Hi,
I am a full-time nanny for a three month old little boy who has acid reflux. I've done everything I was supposed to with him as far as feeding, holding him up for 30 minute after he eats, not laying him on his back for long periods of time, and using a wedge while he sleeps. This little boy screams ALL DAY LONG. I walk with him, rock him, hug him, try to distract him, pretty much anything to make him happy. At first I thought it was because he was in pain but I've noticed that its when he gets angry. He gets angry when you don't hold the bottle a certain way and when you dont let him push down on your stomach with his feet. He's just a very angry baby. I've tried everything I can think of, talked to the parents and all they say is well hes a baby. I know for a fact that the mother holds him all the time and never puts him down, so I'm not sure if hes spoiled. I thought three months was to young to become spoiled. So one of my questions is, is what do I do with this baby? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to calm him down? The mother does not want him crying, she gets very upset. Since he has acid reflux she does not want me leaving him alone at all, as in like going downstairs to grab something to drink while he sleeps really fast. He sleeps a lot, probably 4 hours out of 7. She also gets angry that hes always asleep. Today when she came home, she got really angry with me because he had slept a lot today. She has told me I can't eat upstairs, which I'm fine with. But when this baby is awake all he does is scream constantly. The only time I really have to eat is when he's sleeping. She was VERY hateful and rude today when she came home. So my 2nd question is, how do I handle this? What can I say to her so she knows I'm honestly trying my hardest? Thank you so much for helping me!

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You've got a RAGE baby on your hands and an overbearing mother.

If I were you, I'd tell the mother that you aren't qualified enough to handle a child with his condition.

Ok, so mom doesn't want you to eat on the 2nd floor, no big deal but if she's continuously wanting you to hold the baby, how are you suppose to eat, let alone use the restroom?!

I think they are wanting more than they can provide for themselves (a quiet baby)!

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I added some links to threads (tags, below) that will give you more info than I can type up all night...

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Not sure I have much to offer for advice, other than I've been in your shoes.

My son, who is not 5, and I love love love (now), was exactly as you described. He was my 2nd, and nothing that I had done for my older child worked with him.

He had acid reflux, and for the first two years of his life was a HORRIBLE infant. I love him mind you, but I honestly didnt think I would make it through those first two years.

He cried, and cried, and cried, all the time. Nothing I did worked. Only difference was he didnt sleep well. He'd only sleep for about 30 minutes at a time, then wake up screaming. I did everything they say to do for reflux, nothing worked. The only thing I found that helped was to put him in a front pack carrier and wear him most of the day. Wherever I went, he went. I did dishes, cooked, grocery shopped, everything with wearing him. He hated swings, bouncers, the floor, the stroller. He also liked to be swaddled, tightly, that seemed to helped some. Or a walk outside sometimes helped, change of scenery, we would go outside, look at the trees, birds, etc.

I remember talking to friends crying and crying cause as much as I loved my boy, I couldnt take it anymore. FINALLY at 22 months, we discovered he had serious hearing defects, his ears were completely blocked and he needed tubes. Everytime we laid him down, he was in pain. So we got the tubes, and he was a completely different baby, he finally started sleeping, he was happy, like a light switch was turned.

Not saying that is what is wrong with your baby, but obviously its something. Is he formula fed? Can mom change his formula to see if he feels better? Babies arent supposed to be unhappy like that, there is a reason!

As far as the mom, good luck. Sounds like she is just a horrible person, and you dont have a good line of communication. You shouldnt take that from her or anyone else. Try sitting down with her and seeing if you can talk to her. If she doesnt seem responsive, honestly I'd quit. If she isnt willing to give you the respect you deserve, then it wont get any better.

Good luck. Obviously you care enough about your situation and the baby to seek advice, so good job. :-)

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meganlavonnesmommy- It does help to know that someone else understands. I was feeling so bad about how much stress he was causing me, I never knew that one little baby could get to me so much. It helps to know that a parent (not just a nanny or provider) has felt the same way with their own child. Makes me feel a bit less guilty for being so stressed.

Catherder- Thank you for those links. I think the rage baby one is right on target with him. I just hope it gets better.

wdmmom- Your right about the rage baby, I'm pretty certain he is one! I just hope he gets better about it. Your right about the mother as well, she likes to be very "involved", she said so herself, but I think thats just a nice way to say overbearing.

Thank you for the help!!

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My own daughter was a reflux baby - she still is at 9 years old. She was diagnosed at 6 weeks old. It took prescription meds to heal her - and those took 6 weeks. It doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. The mom needs to look into this further. Our daughter slept on me 24/7 the first 6 months of her life (okay, she sat up and played too as she got older). Even my DH couldn't make her happy. Everything made her cry - if she burped, if she hiccuped, if she yawned, if she cried - because it HURT. She was never a rage baby. Once the meds kicked in, she became a very happy, willing to go to everyone baby. She was in pain and couldn't do anything about it. I diagnosed our 2nd daughter with reflux the night after she was born. Nurse said I didn't know what I was talking about. I went home with a sad baby. I called our dr and she prescribed meds before we even went in. It was the same as our first daughter -she screamed with anything that involved her throat. Luckily, she outgrew it. Our older daughter is still the puking queen - she was sick for 10 days when she got the flu when she was 3. Only the first 24 hours were the flu. The rest was like having a cough that hangs on. But for her, the puking hangs on. No fun at all.

My friend has a 16 mo old who seemed to be a reflux baby until after she met me and I told her to go back to her dr. She had stopped nursing and tried every formula out there (and boy are the prescription hypo-allergenic ones $$$$) because he dr thought the baby had allergies. He was 10 months old when she went to a swallowing spe******t who discovered any liquid went the wrong way in him. Thicken up the formula and ta-da: new baby!

I would suggest that the mom take her baby back to her dr. If it's reflux, the baby should be on meds and they will eventually heal the damage.

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I totally agree with. You're not in the position to do everything that she wants you to do. First of all you have your rights. the right to eat, drink, sleep etc. You are the boy's nanny not his nurse. The mother should realize the delicate situation of her baby and it needs medical attention. I hope your okay. Well you did a very good job. Thumbs Up!!

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Nobody could listen to an infant screaming all day long and not get rattled. I would document how many hours a day the child is screaming/crying, give a copy to his Mom and request that she please bring him and the record to the Pediatrician. They've already had him DX'd as Acid Reflux so obviously the medication isn't working. If he's not on medication, he's probably not been to the Dr. and Mom is DX'ing and giving you a story.

If she refuses to bring him, find another job. Like one of the previous poster's said, you're not a nurse and normal babies don't cry and scream 24/7.

Best wishes dear.

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My 3rd son was a reflux baby too. I'm glad I didnt' let anyone label him a rage baby at 3mos old, although he would have fit the description.

He screamed 24/7. An angry aweful scream and it drove me practically to the crazy house.

Turns out he had aweful acid reflux. We got him on some meds and he was a different baby completely. Smiley (I'd never seen a sm ile!!), ate well, put himself to sleep without a whimper, and sooooo easy going. He's 3 now and still the sweetest, most gentle boy I could ask for.

At 3 months old I think that it could be a number of things. The first thing is to demand a doctor's note saying that he is medically sound and his crying is not related to a physical ailment. That's what I would require to continue working for her.

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I was just thinking that even if this baby was a happy peach all day I still would not deal with a parent being very angry with me.

She sounds a little witchy to me.

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He's not spoiled; he's hurting. He's not angry; he's hurting. Babies who hurt, cry. They cry to let us know that something is wrong. Either his reflux is not under control or there's something more going on here--my money is on a food allergy, dairy in particular. If he's breastfed, mom needs to take ALL forms of dairy out of her diet. If he's on formula, he needs to go on a different one. I would say NOT soy, but I don't know if there are any other options--the problem with soy when dealing with a dairy allergy is that the proteins are very similar and when you have a problem with one, you often have a problem with the other.

Being a nanny, I don't know if you have much room to suggest things to mom. As a nanny you are in a much different position (employee vs. employed) but since things sound like they are not going well, perhaps you can ask for a chance to sit down with mom or with both parents and talk--and maybe you'll have an opportunity to bring this up to them. I'm sure that someone else on here will have suggestions for how to sugar-coat it and still have it come across that you're just doing your best to help and that it hurts you to see that poor baby in pain all day long.

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Silver,

I deal with babies who are in pain often.....medical/surgical reasons. What she is describing is not what I experience at all.

OP,

The pushing with the legs while eating and getting mad about how you hold the bottle may be because suction is building up and it is making it more difficult to pull fluids out. Have you tried bottles like DR. Browns? Those are what I use for my reflux/colic babies. They have been life changing.

It may not solve it all but it may nip at the bud of what is setting him off into tantrum. It would frustrate me to have to eat my soup with a fork every day...every meal.

I had coffee this morning and thought about it more last night...

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Sorry, it's what I've experienced with food allergic babies (mine and nieces/nephews with whom I'm very close) and my own silent reflux baby. You probably know better than me. I apologize.

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No, No, No..... YOU are the allergy diva.... I have no experience with that.

I was showing you why I came to the conclusion I did... To see if you see it, too. Ugh, typing ....

Belly pain = Knees up, clenched fists, squinty face, holding breath, short burst crying... His straightening legs, pushing on her stomach would exacerbate that.

Between both of our advice the bases should be covered....

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I feel for you! I really do. Last year I was in the same position, but it was a daycare baby I had and mom wanted me to be more like a nanny. She could have cared less about other children in my care and her attitude sent me right over the edge. Her poor little girl was hurting and miserable and mom was determined to keep her on the schedule she thought was best, not what baby really needed.

If you feel like you can continue giving care, I would document everything you do, down to the minute for 2-3 days. Then speak to both parents together and show them what you've tracked. I agree with everyone, this baby needs to see the doctor and rule out more serious issues or a comprehensive reflux eval. If his reflux is causing the behavior, it may take a while to figure out all the aspects of what will make him more comfortable. I don't prescribe to the every x# of hours between bottles with x# of oz theory. Babies can't be scheduled that easily, especially if they have underlying issues. Not everyone agrees with me, demand feeding does not work in group care very well. But you're 1-1 with this little guy so it should be easier.

Hang in there and try mentally walk away from the situation when you leave every night. Easier said than done.

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he could have umbilical hernia too, its common in infants too. I believe children cry for a reason, if you fed him, changed him, cuddled him and nothing is working then something is wrong, something that needs further investigation.

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Another possible solution for you, at least as a coping mechanism while (hopefully) the parents work to get things sorted out is to read The Happiest Baby on the Block . That's the website, here's a link to the book on Amazon.

That *might* help him at least a little bit. I don't know about you, but I generally feel better/calmer so long as I'm trying *something*, even if it doesn't seem to be working.

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Allergy diva...I like that! Thanks for clarifying, I appreciate it. You're right on with the tummy pain, although I've seen babies do what she's describing when they are hurting and trying to eat to make the hurt stop. baby brain says, "Tummy hurts, need to eat." The eating doesn't make the tummy stop hurting and it makes them mad and they do stuff like she described. Eventually falling into an exhausted sleep where they sleep it off for awhile.

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I wouldn't ever call the baby a "Rage Baby". He's just a baby who never feels very good.

The mom, on the other hand is uptight and insanely controlling. For what you are doing, I hope she's paying you very, very well. I'd never want to work for someone who treats me that way.

I understand that Mom is probably crazy with lack of sleep herself, so I "get" that she doesn't want him to sleep much during the day. She probably comes home, finds out he slept all day, and sees her night going down the toilet.

But, that's all the more reason to build a wonderful working relationship with the person who's caring for her son all day.

If she wants you with him all day, I'd tell her to buy you a few really good baby carriers online so you can keep him on your body as much as you can... but, otherwise, I wouldn't be holding him all day. He either goes on with a baby sling, or he sits in a baby seat.

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This is a great suggestion; I recommend a Moby Wrap. They are very easy to use, pretty inexpensive, and snuggle baby VERY securely up against your body.

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Could it be colic? I know mine did that when they were colicky and would never, never, never sleep!

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I am tired of the term RAGE BABY. That term should especially not be used on a three month old with reflux. Time to take baby to the doc. Poor lil guy.

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This is the first time I've heard it. What have I missed?

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In a three month old with reflux?

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It sounds like there is way more to his medical issues than refulx. The having to have the bottle held a certain way and the pushing of the feet while he's eating sound like pain responses.

Whatever medication they are giving him isn't working. Is there any chance she is holding off his medicine for times when he is with her? Is there any chance he's not getting the medicine?

Does motion help? Will he do the swing?

First thing to do is to be clear to the Mom that you are not qualified to care for a infant with this special need. It's not realistic for you to have to keep him up most of the day and not leave his side for a bit to relax and get something to eat. It's not abnormal for a three month old to sleep four of seven hours so expecting you to keep him up and to have him in your arms all day moving around is asking for nursing care not nanny care.

Secondly she needs to be clearly told that she will not speak to you like that. She needs to keep her behavior in check and act like an adult or she can find someone else. She doesn't GET to be hateful and put completely unrealistic demands on you.

If the kid is medically needy she needs a qualified person there to treat his medical needs.

It's time to give this up and have her find a special doctor for him medically and a trained medical proffessional care wise. She knows how poorly he is doing and she just hired a regular nanny. NOT cool. She's the parent and she is responsible for hiring a person qualified to deal with his medical issues.

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I know you care about this kid but mom can find another person easily that is willing to put up with her demands for pay. I would find another job and then give her the two weeks notice. It doesn't sound like you have the experience to deal with such a high needs kid and it doesn't sound like mom is approachable to help find solutions. She doesn't care that much as long as you have to deal with it or at least that is the feeling I am getting. Find another family that will appreciate your willingness to please them and work hard.

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I don't know your financial situation, but if you can immediately leave I would. I say that because there is much more going on here, yes you do have a "rage baby", BUT often its the parents that are facilitating the child's behavior. Yes it starts when they are an infant and its basic psychology. If he didn't have any medical problems you would still be encountering this with the child and mother. Why beat yourself up, and put up with a mother that just doesn't get it, and clearly has some real issues of her own. We have all had parents and children come to our daycares that were horrible, 9 times out of 10 the parent made the child that way because of poor parenting or lack of.

Not only that its sounds like a hugh liability to me, and why not find another family who would appreciate you without all the issues.

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