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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Is It Wrong Of Me To Do This???
mrsp'slilpeeps 08:53 AM 02-13-2013
So this 10 month old that come's here everyday that smells like heavy cigarette smoke, is being treated to a nice warm, soapy wipe down and a clean pair of clothes for the day until a half hour before the parents pick up and its back to his smelly dirty clothes.

My husband is worried that I will be "busted" and they will be mad at me for doing that.

I figure I will just tell them if I get "busted" that he had an accident and im washing his other clothes and they will stay with me.

Im not looking to term him. They pay my fees on time and bring me what I need, he is just dirty and smelly and I figure why do we all have to smell that and smell like that at the end of the day?

Thoughts??
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Springdaze 09:00 AM 02-13-2013
I think alot will not agree, but if you want to do it, go for it! as far as the smoke smell, they probably cant tell.
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mrsp'slilpeeps 09:04 AM 02-13-2013
Well, I just figured that he can spend 10 hours a day being clean, happy and less smelly and not spreading 3rd hand smoke to the rest of the group.
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MyAngels 09:07 AM 02-13-2013
Whether it's right or wrong I'd do it, too . I'm pretty forthright with parents as a whole, so I'd probably just tell them what I do and why, though .
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Scout 09:15 AM 02-13-2013
Maybe they need to be educated that third degree cigarette smoke is very unhealthy for babies and young children!! When my first was young DH and I smoked and we would change our shirt to do so and change again when done because of this!! I quit with my second pregnancy and didn't start back up again like I did after the first!Dh never quit but, barely smokes now.
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DaisyMamma 09:16 AM 02-13-2013
Gross. I would do it too.
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Blackcat31 09:27 AM 02-13-2013
I totally see why you want to bath him but in all honesty as a parent....I would be LIVID if you took it upon yourself to bathe my child without FIRST trying to talk to me about the issue or without you getting my permission.

I completely agree with WHY but I can only imagine the trouble I would be in if I did that.

I think you should try to either "educate" the parent or if you feel uncomfortable doing that let them know that you cannot deal with the smoke smell and would like permission to bathe him
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itlw8 09:35 AM 02-13-2013
I would speak up.

I do not know if you notice because you smoke but dcb smells of strong smoke when he gets here every day. As a non smoker it gives me a headache and it is not good for the other children to breath in the 3 rd hand smoke from his clothes.

Then say do you have any ideas how we could take care of this. If not give them the solution of YOU dressing him in fresh clothes kept at his house.

They probably have no idea.
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mamac 09:45 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I totally see why you want to bath him but in all honesty as a parent....I would be LIVID if you took it upon yourself to bathe my child without FIRST trying to talk to me about the issue or without you getting my permission.

I completely agree with WHY but I can only imagine the trouble I would be in if I did that.

I think you should try to either "educate" the parent or if you feel uncomfortable doing that let them know that you cannot deal with the smoke smell and would like permission to bathe him
I was thinking the same thing. I felt that way when my in-laws gave my ds a bath when he was an infant. Maybe it's because I was a new parent, but I didn't want ANYONE bathing my child. What if he slipped out of their hands? Or they turned their backs and he drowned? In a way it's no different than taking him swimming without notifying the parents.

As far as the smoke- I completely agree something needs to be done. My kids are no longer allowed to see their grandparents (same in-laws) at their home anymore because of the amount of cigarette smoke inside the house. We very rarely have them over here because after they leave my house it smells for HOURS after they leave. Even birthday cards that get mailed from them are opened, read, and tossed immediately into the trash because they smell so bad.

IMO, I think subjecting your child to that amount of cigarette smoke should be considered child abuse. I can't understand how a child's pediatrician can see this and not be able to do something about it legally, knowing the health risks to the child.
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rmc20021 09:48 AM 02-13-2013
I would have a problem giving a child a bath every day when there are other kids needing attention as well.

I totally understand as I detest cigarette odors...it gives me an instant headache and I become neauseous and congested. But I just don't think I'd want that extra burden when I'm already so busy.

Maybe if you just keep fresh clothes there to change him into and give him a quick rub down with some baby wipes...it might improve it enough to be tolerable.

Also, I would hand out a 'note' to all parents with some educational information on it and as you hand it to them, make a few comments about what it's all about so they don't just toss it and never read it.

If you don't single them out, they may not feel as attacked than if they feel it's only them you have the issue with. And in the handout, I would also make notations of what your policy would be in the future should children arrive smelling like cigarette smoke...then don't hide the fact you're 'cleaning' the child afterwards.

There's really not a lot you can do about smokers...they're going to continue to do it and it's doubtful they will change their habits to accomodate you, or their child.
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mrsp'slilpeeps 10:02 AM 02-13-2013
Im not completely bathing him, Just wiping down his hair and arms and face, with a soapy cloth, Then putting him in clean clothes.

I have the time to do it since he arrives first before anyone else gets here.

Its not really my place to tell these people to stop smoking around their child, or to educate the facts as Im sure they know, unless they are complete idiots!!

I used to smoke, but do not anymore. I never smoked around my kids.

Im just trying to let this little sweetie breath a little easier.
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Blackcat31 10:04 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by mrsp'slilpeeps:
Im not completely bathing him, Just wiping down his hair and arms and face, with a soapy cloth, Then putting him in clean clothes.

I have the time to do it since he arrives first before anyone else gets here.

Its not really my place to tell these people to stop smoking around their child, or to educate the facts as Im sure they know, unless they are complete idiots!!
I used to smoke, but do not anymore. I never smoked around my kids.

Im just trying to let this little sweetie breath a little easier.
But it is your place IF it effects you or the other kids. It is also more your place to educate them more so than it is your place to bathe him...kwim?

If you have a rather comfortable or good relationship with them, I would try talking with them about it.
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countrymom 10:07 AM 02-13-2013
the parents already know all the facts about smoking so educating them would be pointless and rude.

my mil smoked, so when sil went away to school all her clothes and stuff smelled like smoke, so bad that the kids thought she was a smoker, it took her months to get rid of the smoke smell

last year, my dd had to sit next to a boy who smelled like smoke so bad that she was feeling ill all the time and getting headaches. She had to go to the teacher and ask to be moved because he smelled like smoke, he was a nice kid but she couldn't handle the smell. She didn't want to embarress him so she quietly asked her teacher.
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mrsp'slilpeeps 10:07 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
But it is your place IF it effects you or the other kids. It is also more your place to educate them more so than it is your place to bathe him...kwim?

If you have a rather comfortable or good relationship with them, I would try talking with them about it.
They are fairly new and dont feel comfortable saying anything.
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EchoMom 10:15 AM 02-13-2013
I don't know why anyone would be LIVID because you gave their baby a bath, but that's just my opinion.

I have had to bathe babies on a few occasions when they had a poopy blowout that I felt it would be a disservice to just use wipes.

I think a full bath would be too time consuming and impractical to maintain. But you saying you're sponge bathing him sounds great!

Honestly, I would probably do the exact same thing you are doing, or I would do the same but leave him in the clean clothes and send him home in the fresh smelling clothes and tell them I need a new set everyday.

Unless you mean you're putting him into your own personal baby clothes, then yes I would do exactly the same as you.

And, just my opinion, but I think it's wonderful of you to do that and the right and responsible, sanitary and comfortable thing to do for him, yourself, and the other kids. IMO Good job!
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mrsp'slilpeeps 10:24 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
I don't know why anyone would be LIVID because you gave their baby a bath, but that's just my opinion.

I have had to bathe babies on a few occasions when they had a poopy blowout that I felt it would be a disservice to just use wipes.

I think a full bath would be too time consuming and impractical to maintain. But you saying you're sponge bathing him sounds great!

Honestly, I would probably do the exact same thing you are doing, or I would do the same but leave him in the clean clothes and send him home in the fresh smelling clothes and tell them I need a new set everyday.

Unless you mean you're putting him into your own personal baby clothes, then yes I would do exactly the same as you.

And, just my opinion, but I think it's wonderful of you to do that and the right and responsible, sanitary and comfortable thing to do for him, yourself, and the other kids. IMO Good job!
Thank You!! I have some donated baby clothes that I use for just in case purposes.

I also feel that if they have had a major blow out they will get bathed too! Who wants to smell that all day and be out of wipes!!
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mrsp'slilpeeps 10:27 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
the parents already know all the facts about smoking so educating them would be pointless and rude.

my mil smoked, so when sil went away to school all her clothes and stuff smelled like smoke, so bad that the kids thought she was a smoker, it took her months to get rid of the smoke smell

last year, my dd had to sit next to a boy who smelled like smoke so bad that she was feeling ill all the time and getting headaches. She had to go to the teacher and ask to be moved because he smelled like smoke, he was a nice kid but she couldn't handle the smell. She didn't want to embarress him so she quietly asked her teacher.
I agree as well. I cant wait until they pass a law that makes it ilegal to smoke in vehicles in Alberta. Soon, but not soon enough.
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Blackcat31 10:58 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
I don't know why anyone would be LIVID because you gave their baby a bath, but that's just my opinion.

I have had to bathe babies on a few occasions when they had a poopy blowout that I felt it would be a disservice to just use wipes.

I think a full bath would be too time consuming and impractical to maintain. But you saying you're sponge bathing him sounds great!

Honestly, I would probably do the exact same thing you are doing, or I would do the same but leave him in the clean clothes and send him home in the fresh smelling clothes and tell them I need a new set everyday.

Unless you mean you're putting him into your own personal baby clothes, then yes I would do exactly the same as you.

And, just my opinion, but I think it's wonderful of you to do that and the right and responsible, sanitary and comfortable thing to do for him, yourself, and the other kids. IMO Good job!
There is more to my statement than just saying I would be livid.

What I said was "I would be LIVID if you took it upon yourself to bathe my child without FIRST trying to talk to me about the issue or without you getting my permission.

Because providers DO need permission from parents to do things that are not in really the child care providers responsibility or place to do.

This is also why it is really important to communicate OPENLY with your provider so you know what your expectations are and what falls on the parents shoulders.

I PERSONALLY would be livid because it is over stepping what I feel is the provider's responsibility. I would chose a provider who would want to discuss issues with me BEFORE simply taking matters into their own hands and doing what ever they wanted. That is MY opinion.

OP also hadn't clarified that she was sponge bathing or simply wiping him down when I made my post. She clarified that point later.

I don't think wiping a child down is that big of a deal but I still feel it is necessary to communicate with the parents. We have to get signed permission slips to administer lotion and other similar things so I would also assume that bathing is something that requires permission as well.

Going behind a parents back IF you are at all unsure if you should or shouldn't be doing it isn't at all the right or responsible thing to do.

@OP~ Thank you for clarifying that you are only wiping him down and not full out bathing him. I would definitely think that kind of bathing is over stepping your boundaries if the parents haven't ok'ed it. I do think you should try to find a way to bring the issue up to them though and try and talk with them. I am glad you care and I am sure as parents they appreciate that alot.
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mrsp'slilpeeps 11:12 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by mrsp'slilpeeps:
So this 10 month old that come's here everyday that smells like heavy cigarette smoke, is being treated to a nice warm, soapy wipe down and a clean pair of clothes for the day until a half hour before the parents pick up and its back to his smelly dirty clothes.

My husband is worried that I will be "busted" and they will be mad at me for doing that.

I figure I will just tell them if I get "busted" that he had an accident and im washing his other clothes and they will stay with me.

Im not looking to term him. They pay my fees on time and bring me what I need, he is just dirty and smelly and I figure why do we all have to smell that and smell like that at the end of the day?

Thoughts??
Up at the top I said wipe down.
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wdmmom 11:17 AM 02-13-2013
I change kids anytime they come in wearing anything with a ton of buttons.

They wear clothing I have and I switch them out before they leave.

In your case, I think washing his face and hands is one thing but anything beyond that might be crossing the line.

I would suggest putting him in an outfit you have and letting his clothes air out outside. That way by the time he has to go home, most of the smell will have dissipated and you won't have to deal with it.
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Blackcat31 11:21 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by mrsp'slilpeeps:
Up at the top I said wipe down.
I did read that but because you said "warm soapy wipe down", I thought you meant in the bath tub. My apologies.

Echomom~ I PM'ed you.
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EchoMom 11:25 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
There is more to my statement than just saying I would be livid.

What I said was "I would be LIVID if you took it upon yourself to bathe my child without FIRST trying to talk to me about the issue or without you getting my permission.

Because providers DO need permission from parents to do things that are not in really the child care providers responsibility or place to do.

This is also why it is really important to communicate OPENLY with your provider so you know what your expectations are and what falls on the parents shoulders.

I PERSONALLY would be livid because it is over stepping what I feel is the provider's responsibility. I would chose a provider who would want to discuss issues with me BEFORE simply taking matters into their own hands and doing what ever they wanted. That is MY opinion.

OP also hadn't clarified that she was sponge bathing or simply wiping him down when I made my post. She clarified that point later.

I don't think wiping a child down is that big of a deal but I still feel it is necessary to communicate with the parents. We have to get signed permission slips to administer lotion and other similar things so I would also assume that bathing is something that requires permission as well.

Going behind a parents back IF you are at all unsure if you should or shouldn't be doing it isn't at all the right or responsible thing to do.

@OP~ Thank you for clarifying that you are only wiping him down and not full out bathing him. I would definitely think that kind of bathing is over stepping your boundaries if the parents haven't ok'ed it. I do think you should try to find a way to bring the issue up to them though and try and talk with them. I am glad you care and I am sure as parents they appreciate that alot.
The OP did originally say wipe down, so that's what I understood it to be. I'm sure things are much different for you with licensing issues, those things aren't something I'm familiar with. I am not in a position, and I do not not if the OP is, where I have to worry about permission slips for lotion and those types of things.

If the OP feels she needs to hide it, I don't see why but that's her feeling. I would not feel I'd need to hide sponge bathing the baby, nor full out bathing. Once when I had a baby with a bad blowout and chose to give him a full bath (because I had the time to do it safely) I actually texted the mom a picture of him adorable in the baby tub and told her what had happened. She was super appreciative. Another time a child vomitted all over himself, so I showered him.

IMO I would want a provider that could make her own decisions about what was best to do and not have to ask me every little thing. If a baby spits up all over themself I would hope that my provider would sponge bathe the baby to clean it up. If my baby had a blowout, I would hope my provider would bathe him or hose him down in the tub.

IMO I don't think it is overstepping, I think it is providing care the child needs. I don't see how a parent could be upset the provider chose to clean my child. A full bath I could understand making a parent nervous about drowning, but then if that was the case there isn't trust and the parent could be nervous about choking, falling, etc etc.

I guess the biggest difference in our opinions is what is/isn't the providers responsibility/right to do. I think it is perfectly responsible to bathe/wipe down a child if needed. But I'm legally unlicensed so I'm sure you operate in a whole other realm than me.
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Blackcat31 11:32 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
The OP did originally say wipe down, so that's what I understood it to be. I'm sure things are much different for you with licensing issues, those things aren't something I'm familiar with. I am not in a position, and I do not not if the OP is, where I have to worry about permission slips for lotion and those types of things.

If the OP feels she needs to hide it, I don't see why but that's her feeling. I would not feel I'd need to hide sponge bathing the baby, nor full out bathing. Once when I had a baby with a bad blowout and chose to give him a full bath (because I had the time to do it safely) I actually texted the mom a picture of him adorable in the baby tub and told her what had happened. She was super appreciative. Another time a child vomitted all over himself, so I showered him.

IMO I would want a provider that could make her own decisions about what was best to do and not have to ask me every little thing. If a baby spits up all over themself I would hope that my provider would sponge bathe the baby to clean it up. If my baby had a blowout, I would hope my provider would bathe him or hose him down in the tub.

IMO I don't think it is overstepping, I think it is providing care the child needs. I don't see how a parent could be upset the provider chose to clean my child. A full bath I could understand making a parent nervous about drowning, but then if that was the case there isn't trust and the parent could be nervous about choking, falling, etc etc.

I guess the biggest difference in our opinions is what is/isn't the providers responsibility/right to do. I think it is perfectly responsible to bathe/wipe down a child if needed. But I'm legally unlicensed so I'm sure you operate in a whole other realm than me.
Yeah, I didn't read the part where OP said wipe down....my interpretation was a bath...but yes, being able to operate under your own guidelines makes ALL the difference. I do have much stricter guidelines to follow.

I also don't know if you caught it but I did PM you. I wanted to apologize to you for coming across so harshly to you not only here but on another thread too.
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mrsp'slilpeeps 12:02 PM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Yeah, I didn't read the part where OP said wipe down....my interpretation was a bath...but yes, being able to operate under your own guidelines makes ALL the difference. I do have much stricter guidelines to follow.

I also don't know if you caught it but I did PM you. I wanted to apologize to you for coming across so harshly to you not only here but on another thread too.
No I dont see anything in my messages. You could try again!!
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EchoMom 12:56 PM 02-13-2013
Sorry, she meant she PM'd me. Thanks Blackcat, I appreciate your expertise and it has expedited the maturing of my own business! I have greatly reaped the reward of your advice oftentimes!
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Country Kids 01:04 PM 02-13-2013
I do have it in my paperwork for my contract/PHB a permission to shower/bath a child. It is under my water play section but I have had rave reviews on it by my parents, licensor and other providers.

All of them said they would have never thought to put that in but it was a great and wonderful idea!
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ABCDaycareMN 01:09 PM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I do have it in my paperwork for my contract/PHB a permission to shower/bath a child. It is under my water play section but I have had rave reviews on it by my parents, licensor and other providers.

All of them said they would have never thought to put that in but it was a great and wonderful idea!
Can you share how you worded it?
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Country Kids 01:14 PM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by ABCDaycareMN:
Can you share how you worded it?
Here it is!

******** has many activities involving water throughout the year. These include, but not limited to:

• Water Sensory Table
• Water Bottles
• Sprinkler
• Bathing a soiled child.

Upon signing this form you agree to permit your child:

____________________________________ Age: __________

____________________________________ Age: __________

____________________________________ Age:___________

to participate in water activities

( ) I approve.
( ) I do not approve.



Father/Guardian’s Signature

Date
Mother/Guardian’s Signature

Date

Provider Signature

Date
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DCBlessings27 01:23 PM 02-13-2013
I think you are handling it the best way you feel works. If you don't feel comfortable saying anything to them, then I think you came up with a good compromise for your daycare.
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spud912 01:32 PM 02-13-2013
I give children baths if I deem it necessary without asking the parents first. Like Country Kids, I have them sign a waiver when they first start giving me permission to bath on an as needed basis. Obviously, if it's not signed then I won't, but all of my parents signed. At pick-up, I will let the parents know that I gave their child a bath and why.

If I had my child in a daycare I trusted, I would appreciate them making efforts to keep my child somewhat clean . As far as the other children, I usually set them up with a puzzle while giving a bath. It literally takes me less than 5 minutes to give a quick wash down.
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Unregistered 12:48 PM 03-02-2014
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
Sorry, she meant she PM'd me. Thanks Blackcat, I appreciate your expertise and it has expedited the maturing of my own business! I have greatly reaped the reward of your advice oftentimes!

I've read several of your posts. It sounds to me like you simply care about your quality of life and treat your clients like you are a big time DC. People look to you for the more family type of environment and expect a certain level of leniency. Maybe you should give up your in-home DC and go work at one of the big DC. The hours are set. The policies are enforced by someone other than you. And, it sounds like your DH would be happier too.
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Lucy 09:54 PM 03-02-2014
Ok, I backspaced what I said because I now see that not only is this thread a year old, but the point I was making was made by someone else. I hadn't read far enough before I posted.

Oops!!! LOL
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Meyou 02:23 AM 03-03-2014
I would tell the family. If they are smokers they probably have no idea the baby smells like smoke.
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SilverSabre25 08:51 AM 03-03-2014
old old thread!!!
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Tags:bathing issues, parental life choices, smelly kids, smokers
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