my child all the time. Also, I need to make sure this new boyfriend is finger printed and cleared .

Since you all are day care providers what would be your recommendation?

Thanks.
It probably depends on the area you are in. Our licensing rules requires anyone who LIVES in the home to go through background/finger printing, etc. I think it also requires those who are visiting for an extended period and who will be staying at the house. For example, out of town visitors who are staying a few months.

Whatever the rules are where you are it doesn't matter. If you are uncomfortable then you should ask her.

As a provider, I always tell the parents if I am going to be gone. If I have a doctor's appointment then my legal substitute (my husband) watches the children unless the parents prefer not to bring them instead. I always tell them even if I'm only gone an hour or so. I would never, ever be gone a whole day. I don't even like to go to a doctor's appointment because I just feel it is my responsibility to watch the children.

She may not realize it might bother a parent since she has her assistant there who I assume is qualified and legal. It would bother me too because I would want to be told if I were a parent.

You just need to tell her that while you like the assistant you assumed you would be told if she herself was not going to be there and you would feel better if she was. I'm not sure how you would address the boyfriend. Maybe just ask her if she plans on him being at the house while the children are there and, if so, has he been cleared by licensing. If so, she should have some papers to show you that he has been fingerprinted and has had a background check.

Laurel
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  #5  
Old 09-21-2013, 08:05 PM
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Of course I don't mind if she takes a day off, but since dating this guy (2 weeks) I have dropped her off once and she wasn't there and 3 times when I have went to pick up and she was not there. And, 1 day where she left for the entire day without letting me know. This is a 2 week period. It is a large home facility- so technically there should be 2 people at all times. I like the daycare, my daughter is doing great there, but I do worry that this may become a habit and I want to address it.

Also, this boyfriend has been in the house a few times, so he should be finger printed and cleared.

P.S when I interviewed her, I was told she and her assistant work together and she would be the main one watching my daughter because she is so young.
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Old 09-21-2013, 08:12 PM
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When I sign parents up, I explain that my back up will be there when I can't.

"Majority of the time" to y may not be the same to her.

If yu trust her, yu trust her.


If not, there's a problem.
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Old 09-21-2013, 08:19 PM
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I can understand your concern. But your daycare provider is also entitled to take time off. If you trust her, then you should trust her judgment with who she leaves in charge, provided that the assistant is background checked and has followed all licensing protocol. Obviously the provider should be the primary caregiver the majority of the time, but she also needs & deserves time off without having to shut down the daycare. I don't think taking the entire day off for one day, isn't extensive. I mean, I am sure you get to take a day off here and there.

Were you informed that the assistant worked there when you interviewed ? We don't tell our parents when our assistant will be working for one of us. They know that she is our assistant, and can sub for one of us when we need time off. But our situation is different, because there are two primary caregivers, so when we have a sub in for one, the other is still present.

I think ASKING about how much time she will be away is fine. Honestly, as a provider if a parent told me that they were uncomfortable with me taking a day off for myself, even with me finding a suitable substitute, I would probably suggest they find other care. I understand where you are coming from, but to tell her that you are uncomfortable with her taking a day off is really hard for me to hear, and I'm sure she would feel the same way. POSSIBLY, you could ask when she will be taking a day off and keep your daughter home that day - if you really want to keep her there. I would wait and see if the sub was the primary caregiver more often than you have stated. If it becomes a really frequent thing, then I would address it. But right now it just sounds occasional.

I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Doing this job it is SO HARD to get time off. Most providers get so few paid days off, and virtually no sick days, that it is so nice when you can have a substitute in to relieve you.


I never told, nor do I tell, my parents when I have an appointment or am leaving for a couple of hours. They know who will be here should I not be.
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Old 09-21-2013, 08:46 PM
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I think it would be a good idea to schedule some time to sit down with your provider to discuss your concerns. If you approach it correctly she will most likely not have a problem giving you more information about the situation which may help ease some of your feelings. If she gets upset or defensive then that may be a sign that you'll need to look for another arrangement.

Communication is so important in the provider/parent relationship.

Good luck.
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  #9  
Old 09-21-2013, 08:51 PM
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As far as my state regs are concerned I can have visitors while I am working but they need to sign in and cannot be left alone with the children. So in my state he would not need to be background checked or finger printed unless he was living with me in my home or was providing care for the children.
As far as the assistant- when she is under certain numbers there does not have to be two providers. Like a PP stated her occational and your occational could be two diff things. Because you were aware the assistant worked there I think it is reasonable to ask for clarification on how often she is left alone to provide care BUT I don't think you can dictate how often that is. Also the main provider may not be able to give you an exact number. She may take advantage of having an assistant when the numbers are low enough- so it may be she was able to get a break three times the last two weeks but won't again until there are enough children absent or schedules allow.
Just tread careful- if you want to stay there. You do have a right to ask for clarification but you cannot tell her how to run her business. If her answers don't match what you wanted you will have to find care elsewhere.
Good luck!
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Old 09-21-2013, 08:52 PM
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As far as my state regs are concerned I can have visitors while I am working but they need to sign in and cannot be left alone with the children. So in my state he would not need to be background checked or finger printed unless he was living with me in my home or was providing care for the children.
As far as the assistant- when she is under certain numbers there does not have to be two providers. Like a PP stated her occational and your occational could be two diff things. Because you were aware the assistant worked there I think it is reasonable to ask for clarification on how often she is left alone to provide care BUT I don't think you can dictate how often that is. Also the main provider may not be able to give you an exact number. She may take advantage of having an assistant when the numbers are low enough- so it may be she was able to get a break three times the last two weeks but won't again until there are enough children absent or schedules allow.
Just tread careful- if you want to stay there. You do have a right to ask for clarification but you cannot tell her how to run her business. If her answers don't match what you wanted you will have to find care elsewhere.
Good luck!
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  #11  
Old 09-21-2013, 09:37 PM
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It depends on the state here anyone living in the house needs a background check. so unless he moved in he would not need one. Truly the parents of the children are there more than any friend she would have drop in.

but unless she is having some medical problems I would worry about the number of times she is gone in a few weeks.

And if she is out of ratio by being gone I would find other care.
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  #12  
Old 09-21-2013, 09:40 PM
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I agree with all of the other posts....

I'm legally unlicensed and neither myself or my husband has to be background checked or fingerprinted.

My husband is written into my contract as my sub. Even though its a rare thing, I don't promise my parent it won't ever happen.

My daughter, who is 10 and has been through babysitting training locally, is written into my contract as a HELPER. which means shed never be left alone with daycare kids but she does help me do stuff with them. She takes the four kids to brush teeth at big and does night time story time with them. She's been known to feed the baby a bottle also.

OP it would help if we knew the state you are in and if yur provider is licensed or legally unlicensed.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:17 PM
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Let me make sure I have all the information correctly -
- you've been w this provider for one month
- she leaves her 20 year old assistant to work w the kids
- you want her to ask her boyfriend of two weeks to get background checked & finger printed

I don't feel you have a right to ask her to get her boyfriend fingerprinted. Most states require only people LIVING in the home to be fingerprinted. I feel that you asking her that is a bit offensive... BUT I feel that you have the right to ask how often he will be around the children? Am I the only one that thinks its odd that your provider would have a recent boyfriend around the kids?? The only explanation I can think of is that she has been dating him for years and you just found out about it, but Even then I don't get why he's in the daycare..

As far as the assistant - you should ask for clarification as to how often the assistant is left alone w the kids. It could be a slow week and your provider is enjoying a break or a provider that might not be following the rules.

Is there anything else giving you red flags from the provider?
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:25 PM
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Of course I don't mind if she takes a day off, but since dating this guy (2 weeks) I have dropped her off once and she wasn't there and 3 times when I have went to pick up and she was not there. And, 1 day where she left for the entire day without letting me know. This is a 2 week period. It is a large home facility- so technically there should be 2 people at all times. I like the daycare, my daughter is doing great there, but I do worry that this may become a habit and I want to address it.

Also, this boyfriend has been in the house a few times, so he should be finger printed and cleared.

P.S when I interviewed her, I was told she and her assistant work together and she would be the main one watching my daughter because she is so young.
I didn't realize it was over a 2 week period. However, she could just be leaving in the afternoons once the ratio gets low enough. Which sounds reasonable to me.

We are also a large in-home daycare, and while 2 adults are there most of the time, we aren't required to have "two adults there ALL the time", only when ratios dictate two adults need to be there.

If she is there most of the day and then leaves a little early
, once a few kids have left, then I think that's acceptable because she is there the majority of the day.

As a large in-home we don't introduce ourselves as primary and assistant caregivers, we are both the primary caregivers since both of us are at the daycare the majority of the day (as it sounds like your daycare is also setup). So parenta have no issue with one of us being there alone, as long as the numbers are fine. Actually, it is a rare occasion that both of us are there toward the end of the day - one of us usually leaves. But parents are aware that either one of us could be caring for their children. It sounds like it should have been presented like this to you. I don't think it's an unusual situation at all, but clearly wasn't how you understood it would be working.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:48 PM
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Of course I don't mind if she takes a day off, but since dating this guy (2 weeks) I have dropped her off once and she wasn't there and 3 times when I have went to pick up and she was not there. And, 1 day where she left for the entire day without letting me know. This is a 2 week period. It is a large home facility- so technically there should be 2 people at all times. I like the daycare, my daughter is doing great there, but I do worry that this may become a habit and I want to address it.

Also, this boyfriend has been in the house a few times, so he should be finger printed and cleared.

P.S when I interviewed her, I was told she and her assistant work together and she would be the main one watching my daughter because she is so young.
The bolded words have me concerned about how you think of your business relationship with the provider. She is not your employee and does not work for you. She is self-employed and offers a service which you are free to buy. But the service is according to her design.

You have a perfect right to discuss arrangements with your provider, but cannot dictate how much time she takes off etc. In my state, the main licensee only has to be there 50% of the time.

I would ask her how many days on average she may not be at home and then make a choice. If you are not happy with how much she is gone, then you should give notice.

But as long as she is operating in accordance with licensing, you really don't have much say other than removing your child.

You mentioned she is a group home and needs a second provider. You may want to make sure the assistant is staying in ratio. As long as she is, they are doing nothing wrong. I am a group home too and licensed for 16 children. But only one provider is needed if we have 8 or less kids in attendance that day.

As a parent, you should feel confident with the care your child is receiving. If you are not, you should consider other arrangements that better fit your expectations.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:53 PM
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Thank you for the advice. It seems some of you think I'm out of line for questioning her. There are no other red flags. I just think this woman has been single for a long time and she is excited to have a new boyfriend and he is probably retired so that is why he is hanging around occasionally. I have seen him there 3 times already. I'm sure he's a great guy, but I trust nobody. I feel it's reasonable to make sure he is cleared. I'm happy for her and glad she found someone, but I'm a mother and just want to make sure that my child is not being left with 1 assistant with little experience to take care of 10 kids. Or, around people that aren't cleared. This daycare is licensed in San Francisco.

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Old 09-21-2013, 11:17 PM
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Someone familiar with San Fran correct me if I'm wrong....

But she's allowed to take care of up to 6 kids by herself as long as she's following the age guideline max... Although the website says 12:1

Her assistant and herself are required to be fingerprinted etc but the boyfriend isn't required unless he's living there.

I also agree its not the parents rights to dictate who she can date. It's also not a parents right to dictate when she's using her assistant as long as she's not over ratio.

If you "trust no one" as you said in your post, maybe you could stay home with yr kiddo and then not have to worry about your provider taking time off or dating?
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Old 09-21-2013, 11:47 PM
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Someone familiar with San Fran correct me if I'm wrong....

But she's allowed to take care of up to 6 kids by herself as long as she's following the age guideline max... Although the website says 12:1

Her assistant and herself are required to be fingerprinted etc but the boyfriend isn't required unless he's living there.

I also agree its not the parents rights to dictate who she can date. It's also not a parents right to dictate when she's using her assistant as long as she's not over ratio.

If you "trust no one" as you said in your post, maybe you could stay home with yr kiddo and then not have to worry about your provider taking time off or dating?
I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.
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Old 09-21-2013, 11:52 PM
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I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.
Hon, do what you feel is right! If you don't feel comfortable talking to her about the situation, find a different provider. There is nothing wrong with that. I completely understand how you feel and what you are going through! I was the same way with my children! Good luck!
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Old 09-22-2013, 12:10 AM
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I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.
Just because the advice isn't what you want to hear, doesn't mean the advice is bad.

I think as we all made the important point. IF YOU TRUST HER, YOU TRUST HER. AND AS LONG AS SHE'S FOLLOWING THE LAW.

For instance, even if I trust someone if they were breaking the law, such as she's over ratio. Such as she's running illegally. Such as her and her assistant aren't fingerprinted etc then Trust isn't an issue if she's breaking the law. Our advice would be to pull. However, if she's following the law, and you said you were informed of her assistant, then what EXACTLY are you wanting us to say here?? And that said, if yu trust them, you should be able to communicate with her.

When you come onto a forum and basically demand things of your provider that may not even be required by law such as fingerprinting a boyfriend and her taking a few hours off, then you sometimes get people being honest.
This provider doesn't work FOR YOU. She has a right to run her daycare as she wants as long as she's following the law.
We assumed honesty was what you wanted??
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Old 09-22-2013, 12:17 AM
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I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.
I think you are picking up on the defensiveness because your first post came across as very "I am going to tell her how things need to be done". I think after your subsequent posts, we better understand your concerns.

I would hope you were able to see things more from her point of view after hearing our sides. It absolutely is a fine line, and it's going to be hard to come near it without crossing it. Chances are she is going to be offended, because even for her it is a fine line between someone being a client and that client feeling like they can decide what goes on in the providers home, even though their children are there. It is a fine line both ways. Yes, it is a business, but it is also her home - and it is hard to have people feel like they can dictate what goes on in your home (even when they have a right to dictate their child's environment. I hope I am explaining this well enough. Does it make sense.

I honestly think the issue of a background check for the boyfriend is an issue. But, even as a provider - I can't think of a way to ask her that isn't offensive. My best bet would be to just be very open and honest, and explain that you are sure he is a nice guy - but you have to be sure.

I don't think the provider leaving her assistant in charge, as long as the provider to child ratio is correct, is something that needs to be addressed. I really think it is common practice when ratios are low enough to only have one caregiver present. As a business owner, I would have trouble with a client dictating how much time I took off, as long as I was following licensing regulations.

I really do understand your concerns, but I also want to explain things from what I suspect is her point of view.
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Old 09-22-2013, 01:27 AM
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Originally Posted by blandino View Post
I think you are picking up on the defensiveness because your first post came across as very "I am going to tell her how things need to be done". I think after your subsequent posts, we better understand your concerns.

I would hope you were able to see things more from her point of view after hearing our sides. It absolutely is a fine line, and it's going to be hard to come near it without crossing it. Chances are she is going to be offended, because even for her it is a fine line between someone being a client and that client feeling like they can decide what goes on in the providers home, even though their children are there. It is a fine line both ways. Yes, it is a business, but it is also her home - and it is hard to have people feel like they can dictate what goes on in your home (even when they have a right to dictate their child's environment. I hope I am explaining this well enough. Does it make sense.

I honestly think the issue of a background check for the boyfriend is an issue. But, even as a provider - I can't think of a way to ask her that isn't offensive. My best bet would be to just be very open and honest, and explain that you are sure he is a nice guy - but you have to be sure.

I don't think the provider leaving her assistant in charge, as long as the provider to child ratio is correct, is something that needs to be addressed. I really think it is common practice when ratios are low enough to only have one caregiver present. As a business owner, I would have trouble with a client dictating how much time I took off, as long as I was following licensing regulations.

I really do understand your concerns, but I also want to explain things from what I suspect is her point of view.
Thank you! I appreciate your viewpoint, while understanding my concerns- exactly what I wanted. I was told by someone that works for licensing that any frequent visitor had to be finger printed and cleared. If the information I was given was wrong then my apologizes for acting like it should be mandatory even though it would make me feel more comfortable if it was. Also, I think the person with the license is supposed to be there most of the time, but an assistant can watch kids alone 20% of time (I think that is the law here).

Hopefully everything works out and she continues to take good care of my daughter.
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Old 09-22-2013, 08:22 AM
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Thank you! I appreciate your viewpoint, while understanding my concerns- exactly what I wanted. I was told by someone that works for licensing that any frequent visitor had to be finger printed and cleared. If the information I was given was wrong then my apologizes for acting like it should be mandatory even though it would make me feel more comfortable if it was. Also, I think the person with the license is supposed to be there most of the time, but an assistant can watch kids alone 20% of time (I think that is the law here).

Hopefully everything works out and she continues to take good care of my daughter.
I understand WHY you are nervous about the boyfriend- I think we are just telling you she isn't required by law to do what you want. Personally I would say: I have noticed jake has been here a few times and I want to confirm he isn't left alone with my child. I am sure jake is a great guy but unless he was background checked I wouldn't feel comfortable. If the answer from that conversation doesn't ease your mind- you need to find alternate care.
Same for the assistant. If the answers don't make you feel comfortable then you need to seek care else where
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Old 09-22-2013, 08:35 AM
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Hello. I'm a child care provider who understands where you are coming from as a parent. I am a parent also, but my children no longer need child care. Anyway, as far as your provider's boyfriend, I believe that is her business if she has a boyfriend, and I understand your qualms about him being around the children. But if he's not living there, I don't believe he has to be fingerprinted. At least that's in my state regs. But if he's there all the time during day care hours, then your concern is understood.

I don't agree with her being gone from the day care to hang out with her boyfriend leaving her business in the care of an assistant. In my state, an assistant is always suppose to be supervised by the child care provider. They're allowed to pick-up and drop-off children from school, take them outside and do other minimal tasks.

If your provider wants to take off from site, then she needs to get a substitute. There is a difference between an assistant and a substitute. In my state, a substitute have to have everything the child care provider has and an assistant doesn't. Also, in my state, a provider can only use a substitute a max of 25 hours per month.

If something were to happen to those children while she is out hanging with her boyfriend, it's going to be all on her. The assistant isn't qualified to be there alone with those children a whole day, unsupervised, and not even should be alone with the children for too many hours. I know some of us have left to run errands and left our assistant, but why not send the assistant to run errands like grocery shopping for the child care.

As a professional, I wouldn't dream of taking off for hours or a day from my business and leaving the responsibility of children I'm responsible for in anybody else's care, unless they are qualified like I am (substitute). If your provider need a day to hang with her boyfriend, then she should shut down by using a personal day. I take the holidays I'm closed and take my personal days when I know I can't be available. My parents have my scheduled days off and they have signed the contract stating that they understand if I have to close for emergencies and that I have personal days I may need to take. IMO, this is what is right.
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Old 09-22-2013, 08:53 AM
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Maybe if you really do feel uncomfortable talking to your provider about this you could try picking up your child at unscheduled times (IOW drop in unexpectedly)? If you do that be sure that you're taking your child with you when you go, not just dropping in and then leaving again as that's disruptive to all involved. Personally, from my perspective as a provider, I would rather sit down and discuss concerns, but as a mother who had her children in daycare before I became a provider myself I can understand why you might hesitate.

I know several of the PPs mentioned that either you trust this woman or you don't, but really, you have not known her that long and it takes time for a true trust to develop in this situation.

As I said before, communication really is key to a good provider/parent relationship, but at the end of the day you have to trust your instincts and do what you feel is right for your child in this situation.
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Old 09-22-2013, 09:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Moppetland View Post
Hello. I'm a child care provider who understands where you are coming from as a parent. I am a parent also, but my children no longer need child care. Anyway, as far as your provider's boyfriend, I believe that is her business if she has a boyfriend, and I understand your qualms about him being around the children. But if he's not living there, I don't believe he has to be fingerprinted. At least that's in my state regs. But if he's there all the time during day care hours, then your concern is understood.

I don't agree with her being gone from the day care to hang out with her boyfriend leaving her business in the care of an assistant. In my state, an assistant is always suppose to be supervised by the child care provider. They're allowed to pick-up and drop-off children from school, take them outside and do other minimal tasks.

If your provider wants to take off from site, then she needs to get a substitute. There is a difference between an assistant and a substitute. In my state, a substitute have to have everything the child care provider has and an assistant doesn't. Also, in my state, a provider can only use a substitute a max of 25 hours per month.

If something were to happen to those children while she is out hanging with her boyfriend, it's going to be all on her. The assistant isn't qualified to be there alone with those children a whole day, unsupervised, and not even should be alone with the children for too many hours. I know some of us have left to run errands and left our assistant, but why not send the assistant to run errands like grocery shopping for the child care.

As a professional, I wouldn't dreawm of taking off for hours or a day from my business and leaving the responsibility of children I'm responsible for in anybody else's care, unless they are qualified like I am (substitute). If your provider need a day to hang with her boyfriend, then she should shut down by using a personal day. I take the holidays I'm closed and take my personal days when I know I can't be available. My parents have my scheduled days off and they have signed the contract stating that they understand if I have to close for emergencies and that I have personal days I may need to take. IMO, this is what is right.
In my mind this is exactly what I was worried about re: assistant. She is simply a helper. If it was a substitute (first aid/CPR trained, knows licensing protocol, has taken child development classes, has years of experience) then my concerns would not be valid. Even though she is not a sub, i am not some crazy woman who expects my provider to be there all the time. I know she might have a doc appt, need to run an errand or take a walk. My concern was it seems like it has become more frequent since meeting the boyfriend (b4 then she was NEVER not there).
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Old 09-22-2013, 09:38 AM
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First off as a provider I do Not share my personal life with clients.and yes she should be there, you made a deal with her to care for your child, not the helper. In my state the provider needs to be home 80% of the time.
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Old 09-22-2013, 09:44 AM
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I agree with most of what Moppetland said. It doesn't seem highly professional of this woman to be doing this so often and if she wants personal time maybe she should close for a day or so or wait until after work/weekends like others do. (I'll probably get blasted for my opinion)
I admit, I don't know your state laws. *IF* she's following all the rules, then go with your gut I guess. Does the assistant seem qualified? You said you like her. If I had my baby someplace else, I'd want to be as close to 100% sure as I could be. I would've made a horrible dcm. I probably would've questioned every single thing.
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:58 AM
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I wouldn't have a problem with the provider leaving the premises and leaving the assistant to care for the child.

You are absolutely not out of line to request that the boyfriend produce a background check. I can't imagine that he would have a problem with it unless he has a history of neglect/abuse. It's a matter of safety, and if it gives you peace of mind, then go ahead and ask in a respectful, tactful way.
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Old 09-22-2013, 04:53 PM
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Thank you for the advice. It seems some of you think I'm out of line for questioning her. There are no other red flags. I just think this woman has been single for a long time and she is excited to have a new boyfriend and he is probably retired so that is why he is hanging around occasionally. I have seen him there 3 times already. I'm sure he's a great guy, but I trust nobody. I feel it's reasonable to make sure he is cleared. I'm happy for her and glad she found someone, but I'm a mother and just want to make sure that my child is not being left with 1 assistant with little experience to take care of 10 kids. Or, around people that aren't cleared. This daycare is licensed in San Francisco.

I'm in CA also.

If your daycare provider has a large license and she has 8 children or less at that time then only one caregiver is required. If there are 9 children or more then two caregivers are required. The caregivers must all be fingerprinted, tested for TB. If the licensed caregiver (your childcare provider) leaves the children with an employee (her assistant) then the assistant also has to be CPR certified (at least one adult with CPR certification must be present at all times that children are present). If you ever arrive to the daycare and only one caregiver is present make sure that they have all of their qualifications and that there are no more than 8 children.

Also if any adult (18+) is to be around the children at any time (other than legal guardians and parents etc) then those adults must be background checked and tested for TB, otherwise the adult shouldn't be in the home when the daycare children are present. If the boyfriend isn't around when the daycare children are in the home then nothing is needed of him. If he moves in then he must be TB tested and fingerprinted even if he won't be anywhere near the daycare children.

Also the licensed provider can be away from the home and leave an assistant for 20% of the time as long as she meets all ratio requirements (if she has more than 8 children she leaves 2 assistants etc). You can break it down by 20% of the day, 20% of the week and 20% of a month etc. So for example if your provider is opened from 7am-6pm monday-friday then she can be away from the daycare home about two and a half hours a day, a day and a half in one week, a week in a month etc. as long as she leaves an assistant that has been fingerprinted and cleared by licensing, CPR certified TB tested.

If you feel that you are not comfortable with the childcare provider leaving at all or more than a certain amount of time or her having her boyfriend around your child and you feel you want to talk to her about it then you should definitely talk to her about it. If she decides that she doesn't want to change the behavior and but follows all licensing regulations then she has every right to make that decision. At that point then you have every right to choose to change daycare arrangements (but still according to your contract so make sure you give appropriate notice of termination if you decide to terminate).
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Old 09-22-2013, 10:10 PM
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Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa View Post
I'm in CA also.

.....

Also if any adult (18+) is to be around the children at any time (other than legal guardians and parents etc) then those adults must be background checked and tested for TB, otherwise the adult shouldn't be in the home when the daycare children are present. If the boyfriend isn't around when the daycare children are in the home then nothing is needed of him. If he moves in then he must be TB tested and fingerprinted even if he won't be anywhere near the daycare children.
.
This part isn't quite right in California, you can legally have people come in for specific tasks like repair work, or even a specific activity with the kids without being background checked as long as the time is limited, and they are NEVER left alone with the children.
If he is going to be there regularly, or over a certain number of hours a week, then yes, he needs to be background checked. I would think that it's reasonable to ask how much he is there, if he ever has a chance to be alone with the children, and if he has been background checked. This would give your provider a chance to respond, and hopefully put your mind at ease.
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Old 09-23-2013, 04:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
I agree with most of what Moppetland said. It doesn't seem highly professional of this woman to be doing this so often and if she wants personal time maybe she should close for a day or so or wait until after work/weekends like others do. (I'll probably get blasted for my opinion)
I admit, I don't know your state laws. *IF* she's following all the rules, then go with your gut I guess. Does the assistant seem qualified? You said you like her. If I had my baby someplace else, I'd want to be as close to 100% sure as I could be. I would've made a horrible dcm. I probably would've questioned every single thing.


I never go on errands or to 'get a break'. I only go to a doctor's appointment and luckily I don't have many. Even then, my husband watches them (he is my legal sub) and I make my appointments at naptime so the children are sleeping. If the doctor is running late then he gives them snack and watches them but I try to make it as easy as possible for him. If I can make an appointment on Saturday I do. I have found a dentist who has some evening appointments and go then.

I know another provider who has no problem leaving a qualified sub with hers while she goes and has her hair done, etc. I just would never feel right doing that.

We do work longer hours than most but still....I just wouldn't feel right.

Laurel
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Old 09-23-2013, 04:20 AM
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Admittedly, I use my sub so I can *occasionally* run errands or make appointments - however this is clearly spelled out in my contract, and the parent always knows what days my sub will be scheduled. That said, I am careful about what type of appointments and errands I make while the sub is here as I have had kids come to me when their provider overused their sub and was always at the Y working out during business hours (there were other issues with injuries happening while the sub was in charge) but something I keep in the back of my mind.

I see nothing wrong with the occasional errand/appt. so long as everyone knows what the deal is. It sounds as though this provider was not clear with the parent that she would not be there. There also seems to be some question if the person left with the children is legally allowed to be. That needs to be cleared up ASAP.

I realize that the provider is entitled to their own life, however I am uncomfortable that her boyfriend is "visiting" during dc. Why can't they visit/date after hours? I guess I've always felt that I needed to view what I do as a career/job and want others to view it the same way. I quickly nipped in the bud any family member who felt I could be their "bored at work" call or could stop by to visit/hand because I was "home" anyway...The only time I would welcome a visitor is if they were here to assist with the child care (legally) by giving a talk, helping with a special project, etc. I can't think of any job where one can have friends come to hang out.

I do think the OP is well within her right to ask for clarification on the providers policies. I think she needs to be prepared to find other care if she is unhappy with the answers.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:04 AM
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I'm in CA also.

If your daycare provider has a large license and she has 8 children or less at that time then only one caregiver is required. If there are 9 children or more then two caregivers are required. The caregivers must all be fingerprinted, tested for TB. If the licensed caregiver (your childcare provider) leaves the children with an employee (her assistant) then the assistant also has to be CPR certified (at least one adult with CPR certification must be present at all times that children are present). If you ever arrive to the daycare and only one caregiver is present make sure that they have all of their qualifications and that there are no more than 8 children.

Also if any adult (18+) is to be around the children at any time (other than legal guardians and parents etc) then those adults must be background checked and tested for TB, otherwise the adult shouldn't be in the home when the daycare children are present. If the boyfriend isn't around when the daycare children are in the home then nothing is needed of him. If he moves in then he must be TB tested and fingerprinted even if he won't be anywhere near the daycare children.

Also the licensed provider can be away from the home and leave an assistant for 20% of the time as long as she meets all ratio requirements (if she has more than 8 children she leaves 2 assistants etc). You can break it down by 20% of the day, 20% of the week and 20% of a month etc. So for example if your provider is opened from 7am-6pm monday-friday then she can be away from the daycare home about two and a half hours a day, a day and a half in one week, a week in a month etc. as long as she leaves an assistant that has been fingerprinted and cleared by licensing, CPR certified TB tested.

If you feel that you are not comfortable with the childcare provider leaving at all or more than a certain amount of time or her having her boyfriend around your child and you feel you want to talk to her about it then you should definitely talk to her about it. If she decides that she doesn't want to change the behavior and but follows all licensing regulations then she has every right to make that decision. At that point then you have every right to choose to change daycare arrangements (but still according to your contract so make sure you give appropriate notice of termination if you decide to terminate).
I am glad someone in her state had the answer! In Ohio I must give parents written notice if I am not going to be here (unless it is an emergency and then as quickly as possible) and it must be my substitute provider. Sub must have CPR, first aid and the state childcare course.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:18 AM
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I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.
I am going against everyone else here.

I would be ok with the backup provider as long as I had met her, the day care remained in ratio and the provider had gone through all of the background checks, etc that the state requires.

I would NOT be ok with random boyfriend being in the home during daycare hours. IMHO- this is highly unprofessional.

I am allowed per the state to have visitors, they must sign in and remain in my sight at all times, never alone with the kids, etc but they must also have a VALID reason for being in the program. A visiting BF does not constitute VALID, imo. During her free time, of course she is free to see/do/have over whomever she likes but while children are in care her focus should be ON the children.

I don't even allow my mother to come over during DC hours. Yes parents trust me and my judgment but I see it as; would it be acceptable for my mother to come visit me at work and stay to chat for a while, during my work hours? Of course not.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:21 AM
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I realize that the provider is entitled to their own life, however I am uncomfortable that her boyfriend is "visiting" during dc. Why can't they visit/date after hours? I guess I've always felt that I needed to view what I do as a career/job and want others to view it the same way. I quickly nipped in the bud any family member who felt I could be their "bored at work" call or could stop by to visit/hand because I was "home" anyway...The only time I would welcome a visitor is if they were here to assist with the child care (legally) by giving a talk, helping with a special project, etc. I can't think of any job where one can have friends come to hang out.

I do think the OP is well within her right to ask for clarification on the providers policies. I think she needs to be prepared to find other care if she is unhappy with the answers.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:24 AM
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first, if you made the contract with the provider than the provider should be there not the helper. I do understand that things do come up and the provider may not be there but the helper should not be there all day everyday taking care of these children all by herself when the contract was signed with someone else.

second, I know someone who is a provider and does this all the time. She goes shopping, getting her nails done, her hair done, things that can be done on the weekend or after work (she works till 5pm) instead, she leaves all day and the helper is in charge of the kids.

she goes thru alot of helpers, this is a big red flag for me. did you ask how long her helper has been with her.

well, one time she wasn't home and the inspector showed up at her door and only her helper was home. She was so over the limit it was crazy. The provider showed up 2 hours later from shopping, but the inspector waited. She also got lectured on not leaving her helper all day by herself.

like I said, some times you need to leave during the day for an appointment or to do something, but if the provider is gone all day and you are not informed then i would look elsewhere.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:36 AM
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I want to clarify my responses, in light of the recent direction of this thread. In my state, the assistant caregiver requires MUCH more qualifications than any substitute caregiver.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:48 AM
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As someone who did date while providing licensed care - ABSOLUTELY it was my daycare families business.

I didn't need to be prompted, he was background checked and I shared the results with my families without hesitation even though at best he'd be around outside with MY kids an hour or so before close on Fridays if he arrived early. Everyone requested to meet him and we accommodated that.

I didn't take the skepticism as some sort of dig on the trust we had built because I myself would have had the same concerns. They grew to think he was an awesome addition to our family, supported our relationship, and ultimately most attended our wedding (the others didn't only because of the distance) but I would have NEVER taken that for granted or as a given.


Bottom line is, parents hear all kinds of garbage on the evening news about other people's children getting hurt. The good ones WILL NOT just take someone's word when it comes to the safety of the own. As a provider I think there needs to be some respect and understanding for that.

I wouldn't have been offended, I have no idea why anyone else is in these situations either.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:51 AM
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I want to clarify my responses, in light of the recent direction of this thread. In my state, the assistant caregiver requires MUCH more qualifications than any substitute caregiver.
I think this touches on an important distinction - in my state a sub has to have their background checked,be fingerprinted, and have current First Aid/CPR. They are only allowed so many hours per year to be in charge of the kids.
An assistant has almost the same qualifications as the day care provider. The rules for their use/ hours are not as restricted. I could have an assistant cover say, a maternity leave, a sub could not (too many hours) In our state they want to stress the sub as *very* occasional.
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Old 09-23-2013, 01:19 PM
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With all the bad press daycares are getting in the press you have a perfect right to know who is around your baby. Is he a live in bf? If you were told that the asst and her work together and that's not the case then I would bring up the concern. It is her responsibility to comply with all state regs. I would talk to her about these concerns. Just approach it as a concerned parent. I personally don't have an asst (except for my hubby who is all printed and everything) but if you are feeling red flags, don't let it fester to long!
Deb
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Old 09-23-2013, 04:53 PM
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I want to clarify my responses, in light of the recent direction of this thread. In my state, the assistant caregiver requires MUCH more qualifications than any substitute caregiver.
Here too. The assistant has exactly the same clearances and same amount of yearly training as the licensee.

An assistant and a sub are two completely different things.
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Old 09-24-2013, 03:05 PM
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I would bring to her attention... that within the last two weeks she was gone at least three times and ask her if everything is ok. I would be ok with my parents doing that. Maybe she has had some doctor visits or dentist.

She did tell you she would be the main person, BUT she does have an assistant that will care for the children in her absence. I think that will ease your mind, and you should be able to have good communication with your provider. As for her friend or bf, that is strictly her business imo. Since it's a home, I would assume there will be visitors from friends, and relatives. Hence deciding a home daycare versus a public one. Sorry but her personal life is off limits, unless this person is watching the children.

If a provider makes it clear in the beginning that they have an assistant for backup, and you agree...well 3 times in two weeks is not a whole lot.
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Part Time Question tenderhearts Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 12 06-30-2010 07:46 PM


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