Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Overly Affectionate Child/ren?
daycarediva 05:03 PM 09-26-2012
I have NO idea how to handle a situation that has come up with dcb. He's 4, I have had him since he was 2, he is here for 50 hours a week and he really just adores me. I believe he has some developmental delays although his parents refuse to even have him tested. I don't think he gets much attention at home, it seems to be a very 'children are seen and not heard' type of household. He has a sitter for Friday evenings and rotates saturdays/sundays with grandparents. Yep, not one 'home with Mom and Dad' day in his life.
I do give ALL of the kids hugs, cuddles, etc. but lately/last 6 months or so dcb is over the top, he INSISTS on kissing me on the lips. I don't allow kissing (germs!) and I have been trying to curb it. If he isn't being HELD (he is a LARGE 4, and I am a LITTLE person) he is whining at my feet, pulling on my legs, rubbing my arm, leaning on me, etc. He is constantly asking me for a hug or kiss or to be held, even during odd times to hug, like on the toilet, or during a meal. It started to become so worrisome that I mentioned it to DCM. She said she HATES it and flat out tells him no, so dcb gets quick hugs and kisses 'throughout his day' (I am thinking upon dropping him off and picking him up, or bedtime only, etc) Well, I have been giving him a quick hug, or picking up, hugging, putting back down, sort of thing. Well, the behavior has started. He is NUTS and is normally a sweet kid! In the last week he has hurt three children and left lasting marks, parents had to be notified, etc. Today, I allowed him to resume his overly affectionate behavior and aggressive behavior was gone.
I CANNOT allow a child to monopolize my arms/time like this, and I KNOW I won't get anywhere with DCM. My own DD said he acts like he is obsessed with me. He sits and mopes outside of the bathroom door when I go, he cries if I am holding someone else, etc. HELP! 
Delays are verbal/cognitive. He is 4. When I ask him "What did you do this weekend?" He says "Weekend." Who/what/when/where/why Q's are NEVER answered appropriately.
Physically he is a little behind, and has low muscle tone. He just mastered going up and down stairs with one foot in front of the other. He is JUST now getting potty trained. Not for lack of effort, I really just don't think he was developmentally capable until recently.
2 1/2 yo DCB who is completely normal, makes DCB look like an infant.
I have brought up his delays with DCM repeatedly. She addressed it with the pediatrician (or said she did) and he told her that DCB is a 'late bloomer'. She refuses to listen to ANYTHING else I have to say on the subject, although I have broached it quite often when she gets upset he doesn't know his letters (he is still doing colors)
I do give ALL of the kids hugs, cuddles, etc. but lately/last 6 months or so dcb is over the top, he INSISTS on kissing me on the lips. I don't allow kissing (germs!) and I have been trying to curb it. If he isn't being HELD (he is a LARGE 4, and I am a LITTLE person) he is whining at my feet, pulling on my legs, rubbing my arm, leaning on me, etc. He is constantly asking me for a hug or kiss or to be held, even during odd times to hug, like on the toilet, or during a meal. It started to become so worrisome that I mentioned it to DCM. She said she HATES it and flat out tells him no, so dcb gets quick hugs and kisses 'throughout his day' (I am thinking upon dropping him off and picking him up, or bedtime only, etc) Well, I have been giving him a quick hug, or picking up, hugging, putting back down, sort of thing. Well, the behavior has started. He is NUTS and is normally a sweet kid! In the last week he has hurt three children and left lasting marks, parents had to be notified, etc. Today, I allowed him to resume his overly affectionate behavior and aggressive behavior was gone.
I CANNOT allow a child to monopolize my arms/time like this, and I KNOW I won't get anywhere with DCM. My own DD said he acts like he is obsessed with me. He sits and mopes outside of the bathroom door when I go, he cries if I am holding someone else, etc. HELP! Delays are verbal/cognitive. He is 4. When I ask him "What did you do this weekend?" He says "Weekend." Who/what/when/where/why Q's are NEVER answered appropriately.
Physically he is a little behind, and has low muscle tone. He just mastered going up and down stairs with one foot in front of the other. He is JUST now getting potty trained. Not for lack of effort, I really just don't think he was developmentally capable until recently.
2 1/2 yo DCB who is completely normal, makes DCB look like an infant.
I have brought up his delays with DCM repeatedly. She addressed it with the pediatrician (or said she did) and he told her that DCB is a 'late bloomer'. She refuses to listen to ANYTHING else I have to say on the subject, although I have broached it quite often when she gets upset he doesn't know his letters (he is still doing colors)
renodeb 08:33 AM 09-27-2012
I had a child like this not to long ago. He was very over the top with affection, he was always wanting a kiss on the lips. He would try to smooch the other kids in care on the lips as well. He was majorly delayed in speech, and other areas. I tried to curb it as much as I could.
deb
deb
rhymia1 09:42 AM 09-27-2012
I handle that by being a "No kissing" day care
Seriously, a tip I got from a long time provider and it works. We hug, high five, give a pat on the back, etc. We can blow kisses, but "real" kissing is for home.
Obviously in this case the child doesn't seem to have a great homelife, but I would still say "no kissing at day care" but continue appropriate hugs/signs of affection.
Seriously, a tip I got from a long time provider and it works. We hug, high five, give a pat on the back, etc. We can blow kisses, but "real" kissing is for home.
Obviously in this case the child doesn't seem to have a great homelife, but I would still say "no kissing at day care" but continue appropriate hugs/signs of affection.
Hunni Bee 10:46 AM 09-27-2012
To me, the overzealous affection is another form of aggression, a form he feels comfortable doing with you. He probably feels angry with you because your not mom and dad, angry at mom and dad because they're not there, and the other kids because he doesn't want to be there. He feels okay with hitting, kicking etc the other kids, so that's what he does.
It really is a sad situation that he doesn't see more of his parents and it may not get better because of that. I'd use extra cuddles, kisses etc as a.reward for not violating other people's personal space (hugging or hitting).
It really is a sad situation that he doesn't see more of his parents and it may not get better because of that. I'd use extra cuddles, kisses etc as a.reward for not violating other people's personal space (hugging or hitting).
Blackcat31 11:21 AM 09-27-2012
Originally Posted by rhymia1:
I handle that by being a "No kissing" day care
Seriously, a tip I got from a long time provider and it works. We hug, high five, give a pat on the back, etc. We can blow kisses, but "real" kissing is for home.
Obviously in this case the child doesn't seem to have a great homelife, but I would still say "no kissing at day care" but continue appropriate hugs/signs of affection.
What she said. I handle that by being a "No kissing" day care
Seriously, a tip I got from a long time provider and it works. We hug, high five, give a pat on the back, etc. We can blow kisses, but "real" kissing is for home.
Obviously in this case the child doesn't seem to have a great homelife, but I would still say "no kissing at day care" but continue appropriate hugs/signs of affection.
I also agree with Hunni Bee....over affectionate children are alot like the overly aggressive ones...either way, ALL hands (and other body parts) are kept to yourself while in my home.
Hugs are nice, but I never allow a child to kiss anyone (unless they call them mom or dad) on the lips. ewwww
EarthyMom 11:39 AM 09-27-2012
How is his eye contact?
Does he often repeat the last word of a sentence? If so, this could be echolalia. At 4 he should be able to process more than that in communication.
My autistic son had no trouble reciting cartoons, but couldnt communicate with me at that age. He can now, but only because of a diagnosis and therapy.
My son also likes to be held and hang on me when he is nervous or doesn't want to interact with others. Im a comfortable source for him. He would be very overwhelmed by groups of children.
I am not suggesting that the child is autistic, but I think investigating the behaviors and language is a definite must. I would speak to DCM about the child having developmental delays, and that you would need a note from his doctor free and clear if you were to feel comfortable to set boundaries. It is not possible to set boundaries until you are clear he has no developmental delays. In fact doing so could cause damage/anxiety to a child with a disability.
Does he often repeat the last word of a sentence? If so, this could be echolalia. At 4 he should be able to process more than that in communication.
My autistic son had no trouble reciting cartoons, but couldnt communicate with me at that age. He can now, but only because of a diagnosis and therapy.
My son also likes to be held and hang on me when he is nervous or doesn't want to interact with others. Im a comfortable source for him. He would be very overwhelmed by groups of children.
I am not suggesting that the child is autistic, but I think investigating the behaviors and language is a definite must. I would speak to DCM about the child having developmental delays, and that you would need a note from his doctor free and clear if you were to feel comfortable to set boundaries. It is not possible to set boundaries until you are clear he has no developmental delays. In fact doing so could cause damage/anxiety to a child with a disability.
happymom 12:13 PM 09-18-2015
Bless your heart for being this little boy's rock and advocate. I wish you all the best.
Unregistered 02:07 PM 09-20-2015
Awwwwww! This is rough! While I'm a hugger/cuddler this would be way to much affection! No kissing on lips for sure.
Poor kid. Sounds starved for parental attention/affection. For me I'd do the best I could but I would end up being firm and setting boundaries as hard as that may be. Would he Cuddle a body pillow or one of those super soft fleece pillows. I'd have to direct him to the book corner or cozy corner where I'd have soft items once it started getting to be too much.
Good luck!
Poor kid. Sounds starved for parental attention/affection. For me I'd do the best I could but I would end up being firm and setting boundaries as hard as that may be. Would he Cuddle a body pillow or one of those super soft fleece pillows. I'd have to direct him to the book corner or cozy corner where I'd have soft items once it started getting to be too much.
Good luck!