Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Employer/Employee & Friendships
Unregistered 01:40 PM 06-08-2012
I want your honest opinions on this. You may be able to guess who I am, but logged out for privacy, just in case. I am an assistant for a small home daycare. I have been there for a few years, and upon first beginning work there, the owner and I became friends (We have became each other's closest friends and spend time together even outside of daycare). In a daycare employer/employee situation, was this a HUGE mistake to allow ourselves to become friends? We are beginning to experience some problems due to being friends AND employer/employee (but all this time before it worked perfectly for us, so I'm not even sure why we're having a problem now, after all this time). Like I said, we hadn't even known each other before I began working for her, so the friendship began AFTER I began working for her. I am afraid I might lose my best friend & confidant AND my job (which I love! And I love the children: some of them I've been able to watch grow from baby to preschooler...), so the thought of losing either one is heart breaking, let alone BOTH.
And in case you're wondering if I'm taking advantage of the fact that she is my friend and if I'm slacking on the job.... NO. I strongly feel like I treat this job as I would any other, except that up til now I've enjoyed it more because of the friendship. But I still put everything I have into my job, and do everything I can to make her job easier (example: if there's only one child left for any length of time in the afternoon, after the owner goes home, and I know the owner will have to vacuum the next morning before daycare, I go ahead and do it, since I have the time, while I'm still on the clock). Sometimes I do it even off the clock (after the last children have left. without mentioning the extra time to her) because when something needs cleaned I personally refuse to leave a mess for someone else to deal with later if I can do it right then.
Thoughts? I'm feeling so sad....
Reply
Blackcat31 02:27 PM 06-08-2012
I guess I don't see what the problem(s) is? I mean I can understand why people say to not work with family and friends and yet I can totally see how you would almost HAVE to (well not HAVE to, but more than likely would) become friends when working together in a small family child care home so I think that was expected in a way. Again I see nothing wrong with that.

Basically you just said some of the issues one would expect are happening, could you be more specific and say what the problems are and if it is you or the owner who is having them.

Either way, I am sorry you are going through this and hope you are able to find a resolution.
Reply
cheerfuldom 02:30 PM 06-08-2012
what is the problem? are you sure that maybe the owner is not having personal issues....maybe it not even about you?
Reply
sharlan 02:33 PM 06-08-2012
Try to clear the air before things balloon, get blown out of proportion. Ask her if there is something wrong.
Reply
MyAngels 02:57 PM 06-08-2012
As in all relationships, communication is key. Sit down, put aside any personal feelings and discuss the problems and how to resolve them, and move on from there.
Reply
Kaddidle Care 03:17 PM 06-08-2012
I know what she is saying. She is going over and beyond the call of duty and a little recognition would go a long way to smooth things over.

When you're not recognized for the extras, you feel like it's expected of you and then you feel taken advantage of.

Yes.. I have been in your shoes. BTDT

On to greener pastures - and a nice Margarita about now would taste good too!

It's the weekend. Cheers!
Reply
Unregistered 11:34 PM 06-08-2012
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
I know what she is saying. She is going over and beyond the call of duty and a little recognition would go a long way to smooth things over.

When you're not recognized for the extras, you feel like it's expected of you and then you feel taken advantage of.

Yes.. I have been in your shoes. BTDT

On to greener pastures - and a nice Margarita about now would taste good too!

It's the weekend. Cheers!
I'm the OP. I mentioned doing all the extra things as an example to show that I was not taking advantage of HER, the owner. That I still look at this as a job and do my best, work hard, etc, even though we are good friends also.
I was trying to be vague on the problem and still get the message across. I guess I need to give more detail. The "problems" have been popping up every so often lately, and we end up upset with each other more and more lately. It's always work related. I wish I could give more detail, but better not... I will add though, that Kadiddle Care was right on in this way: I do feel taken advantage of lately, and it's almost as if the owner wants to "show" me that she is the boss and can do as she wants. The latest problem is she can ask me to do the least desirable things while she does the better things, and I'm not supposed to mind it. Sometimes her decisions affect the other children in an unfair way. And that's when I finally said something to her this last time (calmly and respectfully, I should add). But it didn't go over well... And she mentioned some things that make me wonder if our friendship, and my job there, could be in jeopordy (sp?). I'm more concerned about our friendship. I think she really is done with me

She is going through a rough time, so I try to be supportive of that and be there for her, but I also don't like to be walked on. I want to support her in her tough times, but not at the expense of my own sanity or the children's happiness. Maybe I should have a different view of that and allow more exceptions because if it? I seriously do NOT want to just cross her off as a friend. I value our friendship more than that. She's like a sister.

I'm glad to hear so many of you believe it was only natural that we became friends to start with I figured I would hear a lot of "that's why you don't mix business and friendship".
Reply
Lianne 06:57 AM 06-09-2012
Sounds like it's time to sit down and have an honest conversation between the two of you. You both need to talk about what's bothering you and why there's tension then find ways to resolve the problems. It'll be a difficult conversation but if the friendship is important to you, it's a conversation that needs to happen before the resentment becomes too large.
Reply
cheerfuldom 07:08 AM 06-09-2012
A guess an honest conversation is the only thing you can right now. NOT during work hours though, when you will be distracted.

As for making you do the less desirable things.....well, thats the luxury of being the boss. I dont see a problem with that.....its obvious we dont know all the details but from what you have said, I do disagree a little with you. Shes the boss, she gets to decide. If you are no longer liking your job or your duties, then its up to you to decide what to do next.

Now, dividing the duties in a way that negatively affects the kids in care is another story.
Reply
Unregistered 11:35 AM 06-09-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
A guess an honest conversation is the only thing you can right now. NOT during work hours though, when you will be distracted.

As for making you do the less desirable things.....well, thats the luxury of being the boss. I dont see a problem with that.....its obvious we dont know all the details but from what you have said, I do disagree a little with you. Shes the boss, she gets to decide. If you are no longer liking your job or your duties, then its up to you to decide what to do next.

Now, dividing the duties in a way that negatively affects the kids in care is another story.
Thank you for being honest Cheerfuldom. I agree with you. I realize she's the boss and can decide what I do. I may not like doing what she doesn't want to do either, but I do realize she has the right. I wish I could go into more detail of exactly what that is, but I'll just leave it at this: I didn't say anything about it to her because of that fact (she is the owner), UNTIL fairness to all the children was involved. I guess this last time isn't that big a deal. BUT the children ask me about it (I'll call it the "unfair thing"), and I can see they feel hurt, like they aren't as important as someone else. So I wanted to bring it to her attention. But like I said, it didn't go over well, and it's a big tangled mess now. We tried talking about it, but the more we talk, the more tangled it gets. I would like to just agree to disagree and forget it and move on, but I don't think she wants to. I'm afraid she's just done with me. And I'd like to go hide my head in a hole for awhile, because this is tearing me apart. The two most important things to me (my friendship with her and my group of children) may be taken away.
Reply
Tags:friends
Reply Up